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Cross-dressing A Good Place To Start?


Belladonnakarapinskia

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As a young person I need to know sister's and brother's, if you live in-and-amongst backward insensitive and brutish beings should you just lump it and wear girly clothes under your men's wear and apply pretty thing's like make-up to make the dysphoria dissipiate and behave femininely out-and-about from the prying eyes of parents?  Or rebel and be booted from your family house?  Please sister's and brother's give me some guidance, cross-dressing is hard and I don't know how to tuck as a hairy young person, tell me how to tuck and how to mask my arm hair and my leg hair, I appreciate all your responses guy's and gal's

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  • Admin

Such things as tucking are pretty well covered in the older posts here, and there are many techniques listed in the posts that in my experience work equally badly, but still work at all.  This forum is a goldmine for that information but it may take some reading.

 

We will not tell you to take steps that will endanger your life or get you thrown out of your home.  You list as Cross Dresser and not Transgender but getting gender counseling is still a good idea.  NSW is not known as the most hospitable place for gender diverse  people,from the reports I have seen, but there probably are some safe outlets if you look for them.   

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I appreciate your guidance, I am a male-to-female transgender woman, just unsure if I should transition now in such condition's or continue cross-dressing along the side and wait until condition's are more favorable

 

 

Thank you for your response

Belladonna

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  • Admin

I CD'ed for a long time and did think it was as far as I could go, and it helped for a while but did not kill the Dysphoria Devils that did come back to work me over.  You may have to create a "master plan" involving college or a career that takes you into places where you are in control of your life and definitely your finances.  Now that I understand your question better, the answer is that Closet Cross Dressing will help in partnership with future plans, so go for that option for now.  Use the site here to work off some of the energy you are feeling, you will be far from the first person to do that but we will give you the same care as all the others.
 

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With all the pain med, I was on...I don't have much to tuck anymore...I also have "Bigger Breasts"...So now, I have to wear a Bra.

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  • 3 months later...

My advice would be this.  As  a young person, you are setting up the rest of your life.   I would secretly be taking _________ for anti-androgen(if you are sure you are mtf, but not ready for hormones) to give you a subtle feminine influence on your biology.   I would find work and become financially independent ASAP.  I would not worry on missing out on any fun, but work hard to get ahead early.  Maybe start an online business or earn a living that would be compatible with transitioning if you chose to.  Focus on achieving  your goals.  Don't tell your parents your plans, but work hard to  create an income from which you can support yourself.   Move out when you can, but from a place of strength.  

Edited by Carolyn Marie
The poster mentioned a natural plant substance whose safety and efficacy are not proven as a T-blocker. Therefore its mention was deleted in keeping with Rule #14
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Like others have said. Make a plan even if it is your head. On working towards the life you want to live. Work towards that goal. Continue crossdressing to help keep the pink monster at bay. If secrecy is needed. purchase womans underwear that are gender neutral in style and color. That is what I took to work when I was in the service. There just colored underwear. 

 

Don't give up on your dreams it may take time but you will get there.

 

Kymmie

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  • 1 month later...

I am a closet cross dresser. Never knew there was a definition for it.  I have only gone as far as woman’s intimated under my man’s clothes. I do have a nightgown I wear to bed. I had a lot of woman’s clothes including a black dress, lots of bras, panties, and nylons. I had even a short red skirt. I’m struggling with guilt. I threw the clothes away but later bought some more. I now only have the nightgown and intimates. I want to buy more because inside when I wear them I feel alive like I’m me. But I’m embarrassed at stores.  I’ve come out to my mom and a friend. If I became a woman I would want to be Tessa. This name I can’t get out of my head! Why? I am divorced and lonely and live alone. I see my kids only every other weekend. I fantasize about being Tessa all the time!  I was always called the girl growing up and my mom wanted me to be the girl. Even my now ex wife told me I was the girl in our relationship. I have dreams very vivid of me being a beautiful woman. I have gone as far as closet cross dressing and shaving my legs. Today I thought of buying a dress or going out and being Tessa. My mom once told me it’s a demon but she is more forgiving now. She lately has accepted it. Woman’s clothes bring comfort to me. I have started wearing them now all day. I use to only wear them at home and to bed. I hate living like this! 

It’s like 2 people male and female are fighting in my head! Tessa always seems to win these days. I’m a good person but I am so confused. My daughter is also changing. She wants to be a boy. Mom won’t buy her any boy’s clothes so I do. She cut her long hair. I want to help her but how can I If I can’t help myself. I have told my daughter that I sometimes feel like a woman. Was this wrong? I’m here searching for answers? 

 

Tessa. 

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6 minutes ago, Tessa said:

 I hate living like this! 

It’s like 2 people male and female are fighting in my head! Tessa always seems to win these days. I have told my daughter that I sometimes feel like a woman. Was this wrong? I’m here searching for answers? 

 

Tessa. 

 

Hi Tessa, have you considered working with a therapist that specializes in gender issues ? You may very well benefit. No you were not wrong for being honest with your daughter, in fact I would say it took some level of courage to say such things, honesty is usually best. There is nothing wrong with wanting to wear women's clothes, especially if they bring you comfort, it's quite possible your gender identity is leaning toward the feminine, and you are looking for ways to express yourself. Socially transitioning is a big step, one to consider carefully. Transition only if you have to.

 

I wish you peace

 

Cynthia -

 

 

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23 minutes ago, Tessa said:

. I’m struggling with guilt.

Tessa, I remember the guilt as well. The inner turmoil of my emotional side demanding to be set free and my logic side saying "no! I was born male and I have to present that way in order to survive." In fact, the only way for me to survive and be happy was to acknowledge that I am a female and to live my life as such. It's not always easy, but it was not easy before either. The years of hiding were hard but I am finally at peace with myself.

I agree with Cynthia, a good gender therapist would be a good place to get answers to questions that you may have. I know that most of us have been reluctant to admit that we needed professional help, but would readily admit that seeking help was one of the best things that we could have done to find our hidden selves.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

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Thank you both for responding to my post. It’s nice to not feel like a freak. I want to be happy and feel what’s inside of me instead of locking it away. Today I bought my first dress! I feel all warm and cozy in it. I don’t think I would wear it out in public though. I feel all alone. My brothers both have families and I’m divorced. I have a bi sexual friend and he understands. I want to have a lover in my life but the way I am I’m afraid no one would want me. I just graduated with my bachelors degree in Educational Studies and I’m so proud of myself! I try to be the best person I can be you know. Could it be I just want to be loved? I can’t love myself as a man so I choose to be a woman? Tessa I see as beautiful and charming and everyone loves her! My male side is only filled with pain and rejection. I was rejected as a child and made fun of and called names. No body wanted me to play with them. My skinny body was made fun of all the time. 

I’m very skinny and no matter what I do I don’t gain weight. I’m healthy though I guess my dad was skinny. My dad died of cancer and he always told me I was the problem child. This is a lot. But this is my story. I almost died at birth and my mom was taking some kind of solution to prevent me from coming but I still came. 

My mom said I had a scowl on my face when I arrived. I’m so sorry. I want to have peace within myself if that’s even possible. I haven’t yet searched out for counseling. 

I pay high child support and have little money. One thing I love is my children! I would die for them. I love to nurture them like a mother more than a father. Is this wrong? I’ve said enough here. I’m enjoying being in this red dress. It gives me comfort I just wish I had someone here with me.

 

Love to all, 

 

Tessa

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Tessa you are certainly not a freak!  You are searching for happiness within and that is good.  It's what we all aspire to.  

 

Congratulations on your graduation!  

 

Jani

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1 hour ago, Tessa said:

Today I bought my first dress! I feel all warm and cozy in it. I’m enjoying being in this red dress.

Tessa

 

Congratulations Tessa on buying your first dress, that sounds wonderful.

 

No it's not wrong to want to nurture your children, I am parent myself, and I've done diapers to college. I think many of our problems start when the messages of gendered expectations fail, leading to heart ache, guilt, and pain. I lived for decades as a man knowing I was different, i won't bore you with all that, but I am much happier now, having shed all that baggage, it's hard, you get all these messages in this world as you shape your view of your place in the world growing up, you are told boys do this, men do this, and then you try and do all those things, but then something seems to happen and at some point you realize this is not working, and it can lead to a severely empty place, devoid of feelings, with no way to express one's self genuinely.  That's one aspect about the male existence in my experience, in that I could never express myself of the feelings I kept inside. I felt no one would understand, I hid them away, because I knew they would only lead to ridicule. I had stashes of my sisters clothes growing up, and dressed in secret for years, I hear similar things in your words. I finally sought professional help (GT), at age 51, it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. Finding healthy outlets for the inner woman sounds like what you need. We are here to help online, there are many things you must do to help yourself.

 

Take care Tessa, and enjoy that new dress

 

C -

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2 hours ago, Tessa said:

I feel all alone.

Hi again Tessa,  you are at a place right now where it feels like you are alone...but I assure this can and will change as you become more comfortable with your new self...whatever you decide that is for you.  With guidance through counseling, local TG groups, accepting friends, family.and new acquaintances, this loneliness will slowly disappear and be replaced with confidence, detrimination and happiness.  TransPulse not only has this great forum to help you meet new friends but our Discord live chat is a wonderful place to meet others like yourself.  Many of us posting here frequent the main chat channels listed on the TransPulse server using the Discord app.    You might try it out when you have a chance.

 

Susan R?

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Thanks all for the kind words. Cyndee you said in your post “healthy outlets” Can you tell me some of these outlets. Right now I wear woman’s clothes at home and to bed. I also express my love for romantics through writing stories. I love to watch romantic films. Just today watched “If I Stay” it made me cry. I think my feminine side loves hard. Maybe that’s why I still dream of my ex wife. And now I have transgenderpulse and all of you. Let me know? 

 

Love to all, 

 

Tessa

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Jani, 

 

Graduation was a big accomplishment but I did it! I start a new job on 1/28 to! It’s a start. I’m moving in the right direction now I feel. I’m beginning to find myself inside and that’s encouraging. Life is to short to waste in unhappiness. 

 

Love to all, 

 

Tessa 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Tessa said:

Life is to short to waste in unhappiness.

Good for you!!  I hope you love your new position. 

 

Jani

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15 hours ago, Susan R said:

 With guidance through counseling, local TG groups, accepting friends, family.and new acquaintances, this loneliness will slowly disappear and be replaced with confidence, determination and happiness.  ?

 

Agree with above,

 

The healthy outlets you ask about Tessa await in these areas Susan posted above, in other words, you create your own healthy outlets, which does take an effort, it does not happen on it's own. That's how I treated the "expression deprivation" a closeted life created....It's like this woman wants out......

 

Hugs

 

C -

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  • 2 weeks later...

I feel your struggle, I can tell you about my experience.

I followed the advice of many of you people here, I focused on my career until I could move to a different city (and country) with a steady income. 

Now that I'm free I've started doing everything I always dreamed about: buying all the clothes I wanted, doing corset training, getting a professional full CD makeover and I'm planning to start going out dressed up very soon!

I was less sure about being TG than you and I even managed/had to stop crossdressing at all for 3 years (but I always fantasized about doing it) but now that I've let myself free I'm shifting towards feeling more TG.

So, my advice is give yourself some satisfactions but mainly focus on being financially independent and your time will come!

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I felt the guilt and threw away all my clothes looking at this from the side of how I was hurt in my past relationship. My ex made me do everything and would never let me be the head of our family. She went back to college and I took over everything a woman would normally do. It’s like we switched roles. I found myself loving my children more. They were young at that time. I don’t know how to cook but I made what I could for them. Then came the no effection for years. I would put on her clothes while she was working. She worked the graveyard shift. I guess that’s when cross dressing started. Now I want to re buy those woman’s clothes again. I just had a dream that I woke up from and in this dream I had 2 faces. My face now and the face of a beautiful woman. Something in the dream told me I was wearing the wrong face. I’ve been ignoring Tessa and letting my male side come out. I thought it was just hurt and abuse so I cut up pics with my ex in them but the feeling of wanting to be loved and held and kissed sometimes come on like a freight train! I keep dreaming of being the other gender. I wake up from these dreams feeling awake and revived. I like when guys tease me a little like a girl. I have even flirted back. This is something strange because I don’t characterize myself as being gay. I’m just so confused at this point if it’s just hurt or do I truly feel I want to be a woman? Thanks again for everyone being so nice on this forum. 

 

Love, 

 

Tessa

 

 

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I told myself that my cross dressing was a symptom of imtimacy. My ex refused me for years before the divorce. So I threw away all my woman’s clothes but now I have the desire to buy more! It’s such a struggle and I waiste my money on these items. I can go for so long and then the desire builds up to want to be a woman and want theses clothes. Is it just because I’m single with no possible lovers on the horizon? Or is it I’m depressed and looking for away to express the inner woman inside? I want to be happy with myself but I can’t seem to find peace. I’m also struggling with my trans daughter who my ex won’t support and buy her/him any clothes. I told him I would when I get tax return. He only has the few I could afford to buy before. I know the struggle she feels. I feel so much at peace when I’m wearing the opposite sex clothes but yet I feel ugly because I have a man’s body. I’m trying to find peace but every time I try I end up confused. I’m 44 and this isn’t how I expected my life to go. Alone, no real money, no lover, a few friends. I’m just really feeling it right now. Maybe it was wrong to throw away those clothes? Inside I want to be loved and I feel only Tessa can be. Just venting safely. 

 

Love 

 

Tessa?‍?

 

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46 minutes ago, Tessa said:

Is it just because I’m single with no possible lovers on the horizon? Or is it I’m depressed and looking for away to express the inner woman inside?

Quite possibly.  Life has ups and downs so don't focus on today as the end all be all.  Things change and so will you.   You need to try and get out to meet others.  Not necessarily with the goal of meeting someone but to interact socially.  This may lead to a more close relationship at some point.  As to depression, yes it happens and we sometimes seem to be the last to see it.  You might speak to your doctor.   I remember years ago telling mine I was aware that wasn't having fun with the things I loved (like my hobbies).  At the time I went on  mild anti-depressant. That combined with my realization (and admitting the issue) turned me around.

 

As to your daughter, just try to be there are much as you can.  Money can't buy happiness but time together is a wonderful substitute!  At some point she will age out and be on her own and will see you have supported her when she was in need.

 

55 minutes ago, Tessa said:

Alone, no real money, no lover, a few friends. I’m just really feeling it right now.

As I have suggested to others, look into "Meet Up".  There are lots of groups that you could join that would provide for conversation, time doing what you love (hiking, touring, walking, etc), and other activities.  I've joined a couple groups and have had a good time interacting with others.    Please look into it.

 

On 2/2/2019 at 2:50 AM, Tessa said:

Thanks again for everyone being so nice on this forum. 

  No, thank you for being here and sharing with us.  It means a lot.  

 

Jani

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  • 1 month later...

I am a tucking noob so forgive my basic question.

 

I have a question on tucking. I can tuck and all is comfortable . . . so far. What I want to know is how long I can stay tucked? I have read some articles that say no longer than 8 hours at a time. Others say as long as you want. Most agree that you should not sleep tucked. Not sure why, but I am not going to argue since I don't know enough. Any thoughts? Can I stay tucked as long as I want?  Go as long as there is no pain?

 

Note - my current method (I have tried everything from the homemade gaff (which works great) to taping with various kinds of tape, except duct tape and I have not even tried the gluing method) is to pull on my gaff and get everything tucked away. Then I use a pair of panties for basic comfort then a pair of control panties (one size smaller than everything else) to keep everything flat and tight. With this combo I can go for hours. 

 

TIA!

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  • Admin

Tucking for MtF's does not carry  the same level of danger that binding does for FtM's.  Some of it will depend on HOW you do it.  Taping is pretty much the worst way to do it since you risk rather painful hair loss from pulling off the tape.  If you are staying fairly dry in the under region you can go all day.  Principal problems are possible yeast or bacterial infections in wet skin areas that stay moist for a long time.  You do have to un-tuck to go urinate, even sitting down, and keeping yourself clean afterwards helps a lot.  On thing about tucking is that after a while you are no longer aroused by it, and it becomes almost too easy.  I got by on "tummy control" spandex underpants for the two years before I was surgically perma-tucked.  (Penile Inversion GCS does just that.)  Today, and even back 8 years ago I did find that tucking was not as necessary as legend had it.  Your choice of clothing can keep it from being an issue at all, as I said above when it no longer arouses you like it does in the beginning.  If you are into fetish wear and want your bottomside catching attention, that does change the game., but with some pretty fuller skirts you really have better things to do with your time, like dance like no one is looking.

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It was twenty minutes from the time they entered to when she ordered a side salad, a small cheeseburger (no pickle, no mustard, no ketchup, but BBQ sauce and no onion rings) and iced tea.  He paid for both meals. "Let's say grace." "Okay, now that we are going to be church people, we should."  He did, and they ate. "You are beautiful." "Focus, Bob, focus." He smiled.  "How was your day?" "I love the roses, but don't do it again, please.  The women in my office are terrible." "Okay. Saves me some money." "That's what I love about you." They laughed.  They pulled into the parking lot of Community Church.  It was a friendly crowd dressed as they were and they fit right in. They buried themselves in the middle of a pew towards the back.  The Worship Team cranked up and they could feel the vibrations throughout their bodies.  They went through a number of high-paced songs.  "Uh-oh," Taylor whispered, and gestured.  The offering was being taken by the hostess who got fired the previous night. "Should we leave now?" "I should talk you into Thursday evenings.  We are talking about not backing down.  Not hiding." The ex-hostess prayed over the offering , eyes closed, and opened them.  Somehow she was looking right at Taylor. She stared for a moment, and then said "Brother Mike, time for the Word."   As he came on stage she whispered something to him.  He turned, scanned the crowd until he found Taylor, and stared at her for ten seconds or so. "You sure you don't want to leave?" "I want to crawl under my seat.  But I would not respect myself in the morning." Brother Mike began with a long prayer about sin in the camp.  Society was degenerating. Men were thinking they were women and women men. He had been meaning to address this issue since he had heard about sin coming even to their own city, and now was the Kairos, for the devil was among them tonight. "Now would be a good time to go." "Ssssh." "In the beginning God made them male and female. Amen?" He got a big amen.  Bob and Taylor amen-ed along with the rest of them.  Brother Mike was surprised.  He continued. This was off the cuff.  He went down the same list that Aggie liked to send her, which amused Taylor.  Taylor amen-ed all of them.  "Oooh, now, tonight there will be DELIVERANCE in the house of the Lord!" AMEN "Freedom from bondage in the Name of the LORD!" "Amen!" "You once were slaves, but Christ has set you free!" This continued for some twenty minutes.  Brother Mike wiped the sweat off his forehead with a towel someone gave him. "Any SINNERS tonight who need DELIVERANCE? Come on down!" Bob and Taylor watched as a few people made their way to the front.  Brother Mike looked directly at Bob and Taylor. "There are more tonight for the  harvest of the LORD!" He looked at them again.  People in this section!" That was the front right.  And here!" That was the section they were in.  About twenty people around them responded and went up front. "We have a mighty harvest here tonight! Altar workers, come Fooorwaaard and minister to God's children."  Several older people, clutching Bibles and wearing vests that said ALTAR WORKER on the back, came forward. "Pray for mercy! Oh, sinners do you feel the mercy of God in the House of the Lord tonight!" He looked at Bob and Taylor, now sitting in a large area of otherwise empty seats.  Ahead of them and behind them and on the other side of the main aisle there were a lot more people.  "There are more sinners here tonight. I can feel it. Isn't the grace of God tugging on your heart?" "I like the grace of God tugging on my heart part, but no way am I going down there." "Agreed." After a while no one else came forward.  Brother Mike took one more last look at them and signaled for the Worship Team to come up and do a closing number. "Ready to leave?" "No, I'm not." "What are you waiting for, Taylor?" "I'm not sure.  We might have an interesting conversation." "Here?" "Yes." "I want to hear your definition of an interesting conversation sometime." They sat and watched as those up front diminished in number.  Other people slipped out.  Brother Mike looked at them several times, but he was mainly praying for people. The last worship number ended.  People were still up front praying. "Well that was fun," Taylor said in the Wrangler. "Strike that one off the list of churches to go to."  Someone was running up to them. "Wait a minute!  Y'all are first time visitors?" "Yes, we are."   The guy smiled.  "Here is a complimentary coffee cup for each of you.  Sorry we missed you earlier.  God bless.."  With that he was gone. They looked at the cups. Community Church, Millvale.  Have a Blessed Day. "Something to remember it by." "I don't think I will forget. I wonder what second time visitors get?" "I am so not interested. "   The next day her phone was exactly where she thought it would be.  Something would have to be done, but she was not sure what.  In the meantime her phone and purse would be in the drawer, and the drawer would be locked whenever she was away from her desk.                  
    • KymmieL
      Oh, I can take you to some fun trails, mild to wild. Doing boulders the size of Volkswagen's.  Doing a trail were crossing a lake is part of it. ( my best witches cackle) It would be great for you to stop by for a visit. I'll get you stuck?   @Ashley0616 our Explorer is a 1994 Explorer XLT, 4 in lift, 33's basically build for the trail.   Just waiting on my brake hoses.   Kymmie      
    • Cyndee
      gnomes a winkin' in the garden
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Taylor came back from a meeting to find a dozen red roses on her desk. "They're from BOB," Karen tittered.  Nothing indicated that until Taylor pulled out the little note from the envelope.  "I had a wonderful evening.  I beseech the honor of calling you again after work and I would like to eat a quick meal and check out Community Church.  Thank you again.  Later, Bob"   The note had been read and replaced.  Everyone here went to church on Wednesday evening and Sunday morning unless you are a militant atheist, of which there were a few.  But that meant only the fast food places were open.  Taylor had delayed joining a church, so necessary for social standing here, because she had been afraid if she showed up alone. With Bob there was no fear.  There were seven churches in town they would possibly consider: three Baptist, one Catholic, one Presbyterian, one Lutheran and one independent charismatic.  Community Church was the last.  Knowing Bob, she expected he wanted to visit them all before deciding.  She didn't think he went for charismatic theology, but they had not discussed it.  In Roosevelt they had been raised in the loosely Presbyterian Roosevelt Church.  She missed church, which she had not attended since high school, when Bob and she had been in Youth Group together, more fun than anything else. The name of the church told her how to dress, anyway.   She looked at Karen. "I would appreciate it if you would not violate my privacy."   Karen said she was sorry but didn't sound like it. "You must have had a good time in the hay last night." "Leave me alone" "Okay, okay, okay, Miss Sensitivity. Okay. I won't tease you about it." "Thank you."
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob was euphoric at first, but the more he thought about, the worse he felt.  He should have been more assertive with the hostess. Or less.  He hadn't talked about that with Taylor; they both had ignored it.  He had pulled her chair out and seated her and acted like a gentleman - what if she didn't like that stuff? Had he been too assertive? Not assertive enough? Maybe he should have asked more questions. Was she just being polite and that last kiss on the hand was a 'farewell, I never want to see you again'?   What if it bothered her that he was only interested in her after her transition?  But he had never seen her as a guy, she had never been much of one, in girl clothes growing up whenever not in school.  It wasn't a transition as much as a coming home to what she always was.  And he was definitely not interested in guys that way. Or in most women, either.  Those he had dated had reminded him of her. He had dated no guys. Never wanted to. The old accusation about their relationship had no merit.   Why had he moved here?  It was for her.  No other possible reason.  He had moved halfway across the country when he had heard she had transitioned.  Was he barking up the wrong tree?  Everything seemed fine; this was a new and improved and better Taylor than he had thought he would find.  He examined his every move and contemplated six ways she probably had hated it.  Probably she never wanted to see him again after this disaster of a first date.  Would she want to go out with him again, be seen with him? There was a risk here.  But he must take it, even if his heart was broken as a result. Was his heart breaking even now? No, but he must be prepared for that.   He could not afford to lose her.  He had to think of the exact right time to call her tomorrow and see when she was available.  If she was available.  Maybe she had four other boyfriends.  She hadn't said anything, and she was so sweet, poised, charming, intelligent, beautiful and lovely in every way that it was entirely possible. He examined every word.  No. Nothing either way. He examined everything.  It was a delight to think about her, to remember her face, and he spent the rest of the evening doing just that. Who were these guys? He knew few people here, but there were some single guys.  He would have to deal with the competition. Get ahead of them.  Who were they? He thought of one guy he knew.  Was he Taylor's type? Did they know each other?  Small town, everyone knew everybody.  How could he win her back?   Probably he had already lost her.  But he would try to call her tomorrow and see what happened.
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