Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Explaining Non-Binary to my Daughter


Recommended Posts

I had a very challenging conversation with my daughter yesterday. I decided it was time to tell her that I'm changing my name to Lily. She said, "Isn't that kind of a girl's name. Oh yeah... you're into girl stuff." Now she's only 5, so it's quite a challenge to correct her. I almost didn't bother, but I decided it was important to explain it to her. I want to be understood as someone who might have traits resembling male or female but is something else entirely. I used child-friendly analogies, and she says she gets it, but I sense that she may not. During the conversation, she asked, "Why are you not a boy or a girl?" Something about that was heartbreaking; maybe because I'm just in a dark place right now. I told her, "If boys are dogs and girls are cats, I was born a fox. I have fluffy fur like a cat but I can bite like a dog, but that doesn't mean I'm either." And such similar examples. Is there a resource somewhere like "Kermit the frog meets a non-binary?" Lol. Maybe even besides a resource, I'm looking for someone who may have had to go through the same thing with their child. Thank you in advance.

Link to comment
  • Admin

At her age, the best thing you can do is to NOT try too hard.  Other people she relates to will steer her into the binary concept because they do not understand it and are afraid of it.  There are a couple of children's books available that you could get and read to her, and help her to learn to read them by herself.  One book I would recommend is Red, A Crayon's Story which simply gets the idea of diversity and problems of labeling put in a way young people can understand.  Do not over-talk about it with her or she will pick up on "something is wrong" and she will start to fear it.  She is safe and has you as a loving parent who will provide for her and who will support and accept her unconditionally.  "Let's go get some ice cream" will mean more to her than a lot of stories and analogies you will think of.  I am about 70% binary female, and the other 30% is spread over several other possibilities and my grand children actually see where other people who would insist they are 100% binary are really NOT that way.  Slow, easy, just life with a bunch of hugs and she will be fine on her own.  It is going to be other adults who are the problem, and they are you and her other parent's problem, not hers.

Link to comment

I have not had to go through this yet, but I have at least some advice that’s come from both my therapist and my sons as well. 

I have 3&12 year old sons. And I was ready to tell the older one a couple weeks back. So I talked to my therapist. Her first thought was why. Why tell either of them. They aren’t really old enough to understand the conversation which you kind of see too. Even the 12 year old. He would kind of understand the premise of transgender sure, but how would it help him to know?

So what we eventually came to was it’s best to be open with kids. Not lie to them. And slowly show who you are. When THEY ask you then you tell them. But only what they ask about. I kept saying no that’s wrong until my sons therapist told us why it’s not a good idea. Who will your kids talk to about it? Their friends their teachers. The neighborhood kids. Etc....And that creates more issues. More people that you may have to explain things too. Chances that other kids parents will not understand and keep their kids away from yours. And so many other things. 

I know how you feel though with the wanting them to know. I am sick of lying to everyone in my life about who I am. Especially my older son. But it’s important to think about them too. Ultimately it’s your decision. And I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide. 

Kirsten

Link to comment

Oh and I have a great book that’s age appropriate. It’s called Rory’s Rainbow. It’s about a dinosaur in a toy store that likes the girls stuff. It’s very cute and tells a bit of the story. You can find it on amazon. 

Link to comment
Guest Rachel Gia

I sense the children and young people of today are far more accepting of the gender spectrum than before.

As far as telling my kids , I told them that I was transgender and that the only thing is different is that they know more about me than they did before.

Their acceptance of who I was , turned out more than I imagined and in some ways they were more accepting of me than I was. Telling them I was going to transition was another hurdle but not a big one and their love helped me to do so.

As was mentioned, spending time with them is more important than whether you button your shirts and sweaters on the other side.

Rachel

Link to comment

Thanks. That all makes sense and gives me something to think about. I guess with her response to me, I felt concerned that she was going to misunderstand me and that's how she was going to start building her understanding moving forward. You're right though; she probably doesn't really care. She had some thoughtful questions that surprised me.

 

As suggested, I think I'll not make it a habit of drawing attention to it, then if she comes to me with the topic I'll give her some answers.

 

I'm going to make a note of those books. :) It's tough to figure out how you want to be understood by each group of people in your life, and even tougher trying to extend that understanding.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 115 Guests (See full list)

    • Lorelei
    • KathyLauren
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Ashley0616
    • April Marie
    • MaryEllen
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,940
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Raelyn
    Newest Member
    Raelyn
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been taking it real easy.Another good neighbor of mine and his 15 year old son came over and cut down a couple dead trees on my property.Knew not to do it taking it easy.I had them put the wood near my fire pit in the back yard.Did it and happy where they put it.They knew I had stents put in and needed to take it easy
    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
    • MaeBe
      I have never worn breastforms, but I assume as long as they don't aggravate your nipples you could.
    • MaeBe
      Every week I've been excited to take my shot, so it's never been an issue. Yesterday, however, I woke up and started my usual "slow roll" and then suddenly realized I had breakfast plans that I had to rush out the door for. After, it was straight into work calls, and then I got the notification from the doctor about things being too high and all the while my mind had completely slipped that I needed take my shot.   Given that I am not asking for medical advice, but sharing my journey, I will note my results: Estradiol at 447 pg/mL and Testosterone was 23 ng/dL, up and down from 26 pg/mL and 526 ng/dL respectively before treatment. Almost flipped the bit! The doc would like my Estradiol closer to 300 pg/mL, so we'll see what Monday's tests state.   Oh, and I teased the dinner with old soccer teammates and never updated the thread! It went well. There were a couple funny moments. One guy, who I was worried about their response, greeted me with "Hey, you've lost some weight!" 😎 And a friend who lives near me picked me up on the way to dinner exclaimed, after we learned one of the invitees might show up with a date, "Wait! We could have brought women?!" To which I instantly responded, "You kind of did, bringing me!" Everyone got a good laugh out of that. 😁
    • Ashley0616
      To me there isn't that much difference other the measurement, which side the zipper is on and men's pants have bigger pockets. 
    • missyjo
      I hope this is not stupid question..I have yet to start n not sure if doc will approve..but once you start growing buds n such, can you still wear forms to get to the size you were?   I'm a dad, so when I start blossoms they will be smaller for a long time n probably need surgical augmented..that's fine. I don't want to go ddd to aa to ddd..   any ideas?   thank you
    • missyjo
      April sounds fun..I keep some boy jeans to visit mom in..fir now   hugs
    • Ivy
      I like them too.  We had them growing up.  But my father's family were Swedes.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Oh my!  I guess it just goes to show how different tastes can be. Since we don't live near the ocean, Seafood is a rare luxury. We absolutely love pickled herring! Especially my husband and my GF, I guess it's a Ferman/Russian cultural thing.  But most of the kids like it too, and a jar wouldn't last in the pantry for long 😆
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I think the key to that is just not minding eating the same thing repeatedly. Since we produce a lot of our own food here, we end up eating what is in season at the moment. So, when the yellow squash is ripening, we end up fixing squash 20 different ways. When the strawberries are ready, we eat lots of strawberries. It's kind of a different mindset to eat in season when it has become such a part of American culture but the grocery store has everything we want all the time. Like grapes in December.  My family does even things out a little bit by having a greenhouse so we have some fresh things in the winter, but it's not a 100% fix.
    • KathyLauren
      My brothers and I had to eat what was on the plate.  All of it, and nothing else.  Pickiness was not tolerated.  Some of our least favourite were liver and onions, sauerkraut, and especially rollmops (pickled herring).  We finally protested enough to persuade our mother not to serve rollmops, though she kept a jar in the pantry for years afterwards, as a threat if we didn't behave.
    • Carolyn Marie
      I'll go first.  My favorite team is the Yankees.  Loved them since I was a kid.  I was born in NYC so, yeah.  I know everyone loves to hate them, and that's OK.  I just love baseball in general.  It's a game of traditions, strategy, power, grace and skill.   Play Ball!!  ⚾   Carolyn Marie
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...