Somebody is spreading my pictures, and the rumor mill has started !

[jae bear]

 Oh well, I guess it was bound to happen, seems everyone I’ve ever known all of the sudden knows everything about me, not that I’m very secretive anyway, wink wink. I had people showing up at my work yesterday looking for me that immediately started talking about my transition, and I of course have not told this person or anyone this person knows so it was a huge  shock to me. I asked how they knew and they flashed me their phone that had one of my girl mode pictures on it, actually I think a few pictures were there, and I thought “at least they’re good ones“, and started a conversation with this person. I will say it did bother me even if I’m very honest and open with everyone, however I really prefer to tell people myself, and I realized somebody very important to me now knows, and I can’t tell tell him myself for the first time.   Which also means it has spread like wildfire across my church and school acquaintances, which fairly much encompasses my entire sphere of influence. So that’s that I guess. 

 What I don’t like is some of the questioning I received, I don’t know what’s being said about me in closed circles but it doesn’t sound good because the questions I got were inappropriate at best. Showing up at somebody’s work to ask how their genitals are is not exactly a nice way to start a conversation, if I wanted to talk to you about my genitals I would’ve done so or it would be a common topic that I would discuss with my friends or family, guess what, That’s not something I talk about. I politely and quickly explained that yes things are still there and will be origamied inside out when the time comes, and I moved to the topic along to something more appropriate.  I suppose the question could have occurred because of the massive pelvic injury I sustained 14 years ago in a motorcycle accident, so maybe people wonder if things were lost back then. I realize things will never be the same concerning The people I once knew, no more cherry picking the important ones to tell, no more omitting the ones I wish to leave behind...  they all know,  for good or for bad. 

 I’d like to say that this didn’t bother me in the slightest, but it did bother me a great deal once I got home after group last night, so I laid on my bed and got out of my emergency bag of chocolate. Sadly I realize my emergency chocolate has oxidized but I suppose it still tastes fine and did it’s job as it should. I realize I should not drown my sorrow‘s in old white oxidized chocolate, but sometimes a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.

 

[Kirsten]

Well if it helps, I have run into similar things since I first started telling people. I can understand how you can be upset about it too. If I wasn’t so open I would be too. I had a police detail 2 days ago,  that the first thing he said to me was “so you’re the trans girl I’ve heard about.”  I was floored! Apparently the detail I had last Friday figured me out (because I didn’t tell him either) and then spread it around the station. So most of the town of Milford mass now knows I’m trans. ?. 

The way I look at it is that it’s a chance to spread knowledge. The privates question is always right up front unfortunately. I don’t really get it myself. Nobody wanted to know about my piece before. So why now?! And I know I have never asked anyone about theirs. But it seems to be the BIG burning question about trans people. So I just oblige and move on. I don’t think it’s meant to be inappropriate. Just curiosity. And once answered it shouldn’t come back up. Well idk if that’s the case but it is what it is. 

Eventually I think it’ll go away all together. I have a friend who just hit her 2 years since going full time. And she completely forgot! Life takes back over and all the trans stuff will fade. Less questions. Less awkwardness. Less nerves. Less of everything trans and just more life. HAPPY life!! 

Probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but you aren’t alone Jackie. Stay strong and don’t let it get to you.

Kirsten 

 

[SugarMagnolia]

I'm sorry to hear that, Jackie...both the situation and that your chocolate was sub-optimal.

The genital question is crazy. I've got a policy that I deflect that question unless it's someone very close to me and it's part of a larger conversation. It sounds like you handled it well, but it does rankle, doesn't it?

Chin up!

[AsTheCrow]

Yikes. Sorry about the way that went down, Jackie. Too many people can't keep their mouths shut. It's a congenital lack of respect. Pun intended.

 

Your chocolate should be good to go, though. The white isn't oxidation, but bloom -- it's the cocoa butter separating from the cocoa solids. It's not very attractive, but it shouldn't affect the flavor any. A few things can cause it, but typically it's too-warm storage conditions.

 

(Hi I'm Jay and I went to culinary school in a previous life)

[Jani]

This is the problem with being too open on the web and other social media.  (I'm talking about you facebook!)  You never know who sees the updates or how they will react.  I'm sorry to hear you have nutcases asking personal questions.  I would shut them down immediately.  

 

Jani

[Cthorne]

Its horrible when you find out people are talking about you behind your back like your the next best gossip. 

 

When I told my boss about being trans they informed the other supervisors that cover shifts so there wouldn't be any weirdness. I was ok with this and they promised to keep it all confidential. I have recently found out that one supervisor (the one we all thought of as a friend because, my mother works for the same company) came into work the next day and told everyone they could find and told those people to spread it around too, to other people I work with... While I was upstairs working! 

 

He told everyone in March... I officially came out in August. I found out that he told everyone because my grandparents called me up all upset because other family members (ones that cause trouble) new before they did...

 

I don't know if I could have done anything about him if he was still working with us but I didn't find out until after he walked out. I felt so bad that all these people knew the truth before I was ready.. I mean I wasn't keeping it a giant secret... I was binding at work and stuff but still   When I found out I was like "Have these people been laughing at me behind my back? Am I just the latest gossip?" 

[VickySGV]

I have had some questions aimed my way that most people would think would curl my hair.  "Curling my hair is a lost cause BTW.)  The problem is that huge chunks of society, especially in the less cosmopolitan areas still think it is some kind of perverted sex and they want their jollies.  I usually go one of three ways.  I ask them about their genital surgery. (A heavy chunk of males were circumcised at a few days old. My son had it at 36 hours old but when I visited he and my wife in the maternity ward two hours later, it was obvious he was mad at her and the nurses, even that young.He cried when they tried to hold him, but let me cuddle him without protest)  That usually chases them away from me with terrified looks on their face.  For others, I deflect the question and tell them that not all Trans have or will have surgery and unless they are in a Trans 101 class I teach for money, I do not discuss my surgical status.  The third group I give a link to a couple of surgeons web sites, the cartoon site if I am feeling mellow, or the one showing real blood and pieces of skin being cut and sewn and stuffed back in.  As you get older it rolls off of you easier. I am about at my FB friends limit and 98% are Trans.

[jae bear]

14 hours ago, AsTheCrow said:

The white isn't oxidation, but bloom -- it's the cocoa butter separating from the cocoa solids. It's not very attractive, but it shouldn't affect the flavor any. A few things can cause it, but typically it's too-warm storage conditions.

 I guess this would explain much,  it’s up in the top cabinet above my stove but I keep it in an insulated sealed tin...  I really save them just for making waffles but as far as I’ve noticed the white bloom doesn’t seem to make them taste any different, at least enough to keep me away from chocolate when I need it !  Today was a little bit on the rough side as well so as much as I’d like to say I stayed away from chocolate that bag is now empty and in the garbage can. For whatever reason my anxiety level at work was super high today and I wasn’t managing it well,  so I think I brought home that stress and ended up finishing that bag of chocolate when I should have gone for a walk or hit the exercise bicycle!

12 hours ago, Jani said:

This is the problem with being too open on the web and other social media.  (I'm talking about you facebook!)

I’m starting to suspect Facebook is the real issue here, several people I know have seen my profile pop up and found out that way, my Facebook has been completely separate from everything else and I don’t have it on my phone simply because I don’t need it pulling up my phone contacts, but Facebook being Facebook  it looks like a good possibility of being the prime culprit... Thanks a lot Zuckerberg. 

 

 In the end it doesn’t matter as much as I might’ve thought it did yesterday, I was going to tell everyone anyway, and I’ve told most of the important people near me, there were just a few more people I wanted to tell myself, but it won’t stop me from sitting down with them and introducing them to Jackie. It was a bit eye-opening to see how some people handled the information, part of me actually it’s relieved that I don’t have to wonder when people will know. All in all, I’m OK with it, just another part of the process I suppose. 

 Hugs, 

Jackie

[Susan]

hello all. that is one of the reason why i dont even want to be on social media. i think people take things on social media and then spread things around when they really dont know any of the facth in general. that is my thoughts. Susan

[Ashlee]

Im waiting on the day for a similar event to happen. People already wonder about me. I've only been "manly" once for a couple years. I grew a beard, rode motorcycles and drank with bikers hoping I'd be able to be a "normal" dude. Yeah, that didn't work. I was miserable and gained a ton of weight. Was awful. 

  Anyways, I came to my senses and decided to just be me. I now look kinda fem and people are already asking "what happened"  too me. I was even talking to a girlfriend (who is gay) about my ex girlfriend and she freaked out and thought I never dated girls.

  Well I hope everything goes well for you. I wish people would just let people be and live their lives. Maybe Its innocent curiosity? Curious or not though, genitalia questions are quite personal. 

[tracy_j]

Yes it does show how out of control social media can get. I have managed, in the main, to keep photos which are of me online to those I have been Ok with, but, not so long ago I was photographed along with many others. I next saw a whole stack of photos online and didn't I stand out ? . I was cringeing, but luckily there were no comebacks.

 

With regard to the chocolate - AsTheCrow has it. It was recently stated on an antiques program on TV that some chocolate from the First World War (over 100 years) should still be edible (not sure about that lol).

 

Tracy

[Cyndee]

Ya know, you just can't expect much if any privacy if you are a social media user, it's simply a given your data is out there, it's only a matter of presenting it.

 

I do love semi sweet chocolate bits (less sugar, less guilt ?)

 

Hugs

 

Cyndi -

[Michelle F]

Ok, realize this is an older thread but it's pertinent...

 

I am virtually alone. All of my family is dead. Most of my past friends are just that, past. Only two of them were still in my sphere of contact. 

 

Facebook outed me with one. He was my best friend and partner in crime, so to speak. We did some mining together and grew pot and distributed it to local dispensaries. All above board. Medical grade.

 

I have tried to communicate. He never responded for over a month. I spoke to my other friend and he never contacted him nor mentioned me at all. Then one day he sent me this video...

 

He has ignored me ever since.

 

It's an "oh well", I get that. Still hurts. He was a decades long friend and confidant. He even helped take care of me when I had my hips replaced and when I had a fungal lung infection. He kept me alive! He's not gay and this is killing me...

?

[jae bear]

Wow, just wow...

hiding in the ladies room at work now, had to cry a little... 

Thank you for sharing, life always finds a way, the future is unwritten, your paths may cross again, I am hoping things improve for you and you old friend...

for now I’m sending you a big hug,

Jackie

[RithiaAllen]

On 9/7/2018 at 12:44 PM, Kirsten said:

Well if it helps, I have run into similar things since I first started telling people. I can understand how you can be upset about it too. If I wasn’t so open I would be too. I had a police detail 2 days ago,  that the first thing he said to me was “so you’re the trans girl I’ve heard about.”  I was floored! Apparently the detail I had last Friday figured me out (because I didn’t tell him either) and then spread it around the station. So most of the town of Milford mass now knows I’m trans. ?. 

The way I look at it is that it’s a chance to spread knowledge. The privates question is always right up front unfortunately. I don’t really get it myself. Nobody wanted to know about my piece before. So why now?! And I know I have never asked anyone about theirs. But it seems to be the BIG burning question about trans people. So I just oblige and move on. I don’t think it’s meant to be inappropriate. Just curiosity. And once answered it shouldn’t come back up. Well idk if that’s the case but it is what it is. 

Eventually I think it’ll go away all together. I have a friend who just hit her 2 years since going full time. And she completely forgot! Life takes back over and all the trans stuff will fade. Less questions. Less awkwardness. Less nerves. Less of everything trans and just more life. HAPPY life!! 

Probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but you aren’t alone Jackie. Stay strong and don’t let it get to you.

Kirsten 

 

If you really want to avoid the gossip when you are done transitioning you have to move. No one at my current job knows my history and I aim to keep it that way. 

[Kirsten]

Just now, RithiaAllen said:

If you really want to avoid the gossip when you are done transitioning you have to move. No one at my current job knows my history and I aim to keep it that way. 

Never in a million years. I love my old life. All the people. All I accomplished. All of it. I may not have been able to live it as myself, but I lived it how I wanted to and am very proud of every bit of it from graduating high school and getting 2 degrees to all of the wonderful friends I have, to my 19 year career and my transition. If I left all that behind I would cease to exist and that would be so sad for me. 

Although I used to think that would make transition much easier. And still kind of do if you’re the right kind of person. But it’s definitely not anything I could or would ever do. That’s why I do my “my journey” thing here. So anyone who may be thinking of this can see what the process is. Know who I was and who I am. And see that not much changed. 

I also think moving is a good idea for anyone in an unaccepting place. Extenuating circumstances require extraordinary steps sometimes. ??‍♀️

[RithiaAllen]

2 hours ago, Kirsten said:

Never in a million years. I love my old life. All the people. All I accomplished. All of it. I may not have been able to live it as myself, but I lived it how I wanted to and am very proud of every bit of it from graduating high school and getting 2 degrees to all of the wonderful friends I have, to my 19 year career and my transition. If I left all that behind I would cease to exist and that would be so sad for me. 

Although I used to think that would make transition much easier. And still kind of do if you’re the right kind of person. But it’s definitely not anything I could or would ever do. That’s why I do my “my journey” thing here. So anyone who may be thinking of this can see what the process is. Know who I was and who I am. And see that not much changed. 

I also think moving is a good idea for anyone in an unaccepting place. Extenuating circumstances require extraordinary steps sometimes. ??‍♀️

You had a better life as a guy then me. I lived alone. I visited my cousin and his family and sometimes a guy from work and his family. Other then that I was alone before transition. It wasn't until transition and meeting a bunch of people where I actually had friends and did things. I hated what I was.

[Kirsten]

I didn’t have a good life. But the things I could control I did well with. It helps that I am extremely outgoing and energetic. And wanted more than anything to get out of the dead end life I was born into. 

[tracy_j]

A very sad film, although it should really be very happy too as people do board the train. I think it was at a succession of stops in the badlands which made me realise I had to change. Since then passengers have come and gone, but there are those who still sit in their seats.

 

Look to the interesting new places the train will visit!

 

TRacy

[Willow]

That is a very moving way to talk about life.  Any life!  And it is so true.  I took the getting off the train and leaving an empty seat as more than a friendship de-solving, but as life and death.  I am not alone as I have my family and my wife, but I have lost my parents and sibling, my childhood best friend and most of the rest of my friends.  It's what happens when you out live them.  

 

At the same time I am concerned that in time others will learn of my status and will also leave my train and that will be very sad for me.  Enough so, that it makes me very conflicted with my internal feelings and needs and my external needs.  And yes the adults in my immediate family do know, children or next level family (in-laws nieces and nephews) do not nor do any of my friends.  Anything that would break that would be devastating.

 

Hugs Jackie

 

Willow 

[Michelle F]

On 12/18/2018 at 3:36 PM, jae bear said:

Wow, just wow...

hiding in the ladies room at work now, had to cry a little... 

Thank you for sharing, life always finds a way, the future is unwritten, your paths may cross again, I am hoping things improve for you and you old friend...

for now I’m sending you a big hug,

Jackie

Thank you, Jackie! I needed that. I'm still having some trouble with this but things are softening.

 

You don't realize how deeply affecting friendships are until you lose one...

 

From my point of view...

 

I am a woman. If Steve can't accept that then it's his loss...

 

Ted, my other friend, has accepted me. In fact, he even claimed the 'transition need' has always been visible. He just didn't know what was happening exactly. But he knew something was up. He said this explain much of my past behavior. Total acceptance... Where as Steve has show total rejection.

 

Why does Yin and Yang have to be so blatant in my life. Never gray... Always, and in all ways, Black and White! Never gray...

[jae bear]

  Hey Michelle,

Sometimes life has hard edges, the soft spot in the middle is elusive, but as long as we can find joy somehow between the hard edges of dark and light things will end up OK. I have found that once in a while you simply need to create your own joy while closing your eyes to what is so dark and so light, I suppose we all do our very best along the way, it sounds like you are doing your best and I applaud your effort.

 Hugs, 

Jackie

[Linde]

I feel really sorry about the drama some of you had in your life.  Yes, my marriage collapsed because of me going down the road to become a female, but I am now a good friend with my ex, and all my/her relatives are behind.  Her sisters tread me now like a sister in law, and their kids switched from uncle to aunt.  All my current friends were also my friends already prior to me transitioning, and they all stick  to me.

Yes, I was bullied as a child, and a youngster, because I was different, but luckily I had three very strong cousins, who loved their wimpy little cousin and always took care of the bullies.

Transitioning was not an interpersonal  hardship for me at all.  I don't know why, it may be that I am just lucky.  But i never really had many male friends, just some nerds like I, and from my political activities, but even there I worked mostly with females.