Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

How to live with prejudice


Recommended Posts

I hope I am submitting this to the right forum, but I want to hear what other people who may have dealt with the same thing as me have to say.

 

I've become comfortable enough with myself and my identity to know that I am non-binary, and have up until this point just kind of swallowed the discomfort of being referred to as "her" by literally everyone. It brings me extreme displeasure that so many people still use she, and especially those who I have brought up the topic of my identity to before, and who still use she/her.

 

What I'm struggling with now, is sort of a bittersweet feeling. I know with myself who I am and that feels great, but I don't feel like I can tell any of my closest friends about it, where some are trans as well.

 

What do i do? 

Link to comment

This is really tricky. I wish I had a good answer. I'm fairly cautious about these things myself.

 

Within the asexual community I am completely out and confident about my gender. I know everybody is very accepting there. As for everybody else, I tend not to speak about either my gender nor sexual orientation. In a way I see it as my private business. If it comes up, I'm giving hints at best, but usually not more than that.

 

To be fair I don't really mind about pronouns. Anything goes with me really... So that makes things easier for me.

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Terry said:

This is really tricky. I wish I had a good answer. I'm fairly cautious about these things myself.

 

Within the asexual community I am completely out and confident about my gender. I know everybody is very accepting there. As for everybody else, I tend not to speak about either my gender nor sexual orientation. In a way I see it as my private business. If it comes up, I'm giving hints at best, but usually not more than that.

 

To be fair I don't really mind about pronouns. Anything goes with me really... So that makes things easier for me.

 

 

Thank you so much for replying. I'm glad to hear this side of this problem, I'll admit I haven't really considered just.. not telling people at all. 

 

I suppose in some regard I've always thought that I had to tell people, to "come out" as nonbinary, as this is what most other people I know have done. But this is also an option, I'm sure. Although it'll be tough with how "she" is used so much about me, I hope I can maybe manage to ignore it. 

Link to comment

Well, it's a very personal choice. Doing something because others do it doesn't seem like a good reason to me. It's more like I do it (or don't) because it makes me feel better.

 

What really helps, more than coming out probably would, is that I'm almost continuously in an environment where gender has almost no importance at all, except for which toilet to go to maybe. This seems to be not always the case in typical working environments, so I guess I can consider myself lucky.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Terry said:

Well, it's a very personal choice. Doing something because others do it doesn't seem like a good reason to me. It's more like I do it (or don't) because it makes me feel better.

 

What really helps, more than coming out probably would, is that I'm almost continuously in an environment where gender has almost no importance at all, except for which toilet to go to maybe. This seems to be not always the case in typical working environments, so I guess I can consider myself lucky.

 

Of course, I can see this reasoning. I've just been prone to doing what others like me do, thinking that it would apply to me too. But of course it doesn't. 

 

I am trying my best to find inclusive communities, and I am starting with this forum. I hope to meet more people here so I can make friends who are like me! 

Link to comment
5 hours ago, Nicolas said:

...I've always thought that I had to tell people, to "come out" as nonbinary, as this is what most other people I know have done.

It's also perfectly possible that you know other nonbinary folks who have not come out!

 

Anyway, I relate strongly with your original post. I'm NB, too, and although I'm out with my friends and at work, the people who use my deadname and he/him pronouns for me still outweigh the ones who use my preferred name and pronouns.

 

I haven't started correcting people on my pronouns, but I am starting to gently push back when people use the wrong name for me.

 

The main thing that makes me feel better about all this is that I have a handful of truly excellent friends who immediately changed pronouns and name when I came out to them. Having a few people who truly respect and embrace my gender is a huge help. I know I'm blessed on this front, but I would suggest trying to find even a tiny community of people who will respect your wishes.

 

And while you work on finding such a group in person, being part of a community like this one online is a great start!

Link to comment
16 hours ago, AsTheCrow said:

It's also perfectly possible that you know other nonbinary folks who have not come out!

 

Anyway, I relate strongly with your original post. I'm NB, too, and although I'm out with my friends and at [...]

 

Thank you so much for the reply!! It brings me comfort to know that I am not alone. I'm glad you've found people who respect your preferred name and pronouns, it's just so important for how you feel about yourself.

 

And I feel like I am blessed in this regard as well, as I do have a select few who have always respected and used my pronouns and name, even when I vaguely dared mentioning it in the beginning of figuring out this mess of an identity. 

 

These people are a huge blessing to me, and I feel 100% comfortable with telling them if they get something wrong. 

 

 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I suppose I should post here, as it is technically the same thread, but after my holiday to Spain I feel like this issue has been tougher and tougher to deal with. The entire holiday, I was always "she", and even though I tried to drop subtle hints to make them switch pronouns, it was still hard.

 

Any tips on how to come out as nb to your friends?

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Nicolas said:

I suppose I should post here, as it is technically the same thread, but after my holiday to Spain I feel like this issue has been tougher and tougher to deal with. The entire holiday, I was always "she", and even though I tried to drop subtle hints to make them switch pronouns, it was still hard.

 

Any tips on how to come out as nb to your friends?

 

For myself, no, but there's a performer who came out as NB recently; they post on Twitter:  Bex Taylor-Klaus, from MTV's "Scream" series.  I'd been following them anyway, but was very pleased to see them come out.  If you go on Twitter and search "nonbinary", there are a lot of nonbinary people and groups.  Probably FB, as well.  National Geographic just did a "Gender Revolution" issue, too.

 

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Thank  you all for your replies thus far. It is nice to know that I am not obligated to make a psa out of my gender identity (for the lack of a better term).

I find that although knowing this, it's difficult in day to day life - especially at work. I have let my boss know about my identity issue, but I have not informed others. Therefore I have to just bite my teeth together and sit through the constant barrage of "she" being tossed my way.

 

I knwo they don't have any ill intent, but I feel I will not be able to trust certain people with this..

There is comfort, though, in knowing who I am and what I identify as.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 97 Guests (See full list)

    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • KymmieL
    • Kylie
    • MaeBe
    • Thea
    • April Marie
    • Ashley0616
    • Ivy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,940
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Raelyn
    Newest Member
    Raelyn
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
    • MaeBe
      I have never worn breastforms, but I assume as long as they don't aggravate your nipples you could.
    • MaeBe
      Every week I've been excited to take my shot, so it's never been an issue. Yesterday, however, I woke up and started my usual "slow roll" and then suddenly realized I had breakfast plans that I had to rush out the door for. After, it was straight into work calls, and then I got the notification from the doctor about things being too high and all the while my mind had completely slipped that I needed take my shot.   Given that I am not asking for medical advice, but sharing my journey, I will note my results: Estradiol at 447 pg/mL and Testosterone was 23 ng/dL, up and down from 26 pg/mL and 526 ng/dL respectively before treatment. Almost flipped the bit! The doc would like my Estradiol closer to 300 pg/mL, so we'll see what Monday's tests state.   Oh, and I teased the dinner with old soccer teammates and never updated the thread! It went well. There were a couple funny moments. One guy, who I was worried about their response, greeted me with "Hey, you've lost some weight!" 😎 And a friend who lives near me picked me up on the way to dinner exclaimed, after we learned one of the invitees might show up with a date, "Wait! We could have brought women?!" To which I instantly responded, "You kind of did, bringing me!" Everyone got a good laugh out of that. 😁
    • Ashley0616
      To me there isn't that much difference other the measurement, which side the zipper is on and men's pants have bigger pockets. 
    • missyjo
      I hope this is not stupid question..I have yet to start n not sure if doc will approve..but once you start growing buds n such, can you still wear forms to get to the size you were?   I'm a dad, so when I start blossoms they will be smaller for a long time n probably need surgical augmented..that's fine. I don't want to go ddd to aa to ddd..   any ideas?   thank you
    • missyjo
      April sounds fun..I keep some boy jeans to visit mom in..fir now   hugs
    • Ivy
      I like them too.  We had them growing up.  But my father's family were Swedes.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Oh my!  I guess it just goes to show how different tastes can be. Since we don't live near the ocean, Seafood is a rare luxury. We absolutely love pickled herring! Especially my husband and my GF, I guess it's a Ferman/Russian cultural thing.  But most of the kids like it too, and a jar wouldn't last in the pantry for long 😆
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I think the key to that is just not minding eating the same thing repeatedly. Since we produce a lot of our own food here, we end up eating what is in season at the moment. So, when the yellow squash is ripening, we end up fixing squash 20 different ways. When the strawberries are ready, we eat lots of strawberries. It's kind of a different mindset to eat in season when it has become such a part of American culture but the grocery store has everything we want all the time. Like grapes in December.  My family does even things out a little bit by having a greenhouse so we have some fresh things in the winter, but it's not a 100% fix.
    • KathyLauren
      My brothers and I had to eat what was on the plate.  All of it, and nothing else.  Pickiness was not tolerated.  Some of our least favourite were liver and onions, sauerkraut, and especially rollmops (pickled herring).  We finally protested enough to persuade our mother not to serve rollmops, though she kept a jar in the pantry for years afterwards, as a threat if we didn't behave.
    • Carolyn Marie
      I'll go first.  My favorite team is the Yankees.  Loved them since I was a kid.  I was born in NYC so, yeah.  I know everyone loves to hate them, and that's OK.  I just love baseball in general.  It's a game of traditions, strategy, power, grace and skill.   Play Ball!!  ⚾   Carolyn Marie
    • Ashley0616
      I guess you do have a good point. It's just hard to try and not have the same meals over and over again. 
    • Willow
      Hi   I’ll weigh in on being picky about food.  Yes, and I was brought up that way.  We didn’t have to eat everything our parents ate.  They had a number of things they ate that they figured we wouldn’t eat, an acquired taste things or one or the other didn’t like them too.   even as an adult there are many things I won’t eat.  In my defense, there are different things my wife won’t eat.   the weird thing is that after being in E, my tastes have changed.  Sweet, sour, salty or bland, if I eat or drink too much of any one thing and I have to counter act it.   Willow
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...