As the crow flies

[Jani]

Have a great time away from work!   Getting your nails done sounds like a fun way to start! 
 

Jani

[AsTheCrow]

Vacation is gonna be GREAT! Getting my nails done in an hour and a half. Feeling nervous about the manicure, I’ve heard horror stories from men and trans women who were treated badly at these places and I really can’t handle that right now. 

[AsTheCrow]

My nails are GORG and the manicurist called me ma’am. ‘’Twas a good experience. 

[Susan R]

 

1 hour ago, AsTheCrow said:

My nails are GORG and the manicurist called me ma’am. ‘’Twas a good experience. 

 

I am so jealous, AsTheCrow.  Sounds like you really enjoyed the experience.  And being acknowledged as female completes the experience.  I'm one of those people who LOVES long, shaped and groomed nails.  It's currently the only full time female expression I feel comfortable presenting.  My wife thinks it's funny but It's important to me.  I can't wait to be able to spoil myself like this.  It's coming! ?

 

Have fun with the rest of your vacation,

Susan R

[AsTheCrow]

Okay. Vacation was fantastic and relaxing and affirming. And fun.

 

I absolutely love having NAILS! They're going strong, an I'm trying to figure out when and if to take them off. I want to keep them, but it might be pushing things a notch too far if I want to be more or less in the closet with my family. Friends and work are no problem. I won't see my fam until 5 days from now, so I have some time to decide how to proceed.

 

I really want to keep my nails. They make me feel very glamorous even when I don't look remotely glamorous otherwise. And they're much less of an annoyance than I expected!

 

Today is my first day back at work, and so far, nobody has noticed (or commented on) my nails or my makeup, which I'm wearing for the first time at work.

[Jani]

Can you just remove the color and leave the nail?  I assume you had acrylics applied.   I think for the most part, people don't care about makeup and all.  Have fun and be you.   I hope your Vacation High lasts a long time. 

 

Jani

[AsTheCrow]

Just now, Jani said:

Can you just remove the color and leave the nail?  I assume you had acrylics applied.

 

Good question! You're right, they gave me acrylics and a gel polish. I don't know what the nails would look like without a layer of color on tip. Something to look into, for sure. Good idea.

 

The people I work with will definitely be happy and supportive when they eventually notice my nails and makeup. It's really just my family who might have a neutral-to-negative reaction.

 

Speaking of family, I recently emailed my mother from my work email and forgot to remove all the LGBTQ stuff in my email signature. And forgot that I had changed my email address from my dead name to my preferred name.

 

So, like. Cat's probably coming a little out of that bag anyway, but I suspect she kept that information to herself.

 

 

[Jani]

You can always add a light pink color that is not as flashy as a bold color. 

 

Concerning your email signature, maybe that was just a Freudian Slip that was meant to be!  Be prepared for a question the next time you see her.

 

Jani 

[AsTheCrow]

I have definitely seen her since the email happened. She has kept silent on the matter, which is no surprise.

 

After how badly they handled my sexual orientation as a teenager, I doubt my parents will ever utter a word about my gender until I bring it up myself. Whether they are in denial or learned a lesson is unclear, but either way it has resulted in a distinct reticence.

 

Anyway, I'm leaning towards just leaving the nails on and dealing with whatever comes. I like the nails; I think I shall keep the nails. Probably my nephews will be the only people who express a distaste for them. The rest will keep silent.

[Susan R]

19 hours ago, AsTheCrow said:

And they're much less of an annoyance than I expected!

 

I found this to be true with my long nails too.  Thirty years ago when I dressed as Susan I wore "Press On" nails.  It was always a hassle especially when I didn't get them stuck down well.  It never really felt that natural to me but I loved how feminine it made my hands look.  It seemed like a compromise but well worth the trouble.  Because of work, I could never let my nails grow out very long and due to my trade (using my hands) they seemed to always crack or split if I let them grow out even a little.

 

It wasn't until this year that I started letting my natural nails grow out longer than ever. I found that if if they are shaped and the tips are somewhat rounded, they don't seem to crack or split that often.  Of course, I don't work vigorously with my hands anymore either which helps.  I have really enjoyed having long nails but I'm still not able to type as fast on a laptop as I once could.

 

Regarding that email signature, it may be a blessing in disguise as being a "soft" way to open the door on the topic or perhaps allow some time for your mom to think about it. My parents reacted similarly when they uncovered things about me in that way.  I never did have the chance to discuss my desires with them before they passed away.

 

Susan R?

 

Edited November 7, 2018 by Dev
Edit: typo correction at Susan's request.

[BrandiBri]

I had my nails done about a month ago, the gal talked me into getting the powder color. I had to have it taken off today as tomorrow I am having a hernia surgery. The instructions were that I could not have nail polish or any jewelry including piercing. Bummer! 

[AsTheCrow]

As I start identifying more as a woman, and as I start dressing and presenting in a more feminine manner, the trappings of systematic cultural misogyny become more a part of my life. This is not a surprise. I knew it would come. But come it has, and it is affecting me more quickly and viscerally than I could have expected.

 

For instance, as hard, as expensive, as disheartening as it is to be a fat ugly man, it is much harder, much more expensive, much more disheartening to be a fat ugly woman. Shopping and wearing clothes is a trial, a nightmare, an insult.

 

(I hear your protestations coming: I'm not fat, I'm not ugly -- thank you in advance for your kindness but it is not needed. My size and appearance do not define me, do not make me less valuable a person, but they certainly exist, and do make life as a woman harder than they made life as a man.)

 

As a male feminist, I was perfectly aware of and disgusted by the disdain for women in general, and for women who are not available or desirable as sexual commodities in particular. Now I am a target of that disdain, and it stings. It jeers. It convinces.

 

It's nice being increasingly identified as a woman. But damn if the double edges on this sword aren't sharp as hell.

[Kirsten]

I so hear you there. Once upon a time I was one of those shallow males that chose women on looks before personality. (Before my wife of corse)  Partly because that’s how I was chosen as well. 

But going from the attractive male I was precieved as not long ago, to a less than attractive female has been difficult. Especially with my preexisting notion of feminine attractiveness.

I even find it difficult to hear people tell me I look good. All I think is that they’re nuts. There’s no way I’m good looking. Thankfully I give even my own thoughts of appearance almost no power. At least for the time being.

“This is my awkward stage” and that’s all that matters right now. It gives me license to wear less than appropriate clothing at times. And to not care too much about my appearance to anyone. I don’t know how long that’ll last, but I’ll hold onto it as long as I can. That’s for sure. For now, it’s what gets me through the awkward glances and less than appreciated situations. At least they’re becoming more about being a less than beautiful woman, rather than “that guy in a dress”. And that’s a win! I’ll take the sword! ?

[Jani]

5 hours ago, AsTheCrow said:

My size and appearance do not define me, do not make me less valuable a person...

This is a healthy position to take Jay.   We are all beautiful and worthy.

 

Jani

[AsTheCrow]

Like so many folks with depression, my hygiene is really suffering right now. I haven't done my hair in almost a month. With my hair texture I can't just run a comb or brush through it. It takes real effort and I just don't have the spoons for that right now, so I have been wearing my hair in a low bun.

 

I sleep in the bun, I work in the bun, I live in the bun. And after nearly a month the bun was actually just a thick wad of matted hair. Yikes.

 

I wish I had timed how long it took me to do it, but yesterday I finally spent the time to work through my hair and "detangle" it. Detangle is in scare quotes there because it doesn't do the process justice. It was a nightmare and I lost some hair in the process, but I did it!

 

It's sad that I'm so proud of myself for this. Basic hygiene shouldn't be a triumph. But that's where I am right now.

[AsTheCrow]

I realized after the fact that I referred to 'spoons' without clarifying.

 

For folks who don't know what spoons are in this context: Spoon Theory on Wikipedia, and the original essay.

[Jani]

The next time wet your hair add some conditioner to make your it smoother for the brush to pull through.   My hair shafts have gotten thinner and it does break easily so I am very careful about dry brushing.   I'm glad you took care of your hair and I know you are too.

[AsTheCrow]

Oh heck yeah. There is no way I could have gotten through that without a ton of conditioner. With my hair type it's nearly impossible to process while dry, even when it's not a matted nightmare.

 

 

...Anyway, on a completely unrelated note, I've been crying a lot today because emotions are hard. And, you know, after all these years I still feel shame for crying.

 

"Boys don't cry" was drilled into me from a young age. At the time, that hurt because I thought I was just broken. A defective boy.

 

Now, decades later, I know that a) "boys don't cry" is complete BS in every way, and b) I wasn't a boy at all. 

 

Now that I know these things, I feel I should be free of cry-shame, but I'm not. 35 years old and I still hate myself just a little more every time I cry. Insult to injury. And on top of all of THAT, I'm frustrated for letting that toxic attitude get to me, even though I know better.

 

Our parents really do a number on us, don't they?

[Kirsten]

The crying is tough for sure. What amazes me is when I fall asleep crying for whatever silly reason and wake up the next day STILL CRYING! I mean my god girl, what’s wrong with me. Lol.

It sure is hard to remove all the foolish garbage your parents fill you up with growing up though. But what’s important is that you know it’s no good now. Eventually it’ll fade just as it was built up. 

I hope you feel better. I know whenever I feel down, and can, watching the movie Princess Bride will ALWAYS make me smile! ?

Cary Ewles is the man! 

[RithiaAllen]

On 10/31/2018 at 3:35 PM, AsTheCrow said:

My nails are GORG and the manicurist called me ma’am. ‘’Twas a good experience. 

I need to go get my nails done. What style did you go for?

[AsTheCrow]

Almond-shaped, in pale grey. They were so pretty!

 

It was an acrylic nail and a gel polish.

[Jani]

That combination sounds nice! 

[BrandiBri]

About the crying, I feel privileged to be able to cry. As "him" I wouldn't even crack a smile for fear of being too "girly". Now I can smile, laugh and cry all I want! I'm free to be the girl I was meant to be!!???

[AsTheCrow]

Hi everyone! Just checking in.

 

I'm doing okay, just a little busy the last couple of months.

Hope you're all doing well.

[Josie Beth]

On 11/28/2018 at 11:24 AM, Kirsten said:

The crying is tough for sure. What amazes me is when I fall asleep crying for whatever silly reason and wake up the next day STILL CRYING! I mean my god girl, what’s wrong with me. Lol.

It sure is hard to remove all the foolish garbage your parents fill you up with growing up though. But what’s important is that you know it’s no good now. Eventually it’ll fade just as it was built up. 

I hope you feel better. I know whenever I feel down, and can, watching the movie Princess Bride will ALWAYS make me smile! ?

Cary Ewles is the man! 

My favorite movie! Aaasss yooouuu wiiiiiisssshhhh!!!!