Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Do You Hate Cisgender People?


mochi90

Recommended Posts

Yesterday I had a falling out with my first transgender friend. The reasoning behind it was that he believes all cisgender people are evil, worthy of hatred, and that rage is strength. I believe he is wrong and told him so. At that point he stated that I was acting above him and forcing my view points on him, and he was not ok with that. 

I am a kind, compassionate, loving person. Above all else, I am a pacifist. I simply do not have it in me to hate 90% of the world's population. 

Do you guys feel the same way about cis people as my friend does? 

Link to comment

I do not think that it is reasonable to hate a cisgender person on the grounds of their gender, any more than for a cis person to hate a transgender person due to theirs.  Is cisphobia the latest trend?

 

Robin.

Link to comment

Yeah. There’s no real differences in trans or cis people. Or race, religion, sexual orientation, or anything else for that matter. We are all people. Some good. Some bad. But people nonetheless. Dislike people for who they are if you must. Not for what group they fit into. 

Link to comment
  • Admin

I can't say I hate them as a group, but some individual cis people do work themselves onto my "enjoy your own funeral" list, and they do have to work to get there.  My least favorite are the ones who claim to be allies, and then think they know what is best for Trans People or how I should be a Trans Person.  They have small ignorant brains and loud mouths and make me want to scream.  The ones who openly say they hate me but do nothing, I walk away from and ignore them which in my life is worse than hating really.  The actual physically violent or activist cis-people I can find that I hate, but I keep myself away from them if at all possible or I work with other Trans and Cis people to isolate and defuse them.

Trans people are not angels and some do have actual hatred or more realistically ENVY for cis people, especially after living with non-acceptance and often abuse that is physical and mental. These Trans people I know that way are angry for what has happened to them, and scared of what life seems like it will be.  The fact that I have lived through as many years as I have being my true self and am comfortable enough with my own life now as me also makes some Trans people envious of me and who claim wrongly that I look down on them which I feel sad about because I do not, and my heart is out to them.

Link to comment

I try my best not to hate anyone...not even people that are hateful towards me. My hating someone else damages me not them. It's not always easy, but I try my utmost to find compassion for everyone. 

Kylo Ren and Anakin are wrong. ?

 

Link to comment

I really don't hate anyone, I might hate their actions, reactions or attitude toward me or my transition, but I do not hate the person. Case in point, my youngest daughter can't seem to accept me, more likely for her religious viewpoint. I don't hate her, but I hate that she is intentionally trying to keep me away from my grandchildren. I have come to accept that she has her right to her own opinion and that I have no control over that. I find that the serenity prayer is appropriate in these situations.

Link to comment
  • Admin

In my lifetime I have found reason to hate a very small handful of people, and that is for their actions towards me, and not because of who they are.  I don;t judge people on anything other than what they do.  So no, I don't hate cis-folk.  But if someone in that group, or in any group, hurts me or mine, then all bets are off.

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

There are always people ready to demonise an individual or group in order to gain control over others.  If someone tells you that a particular person is a threat to you, but offers to protect you from them, you are then grateful to the person that is supporting you, and you are likely to look up to them and support them.  If someone is living in fear, they are likely to cling to anyone that offers protection, and creating an imaginary threat is very easy. 

 

Robin.

Link to comment

There are individuals I dislike, but that is the wrong word (to me it implies wishing to do harm to another). One thing I do hate is generalizations and beat myself up for it when I do it. I know it is part of human nature, but it is not a good one.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I feel sorry or your friend who must feel terribly isolated in this world.  Hopefully they will find peace with the world.  Please don't consider falling into that wormhole.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

you must feel sorry for these people as everybody should be treated equally doesnt matter whether its colour creed gender everybody is equal....... im a socialist and believe we have no betters or nobody lesser theres too much judging going on in this world so chill

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I believe in the saying, 'people are people'. There is prejudice everywhere, and the trans community is not exempt. I only have to look toward my stepson who is gay. He is very agressive with his opinions on acceptance, even though he is very sociable and fair. Even that, I find too much at times. There is obviously a big difference between open activism for a cause and directed prejudice, but I feel the line is very thin at times. Not forgetting that everyone has inbuilt self preservation, opinions and goals to work for.

 

My simple answer to the cis people issue, though, is that there is a gender spectrum. In this 'cis' as a term is really not one I use much as it is not easy to determine just how 'cis' someone is. I know it will be a little held view, and maybe I live in dreamland but 'people are people'.

 

Tracy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

OK, playing the dumb blonde now? I have seen this term before but have no idea what it is or refers to. CIS ???

 

Thanks

Kymmie

Link to comment

cis is a latin prefix that essentially means, "same". The idea is that cis can be used to denote non-trans people without having to "non-trans". Having 'cis' and 'trans' makes it easier to put everyone on the same level.

Link to comment

Thanks, Mary! I was trying to remember that off the top of my head and didn't quite come up with it. I appreciate you having the correct definition!

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...
On 9/13/2018 at 10:20 AM, Robin said:

 Is cisphobia the latest trend?

 

 

In my experience, it is...that's why I prefer not to hang around the younger (under 25) trans crowd. Maybe they're just still in the process of finding themselves. I got tired of being in spaces where it was ok to rant about "the cis," and where it always felt like "us vs. them." I feel like this mindset is especially unhelpful to people who are questioning their gender identity, or unsure about what to do with their discoveries. Keep in mind most people are pretty decent, no matter their age, but I left a couple of groups in which I felt a definite vibe of "if you don't follow all the trans rules, you are cis a.k.a. The Enemy." Nobody who is questioning themselves wants to become the enemy of the people they seek to identify with.

To answer the question more directly: as someone who has been fascinated with gender since the tender age of 4, I legitimately love ALL genders :)

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

i don't hate people just for being cis, but a good number of them scare the hell out of me to the extent that, among a buttload of other reasons, i tend to avoid talking to strange people in general in case they turn out to fall under the "bad cis" category. it's also very, very easy to blame the dismissal or the collective actions of cis people against trans people on their inability to understand the condition from their own personal experience. it's harder to relate to people when they're missing something that so deeply effects the course of your life and motivators.
there's also something very disconcerting about having an outwardly "friendly" conversation with someone and knowing that there's a good chance that they don't view you as a person, or that they'll think you're "mental" or "deluded" and need to be "fixed", possibly through unsafe methods and against your will, rather than respect your comfort.
and there's something downright terrifying about having that same conversation with someone and learning that they honestly believe that an old book, which no one fully agrees on the meanings of and most people only selectively heed, is the one singular thing keeping them from hurting others.
the feeling only gets worse and worse as one tries to keep up with politics or the news or listens in on support channels and adds on to their knowledge of what it means live as a transgendered person. i can't claim to know what's going on in the minds of teenagers at this point, but when someone belonging to a highly targeted minority develops a dislike or fear of being around a faction that often does the targeting, it doesn't feel like something a person is doing to seem "cool" or "trendy" or using to control others. it feels like survival instincts.
that said though, caution is one thing, but actually hating them obsessively just for the sake of them being different from us... seems a bit hypocritical, and kinda pointless. i know whoever first said "fight fire with fire" was probably trying to sound like a badass, but mimicking the absolute worst traits we see in others is not even remotely productive, and i could honestly see keeping an attitude like that alienating a lot of trans people from the gender therapists who might otherwise help them transition...

Link to comment

The average cis individual has probably never met a trans person, and most likely hasn't given the subject a lot of thought.  The "haters" that we see in the media represent a tiny fraction of the population.  Many of those people are really just trying to make themselves popular, and their cause is just a means to an end.

 

The religious fanatics are far more scared of us than we are of them.  This is because we just see them as people, but they have been taught that we are demons, with the ability to destroy civilisation.  Their leaders want them to believe that, in order to have control over them, as I mentioned in an earlier post.

 

Most ordinary people are friendly, if you are pleasant to them. 

 

Robin.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...
On 9/13/2018 at 11:09 AM, mochi90 said:

Yesterday I had a falling out with my first transgender friend. The reasoning behind it was that he believes all cisgender people are evil, worthy of hatred, and that rage is strength. I believe he is wrong and told him so. At that point he stated that I was acting above him and forcing my view points on him, and he was not ok with that. 

I am a kind, compassionate, loving person. Above all else, I am a pacifist. I simply do not have it in me to hate 90% of the world's population. 

Do you guys feel the same way about cis people as my friend does? 

I'd make a guess there's much more going on inside your friend, and it isn't necessarily that he thinks all cisgender people are evil et al.  Someone has probably hurt him badly, and he's never found a way to resolve it, hence the direction of hatred toward 90% of the world.  There are plenty of reasons to feel frustrated and angry when we're gender different and perhaps reviled because of it, but hating 6 or 7 billion people seems a bit extreme.

 

As with many of us, I would guess, I have plenty of reasons to be angry at the world and at life.  I want to be female.  I want to get pregnant and have a baby growing inside of me.  I want to be able to live as my female self.  I want to be accepted as female in my family.  None of those things have ever been nor will they ever be a reality for me.  I still have this female part of me.  That's my lemon.

 

So I seek women in lemon print sun dresses.  What other males can appreciate women's clothing as much as someone who is transgender?  It's fun!  I've met lots of wonderful young women, many very bright, some who are full time professional models traveling across the US and Europe.

 

Anger and hatred toward a group like cisgendered people is a mask.

 

I don't have the life that I want, but I took that life and made it into something fun.  The photo below is one I took on 5th Ave in NYC in 2016.  She's a great model and a nice person, and we had an excellent shoot!  I believe this never would have happened if I wasn't TG.  So no, I don't hate cisgendered people.

 

 

Edited by MaryEllen
Photo removed due to possible copyright issues
Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

Once again... I am late to this conversation that said...

 

If not mistaken...

CIS means... Comfortable In Skin

 

I hatred only comes in one skin...

 

Hate is a strong word. How any one can be comfortable in that state of mind escapes me. I guess I'm confused. Hate is a word I distain...

 

Honestly, I endeavour to not use it when ever and were ever I can...

Link to comment

I am very thankful for the responses here. 

 

Please, anybody, do not hate any group of people because of a perception of the group. 

 

And as as much as is within us, limit true hate as much as is possible. Hate is a terrible thing. And it will eat at you like a cancer.

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
Just now, Michelle F said:

WE NEED EDITING FUNCTION

I SECOND THAT!!!!!!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
5 hours ago, Michelle F said:

Hate is a word I distain...

 

Honestly, I endeavour to not use it when ever and were ever I can..

Yes.  Its the one word I truly...        dislike. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 159 Guests (See full list)

    • marysssia
    • Petra Jane
    • April Marie
    • Ashley0616
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Maddee
    • Carolyn Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • April Marie
      I love wearing a jeans skirt!! That looks like airport carpet. Safe travels if you're flying!!
    • Maddee
      Flight faraway forthcoming Fabulous forum friends 😊😊🎸🦂
    • Maddee
    • KathyLauren
      One of our cats is polydactyl.  He has 7 toes on each front paw and 5 on each back paw, for 24 toes total.   Another one, an ex-feral who, at the time, was free to roam, climbed 50 feet up a tree without having any thought about how he was going to get down.  His pal climed down backwards, but he couldn't.  He ended up coming down by leaping from branch to branch.  Which nearly gave us heart attacks, because he only has one eye and therefore has no depth perception.   The other ex-feral (both are now indoor cats) obviously does not have those soft pads on his feet.  At night, when we are in bed, we can hear him stomping around the house.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The two o'clock Onshoring meeting was going well.  Taylor was leading, inviting other people up to speak on their specialties. Aerial photogrammetry and surveying, including the exact boundary, were out for contract signature  Gibson had handled that - Manufacturing was supposed to, but somehow hadn't happened.  Legal issues from Legal. Accounting reported on current costs, including all upkeep, guard salaries, etc.  Manufacturing was supposed to give those numbers, but they hadn't.   The downside was the VP of Manufacturing.  He had arrived at the meeting red-faced, his tie askew, clutching a bottle. It smelled strongly of vodka. He had never done anything in his twenty years of being VP of Manufacturing, and he did not like being asked now.   "Mr. ----, do you have the inventory we asked for?" Taylor asked politely.  VP Gibson had asked him to have his people go through the plant and not only inventory but assess the operational status of every piece of equipment.  They needed to know what they had. "I'm not going to take any f---- orders from a g-d- tra---," he snarled. "God knows what kind of perverts it has dragged into our fair city and bangs every night." "That is completely out of line." That was Gibson.  Taylor controlled herself.  That was a shot at Bob, not just at Taylor.  She was glad Bob was not there to do something stupid.  Had Mrs. McCarthy been talking? What had she said?  Was she given to embellishment?  Taylor took a deep breath. "I'm not sorry.  You f--- can take this stupid onshoring --- and shove it up your -" "That is quite enough."  This was the head of HR. "You can take your sissy ways and sashay -" "You are fired." "You can't fire me." "Oh, yes I can," said the office manager.  The VP took another swig from his bottle. "Try it."  He looked uncertain. "I will have you removed.  Are you going to leave on your own?  I am calling the police to help you leave." And he dialed the number. He stomped out cursing. They heard him noisily go down the hall.  This was the front conference room.  He actually went through security and out the door, throwing his badge on the ground on his way.  The guard picked it up. They could see this through the glass wall. "Can you fire a VP?" "The Board told me that if anyone gives me problems they should be shown the door. Even a VP.  I can fire everyone here. I won't, of course. Those were problems." "Are you alright, Taylor?" She nodded.  "I've heard worse.  Shall we continue?" And they did.   The last item was that certain business people in China had been arrested, and the corporation that had been supporting them all these years had been dissolved.  They were on their own, and the Board was dead serious on straightening things out.  After this meeting, Taylor believed it.  She did not attend the meeting to discuss how to distribute the few duties the VP of Manufacturing had done.  That was ultimately up to the Board.    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Lunch was at Cabaret, still free.  The place was quiet: it was the sort of place you took a business client to impress them, and the few other people were in business suits.  Most of the legal profession was there.   She told him of the morning's frustrations, breaking her own rule about confidentiality.  She asked Karen how the branding was going, and Karen had snapped back that she had not started on it yet - they had all these proposals.  Taylor had explained that it was important, for the two o'clock meeting, and Karen told her to do it herself.  Karen pointed out that Taylor could not touch her - her uncle was on the Board and her brother was VP of Manufacturing.  Nor would the two computer guys go out to the plant - they were playing some kind of MMORPG and simply not available. If she wanted the pictures, she should go.  Mary prayed an Ave Maria, but both she and Brenda were racing to get the proposal out. The client wanted it Friday for review.   She didn't bring up what Mrs. McCarthy had told her.  She wasn't sure how to approach it.  She thought of telling her of a 'something more comfortable' she had bought in case he ever DID show up at her door. It was in the bottom drawer of her dresser, ready to go.  Instead she talked about moving to a place with a garage.  Several of the abandoned houses had one, and they had been maintained well with China cash.   Bob had finally realized that when he was introduced as Bob, Taylor's boyfriend, that was just how things were done here. Other people had introduced each other in terms of family relationships, which were strong.  Long before you found out anything else about someone, you knew how they were related.  Family kept people from leaving Millville.    "What is the real name of this town, anyway?"   She laughed.  "I am trying to find that out.  It's 'Welcome to Millvale' when you come into town from the north, and 'Welcome to Millville' on the south.  I have counted two other variants."   "What a town. Roosevelt is like that, with the families, but there is only one spelling."  
    • Ashley0616
      Nothing wrong with that. I'm glad that you found what makes you happy! Just curious what does your wife think? If it's too personal I understand.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      – According to a recent survey, the most popular name for a dog is Max. Other popular names include Molly, Sam, Zach, and Maggie.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Either new environment/ not potty trained
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob was on his way home from the dojo and he "just happened" to driver by her place. It was 10:30.  Her light was still on.  He knew exactly where she was sitting.  He saw her in his mind.   A fierce wave of desire that took his breath away suddenly showed up. All he had to do was stop, get out of the car, walk to the door and knock.  She would answer, glad to see him.  She would know why he was there and what he wanted. She would invite him in, maybe get him something to drink, disappear for a moment and return in "something more comfortable."  She would lead him back. Oh, joy.   And never, ever speak to him again afterwards.  Or she would not let him in but be angry about it.  In no way, emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, was she ready for this, and he knew it, if he was honest with himself, and she knew he knew it.  She would look upon it as another assault and their relationship would be irretrievably broken.  He would have to leave town. It would devastate her. It would devastate him.    He fought himself.  He was frozen to his seat as his reason and his body fought. He was twenty four years old, a full-blooded male with normal desires; he had just worked out and he was ready.  All he had to do now was open the car door. No one would know. He held his hands, one in the other, to keep one from moving, against his reason and will, to open that door.  He did not want to be a slave of his desires.   He looked across the street.  Mrs. McCarthy, sister of his landlord, was peeking though her window.  She knew his car.  Everyone in town would know by noon the next day if he got out of the car.  Taylor did not need that, either, and she would know, if he came to the door now, what a selfish thing it would be: in his own eyes, in the eyes of Taylor, in the eyes of the town, and worst of all, in the eyes of God.   He sat there a moment longer.  He was, as he reflected, entering into her sufferings in a small way that she would be made whole, healthy and happy: what he wanted more than anything.  But this hurt.  Why had all this come on her?  He asked God again, but there was only silence. He drove home in that silence. He chided himself for even going on her street and for driving on it other nights.  He would stop that, he told himself.   ------------------------------------------   The next morning Taylor went out to her car to go to work.  Mrs. McCarthy met her before she got to it. "I thought you were going to get lucky last night, dearie," she said. Taylor was puzzled. "Why, what do you mean?" "That young fellow - you know, Bob - he's been driving around here, going up and down the street some nights, not stopping.  Well, last night he parked and sat in his car for a while.   I think he was staring at your window.  I think he was trying to get up the courage to knock on the door. I was rooting for him.   But then he drove away.  Faint heart never won fair lady, as they say. What a shame. You two are a lovely couple.  Well, have a good day!" "Thank you, Mrs. McCarthy."  Taylor knew Bob extremely well and knew what had been going through his mind.  She was more than grateful he had not gotten out of the car. Better for him, better for her, better for everybody.  Surgery "down there" sooner than later.  This was driving the poor boy crazy. It was driving her crazy, too.  But she had a lot to work through. Surgery "up here" she said, pointing to her head.  She woke up her therapist on the way to work.  They were still talking when she pulled into her designated parking spot.  That was a perk that had happened yesterday.  She took a deep breath and headed into work. It would be another wild day.
    • Ashley0616
      bittersweet: especially : pleasure accompanied by suffering or regret
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I'm thinking about some interactions yesterday I did, while presenting as male but acting as female, that were far better than I did when I was presenting as male and acting as male.  #girlunderhood. I do a crappy job at acting as male and I am giving it up.  I am not talking about feminine gestures or presentation but just relating as a woman.  People don't realize I am doing it but it is a whole lot easier to do.   You don't just put on a dress and BOOM you are a girl.  You are a girl and you put on a dress.  Or not. Whether I am in jeans or a skirt (I wish, wife would have lots to say) I am a girl.  I don't need $250 in makeup and heels and hose and all that.  I don't need surgery. Honey, I have arrived.  Now I have to work out how that best works in my life, causing the minimal damage and creating the maximum good, but I have more working room.   Oh, and I am still pissed off at everyone and everything. #Contradictory.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Willow it is certainly possible that my husband planned it. Placing me in the path of an opportunity....he certainly does things like that. GF has done some work for the company as an outside consultant, so I'm sure the company owner knows what potential resources are around.    It could also have just happened randomly. He has taken me to work with him before, just because he likes to have me around. I remember one time that I fell asleep with my head in his lap, and he held a meeting with his subordinates without waking me and making me move.  The company culture is family oriented and relaxed.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...