A Mistake Like Me

[OlyVersion1]

When I was younger,

I asked God 

To let me become a boy.

I never got what I asked for,

Instead I got a life

Where I feel like anything 

But myself.

 

Everyday I heard people say,

"She's my daughter"

"She's my best friend"

She's this"

She's that"

But I never heard them say he.

I never heard them say

"He's my son"

"He's my best friend"

"He's this"

"He's that"

I never herd them say

"He's a boy"

 

One day,

I decided to give my mom 

And tell her that I'm a boy.

I expected to hear,

"I love my son"

But instead I got 

Half an hour of her explaining

That I'm her daughter

Who was being influenced by society.

Instead I had to 

LIVE with her explaining 

That I'm her daughter 

Being influenced by society 

EVERY SINGLE DAY!

 

I felt broken,

But I couldn't let 

Anyone know,

Because why should

A mistake like me

Tell someone how I feel?

 

I wanted support so much,

So I asked God

Or whoever's up there

For a friend.

I never got a friend

But I found my support.

I found a razor blade 

Sitting in my bathroom,

And I began cutting myself.

He began cutting himself 

EVERY SINGLE DAY!

 

I would have 

Asked for help,

But who would help 

A mistake like me?

 

41% if transgender people

Attempt suicide,

But no one knows how close I was 

To being one of them.

About 4 in 10 transgender people

Attempt suicide

By the age of 20,

And I may or may not be one of them,

But nobody knows that

Because I was lucky enough 

To be unlucky enough 

To wake up.

Breathing.

While everyone said that I was 

A happy girl!

 

I would have 

Asked someone for help,

But who would help 

A mistake like me?

 

Now this boy continues 

To be trapped 

In his body

Like a bird in a cage.

This body has become a prison

To me.

 

I'd do just about

Anything 

To escape this prison, 

But everything I've tried

Never worked.

I was only broken more.

 

And now I walk

On the broken glass

That was made from

What broke me.

 

I wish I didn't 

Have to live with

This pain 

Everyday.

I want it all

To end

So much.

 

And I would ask someone 

For help,

But is there anyone out there

Who would help

A mistake like me?

[BrandiBri]

OlyVersion1, welcome to the forums. I can feel the raw emotions in your words, a truly powerful poem indeed. You ask if there is anyone out there who would help and the answer is "YES'. We are a caring, compassionate community of people who understand what you are going through, as we all have gone through some of the things you have stated in your poem. Most of us have lived wishing that we could be the person we wanted to be, rather than what others expected us to be. You have found a safe place to share your feelings and ask questions.

You are not a mistake; rather you are a special, unique person. I believe that God doesn't make mistakes, so I repeat, you are not a mistake.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[Charlize]

Oly you are amongst folks who understand.  While it is true that some of hurt ourselves it is also true that we can find great joy. It took time for me but today i'm accepted as myself and i'm content in my life for the most part.  

I'm glad you have found us!  I found a great deal of help here.  

I found i'm not alone and have made some wonderful friends with time.

When things seem overpowering please post here but if you are suicidal, call the Trans Lifeline at (877) 565-8860 in the US or (877) 330-6366 in Canada, or log in to our live chat room and ask to speak with a crisis moderator.

 I was once told: "we will love you until you can love yourself".  We help each other.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Annie]

Oly, you are not a mistake. You are a gift to the world, but if you can't see that now, at least try to see that you are a gift to this community. You are wanted, loved, and celebrated here.

All my love,

Annie

[VickySGV]

You are a "mistake" only to those who live in fear of the true grandeur, diversity, and immensity of Creation. 

 

We are a "mistake" only to those whose inner vision perceives only black and gray and who panic when shown the wonderful kaleidoscope of humanity.

 

The only truly damnable "mistake" is by those who refuse to give love to all creation as it intersects with their narrow self enclosed trudge from birth to grave.   

[Avra]

Oh wow, this made me cry. ? Please know that you are loved and that you can be a wonderful boy, no matter what anyone says. Don't give up on life. I know how painful rejection is, you're not alone. But there's a light at the end of the tunnel, it's called Love. You don't need your razor blade anymore, you have us, and that's 1000 times better. ?

[Tessa]

Love has no color Love. ❤️ Love has no rejection and doesn’t cause pain. ? Love isn’t cold ? When true love is expressed you feel inside your heart. It can be expressed through a simple word, hug, kiss, intimacy. Love doesn’t make a mistake ?.  You are dearly loved beyond all measure!  I’m new here and you wrote this awhile ago. I hope things have improved since then. We all love you! 

 

Beautifully inspired, 

 

Tessa