Conflicted

[Kimosabe]

Hi. To come right to the point I am a very conservative Christian. However, I have GD and for 50 years have longed  with all my being to be a man. Can anyone else relate to this struggle between ones faith and ones true identity? It can be a torment...

[VickySGV]

You are not alone in this space,  Some of my spiritual journey posts going back 7 years are in this forum.  I was raised in a conservative Christian church that endorsed the Viet Nam conflict, denied civil rights for African Americans and sat on the edge of  the 4K years ago creation with no room for Dinosaur fossils to be to be anything other than Satanic creations to work Satan's will on lapsed believers.  This was back in the late 50's and 60's.  The idea that our pastors an SS teachers could be wrong about so much, and that the Bible was not the actual WORDS of  "G" and Jesus was too terrible to even consider.  It kept me too busy to really do more than hate myself for "impure thoughts" that I did not recognize as  Gender Dysphoria, because we did not even have the word then. 

 

When I joined the Forums in 2011. I made a post in this, now archived topic (the last post on page 1)

https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/topic/32516-an-unpopular-point-of-view/

 

My own first topic was this on about a significant moment in the Church I had moved into in my 20's

 

https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/topic/40428-my-first-christ-mass-communion/

 

This one came a month later, and I hope it gives you a reflection on what you as a Christian Trans Person can see in the steps of Jesus that we can follow

 

https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/topic/39689-a-talk-at-the-church-door-reflection-in-the-making/

[DenimAndLace]

I know plenty of former conservative Christians who were unsuccessful merging their faith with GD including myself.  I wish you the best but I'm skeptical that you'll find a place where the two identities can peacefully exist together.  Yet, you need not abandon your faith.  Our problem is not with God or Jesus, it's with the conservative church.  There are Christian churches that believe all are loved by God however what I've found is that they are also less certain about everything which was a hard adjustment for me and may be for you as well.  Learning to differentiate and parse facts from beliefs is essential to saving your faith.

[Kimosabe]

Cool! Thanks so much. I will read your post over and over again. Thank you for taking the time to write me. I appreciate it allot. 

[VickySGV]

9 hours ago, DenimAndLace said:

I've found is that they are also less certain about everything which was a hard adjustment for me and may be for you as well. 

 

You have me curious here?? 

 

 

[DenimAndLace]

16 minutes ago, VickySGV said:

You have me curious here??  

 

When I was conservative, fundamental and evangelical, beliefs were paramount to facts. The terms could be used interchangeably. If you don't know what you should believe about something, all you need is to study the bible and find your "factual" answers.  Or you could ask your authority figure (James Dobson, Franklin Graham, Jerry Fowell, Tony Perkins or maybe your local pastor for example) and they would tell you the correct answer.  The more progressive Christian churches (that I've experienced) are more likely to say, "we're not precisely sure what the right answer is. Here's what I believe but I'll respect and love you no matter what you choose to believe ...so long as it does no harm to your neighbor".  That way of thinking was hard for me to adjust to versus the former checklist I used.

 

Is there a heaven and hell?  YES

Is LGBT* hated by god? YES!

Does god hate you when you're "bad" and love you when you're "good"? YES

Will the Jews, Muslims, Buddhists and atheists be in heaven?  NO

Etc, etc

 

These things and many like them are not as factal as some would have you think. They can't be conclusively proven.  Rather, they are matters of belief (at least in the churches I've been attending).

 

I don't want to sound like a theologian or even a devout Christian because I am neither but my heart goes out to those who are in the Evangelical, fundamental and or conservative churches and who don't fit into the gender binary.  I only offer what I have as a lifeline because I found my way out.  Had I stayed, I'm not sure I'd be alive today.

[VickySGV]

Thank you for the explanation.  You actually were intending what I guessed that you meant, but I am one who likes be sure when it comes to others matters of faith.  I came from that background as well.  Learning how to prayerfully discern the direction my life was going to take was frightening because it was not easy short answers from an Authority on what a Deity wanted me to do.  I had to do a lot of work, but in time the work itself became the answer.  The work was NOT just reading the Bible and finding a single verse to solve everything but was learning how others had changed and evolved in their understanding of their deity.  --- Wait a minute, did I say changed over time?  Yes I did! That opened up a lot of possibilities.  Scary ones, but in a happy way.  The best answer was to live my life in a way that when I come to the end of life I can happily leave my current life behind completely and not let it interfere with what comes after.