Femme transgender male or confused nonbinary individual?

[Samson]

I’ve very recently come to face with the fact that I may be transgender?? For the past 4 years, I’ve been identifying as nonbinary, because that’s what I felt fit me best, but now I’m uncertain. The uncertainty started when one of my friends jokingly called me Samson (I usually go by just Sam). Something inside me sparked, a piece of me slid into place; it just felt right. Well, more recently, my boyfriend seemingly out-of-the-blue called me baby boy. It felt natural. I’ve never been comfortable being referred to as a girl or woman or any other variant, using gender neutral terms were so much better, but that...took the cake. Upon asking him why, since I’d never expressed concern about being transgender, he responded: about my mannerisms during intercourse, how my most prominent style is almost that of a stereotypical gay man’s, and how he just kind of observed that I might be more comfortable identifying as a man. I have a few concerns, though. I’ve never experienced dysphoria in a sense that I’ve been uncomfortable in my naturally female body. I mean, my chest is pretty small and looks basically flat with only a sports bra. I don’t necessarily long for a penis or facial hair, but occasionally feel myself considering the possibility. I doubt I ever will go through hormone treatment or transition due to the inconsistent desire to have a male body. I know that being transgender doesn’t have to be accompanied by body dysphoria, but...I just don’t know. Also, regardless of everything, I’m still rather feminine. I enjoy some stereotypically “girly” things: floral prints are my weakness, my favorite color is purple, I do not plan to retire my collection of dresses and skirts, I genuinely enjoy applying makeup some days, etc. I’ve considered that I may be genderfluid, but I really don’t think so. There’s never a change; I just always feel like me. Am I a femme transgender man or just a confused nonbinary individual?

[SugarMagnolia]

Hey Samson!

Welcome to the forums. That feeling of not fitting readily into any of the pre-existing boxes is one I understand well and I'll proffer two bits of advice for what they're worth:

1. If you can, look into seeing a gender therapist to discuss this with. This stuff is complicated and specific to each individual and it's super useful to have expert support and guidance in trying to figure things out.

2. There really aren't any rules. I often feel that all the labels are more useful for explaining ourselves to other people than they are for ourselves. My recommendation is just to give yourself room to explore and to express your identity whatever that may be. If "baby boy" feels good then embrace that for a little while and see what fits. There's absolutely no need to give up anything in order to be yourself. 

In my mind, you can be a femme transgender man AND a confused nonbinary individual. It just depends how on the day and what feels right.

You do you. ❤️

Best,
Julie

[Charlize]

Many folks never fit totally into the binary gender designations we are given by society.  Many of the trans women i know enjoy many of the activities they enjoyed as male.  That is certainly true of myself. 

  Early in my transition i tried being a "stereotypical" female and it just didn't totally fit.  I do live full time now as a woman and consider myself female but have grown to accept the male part of me as well.  Labels tend to force us one way or the other rather than allowing us to simply find ourselves.

  If your feelings towards gender become difficult i would certainly recommend gender therapy.  If you are comfortable being yourself then try to not worry about gender at all.

  Being a bit male and female is part of all of us.  

Glad you joined us here. Please share and involve yourself as you find helpful.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

[Willow]

A lot of us are confused and don’t fit in just one box or the other, or sometimes fit one and other times the opposite.  I agree with Charlize, a good therapist with gender expertise is a good place to start.  But don’t worry about labels or sometimes liking roll reversals that’s what makes everyone different.

 

Willow

[BrandiBri]

I agree with Charlize that we are a bit of both male and female. Although I don't consider myself as genderfluid, I have on a couple of occasions found that the pronouns "they/them" felt more appropriate than "she/her" that I prefer. This fluidness (yes, that is a word, I looked it up! lol) in no way negates the fact that  I identify as female. It just means that there is enough room in my female "box" to be myself as conditions change. This to me is as normal as waking up one morning in a good mood and the next day waking up in a bad mood. I guess what I'm saying is not to worry about the gender issues, but rather concentrate on discovering your inner self. I hope this makes sense.

 

Hugs,

Brandi 

[Michelle52]

Makes sense to me and addresses my feelings. After many years hidden I am now opening to some but have trouble imagining that opening with others. As Michelle continues to emerge, I am trying to discover and worry less. At times. no easy task. 

[BrandiBri]

My own experience was that it was easier each time as I gained confidence in myself. I even came out to a customer in the retail store where I work as a cashier!?

[Jani]

Welcome Samson!  So you've admitted you've been uncomfortable at time with female salutations and your boyfriend's comment struck a chord.  Good!  As others have said, there are no rules, except to be you.  Now that its in the open so to speak (at least with you) the more you think of yourself as male/female, female/male, gender fluid, whatever... the easier it is to live comfortably.  Confidence is the key!  

Cheers, Jani