Part of our making money in our towing yard business,most of them were a huge pile of junk.Junkyards bought them.We get one junkyard that comes in buying 10 to 12 vehicles,good to us and says I am a great auctioneer
Busy this morning,had an auction at our towing yard.Auctioned off 50 vehicles,5 court seizures and rest of them abandoned.One bidder threw me off a bit,one of the bidding assistants caught it at the right time.He was told to leave and told not to come back ever again.Did it to me twice and this was his third time doing it.One employee of mine was there,she bought her 16 year old son his first car which was a 2001 Chevy Cavalier 4 door.Runs good and her son is satisfied with it.Two bidders were in a bidding war on a 2016 Jeep Wrangler,a court seizure.Court is going to be happy,they are getting a good chunk of money.
Michelle, being open and available to others is the key to being able to lose our own natural propensity for self consciousness that is sometimes all consuming and becomes the ruination of potentially good experiences out in public and even with friendships. It also serves to drive away the dark clouds of depression that we sometimes fall into when we become overly self absorbed with our own negative self image. Most people don't see us as we do and aren't nearly as critical as we tend to be of our own selves.
I’ve known other transgender people throughout my life who only question why they have to go through the struggle of becoming someone that people see and respect as the gender they feel like. Many of us have come to the realization early on but some later. Whether it’s personal trauma that starts this introspection or just not feeling correct in the gender we are assigned, it’s a very personal thing. I’ve also encountered very few people who have said they detransitioned willingly but usually they were ftm. This idea that trans trenderism is the only reason people are transitioning is from people who oversimplify everything. But the truth is that since we live in a complex world that complicates things for us, there’s no easy answer for anything in life. Even though I knew from a fairly early age that something wasn’t right I didn’t know what to call it. But once I did it was this realization that “this is possible” and a sense of relief that there was a way. That was around 16, but it took another 14 years of personal struggle and ignoring certain cues because of social pressure until I finally found that HRT was the only thing that chemically made me feel normal. Then when I went through a bunch of craziness for another 16 years that prevented me from continuing my HRT I was devastated, tired, broken, struggling and unsatisfied with my life. I just didn’t realize it again until everything came crashing down on me and I grieved for what seems like weeks. So now after taking the long way around back to the same thing I so easily accepted about myself earlier in life I decided to stop running from it, procrastinating, or trying to fit this false image others have of me. While it’s never too late to begin, it’s also futile to try explaining it away because it’s something that won’t go away. It lingers. It’s constantly in the back of my mind. And it’s not necessarily the need to present feminine and that’s it. It’s so much more. When I looked at my personal thoughts, attitudes about certain issues, my opinions, how I view love and other people, relationships, it really sunk in that my mind is female already. So now it’s just a matter of aligning the rest of me. Is it more difficult than if I had not been so dense about it at 18? Sure. But it’s something that I’m deeply compelled to pursue. It’s very much a spiritual journey with physical aspects. My life is an object lesson. Not about learning too late, but what happens when I let others question my deep seated sense of myself and stop listening to the inner voice that knows better than they ever will. It’s not really for me to find out why it seems so prevalent today. What is important is being who I really am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself because I don’t see what I want: dysphoria. But some days I see the girl that has always been there. It’s those days that I feel encouraged and renew my determination. To put it in perspective, I don’t have any real life transgender friends around me for support. It’s been difficult to fit the groups and other social activities in for the past year. So nobody can say that what I feel is a result of mimicking others. On the other hand I do find comfort and social interaction with other trans women here and in the discord chat. I come here for the more thoughtful outlet and go on discord for the fun, silly chat where I can laugh and be just one of the girls. They definitely fill a void. Anyway I can be very wordy so I’ll stop writing for now. Just know that what you feel inside is more important than the costumes others try to put you into.