Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Moving to College... and coming out?


Sam122

Recommended Posts

Hey, my name is Sam and I'm 18. I will be going to college in upstate New York. For years I have tried to come out to my mom as transgender (female to male) or even just as nonbinary/genderqueer because to be fair I don't feel 100% male...or at least what society expects "male" to mean. I genuinely want to present more masculine (binding, etc.) in college, something I could never really do at home because of how infuriated my mom would get... and the fact I grew up in a small conservative town...
Ever since I was 12 I knew that this was something I wanted to do. I am just terrified to actually do it when left to my own devices, after years of conditioning and self-preservation by doing the opposite... I finally have all this freedom, but now I'm too scared to act on it. 

Basically, what I'm asking for here is advice from anyone who has been in this situation or known anyone who has or just thinks they have something to offer. That would be ideal. Thanks! 

I'd also like to make some friends so feel free to message me : )

Have a good day/night/whenever you're reading this! 

Link to comment

Sam, 

This is certainly something I wish I'd had the courage to do years ago when I was starting college. Congrats on beginning to take that next step.

One thing I can suggest is to find whatever health center, gender center and LGBTQ clubs might be on campus and check them out. Having support as you begin this next phase in your journey will be very helpful and it's a great way to meet some like minded people that are unlikely to judge you. If you can get access to a gender therapist through the university health center that would be ideal as it's great to have someone to talk to.

Keep us posted on your plans and how things go once you get there!

Best,
Julie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Sam glad you've joined us.  As Julie mentioned many colleges have resources that can help at this time.  When i went to school coming out in any way was a dangerous proposition.  The best i did was to tell the girlfriend of a friend that i was interested in changing roles with a girlfriend.  Oddly years later just before i transitioned she asked if i had ever been able to make that change.  Wish i could see her now.

The same school now has a LGBTQ center which is quite supportive and active in the community.  A few years back they hosted an event for over 650 alumni, faculty, students and friends who were in the community.  It was amazing to see that and feel the freedom.

Enjoy your time in school!

By the way you might want to post an introduction.  Let us know how it's going.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

You might want to check out Trans* in College by Z Nicolazzo. I saw them speak at the college where I work and it was really good. If you don't have the money to buy it, just go to the library as soon as you get there and ask for it. I think the author's perspective may be especially helpful to you because they also identify as non-binary.

 

As a librarian, I can assure you that doing a better job of supporting all LGBTQ students is one of the hot topics in librarianship right now and the library should provide you with a safe space where you can find resources and allies. I also second the advice to check out the LGBTQ center on campus right away. There is even a good chance they can help with some of the financial costs of social transition, like binder exchanges and whatnot.

 

I've worked in colleges for 17 years now and I've witnessed so many students transition. Watching kids turn into adults is my favorite part of working in higher education. It's just beautiful. College should be a time and place for you to work out your identity. All college students are doing it, yours just may be more outwardly visible. I hope you get the support you need and deserve!

Link to comment

Thank you worlds to everyone and all your detailed responses. These have all been very helpful. I shall keep you all posted on how this works out for me!!! I have high hopes. But I’m kinda terrified. But hey, sometimes being brave means doing the thing anyway, right?

Link to comment

It's totally normal to be worried, anxious and even afraid. Keep in mind that you probably won't do everything overnight.

Most of us start by taking small steps that we feel comfortable with and then taking the next one. You should feel free to take your time, understand how each little change feels to you, think about what next steps are important, and enjoy the journey.

Some steps are obviously harder than others, and thinking about doing something you've never done before can definitely seem overwhelming, but don't feel rushed or that you have to do any more than you want to. You're in charge!

Link to comment

thank you very much! I already don't regret joining this site. People here are very kind and supportive. Thanks for your encouraging words. I will do my best to keep this in mind, it was really comforting. 

 

❤️ Sam

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm glad to hear you feel comfortable here.  We try hard to be supportive.  We're all on this journey together!  

Hugs, Jani

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 107 Guests (See full list)

    • Melissa_J
    • LC
    • Maddee
    • phicauser1
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,944
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
    • Heather Shay
      A U.S. dollar bill can be folded approximately 4,000 times in the same place before it will tear. -You cannot snore and dream at the same time. -The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in a lifetime. -A hippo’s wide open mouth is big enough to fit a 4-foot-tall child in. -Chewing gum while you cut an onion will help keep you from crying.
    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...