The start of a new discovery.

[Abigail3051]

Hello,
I only just recently discovered that I'm Trans witch has been an shocking and actually quite revealing discovery. as of right now I'm 21 and I'm only just now beginning to explore my feminine side. For the longest time I kept this a secret from not only those around me but even myself, even as a kid I used to fantasize about being a girl, I would often help myself fall asleep at night by telling myself a story where in the middle of the night I would be kidnapped by this mad scientist who, through wacky means would in some way turn me into a girl and leave me like that forever. I always had a temptation to try on my sisters cloths and her makeup, but was always ashamed of it and only did it in secret. Every time I would see a cute dress or skirt I would always wish I could wear it. And despite all this, I was still oblivious to the fact that I'm Transgender. I've never had a girl friend, and I always avoided even considering getting a boy friend. (I'm actually really questioning my sexuality.) I've went all the way through high school and barely passed. after high school I just worked my job at KFC and played video games with my friends online for a full year, and did nothing else physically. Mentally I was slowly convincing myself I was worthless and that I would never succeed at anything, I began to get really depressed and angry at myself for not doing anything about it. One day I discovered a passion for making YouTube videos (Something I never knew I had) and I began working on that, it made my happier but I still felt like I was missing something.

 

About a year later (about a week ago) through an alternate YouTube account I made under the fake name of Abigail (Yes this isn't my birth name) I met someone, someone who I was able to talk to, completely anonymously, without any regrets. I thought "if the person hated me I could just leave right?" So we talked freely, with no social filter. Turns up we are both in a similar situation, We both wanted to wear girls cloths., but were too ashamed of it to tell anyone. We talked for a while and started to become friends. Afterwards I felt really weird and kinda guilty about it, I poured all my deepest and darkest secrets on some random person on the internet who doesn't even know my real name. Over the next 2 (or 3) days I kinda stayed away from that chat box, but In my mind I was beginning to ask a question that I never really considered before, the question they asked me shortly after we met "Do you want to be a girl?" The question echoed in my head, and whatever force was tying to keep me from noticing it couldn't stop me from considering it. I spend almost every minute of those days thinking about it, looking at all the evidence I mentioned before (and a lot more) and In the end, I decided the answer is Yes, yes I do want to be a girl

.

I got back in touch with my new friend and thanked them for helping me come to this realization (Even if all they did was ask a simple question) and I added them on my real steam account and invited them to my discord server (So our friendship is real now and no longer anonymous) and I even worked up the courage to tell my older sister about it, I knew she would accept it and she did. I kept in touch with my new friend and eventually found myself here. SO here I am, now writing this post...

Sorry I ended up telling my whole life story (I swear I didn't mean to do it) But iv'e been wanting to get all this off my chest for a while.

Newly found.

~Abby

P.S Abigail is a name I always liked, I never knew how but I wanted it to be a name in my life, and it's starting to grow on me as my name, whoops.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Abby.  Thank you for sharing your story.  It's quite interesting.  Don't worry about it being longish.  Sometimes you just have to let the words flow.

 

Please look around the forums, post wherever you like, and ask any questions.  We'll do our best to answer honestly, and if we don't know, we'll say so.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[tracy_j]

Hi Abby,

 

Welcome

 

Thank you for your introduction.

 

Tracy

[MaryEllen]

Hello Abby,

Welcome to TransPulse. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

 

MaryEllen

[Timber Wolf]

Hi abby,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you've found us!

 

I remember sneaking my sister's clothes. Now she's my greatest ally in my family! 

 

Nice to meet you!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

Welcome Abigail!  This name is beautiful.  It has a special meaning to me.  It's nice to meet you.

 

Jani 

[Abigail3051]

Aw, y'all are so nice i'm Gonna cry, Thank you so much for your nice greetings, and thank you for taking the time to read my story.

[Abigail3051]

Small update (+ Something I forgot to mention)
Right before I accepted that I was trans I shaved my armpits.
And Just this morning I decided I don't care if anyone notices but I shaved my legs! It's supper weird and nice! My legs are so soft ans it almost feels like theirs a wax film over them
(sorry Just wanted to mention that)

Experamenting.
~Abby

[Martyn]

It’s a wonderful feeling isn’t it, sensual and very girly too :0) 

[Charlize]

Welcome Abby,

Finding yourself can be a wonderful experience.  Thank you for sharing.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Abigail3051]

It is quite wonderful
Today I found myself a bra that fits me perfectly! It can't be seen under my T-Shirt so I can wear it all the time now! Though its a bit scary while I'm talking to people because I get worried they'll notice ?
In all I really enjoy wearing it, I don't really know why but it feels nice..

It may be my sisters but I don't think she'll miss it.

Slightly more confotable with herself
~Abby

[Abigail3051]

I think I'm going to give my mom my letter today...
I'm scared but I cant bear to keep it a secret any longer.

[Jennifer75]

Just now, Abigail3051 said:

I think I'm going to give my mom my letter today...
I'm scared but I cant bear to keep it a secret any longer.

If it is unbearable for you to keep your inner self in hiding then there is no other way then telling her in some way. I also have those things to do yet. I will start with a good friend of mine, a lesbian biological woman that I have known for ages. She will be the easy one. Then I have my wife to tell, then parents, sister etc. It will be very difficult but I will never be true to myself or the people around me if I don’t tell. I wish you luck!

[Abigail3051]

I did it! I gave my mom the letter explaining everything!

She immediately accepted me and I started crying, we hugged and talked about it for a little while and shes completely okay with it, surprised but okay with it. My dad still doesn't know but my mom will give him the letter while I'm at work tonight.

 

A huge weight as been lifted from her shoulders,
~abby

[Jani]

Wonderful news. 

 

 

[Jennifer75]

Just now, Abigail3051 said:

I did it! I gave my mom the letter explaining everything!

She immediately accepted me and I started crying, we hugged and talked about it for a little while and shes completely okay with it, surprised but okay with it. My dad still doesn't know but my mom will give him the letter while I'm at work tonight.

 

A huge weight as been lifted from her shoulders,
~abby

Wow! You have really done well now and you have a superb mom!

 

hugs and kisses 

 

Anna

[Annie]

Yay! Great news!

[Abigail3051]

Update: My mom isn't taking it quite as well as she first made it seem. She cried shortly after I left for work and last night she had a bunch of bad dreams. I got woke up to her yelling in her sleep, at one point she shouted "He doesn't have a.." I can really only think of one way that sentence could have ended V_V
She still hasen't told dad.
Moms worried about my future and she keeps trying to talk to me about "Gay S**" I don't think she resizes the surgery I want to get one day, but I don't think i should bring that up to her.

[ChickenLittle]

I'm sorry she's having a harder time than you originally thought. When I first told my mom, she was so sweet and accepting but as the days went on I think she got more and more scared. After some time and some awkward/difficult conversations she's feeling much better. She can see how much happier I am since I began my transition and I think that's what really helped. I hope your mom is able to find some support and that she soon realizes that this is a positive change in your life. Don't give up hope!

[Rowan]

Welcome Abby!! Congrats on coming out to your mom, even if it didn't go perfectly (it rarely does). Give her time. My wife had the same reaction. At first she was like "oh, that's it?" And she was super supportive the rest of that day. I think it's mostly the shock factor taking over. The next day she really had a hard time. Crying a ton. Not really understanding. But after a few days, I could tell that she was making peace with it. And now, almost two years later, we are happier than ever. Just don't lose faith that things can still work out. Take care!!!

[Abigail3051]

I don't really know how well shes taking it anymore, she seems to mostly be trying to avoid the topic. I also found out that she has a problem with the idea of HRT, she's worried that its dangerous and I might end up with a tumor or something. I don't thing she understands it at all V_V
Does anyone have a good link I can give her to re-assure her its perfectly safe to give to her when  I'm ready to start taking that step?

[ChickenLittle]

I think many parents worry about the safety of HRT and other transition-related medical stuff. I don't have any HRT-related links right now, but there's a YouTuber named Chase Ross who made a series called Trans 101 that's good for sharing with family and friends who may not know much about trans issues. Here's the link to the video playlist: 

 

[Abigail3051]

Just now, ChickenLittle said:

I think many parents worry about the safety of HRT and other transition-related medical stuff. I don't have any HRT-related links right now, but there's a YouTuber named Chase Ross who made a series called Trans 101 that's good for sharing with family and friends who may not know much about trans issues. Here's the link to the video playlist: 

Thank you! Ill be sure to watch this and see if it will help

[ChickenLittle]

I looked through the playlist and he has one a ways down specifically about HRT! Hopefully it's helpful.

[Marbabar]

Hey Abby-

I just explained my situation to my parents a few weeks ago too. They are wonderful and loving and they want to be supportive, but it’s difficult. My dad explained: “I have an old brain that has been trained to think in an old fashioned way, and it’s gonna take me a while to learn something so new. Sorry up front if I get it wrong and offend you all the time, I promise I love you.” Mom did some crying too, but it’s because she is scared for the pain and hardship I might face as a trans woman in an often cruel world, and also I think she feels guilty for not having known decades ago so she could support me appropriately when I was a kid.

 

Our parents have complex internal worlds just like we do, and they need tons of support too. I hope you can all find ways to support each other while you set off on this adventure!

 

-Marlin