My Story..

[jody]

hi

i will try to keep this short as i tend to ramble but i do tell it as it is i mean no offence to anyone...since young i knew i was different,i could not relate to being male.Because of my family life and the then situation with transgender it was basically impossible to do anything other that what i kept secret.Untill i was in my 30`s` i tried to keep it in the background declaring myself gay years before .ive always had rounded features and guys used to say i was sort of fem,whenever i had sex it was total feminine sex drive.Ant way in my early 40¬ i decided,as seeing a psychiatrist anyway to come out but he was very odd about it..we had a difference of opinion on presentation.he did refere me eventually to a gender clinic but i really got the feeling he was humouring me.at that time because of other things i got to see a proffessor psychiatrist and he agreed to let me have anti androgen tablets which i took. the effect made me a lot happier.for many years i have been able to tuck but semis errections ect were a problem.with those nearly gone it was so much better.there was problem i was missing doses of the tablet so got switched to injection that lasted min 3 months.that reduced testosterone to zero.one result was i could tuck to a point i presented very convincingly, this made me feel right. it was just how i felt it should be..i also was on some meds for another reason and a side effect of those was breast growth,albeit it slow and minimal but there.There became a problem in that there was zero support from anyone involved they all said any will come from the gender clinic which had a 2 to 3 year waiting list.i reached a point that i put the clinic on hold and stopped the anti androgen,basically a its never gona happen situation time to but it to the background again.I also had a difference of opinion shall we say with the docs on presentation.the psych kept mentioning i didnt dress very female despite i turned up in female jeans and sweatshirt,tucked.im just a jeans and sweat shirt person.he had an idea of how a woman should be and that was that.i explained that dress presentation was not important to me it was body dis morphia. now im 6"2 with a somewhat male face.i also wish to stay butch,i always described it as a ftm who had been on hormons for some time then decided to stop but not go backwards.to be blunt i want my body features ie genitals and breasts to be female i will soften my face ect but with the greatest respect to all other trans im not going to try to make a silk purse from a sows ear.im going to do whats sensible and what i feel is me.a few people when ive told them said so u want to be a guy with a vagina..No i want breasts i want to look at my body and say it is female albeit somewhat butch..recently the feelings have surfaced,they never go away,and i started tucking again and that along with my noticable, abeit small breasts has given me a lift.ive always had the option to start the anti androgen again and now im so tempted i just have to come to terms with how far transition can go.one thing that really gaae me a boost was i had to recently attend a clinic for some check ups and i decided to go tucked ect and a tight t shirt. the nurse knows me and she knows ive declared gender issues in the past but has never seen me as i was.long story short i had to strip for part of the check up and as i did she noticed my breast growth then when i took my jeans off my fem underwear showed my ability to tuck shall we say.she was really nice and we had a talk in which she said do they know how far along u are.she commented u feel comfortable like this thats obvious, have u had ny surgery u look very natural.i explained the past and that at present i can tuck but been crude my penis and testicles are 2 big.she asked if the injection shrunk them and i told her yes,my penis reduces greatly ect makes it so easy to tuck.basically she said why dont u go back on ur injection and be happy so explained the problems.as she said well at least ud be another step close and presenting like u do why not ask for the cosmetic version of gender surgery its a lot less intrusive and easier.you will have a good looking vagina just no depth,which doesnt bother me, then ur basically female as u like sort the rest out after. so now i think im going back on my injection,stay tucked all the time and give it another go.one lift from the nurse was she said uve been tucking a fair few years i guess as ur skin.body.fat ect has adapted and u look ok.

 so thats my position..sorry if its a long description and a bit graphic but as she said my primary problem is my genital dis morphia,the breast problem is sorta ok.i want to when possible have hormones to see how i feel but the doc said as it is ur doing ok.now i dont rush anything. 

[jo jo]

its ok i think you know in your heart of hearts what you want and everything will come good in time get your head your mind your soul right first then everything will fall into place dont get me wrong its a long journey but a journey worth travelling

[jody]

thanks,its taken a lot of years to get to where i am now..i decided it was a case of what can i do ,what important to me and what is the wrong thing to do..i know every one has a different impression of how a female should be but i found that now with  well to be crude very convincing genitalia and my noticeable breast growth even though i have a male appearance, when a guys asked and u show they say well that answered that question. usually they ask are u ftm..suits me..i adjust as i go along..i get annoyed the official system for getting reassignment surgery is so long even privately..

[Timber Wolf]

Hi jody,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you've found us!

 

It's perfectly ok however far you wish to go in transition. We don't all transition the same, we are each different. It's all ok!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

Greetings Jody and welcome.  Timber Wolf is correct that however far you decide to go in transition is a choice you get to make.  Whatever makes you happy is the end goal.  We are all independent with differing motivations.  It's all OK! 

 

Cheers, Jani

 

[BrandiBri]

Welcome Jody! I can't add to what''s been said except that there is no right or wrong way to transition. Only you know what is right for you. Take your time and decide where you want your journey to take you.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[jo jo]

jody it takes about 5 years where i am for full transition and then you have to travel to london for full op its a long process .... maybe not for everyone but i think you know yourself whats best for you ...... the best thing to do in my experience is plan ahead be happy with urself then your halfway there if you ever need to chat or cry or laugh im here ok hun xx

[Charlize]

Welcome Jody.  I wasn't able to tuck well until i had an orchiectomy.  We all have our paths towards self acceptance.  For me the fore mentioned procedure and living full time as female has brought me some peace.

Glad you've joined us.

Your not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Hi Jody

 

Welcome

 

Tracy