I'm scared to come out.

[SkyeWrite]

I've been identifying as female for a while now and i've come out to my close friends, but not all of them and it's starting to make me feel guilty. Like i'm lying. I'm reaching the point where I feel out of place if i'm not wearing anything fem and I really want to come out, but I am absolutely terrified. The biggest hurdle is my family. I dont live by any of them and we have never really had a strong familial bond, but for some reason telling them is like a huge fear. I have nightmares about this stuff. I really want to start hormones later this year. Would it be a poor move to start before telling my family or just go through with my own transition and tell them when I am more prepared. 

[Dev]

If you won't be seeing your family - or rather, if they won't be seeing you - and there's no risk you'll be accidentally outed by any changes hormone treatment makes, I see no reason to rush telling them.  And if you're not close, there's nothing at all wrong with telling them as an afterthought.

[Charlize]

  I went through what seemed a terrible period in my life when i changed from male to female depending on whether i was with my family or a larger world where i was unknown.  I found it extremely stressful.  When i joined this site i was told to see a gender therapist.  I did and she helped me find a path not only to HRT but also to accepting whatever reaction i may find from family and friends. 

  You may well want to see a GT.  At this point it is sometimes possible to get HRT without a supporting letter from a therapist but in my experience time with a therapist was certainly the cost and time. 

  I don't think this is ever an easy journey.  Glad you are here with us who are on the path with you.  We can get through it.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

 

[Cyndee]

Coming out is very personal, and it's a one way trip. Looking at your location in Kansas, kinda tells me which way to go, as it can be much harder in middle America. I would say if you have any dependency (financial or otherwise) on family members, to try and avoid coming out, why make your life more complicated ? Try and not feel guilty about your gender identity, it just is, I think the more you try and control the situation, the more it becomes unwieldy, relax and simply let it happen, gain some confidence in your new life, the coming out will happen in it's own time. Best to you

 

C -

[Kirsten]

I know the lying feeling you talk about. It’s one of the things that has plagued me for as long as I can remeber really. And I always though it was because I was lying about who I was to everyone I know. But I felt that way because I was lying to myself. I am just starting hrt. And I’ve come out to about a handful of people so far. But honestly that lying feeling went away when I stopped worrying about everyone else and just did me. I am very lucky to be able to do this though. I work for a company that is 100% lgbtq friendly. I live in a very open and forward thinking state as well. But ultimately you get to decide. Tell them when you’re ready. Starting to transition first isn’t going to make things better or worse. It just is.

It’s gonna be hard at first. But it’ll get easier. 

Welcome to the site 

Kirsten 

[ChickenLittle]

I used to live in Overland Park and found that there's a pretty great LGBTQ community in the KC area-- maybe if you haven't already, you could find a community to feel a part of, which won't solve the family problems but could offer additional support when you need it. I don't really know anybody there anymore, but my partner has a friend who's involved, I think. 

 

I understand that feeling of lying, I felt that way before I came out to my family and it just left me feeling so gross, like if I went shopping with my mom I'd have to at least pretend to look through the women's section. As for starting hormones, I don't know exactly how quickly you start to see effects from E, but with T the changes I saw were a lot more subtle than I thought they would be, especially at first. Even the things that I saw as big changes were things most people didn't notice unless I told them, for pretty much the first six months. (I started hormones before I was out to most people and came out after 2-3 months on T). 

[Jani]

Hello Skye.  Lots of good advice from my friends.  Please don't feel bad about not being out to everyone.  This is a process and it will happen in due time.  The uncomfortable feelings are inevitable during this phase of bouncing back and forth between male and female presentation.  Make your plans and take it easy.  You want to do right so you are safe and healthy.  

 

Jani  

[Rachael]

I understand how you feel, I started hrt and told no one outside of the support group for three months then only my sister (she lives 6-8 hours away) . I work with my brother and my dad on a daily basis. At 5 months I told them and things were better than I had imagined, I got lucky. It is a personal deci

[Rachael]

ooh?‍♀️ Decision and one that takes time. Hrt gave me a sort of validation for my feelings and helped me to keep my eye on the prize.

know you have support here in whatever decision you make.