so here we are

[leomonade]

i have no idea how to start this so i guess I'll jump straight to the point.

 

to start with the relevant information on here, I'm a transgender teen (ftm) who lives in the usa. to start from the beginning, I've honestly never given much thought to gender when i was really young. i never felt a certain gender, and was just myself, as i personally believe gender to work like. for a big part of my life up until 1st or 2nd grade, just about all the real friends i made were male (though i had few friends to begin with in general, being a huge introvert, heh), and never truly starting forming friendships with female peers until my parents started introducing me to them and after alienation from the boys (im not sure exactly how it happened). this doesn't alone automatically mean that I'm trans or that it caused it, in my personal belief, but it's something. i really don't want to go into every detail, but one thing that sticks out to me is my distress at female puberty. when my chest started to develop, i either ignored and denied it or just wasn't aware of what was happening for a while. when my mom noticed the growth and pointed it out to me, i was,,,pretty upset, to say the least. even after i was made aware of the fact that i needed to wear a bra, i refused to for an entire year before i finally began to after a talk with my mom. puberty affected me negatively even more as time passed, especially when I started to menstruate (i had a panic attack about it) but that's proobably enough oof

 

even after i was made aware that trans individuals exist, it took me a while to admit to myself i was genderqueer. though i vividly experienced dysphoria, which only got worse as i grew older, i sort of pushed it to the back of my brain and told myself i'd grow into a woman. but as time went on, at some point i really realized i wasn't cisgender. 

 

about a year or two ago, i came out as agender. the people i told were pretty welcoming about it, and i thought i could be comfortable with the identity. but after using the label for some time, i found myself feeling detached from it, and gave it up, begrudgingly saying i was cisgender (i say begrudgingly out of still feeling dysphoric over my gender. there is nothing wrong with being cis). last March, i once again had a crisis over what my gender really was. neither being a girl nor neither suit me, and i wasn't ready to admit to myself i was a transgender boy. finally, after thinking it over, i decided to try to identify with it, and found myself to realize this was the root of all my repressed dysphoria. 

 

there's a bit more, but i think this is enough, at least for now. after some things that happened recently, i want to be able to talk about this in a community made just for this kind of thing and be able to sort my feelings out as of now after a few conflicts with myself and my mom regarding this. this seems like a pretty good group of people, despite how relatively small this website is, and i hope i can figure myself out here :')

[tracy_j]

Hi Leomonade,

 

Welcome

 

Thank you for your introduction. You will find yourself among friends here, many of who will relate well to the thoughts you are having. Please feel free to join in and post / ask questions. It is a fairly small site. That is to advantage in many ways as we feel we are talking in a group of friends rather than a hall full of people. There are a number of teens here, in fact people of all ages, each with their unique experiences. Yours will add to them as we all help each other.

 

Tracy

[Charlize]

Welcome Lemonade.  I have found for myself and seen in many others that being here and sharing with others who understand has helped me find peace with myself.  You may also find it helpful to see a gender therapist.

Finding peace with my gender has been lifetime pursuit.  We all find our own paths and hopefully can find peace with that journey.

While we are a somewhat small site having been here for awhile now i know many folks get some help and then are able to move on.  Many stop by later with wonderful stories of life.

Kick off your boots and enjoy.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Leomonade,

 

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you've found us!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Adaline]

Hey Lemonade,

 

Glad you found us.  Every time I read a new introduction my heart goes out to the person.  There are billions of people on this planet that know without a doubt that they are a boy or a girl.  For the rest of us we need to figure it out.  That can be both a painful and confusing search but having others that understand and can help is a big step in the right direction.   

 

This is a small community but the members have big hearts.  

 

Hugs 

Adaline