Moving to College... and coming out?

[Sam122]

Hey, my name is Sam and I'm 18. I will be going to college in upstate New York. For years I have tried to come out to my mom as transgender (female to male) or even just as nonbinary/genderqueer because to be fair I don't feel 100% male...or at least what society expects "male" to mean. I genuinely want to present more masculine (binding, etc.) in college, something I could never really do at home because of how infuriated my mom would get... and the fact I grew up in a small conservative town...
Ever since I was 12 I knew that this was something I wanted to do. I am just terrified to actually do it when left to my own devices, after years of conditioning and self-preservation by doing the opposite... I finally have all this freedom, but now I'm too scared to act on it. 

Basically, what I'm asking for here is advice from anyone who has been in this situation or known anyone who has or just thinks they have something to offer. That would be ideal. Thanks! 

I'd also like to make some friends so feel free to message me : )

Have a good day/night/whenever you're reading this! 

[SugarMagnolia]

Sam, 

This is certainly something I wish I'd had the courage to do years ago when I was starting college. Congrats on beginning to take that next step.

One thing I can suggest is to find whatever health center, gender center and LGBTQ clubs might be on campus and check them out. Having support as you begin this next phase in your journey will be very helpful and it's a great way to meet some like minded people that are unlikely to judge you. If you can get access to a gender therapist through the university health center that would be ideal as it's great to have someone to talk to.

Keep us posted on your plans and how things go once you get there!

Best,
Julie

[Charlize]

Hi Sam glad you've joined us.  As Julie mentioned many colleges have resources that can help at this time.  When i went to school coming out in any way was a dangerous proposition.  The best i did was to tell the girlfriend of a friend that i was interested in changing roles with a girlfriend.  Oddly years later just before i transitioned she asked if i had ever been able to make that change.  Wish i could see her now.

The same school now has a LGBTQ center which is quite supportive and active in the community.  A few years back they hosted an event for over 650 alumni, faculty, students and friends who were in the community.  It was amazing to see that and feel the freedom.

Enjoy your time in school!

By the way you might want to post an introduction.  Let us know how it's going.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Annie]

You might want to check out Trans* in College by Z Nicolazzo. I saw them speak at the college where I work and it was really good. If you don't have the money to buy it, just go to the library as soon as you get there and ask for it. I think the author's perspective may be especially helpful to you because they also identify as non-binary.

 

As a librarian, I can assure you that doing a better job of supporting all LGBTQ students is one of the hot topics in librarianship right now and the library should provide you with a safe space where you can find resources and allies. I also second the advice to check out the LGBTQ center on campus right away. There is even a good chance they can help with some of the financial costs of social transition, like binder exchanges and whatnot.

 

I've worked in colleges for 17 years now and I've witnessed so many students transition. Watching kids turn into adults is my favorite part of working in higher education. It's just beautiful. College should be a time and place for you to work out your identity. All college students are doing it, yours just may be more outwardly visible. I hope you get the support you need and deserve!

[Sam122]

Thank you worlds to everyone and all your detailed responses. These have all been very helpful. I shall keep you all posted on how this works out for me!!! I have high hopes. But I’m kinda terrified. But hey, sometimes being brave means doing the thing anyway, right?

[SugarMagnolia]

It's totally normal to be worried, anxious and even afraid. Keep in mind that you probably won't do everything overnight.

Most of us start by taking small steps that we feel comfortable with and then taking the next one. You should feel free to take your time, understand how each little change feels to you, think about what next steps are important, and enjoy the journey.

Some steps are obviously harder than others, and thinking about doing something you've never done before can definitely seem overwhelming, but don't feel rushed or that you have to do any more than you want to. You're in charge!

[Sam122]

thank you very much! I already don't regret joining this site. People here are very kind and supportive. Thanks for your encouraging words. I will do my best to keep this in mind, it was really comforting. 

 

❤️ Sam

[Jani]

I'm glad to hear you feel comfortable here.  We try hard to be supportive.  We're all on this journey together!  

Hugs, Jani