Life is not easy.......

[Katy Ann]

Hi, This journey has been very difficult. .. At a early age I knew I was different... But it was ok .. but not with others.  Especially my wife... She knew about my cross dressing in the beginning and seemed ok with it.. It was hard for me to talk about it with her.. Cause he thought it was like dress up for an hr then put the clothes away and go about my day. She didn't realize I was screaming on the inside wanting to let Katy Ann out and just be free... But loving my wife the way I do... I didn't want to go there with my true feelings in fear she would just leave me.. I can't hide anymore... I need to be me... Just this past week I've dropped hints about myself and I wanted to explore more and try more things... Makeup wigs ... high heel shoes ,shop for clothes i like...But she would just make a joke or get that glare in her eyes... . i'am scared... all my life it's been about pleasing others... Never myself...  I don't want to lose my wife .. yet am i suppose suffer in fear she may leave? Or go full speed ahead and talk to her...And tell her this is what I want ... I need to be the person I was meant to.. ..   I dont want to lose my wife i love her. But i need to do this for me...God why is this so hard? Why did I get married? Why did I fall madly in love ... and having to hide all these feelings inside.? I really dont know where I will go from here. .But i'am starting with a therapist.  Maybe I'm to old  for all this...  So many thoughts of feeling confused ... If i had to do this all over again... I would of changed in a heart beat. But I lived and played the part of a man to please others... Very hard secret to keep for so many years... I love pretty clothes and the way I feel when I'm dressed up.. I do it every chance I get...  .. it's taken me afew days to post .. I've never put myself out there to anyone. Was always afraid of rejection and family and friends would think I was a freak. ... When I came across transpulse and read some of the stories I was so moved and so happy i found this site... .  It's a good feeling to know I'm not alone.

 

Have a Great Day! 

Katy Ann

[Charlize]

I'm glad you are starting to see a therapist.  While this journey is never easy therapy and my time here helped immensely.  I doubt i could have made the journey alone.

Welcome to Trans Pulse.  We help each other.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

[Jani]

Hello Katy and welcome.  I'm sorry to hear you're stressed, but I know it will get better.  Seeing a therapist is a good idea.  Its hard to put yourself out there.  And also to pour out your heart here.  But it is calming to get it out and seek commentary.  We are here to listen and offer support. 

 

Also talk to your wife and listen to her fears.  She is going through this with you.  She doesn't want it and may not understand it.  But I think you can come to a happy medium where you can both be happy. 

 

Jani

[Katy Ann]

Thank you for the support and advice I  truly appreciate it.. It's good to know i have somewhere to come and pour my heart out without being judged. When it feels right I will talk to my wife. I know she has fears so do i...  if life was perfect  it would be pretty boring. ?