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Jax randles

My grandma is religious and I'm transgender (FTM)

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Jax randles

I just came out as transgender a couple months ago, and I have only told people on my Mom side on my dad's side, I'm afraid to, because on my dad's side everyone is religious, anything is I'm seeing my grandma, which is my dad's Mom in a week, and she has no clue I just don't know what to do

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jae bear

 Hi Jax,

 This is often a tricky situation for us but honestly it really should not be, faith and transition really don’t need to be mutually exclusive but for some reason many people of faith find exception to it and assume immediate conflict of interest purely based on intuition. While there are many valid arguments one could make that transition does not cross the lines of faith it depends greatly upon the person hearing the argument. There are a few very easy to understand things that I often mention when faith becomes an issue, we are all children of God, not boys and girls of God, and God is not interested in our flesh,  he is interested in our souls. There is no mention of a difference between genders concerning salvation and the rules are the same no matter whether you’re male or female. The requirements for salvation are still the same, baptism, belief that Jesus died on the cross to save you from your sins, and the repentance of sins... It also bears noting that you cannot earn salvation, you cannot work for it, salvation can only be achieved through faith and the grace of God. everyone who wishes to be saved must acknowledge the fact that they are sinners, and that Jesus was the only one that lived a perfect life who could take our place, He earned this place in heaven for us by living a perfect life and we must have faith that he has done this for us and gives it to us freely.  These conversations often lead to very old testament quotes coming into play, the old testament has little to do with the salvation of God‘s children today, the words of Jesus from the new testament are what we need, not the requirements of Moses.  It also bears pointing out that while one may modify the outward flesh the person we are inside has not changed, we are still just as sinful and in need of salvation as anyone else, and the requirements of salvation apply to us as much as anyone. Sadly many people of faith seem not to be able to look past these very basic understanding, and I have found that arguing with them at length does little good and often becomes a larger problem as they dig in and become obstinate. One could point out that the modification of flesh required for transition is no different than things people do for reasons of beauty.  Men often receive tattoos, shave the hair from their body in various places, as well as accept surgical modifications like hair implants and vasectomies.  Women often pierce their ears, receive permanent makeup tattoos and body art tattoos, receive breast augmentation to appear more female,  undergo important surgeries to save their lives such as hysterectomies and accept lipo suction to modify parts of their bodies they cannot otherwise tame with diet and exercise. I see little difference in the uncomfortable things that must be accepted during transition, nothing more than body modification, these things do nothing to the core person we were or will become, we simply seek to have others perceive us differently in the course of our daily lives. I find it interesting that some of the hard core requirements are faith and forgiveness, and often in the process of arguing with others I find they are not quick to forgive, and somehow they find it important for them not to forgive, this in and of itself is very dangerous as it can be a stumbling block in their own salvation. The best we can do with our loved ones who disagree is to love them in return,  winning this argument with them is not the most important thing, showing them love and understanding will go far, and often time will do the rest. For persistent members of my family that insist I am wrong I often simply remind them I am saved,  my salvation is secure, and it is as simple as that.

 I sincerely hope that things go well for you and your family, between yourself and others of faith, and that you find security in your salvation and dig deeply into the word of God when you need to find strength for yourself. 

 Big hugs, 


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It will depend on how far you have physically transitioned already, and how much they may have heard through "the grape vine".  If their "religion" is fundamentalist / evangelical I would not try to debate them or instruct them on points of religion or belief.  You cannot win on those grounds so it will make everyone miserable if you do.  Your big point is that however you look, you are still the person they have known all your life. Your gender does not determine your basic character.  With your grandmother, it will depend on if you are close or just "every now and then" if it is the former, (close) report your feelings, and assure her that you have prayerfully discerned that this is what you are meant to do and who to be.  Break off if you get negative feed back.  I am sorry to say that people "praying for us" have never been known to change any of us.  If you do not see each other often, and she is very elderly and possibly End Of Life in her mental abilities, then I would say to do nothing at all about your Transitioning and let your father take care of it.  I would suggest that if your father is supportive for you that he be involved in any coming out if he has not been the one to blow the whistle on you already.  In any case work with him, since he is her son.

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I hope everything goes well for you. Although I'm not close to my dad's side of the family because their worldview is very different from my own, I did wonder how they would react. They are very religious and belong to a religious group that is openly anti-LGBTQ. But when I came out to my dad's mom, she surprised me by telling me that she loves me and just wants me to be happy and healthy. I hope you get a similar response. And if you don't, know that many people do come around with time to process things. For some people, it takes realizing that somebody you love belongs to a group that you had negative feelings about before you realize that your feelings were misplaced. Keep us updated! 

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