Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Questioning my gender... I guess...?


Cass Kasinski

Recommended Posts

 

Hello there! Thanks for taking the time to red this!!

I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong forum but you guys seemed so supportive, so I felt this was the right place...?

...

Anyway, as you have read: I'm questioning my gender. I'm a teenager from Argentina who's been confused for... a looooonng time. And I felt that it was about time I reached out for help and talked to you people.

So, my questions started when I realized something: I'm female, and I am attracted to men. However, I have the feeling that I'm... somehow... gay? I'm so sorry if that sounds stupid, I'm just really confused. As I said, I feel I have to be a guy to feel free to be with another guy. I want to snuggle him and hug him and kiss him- but as a boy, not as a girl.

Soon, other questions started to appear and I started feeling urges to cut my hair short -as short as boys- and wear more "masculine" clothing. What's more, I've always despised wearing the same clothes as my female friends. Tops, tanks, ripped shorts and skirts... they make me uncomfortable. Besides, I was (and still am) disgusted by my breasts and felt the need to flatten them... just as I'd like to look more masculine but not to go through surgery or testosterone. I also daydream a lot (because school bores the hell out of me) and picture myself as a boy.

Despite my feelings, I've never had any stereotipically "male" personality traits... and my friends are mostly girls. However, I do find crude humor hilarious and sometimes I can be really vulgar- though I don't show that because I'm very shy. Overall, I'd say that my personality is gender-neutral.

Appart from relationships, I feel that being a guy will finally suit my gender-neutral personality. I don't I dentify as agender or non-binary so far but I belive my personality does...? And I wouldn't mind he/him pronouns!!

However, I'm not sure if it's truly what I want or what I feel, and I have to admit that  I've always been seen as a girl -by others and by myself- and feeling "transgender" is so unusual to me that it feels weird to think of me as male when I'm used to my name and my pronouns and I look so feminine... and I'm very afraid of my classmates' reactions to me coming out as ftm transgender if it turns out I do identify as male- as they would probably feel it's weird. That can't be any worse than my parent's reactions, though: They believe I'm too young and won't let me experiment much, although they let me dress in more masculine/gender-neutral clothing- In which I FINALLY feel comfortable! I finally think something suits me! They say that I'm just confused because I'm ashamed to look like other girls- which is HIGHLY unlikely. 

...

...WOOO that took a while to write!! My fingers hurt like HELL! Ow!!

I feel lighter now that I've set it all free- and thank you so much for reading this!! I appreciate it so much! Not everyone would care about what some random stranger on the internet has to say... you're really special ;).

And btw sorry for my english... I'm just a teenager who lives in south america and I'm still studying grammar!!

Link to comment

Hi Cass, welcome to the server! And thanks for sharing.

I, and I don't think any other member here, can really tell you what you are. That feeling is hidden deep inside of yourself. But I can give some speculation. Based on how you are feeling, you may be androgynous with masculine tendencies or you may be a FtM guy. I'm glad your parents at least let you wear more gender neutral clothing and it makes you feel more comfortable. The best thing you can possibly do is find a gender therapist to talk to about your feelings. I'm not sure how healthcare works in Argentina or if you'll be able to find a supportive one in your area, but I would strongly recommend trying. 

I want to make sure that you understand there's absolutely nothing wrong with what you're feeling. We all feel a bit differently and society as a whole doesn't like change, so they try to make it disappear. A lot of people will try to influence you into thinking your feelings are wrong because they are different and those same people don't understand. 

Again, thank you so much for posting. Please, continue to share with us how your feelings develop and if you're able to find a therapist and how this affects you in the future. 

❤️
Aiy

Link to comment

Also, I want to say I think your grammar is great. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. If you hadn't pointed it out, and it didn't say it on your profile, I wouldn't even have known you weren't from America. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello Case and welcome.  Yes your grammar is wonderful.  No issues at all.  I agree with Aiyanna's statement.  The answer is within and only you can unlock it.  You are a teen so you have lot of time to figure all this out.  But it seems you have a grasp on who you are.  Don't be afraid to experiment and be adventurous.  Do be careful with binding your chest as you can create permanent damage to your body.  

 

Jani

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 125 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • April Marie
    • KathyLauren
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • SamC
    • VickySGV
    • Susie
    • MirandaB
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,023
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Delaney
    Newest Member
    Delaney
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Dillon
      Dillon
    2. Kaylee888
      Kaylee888
    3. lily100
      lily100
      (39 years old)
    4. Luce
      Luce
      (44 years old)
    5. Luke.S
      Luke.S
  • Posts

    • violet r
      I use my  chosen name online and when ever I can. I play some online game and only go by that name. That is how everyone there know me. Yes it does feel great to be called the name you prefer. 
    • Breezy Victor
      I was ten years old when my mom walked in on me frolicking around my room dressed up in her bra, panties, and some pantyhose. I had been doing this in the privacy of my bedroom for a little while now so I had my own little stash box I kept full of different panties, bras, etc ... of hers. My mom's underwear was so easy for me to come by and she was a very attractive woman, classy, elegant. Well when she walked in on me, she looked at me with disgust and said to me... "If I wanted to run around like mommy's little girl instead of mommy's little boy, then she was going to treat me like mommy's little girl."  She left my bedroom after telling me NOT to change or get dressed or anything and returned with a few of her work skirts and blouses and such. She made me model off her outfits for her and I have to admit ... I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. I felt so sexy, and feminine. And she knew I loved it.  She told me we can do this every weekend if I'd like. It would be OUR little secret. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      The usual social ways, of course.  Taking care of my partners and stepkids, being involved in my community.  That makes me feel good about my role.   As for physical validation and gender... probably the most euphoric experience is sex.  I grew up with my mother telling me that my flat and boyish body was strange, that my intersex anatomy was shameful, that no man would want me. So experiencing what I was told I could never have is physical proof that I'm actually worth something.  
    • KathyLauren
      <Moderator hat on>  I think that, at this point we need to get the thread back onto the topic, which is the judge's ruling on the ballot proposition.  If there is more to be said on the general principles of gendered spaces etc., please discuss them, carefully and respectfully, in separate threads. <Moderator hat off>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      People who have no understanding of transgender conditions should not be making policy for people dealing with it. Since it is such a small percentage of the population, and each individual is unique, and their circumstances are also unique, each situation needs to be worked with individually to see that the best possible solution is implemented for those involved. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      No.  You are getting stuck on one statement and pulling it out of context.   Trans kids have rights, but so do non-trans kids.  That conflict is best worked out in the individual situation. 
    • MaeBe
      I get the concept, I believe. You're trying to state that trans kids need to or should be excluded from binary gender spaces and that you acknowledge that answers to accommodate those kids may not be found through policy. I disagree with the capability of "penetration" as being the operative delimiter in the statement, however. I contest this statement is poorly chosen at best and smacks of prejudice at worst. That it perpetuates certain stereotypes, whether that was the intent or not.   Frankly, all kids should have the right to privacy in locker rooms, regardless of gender, sexuality, or anatomy. They should also have access to exercise and activities that other kids do and allow them to socialize in those activities. The more kids are othered, extracted, or barred from the typical school day the more isolated and stigmatized they become. That's not healthy for anyone, the excluded for obvious reasons and the included for others--namely they get to be the "haves" and all that entails.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Context.  Read the context.  Good grief.
    • MaeBe
      Please don't expect people to read manifold pages of fiction to understand a post.   There was a pointed statement made, and I responded to it. The statement used the term penetration, not "dissimilar anatomy causing social discomfiture", or some other reason. It was extended as a "rule" across very different social situations as well, locker and girl's bedrooms. How that term is used in most situations is to infer sexual contact, so most readers would read that and think the statement is that we "need to keep trans girl's penises out of cis girls", which reads very closely to the idea that trans people are often portrayed as sexual predators.   I understand we can't always get all of our thoughts onto the page, but this doesn't read like an under-cooked idea or a lingual short cut.
    • Ashley0616
      I shopped online in the beginning of transition. I had great success with SHEIN and Torrid!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Have you read the rest of what I wrote?   Please read between the lines of what I said about high school.  Go over and read my Taylor story.  Put two and two together.   That is all I will say about that.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I feel like I lost my husband," Lois told the therapist,"I want the man I married." Dr. Smith looked at Odie, sitting there in his men's clothing, looking awkward and embarrassed. "You have him.  This is just a part of him you did not know about. Or did not face." She turned to Odie,"Did you tear my wedding dress on our wedding night?" He admitted it.  She had a whole catalog of did-you and how-could you.  Dr. Smith encouraged her to let it all out. Thirty years of marriage.  Strange makeup in the bathroom.  The kids finding women's laundry in the laundry room. There was reconciliation. "What do we do now?" Dr. Smith said they had to work that out.  Odie began wearing women's clothing when not at work.  They visited a cross-dressers' social club but it did not appeal to them.  The bed was off limits to cross dressing.  She had limits and he could respect her limits.  Visits to relatives would be with him in men's clothing.    "You have nail polish residue," a co-worker pointed out.  Sure enough, the bottom of his left pinky nail was bright pink  His boss asked him to go home and fix it.  He did.   People were talking, he was sure, because he doubted he was anywhere as thorough as he wanted to be.  It was like something in him wanted to tell everyone what he was doing, and he was sloppy.   His boss dropped off some needed paperwork on a Saturday unexpectedly and found Odie dressed in a house dress and wig.  "What?" the boss said, shook his head, and left.  None of his business.   "People are talking," Lois said. "They are asking about this," she pointed to his denim skirt. "This seems to go past or deeper than cross dressing."   "Yes.  I guess we need some counseling."  And they went.
    • April Marie
      You look wonderful!!! A rose among the roses.
    • Ashley0616
      Mine would be SHEIN as much as I have bought from them lol.
    • MaeBe
      This is the persistence in thinking of trans girls as predators and, as if, they are the only kind of predation that happens in locker rooms. This is strikingly close to the dangerous myth that anatomy corresponds with sexuality and equates to gender.

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...