I'm confused

[Who am I?]

I have been questioning my gender for 9 months and I'm a bit confused. For the first 2 months I kept hopping back and forth from I think I'm trans, I may be gender fluid, I could be a feminine boy, I might be a masculine girl, or I could just be having body dysmorphea. For the last 7 months I've been questioning whether or not I'm a boy. I want a penis and I desire to get rid of my huge chests, which sometimes give me an anxiety attack, but I've heard that some cis girls want a penis and I don't know if it's body dysmorphea or gender dysphoria.

 

I was really feminine as a child and hated boys because they were mean to me (I'm NOT like that now) and I don't fit in with the boys in general (however I do still have male friends) and tend to fit in with girls more, except I don't talk about girly stuff. However,  I know that boys ca be girly and get along with girls better than boys, and, besides,  I used to be proud of my flat chest. I hate gender stereotypes,  but it's hard to avoid them when youdon't know who you are. I'm kind of scared about the possibility of me being trans, not out of transphobia but that it may upset my mum because she seems to be upset with my masculinity. I don't want to take her little girl away from her, but my female body makes me feel sick.

 

How did you guys figure out your gender? Does my childhood femininity make me less likely to be trans?

[Jani]

Welcome to the forum.  Do you have a name we can use, or should just call you Who?  

 

I can't honestly tell you how to figure out your gender because we're all different.  I never "figured" out mine it just evolved to where it is.   Your childhood femininity does not make you more to less likely to be transgender.  I guess the standard line that if you are thinking, or wondering about your gender then you are most likely somewhere on the trans spectrum.  Where you are is up to you.  You can be a masculine girl, gender fluid or a feminine boy.  Having concerns with your body is not unnatural, as you note even cis folks can have dysmorphia.  

 

I understand the wait to see a counselor at a GIC can take some time but you may want to look into getting on a list.  A good counselor is a partner on your journey of discovery.  They will not give you an answer, but help by guiding you and eliminating the "noise" that gets in the way of clarity.  

 

As you may have read in other posts asking similar questions, you can be who and what you want. There are no rules set by others, only you.  And you can adjust your path as you evolve and grow.  

 

I'm glad you joined us.  Please join into the conversation.

 

Cheers, Jani 

[MaryEllen]

Hello,

Welcome to TransPulse. I would advise you to seek counseling with a gender therapist. He or she could help you sort out the confusion you are having.

I would avoid trying to put a label on yourself. There are countless variations of the transgender spectrum. Just be who you want to be. It's your life so live it as you want to.

 

MaryEllen 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi,

When I first came here, I was given a really good piece of advice. I was told not to rush to put a label on myself. Slow down and let things unfold in my life as they will. I learned to accept who I am today and that it is ok.

 

Things will fall into place. When we start on our journey, things want to kind of fly and bounce around and back and forth in our heads about all this. We have to just slow down and be who we are today and allow things to fall into place as they will.

 

I hope this makes some sense.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Who am I?]

On 4/19/2018 at 1:34 AM, Jani said:

Welcome to the forum.  Do you have a name we can use, or should just call you Who?  

 

I'm experimenting with the male name Kayden,  so call me Kayden ☺

[RikkiWilson]

4 hours ago, Who am I? said:

 

I'm experimenting with the male name Kayden,  so call me Kayden ☺

 

Kayden is a nice name.

 

~Rikki

[Jani]

Great!   It's nice to meet you Kayden.

 

Jani