Who’s really there for me?

[Dani Gross]

So about a month and a half ago I came out to my best friends and shortly after that I announced it to the world via Instagram. I was bombarded by friends, family and even people I didn’t know saying that they’re proud of me and that they’ll be there to support me if I ever need anyone, so off the bat it seemed that my transition was off to a great start. Strange enough it seems to be quite the opposite. Those I’ve hit up to talk to or hangout all have given shallow responses as if our friendship isn’t what it was prior to me coming out. 

 

At first I was filled with joy about being able to achieve this dream of mine, but for some reason the past few weeks I’ve been severely depressed so much so I barely leave my room, avoid social situations, have lost all of my appetite and more. And now because of this my two closest friends aka my roommates have began to disatach themselves from me. I know they don’t know how I’ve been feeling lately, but it just seems that if your friend who was once full of life stops being so full of it out of nowhere you’d see what’s up with them and check on how they’re doing, but not from these guys. Maybe they don’t think it’s their place to get involved in my emotions, which have been all over the place sense coming out. This may just be a sign that they are no longer true friends if that’s the case I guess ill have to live with that. 

 

On in the bright side I do have some people who have actually made more of an effort in reaching out to me and I think I’ve gained a better connection with them. 

[Dev]

I noticed something similar when I came out, Dani.  I had friendships that had lasted for years dissolve.  Not into animosity, they just kind of faded away.  Meanwhile, other relationships that had never blossomed, people who'd been acquaintances, are now closer to me than ever before.

 

That doesn't necessarily mean that any of these people are deliberately distancing themselves or aren't true friends, though.  Coming out as trans requires adjustment in ways that other forms of coming out don't.  Your name and pronouns have to change.  They have to view you in a way that's fundamentally different to the you they knew.  Give them time, keep reaching out every now and again, and if after a while they still seem to be distant you can feel free to ask what happened in a frank, nonjudgmental way.

 

Where your roommates are concerned, it's entirely possible they just don't know how to broach the subject with you.  Given your closeness to them, I think it would be worth telling them how you've been struggling and asking for their help, even if just in a small way.

[Charlize]

Welcome to Trans Pulse Dani.  I am not terribly surprised that things have changed between you and your friends.  I also saw thew same thing.  It is difficult for others to relate to us once our gender changes.  today i certainly have more female friends who and am closer to them than was possible when i was seen as a man.  Hopefully your friends will come to realize you are still you and enjoy your company in time but i found i had to accept that things were simply different.

You might want to post in the introduction forum to meet more folks here.  I've found this site helped me with open support as i moved through my transition.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Welcome Dani.  As Charlize says, I'm not surprised either.  Believe it, things have changed.  They certainly don't understand what you're doing, or you.  I think a lot of your guy friends will struggle as they don't know how to be a close "friend" with a female.  You will have more luck building relationships with other women.  Time is still young in your journey so don't fret.  As you become more comfortable people will notice and be more comfortable around you.  I hope to see you around the forum.

 

Jani

[BrandiBri]

Dani welcome to the forums.

2 hours ago, Jani said:

 They certainly don't understand what you're doing, or you.

Your friends are now being forced to look at their own feelings and try to process what is, for them an unnatural way of life. I agree with Jani that your male friends may have a harder time adjusting to the "new" you. Don't give up on them just yet, give them time to come to their own terms with these new developments. They, just as you, are going to have a bumpy road to travel.

 

Brandi

[tracy_j]

I really have found that new friends and those that were more casual before handle things better. Maybe it is a similar thing to family often finding things hard to accept as well.

 

Tracy

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Dani,

Your old friends knew you as a guy. When they see you change things like this, many will simply not know how to relate to you. They can feel confused and uncomfortable, which can cause them to shy away. Some may come to  open to you again in time. Unfortunately, some will not. 

 

They talk of people opening a new chapter in their lives. When we accept out true selves, it's more like opening a whole new book for us. This very often includes our set of friends. It's not easy, and it's painful. 

 

But there is hope! The new friends we make as our true selves can be treasured above others, because they are friends with our true selves. And that means a lot!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

 

[Guest Rachel Gia]

There were a few friends who now seem a bit apprehensive to wards me but the people I see daily like my work mates have been great!

Unfortunately I would say that is to be expected but to hope for the best.

[Lady Ayu]

Hello Dani!

 

I just wanna say thank you for sharing your story and I'm glad I got to see it; I haven't really came out to anyone yet and when I see someone else talk about it and how well it went well... I gives me hope for the day when I finally come out.

 

It's unfortunate some of your friends are backing away from you, but maybe they just need time to adjust?? I'm hoping things turn for the better and in addition I would love to be your sister and friend!! So hang in there Dani; you may feel lonely but you are not alone :3