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Getting comfortable with myself


Jennifer 123

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Hello I’m Jennifer I am new to this site and the first time I have done anything like this. I have been cross dressing since I can remember I am 47 yo now. I have been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks since my teens. I have seen many doctors about this to no avail. Mostly because I was always to afraid to really tell them about who I am inside. So a little over 2 years ago I went to another therapist and told him all about myself unfortunately he was not the therapist I should have told he actually made me feel worse about myself. I stopped seeing him and tried to put this all back deep in the closet. But telling the therapist about the real me although was a bad experience it made me feel good. So I decided to look for another therapist who deals with issues like this and about a year ago I found one. Now a year later I found out that I’m transgendered I always felt that I was a woman but in society that was wrong. My therapist now has me feeling it’s ok to feel this way and there is nothing wrong with being transgender. I can say that my anxiety and panic attacks did decrease and I am on the road to accepting myself as being transgender. 

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Jennifer,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm so glad you've found us!

 

A lot of us have spent years of our lives hiding ourselves away from society, afraid of how they might react to us. I know I did. It is wonderful to find a place like this, where we take those first timid steps out of our closet and find friendly, understanding people like ourselves waiting with open arms, encouraging us. You will find that the encouragement we get from finding we are not alone anymore is incredible. It helps us find fulfillment in our lives that we never dared dream possible.

 

It's good to have you here, Jennifer!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

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Hi Jennifer. I have a similar story, but found the right therapist immediately! She was absolutely awesome. After my first visit with her...she encouraged me to come to therapy as myself...so that is what I did.  After that - I always went as Michele ... the real me. Funny...after seeing her for a while, she forgot my boy name and had to go back in her records to find it! That was a huge moment for me!

 

Anyway...I am new here too...and I look forward to exploring this adventure with you and the others here.  Michele

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  • Forum Moderator

Hello Jennifer and welcome.  I'm glad you joined us.  Finding a therapist that Clicks is important and it sounds like you're on the right track.  The uncertainty and anxiety will melt away eventually.  There is nothing wrong with you!  

Jani

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Welcome Jennifer.

Being here helped me with the shame and guilt i once felt.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Jennifer,

 

Welcome :)

 

I am glad you are on your way to understanding and being you!

 

Tracy

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Hi everyone just wanted to say thank you for all the nice responses from all of you. Reading people’s stories out here really helps with that alone feeling. So again thank you all very much 

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  • Root Admin

Hello Jennifer,

I'd like to wish you a belated welcome to TransPulse. :)

 

MaryEllen

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    • Breezy Victor
      I was ten years old when my mom walked in on me frolicking around my room dressed up in her bra, panties, and some pantyhose. I had been doing this in the privacy of my bedroom for a little while now so I had my own little stash box I kept full of different panties, bras, etc ... of hers. My mom's underwear was so easy for me to come by and she was a very attractive woman, classy, elegant. Well when she walked in on me, she looked at me with disgust and said to me... "If I wanted to run around like mommy's little girl instead of mommy's little boy, then she was going to treat me like mommy's little girl."  She left my bedroom after telling me NOT to change or get dressed or anything and returned with a few of her work skirts and blouses and such. She made me model off her outfits for her and I have to admit ... I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. I felt so sexy, and feminine. And she knew I loved it.  She told me we can do this every weekend if I'd like. It would be OUR little secret. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
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    • KathyLauren
      <Moderator hat on>  I think that, at this point we need to get the thread back onto the topic, which is the judge's ruling on the ballot proposition.  If there is more to be said on the general principles of gendered spaces etc., please discuss them, carefully and respectfully, in separate threads. <Moderator hat off>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      People who have no understanding of transgender conditions should not be making policy for people dealing with it. Since it is such a small percentage of the population, and each individual is unique, and their circumstances are also unique, each situation needs to be worked with individually to see that the best possible solution is implemented for those involved. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      No.  You are getting stuck on one statement and pulling it out of context.   Trans kids have rights, but so do non-trans kids.  That conflict is best worked out in the individual situation. 
    • MaeBe
      I get the concept, I believe. You're trying to state that trans kids need to or should be excluded from binary gender spaces and that you acknowledge that answers to accommodate those kids may not be found through policy. I disagree with the capability of "penetration" as being the operative delimiter in the statement, however. I contest this statement is poorly chosen at best and smacks of prejudice at worst. That it perpetuates certain stereotypes, whether that was the intent or not.   Frankly, all kids should have the right to privacy in locker rooms, regardless of gender, sexuality, or anatomy. They should also have access to exercise and activities that other kids do and allow them to socialize in those activities. The more kids are othered, extracted, or barred from the typical school day the more isolated and stigmatized they become. That's not healthy for anyone, the excluded for obvious reasons and the included for others--namely they get to be the "haves" and all that entails.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Context.  Read the context.  Good grief.
    • MaeBe
      Please don't expect people to read manifold pages of fiction to understand a post.   There was a pointed statement made, and I responded to it. The statement used the term penetration, not "dissimilar anatomy causing social discomfiture", or some other reason. It was extended as a "rule" across very different social situations as well, locker and girl's bedrooms. How that term is used in most situations is to infer sexual contact, so most readers would read that and think the statement is that we "need to keep trans girl's penises out of cis girls", which reads very closely to the idea that trans people are often portrayed as sexual predators.   I understand we can't always get all of our thoughts onto the page, but this doesn't read like an under-cooked idea or a lingual short cut.
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      I shopped online in the beginning of transition. I had great success with SHEIN and Torrid!
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    • April Marie
      You look wonderful!!! A rose among the roses.
    • Ashley0616
      Mine would be SHEIN as much as I have bought from them lol.
    • MaeBe
      This is the persistence in thinking of trans girls as predators and, as if, they are the only kind of predation that happens in locker rooms. This is strikingly close to the dangerous myth that anatomy corresponds with sexuality and equates to gender.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      At the same time there might be mtf boys who transitioned post-puberty who really belong on the girls' teams because they have more similarities there than with the boys, would perform at the same level, and might get injured playing with the bigger, stronger boys.   I well remember being an androgynous shrimp in gym class that I shared with seniors who played on the football team.  When PE was no longer mandatory, I was no longer in PE. They started some mixed PE classes the second semester, where we played volleyball and learned bowling and no longer mixed with those seniors, boys and girls together.
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