Looking for hope as trans youth

[Jasper]

I am 18 years old and currently trying to figure out where to go in my life. I am not out to my parents, and when I am the most down I find myself feeling like I will never be able to come out to them even though they are very kind and understanding people. I tend to suppress myself and feel that I have no chance of success in life. Already reading through the posts on many of these forums full of positivity and love has made me feel better. 

 

I know that these extreme thoughts I'm having are not true, but I was just wondering if any trans folk with more experience would be willing to share how they've learned to accept and love themselves? Right now everything just feels so uncertain. 

[MarcieMarie12]

For loving myself: I accepted that I was trans and that I needed to do something about it.  I also learned to filter out those that tell me how I should feel. 

 

Lastly, I was 42 when I transitioned. It taught me a lot about being patient. Things did not happen over night. I also defined my success as my happiness. Not my career, or possessions. 

[SugarMagnolia]

That's a great question, Jasper! It's still very much a journey for me, but the keys to the self-acceptance and self-love that I've been able to cultivate are:

• Being honest with myself and giving myself permission to explore identities that I'd worked hard to hide. And not feeling rushed about doing so
• Talking with and meeting in person a few people who were already out and happier than they'd ever been. This gave me hope that I could find a way of being that would enable me to be happier
• Reading as much as I could about other people's stories, experiences and what to expect. This has removed a lot of unknowns and helped me see how amazing trans folks can be. I think that's really helped me start to take pride in being trans and to feel more comfortable talking about it with whoever I might run into

[VickySGV]

Nothing is really certain about us even myself who has been out for nearly your age plus two years has days of just plain trying to figure things out.  Some of it was knowing that if I followed through on one idea, that I could not go back as much as I might like to and pretend it never happened.  I do not regret any of those followthroughs even though life did not become perfect by a long shot. Take a chance and be ready to own it in full as to who you are.

 

1 hour ago, SugarMagnolia said:

• Being honest with myself and giving myself permission to explore identities that I'd worked hard to hide. And not feeling rushed about doing so
• Talking with and meeting in person a few people who were already out and happier than they'd ever been. This gave me hope that I could find a way of being that would enable me to be happier
• Reading as much as I could about other people's stories, experiences and what to expect. This has removed a lot of unknowns and helped me see how amazing trans folks can be. I think that's really helped me start to take pride in being trans and to feel more comfortable talking about it with whoever I might run into

 

This is excellent direction, and the point I stress in it, is get out and meet people in your situation, and just BE with them.

 

[DenimAndLace]

3 hours ago, Jasper said:

 I find myself feeling like I will never be able to come out to them even though they are very kind and understanding people.

 

I too was afraid to come out to literally EVERYONE.  I dealt with my dysphoria internally for 40+ years and then did what needed to be done before I took my own life.  But, having thought about it over the last 5 years of transition, I've come to understand that what I feared was 1. That some would try to make me conform to what THEY wanted for me - which they did. 2. That some would think I am a pervert, deviant, or child molester - only those who don't know me think that. 3. That I would be disappointing loved ones - which I did.  How did I overcome all of that?  Well, I HAD to so I did.  I'm not sure I can give you a roadmap but it looks like what you're doing is the same thing I did.  You mull it over and over and over in your head.  You resist it as long as you can.  You get to the point where you can't NOT do it and then you do it anyway and deal with the consequences.  It isn't pretty but I know of no other way.

 

3 hours ago, Jasper said:

I know that these extreme thoughts I'm having are not true, but I was just wondering if any trans folk with more experience would be willing to share how they've learned to accept and love themselves? Right now everything just feels so uncertain. 

 

I had to learn to care a lot less what other people think of me and listen a lot more to that weak little voice in my head that says, "what about me".  And so, despite what others might say, I lost 25% of my body weight in order to "be smaller" in stature as is typical for women compared to men. ...And I felt a little better about myself.  Then, against societal norms for my assigned gender (male), I grew my hair out and took really good care of it.  ...And I felt a little better about myself.  I changed my wardrobe to androgynous and then to feminine and felt a little better about myself.  Pretty soon, no one could have stopped me if they tried (and they did try) because I KNEW I was doing the right thing for me and I didn't care what others thought.  I started taking hormones and felt a little better about myself.  My reflection in the mirror started looking more feminine and I REALLY felt better about myself.  All these mini steps took me years to accomplish but slowly and surely I started liking the truer me that was emerging.  Was it hard?  Yes.  Was it emotionally painful?  Yes.  Did I lose some people?  Yes.  Has my religion changed?  Yes.  Am I gendered correctly 100% of the time?  No.  Would I do it again?  In a heartbeat!!!!  What I learned about myself is priceless.  The way I treat other minorities is far better than the way "old me" treated them.  I love with far fewer conditions than I used to.  I am a better person, spouse, parent and friend because I did what I needed to do for myself.  And if you don't like me, I'm OK with that because there are enough people who DO like me - the REAL me!  I don't have to be fake anymore.  It's the most freeing thing I have ever done and I LIKE MYSELF.

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Jasper,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you've found us!

 

It can be easy to see the circumstances we're in as being perpetual. But we really don't know what the future holds. Completely unforeseen things happen in everyones life.  I have things I would like to do transitionwise that right now I have no way of being able to do. Sometimes I can start to feel really down about this. But I remind myself that I really can't foresee what's coming and it may not be the same as it is now. And one thing I refuse to do is give up hope. I don't just sit around waiting for hope to come to me. I have to reach out and grab it. When the gloom and doom's hit, I have to make myself hope for the future, and I take stock in what I do have.

 

You will make progress, both in life and transition. Just try to be patient.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?