I intentionally subjected myself to abuse today. Am I nuts?

[SugarMagnolia]

We've had a protest outside our congressman's office every Tuesday at lunch since our president's inauguration more or less. It's mostly a bunch of super nice older people that are liberal and want our congressman to know that they're concerned about a variety of issues. I've gone a few times, but it's not terribly convenient and so I don't go often. However, recently the protesters have started being harassed by a group of Trump supporters. We all think it's fine for the pro-Trump folks to be there, but they've been intentionally intimidating and verbally abusive recently.

So, today I thought that I'd go to support the folks that have been standing up to the bullies and dealing with it. I went "en femme" and 100% not passing althought I looked nice. I knew what I was setting myself up for, but I did it anyway because I think it's important. It wasn't terrible, but I did get harassed and they did attempt to intimidate me until I told them we were done and that they should go away. Then they left, but not without taking pictures of me presumably to post on social media. 

After the protest, I was sort of angry and definitely filled with adrenaline. It was a fair amount of confrontation. But I think I'm glad I did it. I stood my ground and I didn't allow myself to be made to feel ashamed of my gender identity and expression. I felt and still feel good. I just feel sad for these bozos because it must be so hard to carry around that much hate all the time.

So, my question to all of you: Am I crazy to be visible in this way?

I know it's somewhat risky, but I feel it's important to show that we're not afraid and I'm with many other people in a very public place. I feel like this is something I need to do as much for myself as anything else - to prove to myself that I know who I am and can handle what other people may think. I guess it's sort of facing my fears while also supporting my friends. Does that make any sense?

Best,
Julie

[SandraG]

Just now, SugarMagnolia said:

Am I crazy to be visible in this way?

 

You're brave for doing it, but crazy? I don't know that I'd go that far. The big concerns for trans* people seem to be doxxing-related, and even then it's not that common that people that get their pictures taken (like yours was) ever end up getting looked into by the idiots. 

Sure it's a concern, but... it seems like a fairly minor one to me.

Good for you! I'm glad that someone has the courage to do that, 'cause I sure don't yet. (Although it would make a great "first time out dressed" story...)

[SugarMagnolia]

Yeah, not sure I'd suggest it as a first time out event! But if you make it out to northern California ever I'd be happy to take you out for karaoke to our favorite dive bar. 

It was kind of sweet that all these petite older women kept checking on me to make sure I was OK. It made me feel like even though there were some yahoos around, in general I was with friends. And though diminutive, they're all pretty fierce!

[SugarMagnolia]

Thanks!

I didn't crash when I got back, and I certainly wouldn't want to go through THAT every day, but I think a little virtuous conflict may be good for me. 

Monitoring my self-esteem is a really good idea, though. I'm generally fine when out and about, but self-care is really important. And as I go full time over the next six months I'll be careful since that will certainly have it's own stressors. 

Thanks for the words of wisdom!

[VickySGV]

If it is crazy, then we just have to find a bed on the ward that several of us here are residents of.  I have confronted our adversaries on a number of occasions and have been out and open many places that possibly good sense said I should not be.  I do carefully evaluate the real danger I may be against, but most of the time for me it has been loud noise from ignorant, bigoted people, and I think I may have turned one or two of them around.  The fact that you feel confident to do this is the wonderful part of it.  Just for fun to think about, of the confrontations I have had, all but one or two have even realized I was Trans. Good for you.

 

[VickySGV]

Just now, MaryMary said:

i'm pathetic on that front right now.

 

I disagree that you are pathetic, you are just starting out and have shown more guts than that person will ever have.  Nothing wrong with picking your battles wisely which just takes personal development. 

[SugarMagnolia]

The REALLY interesting thing is that I don't think those guys cared that much about me specifically. They were looking for anything noticeable about anyone to pick on. One woman was "fat", another was "mexican", one had borrowed a sign from someone and wasn't sure what it said so that got abuse. When they got to me it was obvious what they were going to do, but I didn't care because I'm not hiding it, I'm not ashamed of it and nothing they say can make be feel bad about myself.

Ultimately, they're just playground bullies trying to pick on other people in order to feel better about themselves. 

Mary: In some ways, the cashier misgendering situation is harder for me because it's less intentional and it gets me in a subtler and more insidiuos way. 

Vicky: I LOVE you! Thanks for the support. I'll gladly move into your ward!

[SugarMagnolia]

Mary, Vicky's right. I don't know how I missed that, but you're most definitely not pathetic.

You're out constantly and rocking it. You just want to be seen as who you are and when you're not it hurts. Far from pathetic, you're heroic because you keep going and haven't let it stop you!

[tracy_j]

I don't think you are crazy Julie. It's unlikely that I would have done the same, but I try to avoid politics. I am not an activist as such. That said, many times over my life I have done similar things without thinking (I am not thinking trans here, but I have been a bit of a rebel). We all do to some extent. My thoughts are to look at possible consequences, and be ready for them. Minimise any risk. Bullies tend to be such in their environment, but often subdued outside of it.

 

Tracy

[Kirsten]

Wow. I love this story! I have only been out anywhere like 3-4 times en femme. Never mind at a rally. You are a very strong and wonderful person Julie! Definitely not crazy. All of you are so empowering for me. I hope I can get there too someday. 

[Ravin]

Great story, thank you for putting yourself out there. It sounds like it was worthwhile and not crazy at all.

[Cyndee]

 

I am glad you are fine afterwards, violence seems to be showing up more and more at "peaceful protests".

 

It's really gotten so ugly, so divisive, seemingly not much interest in the common good, it's like just mention the word "equality" in the wrong company, and it's triggering....

 

I'm with Tracy above, and "What ever happened to peace, love, and understanding ?" to quote some old lyrics.

 

[Charlize]

It is odd how after we manage to subject ourselves to that kind of scrutiny and derision we become a bit stronger in ourselves.  It hurt me to do that kind of open action at first but in time it made regular days seem somehow easier.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[SugarMagnolia]

Thanks for the kind words @Kirsten, @Ravin and @tracy_j. That gives me strength!

@Charlize: That's it exactly. I think I'm using this as a sort of exposure therapy in a way to innoculate myself against it a little bit for those times when I'm NOT expecting it. And to store up some memories of grace under pressure. ?

@CyndiRae: How did you know I love that song? 
 

As I walk through
This wicked world
Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity
I ask myself
Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain and hatred, and misery?
 

And each time I feel like this inside
There's one thing I wanna know:
What's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding?

And as I walked on
Through troubled times
My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes
So where are the strong
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?
Sweet harmony
 

'Cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry
What's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding?
 

So where are the strong?
And who are the trusted?
And where is the harmony?
Sweet harmony
 

'Cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry
What's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? Ohhhh
What's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? Ohhhh what's so fun about peace, love and understanding

[ChickenLittle]

Julie, 

 

That sounds not at all crazy, as long as you walked away feeling okay (which it sounds like you did!). I'm glad you and the other protesters were there for each other, that's really sweet. Some days I feel like standing up to people like you did would make me feel great, and other days I think I would have an anxious breakdown! Keep on doing what works for you :)

[SugarMagnolia]

Thanks, Mr. Little! 

There is very good camaraderie among the protesters, and I love and respect all of them. They are some of the best people I've ever  known. 

[BrandiBri]

Julie, I applaud you for your bravery. I am out full time and I'm not ready to put myself out there in that kind of situation yet. The thought  of having my face on the late night newscast scares the heck out of me. That would out me to people that I feel have no business knowing about my transition. I know that makes no sense at all, but that's just me. Also, I don't know how I would handle the harassment that you faced. You are not crazy, you are a hero in my book! Keep up the good work and good luck.

 

Hugs

Brandi

[SugarMagnolia]

That makes total sense, Brandi. I would have felt the same way not too long ago. I've just got to the point where, for me at this point, it feels really false to be politically active without being visibly trans.

I must admit to being nervous about one thing, though. I'm going to a big, formal political event this Friday as me - Julie. I'll have support from some great friends, but I'll also be presenting myself for the first time to quite a few people that have only met me in guy mode. That's making me more anxious in a way than dealing with those guys at the protest. It is however, something that is important for me to do, so I shall perservere. ??