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MaryMary

must read article about sex (MTF post-op)

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MaryMary

I think it's important to talk about that topic both for people wondering about the surgery as a potential future project and for trans woman who had it.

It's so much of a learning process getting to know a new reality like that. I think this article is very well written and, at least in my culture, quite teen friendly in it's wording.

I suggest reading it :)

 

https://www.vogue.com/article/breathless-karley-sciortino-trans-sex

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VickySGV

An OK read with some. basic good information.  Post -op Trans women are talking to each other about post op sex  I belong to two groups that do this, but who do limit their membership to other "posties"  and can seem a bit secret.  The Trans woman in this does sound like she is telling the cis woman what the cis woman wants to hear which is OK but is still not the whole story. 

 

A big point is that sex after is not what you experienced before surgery in any way.  The lack of similarity is a source of a form of regret for a long time.  We also have to admit to ourselves that we were not really great lovers to our female partners, but possibly a bit better than most.

.

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Lorraine

I agree with Mary. This is a good read. I appreciate the fact that  Naomi is very candid and expressive about her own personal experience. 

I think one should be careful about generalizing our own  personal experience. We are all very different and in fact, l found great joy, (not regret), in how my post op experience was very different from what  it was prior to srs.

The main difference was that l now felt normal having normal sex in my own body and not having to pretend to be someone l was not.

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DenimAndLace

Everyone gets to have their own opinion right?  I guess if you want your sex life discussed in Vogue Magazine or on national TV with Katie Couric, have at it.  Personally I think the sex talks should be a little more discrete.  Perhaps between a few close friends?  I certainly don't mind a thoughtful exchange with my trans sisters or a well vetted cis friend but I tend to agree with those who think the public discourse about our lives needs to be about more pressings issues like discrimination, health care, assault and acceptance.

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VickySGV
10 hours ago, DenimAndLace said:

I tend to agree with those who think the public discourse about our lives needs to be about more pressings issues like discrimination, health care, assault and acceptance.

 

This is my reasoning for having referred to the article as "OK" and not great.  The minute I am identified as Trans, and I am very OUT AND OPEN in my community, some Cis person immediately homes in on my "sex life" as something of a conversational "icebreaker."  Sex, even in the sense of getting a thrill from dilating (it takes an effort even for that) is such a small part of my that it's easy to even forget about it.  Sex was not my object for getting GCS.  If it is some other Trans persons goal, I am happy for them, but think they will be disappointed  in the long run.

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MaryMary

I hate taboo. I agree that it's a small part of our lives. And I never shared this article pretending it was something that define me or the community. But I also think it's important to talk about that. When I was thinking about having the operation I read a lot of thing to know what to expect after the operation. If I am to not be able to have pleasure I want to know it.

 

I think it's great because it's rare. I never talked to any trans person openly about sex.

Even if it's a small part it's still a part of our lives.

 

and I shared it here because i'm not a cis person homing on your sex life. I'm a trans person wanting to talk about something that is part of the trans reality.

 

The vibe i'm getting is that I shouldn't talk about this. I will stop.

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SugarMagnolia

I appreciated the article since it quoted one of my social media friends, Charlie Martin.

I agree with Vicky that it's frustrating how much the sexuality aspect of our lives becomes a topic of conversation; however, I thought this particular article was done reasonably respectfully and as someone who hopes someday to possess my own vagina I found it informative. 

Thanks for sharing, Mary! 

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VickySGV
35 minutes ago, MaryMary said:

The vibe i'm getting is that I shouldn't talk about this. I will stop. 

 

No  Mary, do  not stop just because I am a grumpy 5 .5 year veteran of GCS who stuck in her two bits.  We do need to talk about this among ourselves, and heaven alone knows how much of my stuff from the January and February 2013 posts is in the Post Op Forum from when I was picking at my stitches and grumbling about them back then.  Conversation among ourselves is necessary and I did not mean to imply that we should not talk.  One thing today though is that I will not in any way  encourage anyone else to have surgery, not because I had a bad experience (mine was OK to good) but because it is so personal a decision that it must be treated with care and information from my experience but not my opinion of another's life.

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DenimAndLace
1 hour ago, MaryMary said:

The vibe i'm getting is that I shouldn't talk about this. I will stop.

 

I was afraid what I said might be taken that way but I didn't mean to squelch conversation here.  On the contrary, I'm glad you posted it.  It just touched a nerve and I thought I'd add my opinion.  Everything is safe to share and discuss here ...I hope.

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MaryMary
Just now, VickySGV said:

 One thing today though is that I will not in any way  encourage anyone else to have surgery, not because I had a bad experience (mine was OK to good) but because it is so personal a decision that it must be treated with care and information from my experience but not my opinion of another's life.

 

I share this point of view too. I had a very positive experience and I have the impression that I was made for this in a way but it's still a very important decision. I really think that everybody should take the decision only after the most carefull of concideration.

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MaryMary

But I think it's one thing when a cis person ask you about sex and another when trans people discuss this between themselves. When I date I'm swarmed by sex questions (GCS related) as a conversation opener. I understand everyone's point.

 

But the hard truth is that my sexuality changed a lot since HRT and GCS and for the most part I get almost no help or ressources to learn. (except the very rough approximation from cis female friends) Gender therapists know nothing about this, lol If you ignore the "dilatation is ______" and "dating is _______" youtube videos there's very few anectdotes and information being shared.

 

How much libido MTF trans have? I'm I normal?

How it works for other from a mechanical standpoint for others?

If you date, what is the % of good experience?

When intimate with another person post GCS, what to avoid, what are the traps?

Is there anything dangerous i'm not aware of?

 

right now we all have to discover this for ourselves and it's very taboo. I think it's not a good thing. That's my 2 cents.

 

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MaryMary

and I don't have any remotely qualified close friends, lol :) anyway

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Kirsten

That was a nice article. I tend to agree that there isn’t much of a pool to acquire information about sex post op. It does seem a bit of a taboo subject. Even here. I’ve been really looking for information on the actual surgery and there’s barely any info there either. It’s like people don’t want to share any information about post op anything. There’s a lot of it’s a personal choice. It’s a very individual experience. Everyone must figure this out on their own. But idk. For me I know sex or not gcs is a must. Information or not it’s a must. That much I think is personal and individualized. But the more people share about their experiences, the easier it’ll be for people in the future. It’s not like I can just go ask a friend up the street. Trans people are like 1:1000 or less. And the % of post op is probably 1% of that. So something like 1:100000 people!? That’s a small piece of pie. For that reason I applaud anyone that shares any information regarding gcs. And thank them so very much. 

I’m happy I got to read this article. Thanks for posting it Mary. 

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Lorraine

"I think it's important to talk about that topic (post srs sexuality / experience), for people wondering about the surgery as a potential future project and for trans woman who had it."

So this was Mary's reason (l think), for posting this link to a Post op woman's experience of sex after srs. As l posted above l think it was an informative read.

l should also take note that Naomi's experience will have different levels of relevance depending if one is a younger person looking to build a normal heterosexual relationship with a member of the opposite sex or someone who transitions late in life and for whom sex is not an important part of one's life.

 

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VickySGV
15 minutes ago, Kirsten said:

I’ve been really looking for information on the actual surgery and there’s barely any info there either. It’s like people don’t want to share any information about post op anything.

 

For heavens sake girl, I am here to talk, and I had my surgery five years ago, and do participate on one or two other post op conversation sites.  We did have a better pool of several of us who had it all at about the same time.  Cyndi and I here are "sisters" from the same mama.  Face Book has sites as well.  My sneezing while dilating post is still here and it is a hoot.  Lets get yakking.

 

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Lorraine

I will respond at length in a little while. I am 45+ post op and l have been having happy sex since around 1973...And still do, just nowhere near as often. 

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Lorraine

A little background to begin. I had my srs in 1972. At the time it was considered higher experimental and there was very little actual data or knowledge regarding the outcome, or any future ability to orgasm. This was made abundantly clear to me as part of the disclosure and indemnification process months, almost a year prior to surgery. 

Nevertheless for me, l had run out of options. I simply could not carry on living a lie.

 

*How much libido MTF trans have?*

 

I cannot answer that for others. I can only speak to my own experience. In my case, l started having sex with men about 18 months post op. I discovered very quickly that not only was it highly pleasurable, but that it was waa-aaay more fun than dilation.

*I'm I normal?* 

I don't know.  I know l'm not. Statistically, l am well beyond the third standard deviation 

*How it works for other from a mechanical standpoint for others?*

l apologize.  I do not understand this question. 

*If you date, what is the % of good experience?* Hmmm.....l never "dated" much. Most of my heterosexual interaction  (sexual), involved finding men who could seriously ring my bells.😆😈😉😉😯😆😆😆😆

*When intimate with another person post GCS, what to avoid, what are the traps?*

l think this is a pretty deep subject. I think you should be keenly aware that you ARE different from a genetically born female; not just physically,  but most likely emotionally and psychologically as well. 

*Is there anything dangerous i'm not aware of*

Again,  l just don't know. What ARE you aware of?

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MaryMary

:D thank you for the answer but those were only template question for the rhetoricals :P

 

I like your answer : " but that it was waa-aaay more fun than dilation " because my experience has been 99% dilatation to date.

I guess I should explore that more then 🤔

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MaryMary
Just now, Lorraine said:

*When intimate with another person post GCS, what to avoid, what are the traps?*

l think this is a pretty deep subject. I think you should be keenly aware that you ARE different from a genetically born female; not just physically,  but most likely emotionally and psychologically as well.

 

elaborate :) what are you thinking about exactly? I'm a pretty strange person so i'm really different from anyone in reality.

On a physical level I'm very very keenly aware that i'm different and it very very very very very very much hinder my enjoyment. I don't know how to get around that really.

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Lorraine

Hmmm.....yes. Well,  like l said.  This is a very deep subject. Furthermore you need to understand that mine is strictly my own personal POV. It has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with how others might feel about this.

Depending on what particular surgical procedures were employed, and the skill and experience of the surgeon, the end results vary greatly. 

The original procedures involved penile inversion,  sometimes supplemented by a skin graft.

Later techniques involved using scrotal tissue turned inside out to provide some peritoneal tissue. 

The drawback was extensive and painful hair removal pre surgery. 

Then came colonvaginoplasty with all those complications. Currently the latest technology involves using peritoneal tissue removed from the abdominal wall. Pretty cool stuff. 

What l am getting at is that it is really very difficult to duplicate Nature's work. The best any of can do is the very best we can.

Lube is important. More important is your relationship with your partner.  Understanding is everything.

I was extremely fortunate. My surgical results were quite remarkable. Despite not being the most beautiful, (by playboy standards), mine is highly functional and cosmetically "close enough".

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Briana

I found this article an interesting read.  It's Vogue so I really didn't expect an in depth hard hitting 10 installment series.  LOL  I think it's a good conversation starter on a topic that I believe most people had a difficult time talking about...sex. 

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