Jump to content

  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Questioning my gender... I guess...?

Cass Kasinski

By Cass Kasinski,
in What Am I? I'm Not Sure.

Recommended Posts

Cass Kasinski Junior Member

Cass Kasinski

Posted
Posted

 

Hello there! Thanks for taking the time to red this!!

I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong forum but you guys seemed so supportive, so I felt this was the right place...?

...

Anyway, as you have read: I'm questioning my gender. I'm a teenager from Argentina who's been confused for... a looooonng time. And I felt that it was about time I reached out for help and talked to you people.

So, my questions started when I realized something: I'm female, and I am attracted to men. However, I have the feeling that I'm... somehow... gay? I'm so sorry if that sounds stupid, I'm just really confused. As I said, I feel I have to be a guy to feel free to be with another guy. I want to snuggle him and hug him and kiss him- but as a boy, not as a girl.

Soon, other questions started to appear and I started feeling urges to cut my hair short -as short as boys- and wear more "masculine" clothing. What's more, I've always despised wearing the same clothes as my female friends. Tops, tanks, ripped shorts and skirts... they make me uncomfortable. Besides, I was (and still am) disgusted by my breasts and felt the need to flatten them... just as I'd like to look more masculine but not to go through surgery or testosterone. I also daydream a lot (because school bores the hell out of me) and picture myself as a boy.

Despite my feelings, I've never had any stereotipically "male" personality traits... and my friends are mostly girls. However, I do find crude humor hilarious and sometimes I can be really vulgar- though I don't show that because I'm very shy. Overall, I'd say that my personality is gender-neutral.

Appart from relationships, I feel that being a guy will finally suit my gender-neutral personality. I don't I dentify as agender or non-binary so far but I belive my personality does...? And I wouldn't mind he/him pronouns!!

However, I'm not sure if it's truly what I want or what I feel, and I have to admit that  I've always been seen as a girl -by others and by myself- and feeling "transgender" is so unusual to me that it feels weird to think of me as male when I'm used to my name and my pronouns and I look so feminine... and I'm very afraid of my classmates' reactions to me coming out as ftm transgender if it turns out I do identify as male- as they would probably feel it's weird. That can't be any worse than my parent's reactions, though: They believe I'm too young and won't let me experiment much, although they let me dress in more masculine/gender-neutral clothing- In which I FINALLY feel comfortable! I finally think something suits me! They say that I'm just confused because I'm ashamed to look like other girls- which is HIGHLY unlikely. 

...

...WOOO that took a while to write!! My fingers hurt like HELL! Ow!!

I feel lighter now that I've set it all free- and thank you so much for reading this!! I appreciate it so much! Not everyone would care about what some random stranger on the internet has to say... you're really special ;).

And btw sorry for my english... I'm just a teenager who lives in south america and I'm still studying grammar!!

Link to comment
Aiyanna Full Member

Aiyanna

Posted
Posted

Hi Cass, welcome to the server! And thanks for sharing.

I, and I don't think any other member here, can really tell you what you are. That feeling is hidden deep inside of yourself. But I can give some speculation. Based on how you are feeling, you may be androgynous with masculine tendencies or you may be a FtM guy. I'm glad your parents at least let you wear more gender neutral clothing and it makes you feel more comfortable. The best thing you can possibly do is find a gender therapist to talk to about your feelings. I'm not sure how healthcare works in Argentina or if you'll be able to find a supportive one in your area, but I would strongly recommend trying. 

I want to make sure that you understand there's absolutely nothing wrong with what you're feeling. We all feel a bit differently and society as a whole doesn't like change, so they try to make it disappear. A lot of people will try to influence you into thinking your feelings are wrong because they are different and those same people don't understand. 

Again, thank you so much for posting. Please, continue to share with us how your feelings develop and if you're able to find a therapist and how this affects you in the future. 

❤️
Aiy

Link to comment
Aiyanna Full Member

Aiyanna

Posted
Posted

Also, I want to say I think your grammar is great. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. If you hadn't pointed it out, and it didn't say it on your profile, I wouldn't even have known you weren't from America. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
Jani Iridium Member

Jani

Posted
  • Forum Moderator
Posted

Hello Case and welcome.  Yes your grammar is wonderful.  No issues at all.  I agree with Aiyanna's statement.  The answer is within and only you can unlock it.  You are a teen so you have lot of time to figure all this out.  But it seems you have a grasp on who you are.  Don't be afraid to experiment and be adventurous.  Do be careful with binding your chest as you can create permanent damage to your body.  

 

Jani

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Go to topic listing

  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 99 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • Petra Jane

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.8k

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,012
    • Most Online
      8,356
    Kayla93
    Newest Member
    Kayla93
    Joined

  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 777fleetleader777
      777fleetleader777
      (21 years old)
    2. ArinHallm3
      ArinHallm3
      (18 years old)
    3. ITakMyTime
      ITakMyTime
      (70 years old)
    4. Jess31
      Jess31
      (40 years old)
    5. Natalie71645
      Natalie71645
      (39 years old)
    View all

  • Posts

    • Carolyn Marie
      Senate Cmte Report Accuses Some State A.G.'s of Abusive Violation of Patient's Rights

      By Carolyn Marie · Posted

      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/several-attorneys-general-made-abusive-legal-demands-get-trans-patient-rcna147910     This is a complex issue and I'm no expert, but the actions of these GOP Attorney's General don't pass the smell test.  Their motivations and actions are highly suspect and they lack any credibility.  What else is new, right?  I guess it will all come out in the inevitable court fight.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Good morning All. Coffees on.

      By awkward-yet-sweet · Posted

      I went to work with my husband today.  He asked me this morning if I wanted to go...of course I said yes.  I enjoy being with him, and getting away from the house for a little while.  He spent half the day in his office, which I think is why he asked me along.  He made a nest in the corner for me, where I can plug in my laptop and do my stuff...nobody minds me being there.     But today ended up with a strange opportunity.  I had a conversation with my husband's boss, the company owner.  They want some basic graphic design work done, so I think they might hire me to do it.  Nothing fancy, not nearly as complicated as what I've attempted to do for our county.  So I have a meeting with them on Monday, just to look at some details and see if I can do the work they want.  And especially talk about when they need it done, because I still work pretty slowly.  I don't really need or want the money, but its nice to feel like I can do something again. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      What are you wearing today?

      By Abigail Genevieve · Posted

      I went to WM today with the objective of buying sandals: they would be women's, but look like men's; they would be brown or black, not white.  I realized the cheapest way to go  was to go for flip-flops, which I observed were prevalent in the store. So I checked out the women's.  Flowers. White shiny straps. Nothing that could possibly be men's. The best deal was one flip flop for $3.98.  At first I thought that was a pair, then, nope.  And because I comparison shop (is there the same thing in men's?) I found the cheapest over there was $6.98 for a pair of flip flops in green that also match my women's cargo shorts that I love.  Doing the math, finding the pink tax.  Rip off.  I have found a blue tax this way, but usually they charge women more for something than they do men. I guess women tend to lose one flip flop at a time or something. Weird.  The pairs were a lot higher.   So, following my rule, but unhappy with it, I bought the green men's flip flops.  They were the cheapest.  Later wife of mine complimented how masculine I look in my matching shorts and flip-flops.  Inward groan. We have not discussed the Subject in a long time because I think she forgets it is there as soon as the conversation ends.  Or she is trying to talk me out of this.  Not sure.  We only discuss it when necessary, and how often do most couples discuss whether one spouse is one sex or the other? Outside of here, I mean.  So we very seldom talk about it and she is happier if she does not know about it. Super stealth.  I do the laundry and I shower in the shower in the wing away  from the master bed room so I have my own shower.
    • Mmindy
      Good morning All. Coffees on.

      By Mmindy · Posted

      Good luck @KymmieL    
    • Mirrabooka
      Tiny little milestones.

      By Mirrabooka · Posted

      I still do. 😉
    • Mirrabooka
      MaeBe's Trail of Discovery

      By Mirrabooka · Posted

      So do I! You look terrific, @MaeBe!
    • MaeBe
      MaeBe's Trail of Discovery

      By MaeBe · Posted

      Aww, shucks! Thank you, @Ashley0616 and @Timi! I find taking a picture of myself so difficult. 
    • Timi
      MaeBe's Trail of Discovery

      By Timi · Posted

      I agree!!!
    • Ashley0616
      MaeBe's Trail of Discovery

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

      You're pretty! It's nice to see a face.
    • Ashley0616
      Sally's Trans World

      By Ashley0616 · Posted

      I'm very glad that everything worked out even better than you thought. It's a tough spot to be in and I know the exact feelings. I'm still waiting to apply for divorce under abandonment so I officially can meet someone who one day I can call someone my prince or my queen. Although the desire for someone is fading because of everything. it's even more amazing that she was your high school sweetheart! Looking forward to the next entry.
    • Ivy
      Good morning All. Coffees on.

      By Ivy · Posted

      Tasty. 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Good morning All. Coffees on.

      By Adrianna Danielle · Posted

      Been a good long day for me.Got everything done I worked on.Been getting customers that want me to work on their trucks only and my boss is cool about it.A construction company,seen I do good work and do not leave a grease mark in the interior.I keep tub o towels on my tool box.Had a good supper when I got home,a grilled pork steak with a potatoe and green beans
    • Betty K
      My first entirely post-transition musical release

      By Betty K · Posted

      Awww thanks for listening everyone. I have another 5-6 songs in this style that I started recording at the same time, so hopefully I’ll finish the next release soon.   Yes, exactly. Everything was easier about this project, mainly because it felt authentic. The energy was very different, because it was such a pleasure to express myself without a filter. I laughed a lot. 
    • Betty K
      What are you listening to today?

      By Betty K · Posted

      Thanks for listening @Mmindy.   You’re welcome @April Marie. I think Sally Can’t Dance is an underrated album.
    • KymmieL
      Good morning All. Coffees on.

      By KymmieL · Posted

      Well I had an interview with the local Ford Dealership for an opening in the parts dept. It sounded positive. I was told I would here by tomorrow morning.    Other than that just sticking around the house. I haven't done much, the weather is cold and yucky. Doesn't look like good weather till Sunday. Maybe tomorrow I'll fire up the heater in the garage and see about getting the other brake hose put on the Explorer.   Have a good rest of your day/evening.   Hugs, Kymmie

  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...