coming out at a new job

[Raven1981]

Hello All:

 

So I am wanting to ask if anyone has any good ideas or know what I should do with coming out at work?  Currently I am on HRT and have not yet noticed any changes on me yet and I have been on HRT since January 2018.  I have recently started a new job and they have no idea about me being Trans and I know it is just a matter of time before I show signs.  Now my HR office is in Chicago IL so I really cannot just go into my HR office to ask them or discusses things with them.  I am also afraid to let my work know as to what happen to me at my last job how they were not Trans friendly and wanted to get rid of me but make it look on paper it's something else.

 

So I was wondering if there is any helpful tips or suggestion for me in my triangle?

 

Thank You

 

Amy

[Jani]

If there is a separate office in another state the company should have posted on their inter-web site any company policy and guideline for employees.  See what the HR policy says about discrimination in general and LGBT in specific.  

 

You could always email the HR to ask.  If you are leery of coming right out to them at this point you might take note of any job postings and ask what the LGBT policy is for a friend who is considering applying.  If you receive a negative response you have your answer.  If it's positive then make your plan to address it with them at your convenience.   

 

Best of luck, 

Jani

[SugarMagnolia]

Yes, start with the documented policies. The "friend who's applying" is a great idea, too, Jani.

If it's a large enough company they may even list someone in a "diversity/inclusion" department or role that might be a good place to start, too. 

 

[Raven1981]

Hello All:

 

So I am still thinking and wondering how to come out at my new job as Transgender.  I have first started going through the employee handbook to see if there is anything in the book that can help me out and to protect me and the only thing there is, is the standard EEO and how the company does not discriminate against sex or sexual orientation.  I know that I will need to come out to work before it is too noticeable since I am on HRT and have been on HRT for 4 months.  My physical appearance has not changed to where questions are being asked, even though I have seen my face start to soften and I have start to develop but can still hide it under my clothes with my sports bra.

 

I am very nervous to even come out to my new job since my last job, the VP of the company was uncomfortable and told my boss to find a way to get rid of me but not have it look like it's discrimination.  So that's why I have not come out to my new job yet even through I am on HRT.  I am just afraid that my new job will do what my last job did and to try to get rid of me.  But it will be a matter of time before I start to actually show since I have already been starting to act more female like with talking with my hands, I have been talking in a softer voice, my posture has been better.  So I do not know if my work has noticed that or not.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

[JBfox]

 It's said that people who interact with you on a common basis would have a harder time identifying that you're transitioning. The changes just won't be so openly noticeable to them. I wasn't out to anyone other than who absolutely needed to know in the Army, and I reached 8 months without anyone ever saying, guessing anything. I think if you're worried about it too much then being able to blend in as if nothings happening could be easily accomplished. Of course, ymmv, so who knows exactly.

-Valyn

[SugarMagnolia]

That rings quite true for me, Valyn. I've been on HRT for the last year and a half and no one at my workplace has ever said anything  that led me to believe they'd noticed. 

I certainly notice changes, but they're so gradual that I don't think they're readily apparent to my co-workers (other than the ones I've come out to!)

Hugs,
Julie

[Charlize]

Amy while i thing Valyn and Julie may well be correct that you may be able to pass for some time i also remember how conflicted i felt prior to going full time.  i was afraid i would loose customers at the farm who by lumber, goats or maple syrup from us but i also needed to live as myself.  I remember the desire to run to the barn the first time a car came down the drive.  It was all i could do to walk out and sell a pint of syrup.  That was a kind of a turning point for me.  I learned to simply stand my ground and wonderfully i doubt we have lost any customers.  It took the long timers a while to get my name right but now 6 years later that's not an issue.

I think all you can do is speak to an employer at some point but i don't know the climate in your job situation.  I can say that it is a difficult but immensely freeing life to be one's self without hiding anymore.  It is your call in the end.

I will say that i understand both the need and the reluctance.  At one point a mod who is not longer here posted "i've got your back" and that somehow helped me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Raven1981]

Thank you all for your good advice.  I work with computers in a building that controls websites.  So I really do not deal with customers in person but only customers over email and live chats.  Where I work, there is only 3 of us and that's it.  The main company and HR is out of state in another state other than Arizona.  Regardless of my transition, I am good at what I do with computers and it will not impact customer service.  Infact, so far I have been able to bring in more customers which looks good.

 

So I am thinking on trying to be very general and email HR to see what is the policy on Transgender and LGBT.  Any ideas on how to send a very veag general email to HR?

 

Thank You

 

Amy

[Ravin]

Amy, given the small size of your office, it might be easier to start feeling out the other people you work with rather than starting at HR. 

One resource to check out the company is HRC's Corporate Equality Index. For instance, the linked page specifically lists companies with at least one trans-inclusive healthcare plan:

 

https://www.hrc.org/resources/corporate-equality-index-list-of-businesses-with-transgender-inclusive-heal

 

Health care plans aren't a guarantee (for instance my employer has otherwise been great but has an exclusion for trans care in the health insurance).

 

It's very likely your employer cares more about your performance than your gender. The main thing I would be concerned with in your shoes is the other people who you actually work with. Carefully feeling them out would be prudent.

[Raven1981]

Hello Ravin:

 

Thank you very much.  I will do that with my co-wokers instead.  I have checked the list from the link you sent and the employer I work for is not on the list

 

Thank You

 

Amy

[Briana]

Ravin,  thank you for the list.  Interesting...  There are two on there that I've worked for that I'd have to say they had inclusive healthcare plans and lots of written policy supporting, but...  In practice they didn't walk the walk.  But it's a hard thing to implement in large(er) companies with many departments and divisions and locations. 

 

Amy,  best of luck and let us know how it's going. 

[Raven1981]

Hello All:

 

So I would like to let everyone know that I have started to come out to my work.  I have come out to my supervisor and fellow co-worker who support me and are there for me.  They even told me that the company is an Inclusive workplace.  My supervisor will keep it with just the 3 of us for know till I am comfortable and will help me out with coming out to HR to then come out to the rest of the company.  He did put me in contact with 3 current employees that are Trans and are transitioning.  So I know now that the company is supportive for Transgenders.

 

Lot's of Love

 

Amy

[SugarMagnolia]

That's great, Amy! Congrats on taking that step. I'm so happy to hear that it's going well so far and that you're being supported!

[BrandiBri]

Congratulations Amy! It's great to know that you are supported by the company you work for.

 

Hugs,

Brandi 

[Jani]

Great news.  Congratulations.

 

Jani

[Raven1981]

Hello All:

 

So I just want to share that I have started to come out at work as Trans.  Last night, I went in dressed as myself and felt so comfortable and even did my normal job duties and took care of everything.  Then my immediate manager came in this morning for his shift which he was ok with me and even said if I want to come in as myself I can.  Then my immediate manager addressed me as my preferred name and it made my day.  I am ready to go back to work again and do my job and want to go in again as myself.  My company is one of the few out there that supports Transgender individuals in the work place.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

[SugarMagnolia]

That's lovely, Amy. I'm so happy for you! I'm picturing a Mary Tyler Moore hat toss. ?

[Jani]

Good News!  Its liberating isn't it?  Onward and upward.

 

Jani  

[BrandiBri]

Fantastic! One more step in the right direction!

[Raven1981]

Hello All:

 

Thank you very much.  I went in again dressed as myself and my boss is addressing me correctly and I am ever so happy.  I love the company I work for and how comfortable I am.  I am finding myself being a lot more happier and productive.

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy