Do You Hate Cisgender People?

[mochi90]

Yesterday I had a falling out with my first transgender friend. The reasoning behind it was that he believes all cisgender people are evil, worthy of hatred, and that rage is strength. I believe he is wrong and told him so. At that point he stated that I was acting above him and forcing my view points on him, and he was not ok with that. 

I am a kind, compassionate, loving person. Above all else, I am a pacifist. I simply do not have it in me to hate 90% of the world's population. 

Do you guys feel the same way about cis people as my friend does? 

[Robin]

I do not think that it is reasonable to hate a cisgender person on the grounds of their gender, any more than for a cis person to hate a transgender person due to theirs.  Is cisphobia the latest trend?

 

Robin.

[Kirsten]

Yeah. There’s no real differences in trans or cis people. Or race, religion, sexual orientation, or anything else for that matter. We are all people. Some good. Some bad. But people nonetheless. Dislike people for who they are if you must. Not for what group they fit into. 

[VickySGV]

I can't say I hate them as a group, but some individual cis people do work themselves onto my "enjoy your own funeral" list, and they do have to work to get there.  My least favorite are the ones who claim to be allies, and then think they know what is best for Trans People or how I should be a Trans Person.  They have small ignorant brains and loud mouths and make me want to scream.  The ones who openly say they hate me but do nothing, I walk away from and ignore them which in my life is worse than hating really.  The actual physically violent or activist cis-people I can find that I hate, but I keep myself away from them if at all possible or I work with other Trans and Cis people to isolate and defuse them.

Trans people are not angels and some do have actual hatred or more realistically ENVY for cis people, especially after living with non-acceptance and often abuse that is physical and mental. These Trans people I know that way are angry for what has happened to them, and scared of what life seems like it will be.  The fact that I have lived through as many years as I have being my true self and am comfortable enough with my own life now as me also makes some Trans people envious of me and who claim wrongly that I look down on them which I feel sad about because I do not, and my heart is out to them.

[SugarMagnolia]

I try my best not to hate anyone...not even people that are hateful towards me. My hating someone else damages me not them. It's not always easy, but I try my utmost to find compassion for everyone. 

Kylo Ren and Anakin are wrong. ?

 

[BrandiBri]

I really don't hate anyone, I might hate their actions, reactions or attitude toward me or my transition, but I do not hate the person. Case in point, my youngest daughter can't seem to accept me, more likely for her religious viewpoint. I don't hate her, but I hate that she is intentionally trying to keep me away from my grandchildren. I have come to accept that she has her right to her own opinion and that I have no control over that. I find that the serenity prayer is appropriate in these situations.

[Carolyn Marie]

In my lifetime I have found reason to hate a very small handful of people, and that is for their actions towards me, and not because of who they are.  I don;t judge people on anything other than what they do.  So no, I don't hate cis-folk.  But if someone in that group, or in any group, hurts me or mine, then all bets are off.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Robin]

There are always people ready to demonise an individual or group in order to gain control over others.  If someone tells you that a particular person is a threat to you, but offers to protect you from them, you are then grateful to the person that is supporting you, and you are likely to look up to them and support them.  If someone is living in fear, they are likely to cling to anyone that offers protection, and creating an imaginary threat is very easy. 

 

Robin.

[MarcieMarie12]

There are individuals I dislike, but that is the wrong word (to me it implies wishing to do harm to another). One thing I do hate is generalizations and beat myself up for it when I do it. I know it is part of human nature, but it is not a good one.

[Charlize]

I feel sorry or your friend who must feel terribly isolated in this world.  Hopefully they will find peace with the world.  Please don't consider falling into that wormhole.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[jo jo]

you must feel sorry for these people as everybody should be treated equally doesnt matter whether its colour creed gender everybody is equal....... im a socialist and believe we have no betters or nobody lesser theres too much judging going on in this world so chill

[tracy_j]

I believe in the saying, 'people are people'. There is prejudice everywhere, and the trans community is not exempt. I only have to look toward my stepson who is gay. He is very agressive with his opinions on acceptance, even though he is very sociable and fair. Even that, I find too much at times. There is obviously a big difference between open activism for a cause and directed prejudice, but I feel the line is very thin at times. Not forgetting that everyone has inbuilt self preservation, opinions and goals to work for.

 

My simple answer to the cis people issue, though, is that there is a gender spectrum. In this 'cis' as a term is really not one I use much as it is not easy to determine just how 'cis' someone is. I know it will be a little held view, and maybe I live in dreamland but 'people are people'.

 

Tracy

[KymmieL]

OK, playing the dumb blonde now? I have seen this term before but have no idea what it is or refers to. CIS ???

 

Thanks

Kymmie

[SugarMagnolia]

cis is a latin prefix that essentially means, "same". The idea is that cis can be used to denote non-trans people without having to "non-trans". Having 'cis' and 'trans' makes it easier to put everyone on the same level.

[SugarMagnolia]

Thanks, Mary! I was trying to remember that off the top of my head and didn't quite come up with it. I appreciate you having the correct definition!

[GothicLucas]

On 9/13/2018 at 10:20 AM, Robin said:

 Is cisphobia the latest trend?

 

 

In my experience, it is...that's why I prefer not to hang around the younger (under 25) trans crowd. Maybe they're just still in the process of finding themselves. I got tired of being in spaces where it was ok to rant about "the cis," and where it always felt like "us vs. them." I feel like this mindset is especially unhelpful to people who are questioning their gender identity, or unsure about what to do with their discoveries. Keep in mind most people are pretty decent, no matter their age, but I left a couple of groups in which I felt a definite vibe of "if you don't follow all the trans rules, you are cis a.k.a. The Enemy." Nobody who is questioning themselves wants to become the enemy of the people they seek to identify with.

To answer the question more directly: as someone who has been fascinated with gender since the tender age of 4, I legitimately love ALL genders

[MicahKj]

i don't hate people just for being cis, but a good number of them scare the hell out of me to the extent that, among a buttload of other reasons, i tend to avoid talking to strange people in general in case they turn out to fall under the "bad cis" category. it's also very, very easy to blame the dismissal or the collective actions of cis people against trans people on their inability to understand the condition from their own personal experience. it's harder to relate to people when they're missing something that so deeply effects the course of your life and motivators.
there's also something very disconcerting about having an outwardly "friendly" conversation with someone and knowing that there's a good chance that they don't view you as a person, or that they'll think you're "mental" or "deluded" and need to be "fixed", possibly through unsafe methods and against your will, rather than respect your comfort.
and there's something downright terrifying about having that same conversation with someone and learning that they honestly believe that an old book, which no one fully agrees on the meanings of and most people only selectively heed, is the one singular thing keeping them from hurting others.
the feeling only gets worse and worse as one tries to keep up with politics or the news or listens in on support channels and adds on to their knowledge of what it means live as a transgendered person. i can't claim to know what's going on in the minds of teenagers at this point, but when someone belonging to a highly targeted minority develops a dislike or fear of being around a faction that often does the targeting, it doesn't feel like something a person is doing to seem "cool" or "trendy" or using to control others. it feels like survival instincts.
that said though, caution is one thing, but actually hating them obsessively just for the sake of them being different from us... seems a bit hypocritical, and kinda pointless. i know whoever first said "fight fire with fire" was probably trying to sound like a badass, but mimicking the absolute worst traits we see in others is not even remotely productive, and i could honestly see keeping an attitude like that alienating a lot of trans people from the gender therapists who might otherwise help them transition...

[Robin]

The average cis individual has probably never met a trans person, and most likely hasn't given the subject a lot of thought.  The "haters" that we see in the media represent a tiny fraction of the population.  Many of those people are really just trying to make themselves popular, and their cause is just a means to an end.

 

The religious fanatics are far more scared of us than we are of them.  This is because we just see them as people, but they have been taught that we are demons, with the ability to destroy civilisation.  Their leaders want them to believe that, in order to have control over them, as I mentioned in an earlier post.

 

Most ordinary people are friendly, if you are pleasant to them. 

 

Robin.

[Jennifer Paige]

On 9/13/2018 at 11:09 AM, mochi90 said:

Yesterday I had a falling out with my first transgender friend. The reasoning behind it was that he believes all cisgender people are evil, worthy of hatred, and that rage is strength. I believe he is wrong and told him so. At that point he stated that I was acting above him and forcing my view points on him, and he was not ok with that. 

I am a kind, compassionate, loving person. Above all else, I am a pacifist. I simply do not have it in me to hate 90% of the world's population. 

Do you guys feel the same way about cis people as my friend does? 

I'd make a guess there's much more going on inside your friend, and it isn't necessarily that he thinks all cisgender people are evil et al.  Someone has probably hurt him badly, and he's never found a way to resolve it, hence the direction of hatred toward 90% of the world.  There are plenty of reasons to feel frustrated and angry when we're gender different and perhaps reviled because of it, but hating 6 or 7 billion people seems a bit extreme.

 

As with many of us, I would guess, I have plenty of reasons to be angry at the world and at life.  I want to be female.  I want to get pregnant and have a baby growing inside of me.  I want to be able to live as my female self.  I want to be accepted as female in my family.  None of those things have ever been nor will they ever be a reality for me.  I still have this female part of me.  That's my lemon.

 

So I seek women in lemon print sun dresses.  What other males can appreciate women's clothing as much as someone who is transgender?  It's fun!  I've met lots of wonderful young women, many very bright, some who are full time professional models traveling across the US and Europe.

 

Anger and hatred toward a group like cisgendered people is a mask.

 

I don't have the life that I want, but I took that life and made it into something fun.  The photo below is one I took on 5th Ave in NYC in 2016.  She's a great model and a nice person, and we had an excellent shoot!  I believe this never would have happened if I wasn't TG.  So no, I don't hate cisgendered people.

 

 

Edited December 28, 2018 by MaryEllen
Photo removed due to possible copyright issues

[Michelle F]

Once again... I am late to this conversation that said...

 

If not mistaken...

CIS means... Comfortable In Skin

 

I hatred only comes in one skin...

 

Hate is a strong word. How any one can be comfortable in that state of mind escapes me. I guess I'm confused. Hate is a word I distain...

 

Honestly, I endeavour to not use it when ever and were ever I can...

[Michelle F]

Where ever...

 

WE NEED EDITING FUNCTION

[Jennifer T]

I am very thankful for the responses here. 

 

Please, anybody, do not hate any group of people because of a perception of the group. 

 

And as as much as is within us, limit true hate as much as is possible. Hate is a terrible thing. And it will eat at you like a cancer.

 

[Susan R]

Just now, Michelle F said:

WE NEED EDITING FUNCTION

I SECOND THAT!!!!!!

[Josie Beth]

Hear hear! Is the motion carried?

[Jani]

5 hours ago, Michelle F said:

Hate is a word I distain...

 

Honestly, I endeavour to not use it when ever and were ever I can..

Yes.  Its the one word I truly...        dislike.