I'm Nikki and I'm alone

[Nikki1824]

Well hello everyone. 

 

First off you are all so amazing, wonderful and brave for being who you know you are. I can't wait to get to know many of you and, hopefully, find close friends to confide in. 

 

A little about me:

I am 25, college educated, working an ok-ish job in Manhattan. I have struggled with gender identity ever since my older sister made me play "princess' with her when I was a toddler. When I was 13 or  so I rediscover my female self. I chose my name, Nicole (or Nikki for short) and dressed up whenever I could. The desire came in waves and over time it just became a part of me.

 

Lately, however, I've wanted more. I've wanted to be more feminine in presentation and mannerisms...even in sexual interest. I've never had a friend to confide in, experiment with, go shopping with, etc. i'm really really hoping that this post changes that. I live on Long Island but work in the City. I am married. I am VERY closeted. And I am very scared what to do and where to go. 

 

I have been shopping around for a therapist and plan to begin some type of therapy. In the mean time, however I need friends and support very badly. I don't have many real life friends and I have zero who know about my girl side. If there's anyone in the area looking to make friends please message me! I'm very shy and closeted but trust easily and fiercely loyal to friends. 

 

To everyone else, I can't wait to learn from and draw empowerment from your lives. I am in desperate need of pen pals in additional to real life ones...so don't be shy!!

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Nikki.  Thank you for sharing some of how you are feeling.  i know how hard it is the first time you come out, even in a place like this one.

 

I'm glad that you're considering seeing a therapist.  That should help a lot, and NYC is a very good place to be for resources and support.  We have a list of gender therapists to look through, herehttps://www.transgenderpulse.com/resource-locator/

 

Please look around and if you can't find something, PM any of the staff and we'll be happy to help.  It's a long road, so take it one step at a time.  You've already taken the first step,and that is the most difficult of all.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Jani]

Hello Nikki and welcome.  You are not alone in your feelings.  I know you are scared and can assure you this will pass eventually.  I take you have not broached this subject with your wife.  Soon you will have to do so.  It may or may not end well.  I would certainly speak with a good gender therapist to assist you in having this conversation.  In addition to our resource listings, Psychology Today also has an up to date list to review.  There is a wealth of experience here to draw upon so please join in the conversation and we'll do our best.

 

Jani

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Nikki,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm very happy you've found us!

 

I know it feels scary and lonely right now. But now that you're here, you're not alone anymore! We all need friends who care and won't judge us. That's what we have here. Pour a cup of coffee, pull up a chair, and join in. We're glad to have you here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Charlize]

Welcome Nikki.  Glad you've joined us.  I found my time here helped me accept myself.  You are fortunate to have some good support groups in your area.  Going to a group can be a liberating experience.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[BrandiBri]

Hi Nikki, I know you will find many friends here.

[MaryEllen]

Hello Nikki,

I'd like to wish you a belated welcome to TransPulse.

 

 

MaryEllen

[Willow]

Hi Nikki,  welcome!  As others have said you are in good, safe company here.  I have gone through pretty much the same feelings.  Started wishing I was a girl as a young teen.  Hide it from everyone and tried to deny it to myself.  It worked sometimes but always returned.  Finding a good therapist is key.  If you don’t find someone here, try psychology today.  That’s where I found mine.

 

As someone told me, sit back, and buckle up.  If can be quite a ride, but in the end you’ll be better for checking it out.  

 

Read our stories, and tell us yours.  We’ll do our best to help.

 

Willow