Waiting to come out

[nathand]

I have only recently come to terms with my identity and am not yet out. I have put a lot of thought into it and I am sure of how I feel but do not feel ready to come out. However, I want to start wearing a binder, packing, etc as soon as possible. I live at home and am not sure how to do those things without being asked questions. Will I just know when the time is right, or should I get over my nerves and come out so I can start my social transition?

[Jani]

I would say once you come fully to terms with your self and feel it is the thing to do, you should start planning to tell your parents.  We are all different but I would say your nerves will always be on edge until you inform them.  Find a comfortable time and be sure you can address their questions and fears.  Telling my parents was nerve wracking but doing so was a relief.    Best of luck.

 

Jani

[JBfox]

 For myself, I waited over a year before I told even one person I was trans, but the next year I only had a hand full of friends and family who knew. I didn't come out to everyone till almost an entire yet on HRT. For me. It was all nerves. I was embarrassed and nervous. It took a lot of time to over come all of that. Like Jani, I recommend taking your time and start to figure out now how you want to talk to your parents about it. Especially if you think they'll be some sort of speed bump if you start even a little bit of presenting differently. 

-Vaelyn

[ChickenLittle]

Hi Nathan!

 

I started wearing a binder and packing before I told my roommates, because I just wasn't ready to have the conversation yet. They never seemed to notice (I'm fairly small-chested to start with, though) or if they did, they didn't say anything about it. So there's a chance that your family won't bring it up when you start binding. Most families aren't really constantly looking at your chest or junk, and if they are they feel awkward about bringing it up. My plan with my roommates was to tell them I was wearing a sports bra for running if they asked about it. 

 

When you do decide to talk to them, I highly recommend Chase Ross' Trans 101 videos if you want to have things to show them that will help them understand. They can either watch the videos with you or on their own time, and the videos are very informative about what trans is and what terminology to use, as well as info about social/emotional/physical aspects of transition. 

 

One thing to add-- if you haven't ever worn or bought a binder before, please be careful! You can cause real damage to your bones, cartilage, and lungs (I wore a too-small binder for too long and have cartilage damage that hurts when I inhale and will take ~6 months to heal. The binder fit my measurements on the website but was definitely still too small). My favorite binder is from GC2B. I recommend ordering up a size, especially if you're close to in between sizes. The bigger size will still bind but will allow you to breathe a little better. Be sure to use abdominal breathing so you're not always taking very short breaths and give yourself breaks when you need them! 

 

 

[Cthorne]

I came out to my parents and siblings within two weeks of realising I was trans and then slowly to other people over a month or so . Then I told my grandparents, aunts and uncles (the biggest risk) at about the three month mark and now I don't care... I'd tell everyone  For me it wasn't 'I'm ready to tell people' it was more 'I can't keep living in this hell anymore'. Everyone's story is different, take you're time.  

 

My suggestion if you are going to bind and use a packer that baggy clothes are good, they hide the curves so your family and friend probably won't even notice... unless you're more noticeable on  top (which I am... I hate it. Thanks to my mother  ) but always always ALWAYS stay safe, research as much as you can, please be careful.

 

You don't have to come out until you're ready and make sure you're in a safe place and have somewhere you can go just in case it ends badly.... Look after yourself. *hugs* 

[nathand]

Thanks for the advice everyone! It means a lot that you took the time to give me advice and I'll take it all to heart