Showing support to a shocked wife

[Annie]

So a crazy thing happened at the trans march yesterday! I was standing with my son, two daughters, and my mother when a woman I know from work approached, clearly surprised to see me. I introduced my family and told her we were there to show our solidarity with my son who is trans. She said she was just about to ask me if we were there to support a loved one. (As an aside, I think my boy is starting to pass!) She said she did not want this to be known at work, but her husband had recently come out as trans and she's trying to be supportive. She was clearly still in shock and trying to figure out what to do. I am not close to her at all. I am very open about my son and was actually surprised she didn't know. But this just shows how little we know each other. I am also a little weird-ed out that I am probably the only person at work that knows. I don't want to reveal anything she is uncomfortable with, but I do want her to know that we work in an environment where she would get support (I've gotten so much!). She looked and sounded like she felt pretty alone. She and her husband have been married for 20 years.

 

Is there anything I can do in this situation?

[jo jo]

thats such a beautiful story i hope they both get the support they both need

[SugarMagnolia]

I don't know if there's a "best" thing to do, but maybe just making sure she knows that you're there for her and available to talk and help? Maybe let her know that you're there for _her_. So much focus will be on her spouse that maybe just knowing she has someone to talk to about what she's going through could be appreciated?

You're doing such a great job, Annie, of supporting your son and dealing with your own emotions and transition. You're such a rock star! Seeing that might help her do the same. And of course, letting her know about resources that you've found helpful could be really useful. Feel free to invite her here as well, if you think she'd be interested.

You may not be close to her, but sometimes life gives us opportunities to befriend people that need some support. Perhaps this is one of those times?

~Julie

[Jani]

Annie this is nice that she felt comfortable enough to approach you at a Pride event and that you would be open and accepting.  I think showing her it's not the end of the world and families can still exist and thrive is important.  You might reach out to her in private to have a conversation about the support at your workplace.  She may not be ready for all this quite yet but offering her an outlet to talk would be so gracious.

 

Jani

[BrandiBri]

I agree that just offering to be there when she needs to talk would be a good way to show your support. This could lead to a friendship that may evolve from just trans issues, but into other areas in your lives. As Julie said, we tend to focus on the one going through transition, and sometimes the spouse feels left out. She will need to talk to about her feelings and you may be just the person to help her through her own "transition".

 

Brandi

[Carolyn Marie]

I agree with all the great advice you received above, Annie. I think its great that she reached out to you, and that you are willing to do something for her.  If you know of gender therapists in your area you might want to let her know about them, or just suggest some useful web sites.  Whether she takes advantage of your suggestions or not, at least she knows you care and are someone she can talk to.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Aiyanna]

The consensus has already been made but I love agreeing. I agree with all these gals. I think the best thing you can do is be supportive and show her that your work place is very accepting. On top of that, maybe direct her to this site? You came here for helpful advice, I'm sure she would experience the exact same. 

Also, I want to say thank you for being so amazing towards your son. Having accepting and loving parents makes things so much easier on trans people. Keep being awesome! 

❤️
Aiy

[Annie]

Thanks for all your advice and kind words. I spoke to her yesterday and I think it made her feel better just knowing someone at work knew. It must be a crushing weight to hide so much of your life.