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Kirsten

My Journey

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Jani

Unfortunately some people cannot see past their biases.  The up side is you see their true colors and can move on rather than spend the effort to reach out to them.  And yes you will find balance where others will become closer.  

 

Jani

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Kirsten

I used this Mother’s Day to attempt to close that chapter of my life for good. I forgave her for my life. And I truly meant it. 

I realized this week that I asked her to accept me as I am. She can’t do that. She doesn’t accept me. She has spent my entire life making my life more difficult. I have been physically and mentally abused, and ultimately thrown away. But most of the time it was done from a position of “love”. None of it was right. None of it was fair. None of it was anything I needed. But it was all she had to offer. And I can accept that. 

My mother couldn’t take care of herself if she had to. So how could she have ever done the things a trans kid needed. Especially in a time when transgender meant something else altogether. 

So for these reasons I decided to forgive her. Not for her. But for me. And I tell you what, I feel like a weight has been lifted. She’s no longer mom. She’s just a lady.

She did make sure to reiterate the fact that she wished she could be ok with me. But it’s just not possible. Somewhere in there was love. But the day Kirsten came into being was the day that the love she had for me died. 

I doubt I’ll ever see her again. Or even talk to her.  But that’s okay. Because I can finally move on with a clear conscience. 

I was her mistake. I was a constant reminder of a deadbeat lover and a very difficult time in her life. I was always the first thing to be forgotten when times were rough. And usually the one that was blamed as well. She couldn’t move on with me in her life. She’s got that chance now. And she’s taking it. I have to as well. So I did. And it’s great. Maybe a bit bittersweet on some levels, but overall it’s whats best. And I’m happy I found the courage and strength to do it. 

 

Heres to a happy life! ❤️

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Jani
Just now, Kirsten said:

So for these reasons I decided to forgive her. Not for her. But for me. And I tell you what, I feel like a weight has been lifted.

This is important Kirsten and I applaud you for taking this approach.  Its will be good for you.  Now you can focus on yourself.  

 

Hugs, Jani

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Kirsten
Just now, Jani said:

This is important Kirsten and I applaud you for taking this approach.  Its will be good for you.  Now you can focus on yourself.  

 

Hugs, Jani

It’s one big source of negative energy removed from my life. And that can’t be a bad thing. Whatever you call it, god, the universe, source energy, Buddha, etc, it’s all the same. And negative energy attracts mor negative energy. This was holding me back. And I hope that is done with now. 

 

Onwards and upwards!! 💪🏻🙌🏻🥰

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DeeDee

Kirsten forgiveness is an easy thing to talk about but harder to actually do and mean it. So worth it to let things go though. Congrats on moving forwards in your life.

(even allowing for a filter that pic is ridiculously cute btw no wonder you are getting hit on when you go out, all anyone sees is an attractive smiling woman - remember the compliments on the days you could use them)

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Astrid

Kirsten, you have great resilience and strength.  Your act of forgiveness reminded me of what Mahatma Gandhi said: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

 

As you say....onwards and upwards!! 🙋‍♀️

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Kirsten
1 hour ago, Astrid said:

Kirsten, you have great resilience and strength.  Your act of forgiveness reminded me of what Mahatma Gandhi said: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

 

As you say....onwards and upwards!! 🙋‍♀️

Thank you so much Astrid. ❤️

 

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Kirsten
5 hours ago, DeeDee said:

Kirsten forgiveness is an easy thing to talk about but harder to actually do and mean it. So worth it to let things go though. Congrats on moving forwards in your life.

(even allowing for a filter that pic is ridiculously cute btw no wonder you are getting hit on when you go out, all anyone sees is an attractive smiling woman - remember the compliments on the days you could use them)

Thanks Dee. It is very hard to come to terms with. I have been struggling with this a long time. And oddly enough it was an episode of “the Big Bang theory” that really helped me get there. I saw purpose in Leonard forgiving his mother. And saw similar situations all over my life. With many people. It’s not fair to treat a parent any different. 

And then it just clicked. And I feel great about that. 

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Kirsten

It’s been a rough couple days for me. This no exercise garbage is literally killing me. I have no drive. I have no energy. I am in a less than great mood. I can’t get myself to eat well either. It’s been a real poop show. 

Funny how it took me so long to get into the exercise routine. But a week and a half away from it and I am all sorts of wrong. It isn’t helping that my allergies have just about killed me. I haven’t been able to breathe for days. I am literally blowing my nose every 3-5 minutes. Literally. And that sucks cause it takes all my makeup off so it’s clear that I have stubble. So I’m having dysphoric issues too. And a lot of my mustache hairs that got zapped and pulled are trying to come back. So my shadow is extra dark. It’s literally crappy in every aspect. Everywhere. Weird how that happens. Stupid source energy. One negative spark and all the rest of the negative crap near you is like oh yeah! Time to come out. 😡

cant wait for this to pass. 🤞🏻That I can get an easier video in today. Gotta get back to life as usual. 

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Astrid

Oh

36 minutes ago, Kirsten said:

This no exercise garbage is literally killing me.

Don't I know it.  I took three weeks off from my normal 2 1/2 hour every-other-day exercise routine in order to deal with a sciatic nerve issue, the results of which were:   a) I felt worse, ate worse, and gained weight,   and b) I am still not better despite weeks of physical therapy.    But my PT has me back exercising, trying out new exercises to see if anything helps.

 

So my health, like my gender, is a work in progress 🙂

 

Astrid

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Kirsten

New dress!! 

 

B5D25278-983D-4C72-B1F5-18BE582D1516.thumb.jpeg.5c6f9169a02f0a1740d2d6d949f739ea.jpeg

 

I am a perfect size 10 at Banana Republic now too!! (And I’m having a fat week. Lol) 

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Kirsten

This is the first thing I’ve bought since transition that is just me. Like so me. I look in the mirror and I see me. All me. I would wear dresses like this every day if I could. 

Its really amazing how one little piece of clothing can make such an amazing impact like this. It makes no sense. But I look in the mirror and just smile. I’m supposed to be mowing my lawn but I can’t get myself to change. Lol. 

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Jani
On 5/14/2019 at 11:47 AM, Kirsten said:

And a lot of my mustache hairs that got zapped and pulled are trying to come back. So my shadow is extra dark. It’s literally crappy in every aspect.

Yeah this part is bad but it will pass, trust me on that!  I have a few thin white hairs left there and some thin dark ones on my throat that will be history soon.  I can go out without makeup now without fearing people staring at me.  Yeah!  

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Josie Beth

Very nice Kirsten!

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Bananarama

Awesome dress, Kristen! I love the pattern! 🤗

 

Hugs, peace and much love,

MJ

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Kirsten

ONE YEAR!!!!!! 

 

Today is my 1 year anniversary!!!!! Funny how fast it all passes by. It feels like just yesterday I was scared to be out in public, afraid to tell people that I was trans, nervous about how people would react to me, and just plain scared to be myself. 

But in the last year I’ve forced myself to overcome all these fears. Heck yesterday I went to the beach in a bikini! RITE?! And honestly it wasn’t anything at all. Actually being on vacation was enlightening. I am at a point now that from the neck down I fully pass. My chin and jaw line are a real tell for me still. And my voice was awful all week because of a sinus infection. But no people misgendered me. And I was mostly no makeup and messy hair the whole time. Cause who really wears a ton of makeup for the beach. 

 

I think I’ve accomplished a mountain of things this year. But there is still such a long ways to go. Still working on getting my meds right. Still have a ton of surgery to start. Still have a ton of electrolysis to finish. Still searching for my personality. Still figuring out my style too. But I feel like I’m at least on my way now.

 

Funny that this time last year I thought I’d be a totally different person. That id be “transitioned”. And I guess I am. But not really. I’m more half a new person. I see now that there is no magic switch. There is no time when you just feel right. You just start living finally. And it takes a long time to learn to live differently. 

 

So 1 year down and lots to go. I can’t wait to see what year 2 brings!! 

 

Xoxox 

❤️Kirsten 

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DeeDee

💖 Happy anniversary, here's to the next year of discoveries! 💖

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Charlize

Congratulations on the first year of your path of self discovery or should i say another year.  Its been a few more years for me and i'm still enjoying the journey.  Sometimes i simply find myself gently doing the backstroke, enjoying the sky.

Enjoy the wonder of it all.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Amy LeBlanc

Congrats on your 1 year.  It does feel good.  Guess can say congrats on your europhia as well, being on the beach in a bikini.  I am just self confidence to be in a bikini due to my scare on my stomach.  But I did wear a 1 piece to go tubing with some friends at salt river.  It is amazing to feel good that you pass.  I am right with you that from the neck down, I pass.  My chin and jawline, I dont pass.  Then I am glad that I am taking voice lesson cause my voice gives me away.

 

Congrats on your 1 year

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Jani

Time flies when you're having fun Kirsten!  Yes there is more to come so be prepared.

 

Cheers, Jani

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Ellora

Congratulations!! 🎉 🎂 

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tracy_j

Congratulations Kirsten! 😊

 

Tracy

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lauraincolumbia

Congratulations on the year!

 

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lauraincolumbia
On 5/15/2019 at 1:42 PM, Kirsten said:

New dress!! 

 

B5D25278-983D-4C72-B1F5-18BE582D1516.thumb.jpeg.5c6f9169a02f0a1740d2d6d949f739ea.jpeg

 

I am a perfect size 10 at Banana Republic now too!! (And I’m having a fat week. Lol) 

Gorgeous dress! Looks amazing on you!

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Kirsten

Thanks everyone! Without all of you it would’ve been a much more difficult year. ❤️❤️

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