Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

mochi90

Do You Hate Cisgender People?

Recommended Posts

mochi90

Yesterday I had a falling out with my first transgender friend. The reasoning behind it was that he believes all cisgender people are evil, worthy of hatred, and that rage is strength. I believe he is wrong and told him so. At that point he stated that I was acting above him and forcing my view points on him, and he was not ok with that. 

I am a kind, compassionate, loving person. Above all else, I am a pacifist. I simply do not have it in me to hate 90% of the world's population. 

Do you guys feel the same way about cis people as my friend does? 

Share this post


Link to post
Robin

I do not think that it is reasonable to hate a cisgender person on the grounds of their gender, any more than for a cis person to hate a transgender person due to theirs.  Is cisphobia the latest trend?

 

Robin.

Share this post


Link to post
Kirsten

Yeah. There’s no real differences in trans or cis people. Or race, religion, sexual orientation, or anything else for that matter. We are all people. Some good. Some bad. But people nonetheless. Dislike people for who they are if you must. Not for what group they fit into. 

Share this post


Link to post
VickySGV

I can't say I hate them as a group, but some individual cis people do work themselves onto my "enjoy your own funeral" list, and they do have to work to get there.  My least favorite are the ones who claim to be allies, and then think they know what is best for Trans People or how I should be a Trans Person.  They have small ignorant brains and loud mouths and make me want to scream.  The ones who openly say they hate me but do nothing, I walk away from and ignore them which in my life is worse than hating really.  The actual physically violent or activist cis-people I can find that I hate, but I keep myself away from them if at all possible or I work with other Trans and Cis people to isolate and defuse them.

Trans people are not angels and some do have actual hatred or more realistically ENVY for cis people, especially after living with non-acceptance and often abuse that is physical and mental. These Trans people I know that way are angry for what has happened to them, and scared of what life seems like it will be.  The fact that I have lived through as many years as I have being my true self and am comfortable enough with my own life now as me also makes some Trans people envious of me and who claim wrongly that I look down on them which I feel sad about because I do not, and my heart is out to them.

Share this post


Link to post
SugarMagnolia

I try my best not to hate anyone...not even people that are hateful towards me. My hating someone else damages me not them. It's not always easy, but I try my utmost to find compassion for everyone. 

Kylo Ren and Anakin are wrong. 🙂

 

Share this post


Link to post
BrandiBri

I really don't hate anyone, I might hate their actions, reactions or attitude toward me or my transition, but I do not hate the person. Case in point, my youngest daughter can't seem to accept me, more likely for her religious viewpoint. I don't hate her, but I hate that she is intentionally trying to keep me away from my grandchildren. I have come to accept that she has her right to her own opinion and that I have no control over that. I find that the serenity prayer is appropriate in these situations.

Share this post


Link to post
MaryMary

no, in fact, I very rarely hang out with the LGBT community because I know more about cisgender white male and female prejudices then LGBT ones. I won't list them here but there's a lot. I have PTSD and it gives me a lot of social anxiety so I might seem distant and cold to other people but i'm not.

 

I don't like having hate in my life. I think it's the worst kind of emotional pollution in life. So in general I'm a very gentle person and I do my best to be generous and comforting to others when I muster the energy and courage to do so.

Share this post


Link to post
Carolyn Marie

In my lifetime I have found reason to hate a very small handful of people, and that is for their actions towards me, and not because of who they are.  I don;t judge people on anything other than what they do.  So no, I don't hate cis-folk.  But if someone in that group, or in any group, hurts me or mine, then all bets are off.

 

Carolyn Marie

Share this post


Link to post
Robin

There are always people ready to demonise an individual or group in order to gain control over others.  If someone tells you that a particular person is a threat to you, but offers to protect you from them, you are then grateful to the person that is supporting you, and you are likely to look up to them and support them.  If someone is living in fear, they are likely to cling to anyone that offers protection, and creating an imaginary threat is very easy. 

 

Robin.

Share this post


Link to post
MarcieMarie12

There are individuals I dislike, but that is the wrong word (to me it implies wishing to do harm to another). One thing I do hate is generalizations and beat myself up for it when I do it. I know it is part of human nature, but it is not a good one.

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

I feel sorry or your friend who must feel terribly isolated in this world.  Hopefully they will find peace with the world.  Please don't consider falling into that wormhole.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
jo jo

you must feel sorry for these people as everybody should be treated equally doesnt matter whether its colour creed gender everybody is equal....... im a socialist and believe we have no betters or nobody lesser theres too much judging going on in this world so chill

Share this post


Link to post
tracy_j

I believe in the saying, 'people are people'. There is prejudice everywhere, and the trans community is not exempt. I only have to look toward my stepson who is gay. He is very agressive with his opinions on acceptance, even though he is very sociable and fair. Even that, I find too much at times. There is obviously a big difference between open activism for a cause and directed prejudice, but I feel the line is very thin at times. Not forgetting that everyone has inbuilt self preservation, opinions and goals to work for.

 

My simple answer to the cis people issue, though, is that there is a gender spectrum. In this 'cis' as a term is really not one I use much as it is not easy to determine just how 'cis' someone is. I know it will be a little held view, and maybe I live in dreamland but 'people are people'.

 

Tracy

Share this post


Link to post
KymmieL

OK, playing the dumb blonde now😁 I have seen this term before but have no idea what it is or refers to. CIS ???

 

Thanks

Kymmie

Share this post


Link to post
MaryMary

cis-, meaning "on this side of" versus  trans-, meaning "across from" the gender that is assigned at birth

Share this post


Link to post
SugarMagnolia

cis is a latin prefix that essentially means, "same". The idea is that cis can be used to denote non-trans people without having to "non-trans". Having 'cis' and 'trans' makes it easier to put everyone on the same level.

Share this post


Link to post
SugarMagnolia

Thanks, Mary! I was trying to remember that off the top of my head and didn't quite come up with it. I appreciate you having the correct definition!

Share this post


Link to post
GothicLucas
On 9/13/2018 at 10:20 AM, Robin said:

 Is cisphobia the latest trend?

 

 

In my experience, it is...that's why I prefer not to hang around the younger (under 25) trans crowd. Maybe they're just still in the process of finding themselves. I got tired of being in spaces where it was ok to rant about "the cis," and where it always felt like "us vs. them." I feel like this mindset is especially unhelpful to people who are questioning their gender identity, or unsure about what to do with their discoveries. Keep in mind most people are pretty decent, no matter their age, but I left a couple of groups in which I felt a definite vibe of "if you don't follow all the trans rules, you are cis a.k.a. The Enemy." Nobody who is questioning themselves wants to become the enemy of the people they seek to identify with.

To answer the question more directly: as someone who has been fascinated with gender since the tender age of 4, I legitimately love ALL genders :)

Share this post


Link to post
MicahKj

i don't hate people just for being cis, but a good number of them scare the hell out of me to the extent that, among a buttload of other reasons, i tend to avoid talking to strange people in general in case they turn out to fall under the "bad cis" category. it's also very, very easy to blame the dismissal or the collective actions of cis people against trans people on their inability to understand the condition from their own personal experience. it's harder to relate to people when they're missing something that so deeply effects the course of your life and motivators.
there's also something very disconcerting about having an outwardly "friendly" conversation with someone and knowing that there's a good chance that they don't view you as a person, or that they'll think you're "mental" or "deluded" and need to be "fixed", possibly through unsafe methods and against your will, rather than respect your comfort.
and there's something downright terrifying about having that same conversation with someone and learning that they honestly believe that an old book, which no one fully agrees on the meanings of and most people only selectively heed, is the one singular thing keeping them from hurting others.
the feeling only gets worse and worse as one tries to keep up with politics or the news or listens in on support channels and adds on to their knowledge of what it means live as a transgendered person. i can't claim to know what's going on in the minds of teenagers at this point, but when someone belonging to a highly targeted minority develops a dislike or fear of being around a faction that often does the targeting, it doesn't feel like something a person is doing to seem "cool" or "trendy" or using to control others. it feels like survival instincts.
that said though, caution is one thing, but actually hating them obsessively just for the sake of them being different from us... seems a bit hypocritical, and kinda pointless. i know whoever first said "fight fire with fire" was probably trying to sound like a badass, but mimicking the absolute worst traits we see in others is not even remotely productive, and i could honestly see keeping an attitude like that alienating a lot of trans people from the gender therapists who might otherwise help them transition...

Share this post


Link to post
Robin

The average cis individual has probably never met a trans person, and most likely hasn't given the subject a lot of thought.  The "haters" that we see in the media represent a tiny fraction of the population.  Many of those people are really just trying to make themselves popular, and their cause is just a means to an end.

 

The religious fanatics are far more scared of us than we are of them.  This is because we just see them as people, but they have been taught that we are demons, with the ability to destroy civilisation.  Their leaders want them to believe that, in order to have control over them, as I mentioned in an earlier post.

 

Most ordinary people are friendly, if you are pleasant to them. 

 

Robin.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 22 Guests (See full list)

    • Martyn
    • Willow421
    • SeekingSadie
    • kelseyn
    • Sharon Aml
    • MaryEllen
  • Who Was Online

    98 Users were Online in the Last 48 Hours
    • Martyn
    • Terry
    • Willow421
    • SeekingSadie
    • kelseyn
    • Sharon Aml
    • MaryEllen
    • RithiaAllen
    • Amy LeBlanc
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Heather L
    • Kirsten
    • MaryMary
    • VickySGV
    • Michelle F
    • MicahKj
    • Dev
    • Lizzie McTrucker
    • Petra Jane
    • BrandiBri
    • Dakota16
    • MelissaAndProudOfIt
    • Katie_marie
    • jenerosity
    • JustALonelyKid
    • Adaline
    • Reptidad
    • NewLife336
    • merwe
    • SugarMagnolia
    • Ashlee
    • Dilys C
    • Willa
    • Leo
    • JJ
    • Susan
    • Isabelle
    • ChickenLittle
    • Cyndee
    • Jani
    • Briana
    • Jackie C.
    • Arya
    • Timber Wolf
    • KC
    • KymmieL
    • Sandra6sandy9sand
    • Charlize
    • junebug
    • Katy Ann
    • Thomas
    • EvanC
    • ShipwreckedGirl
    • tgpuppie
    • SandraBear
    • tracy_j
    • Rowan
    • Sara w
    • Janeshannon
    • Perséfone
    • Rachael
    • Cluck1992
    • J_Perra
    • FalknerNessa98
    • DrumbeatAlex
    • nitehwk
    • Lane
    • Jocelyn
    • Zedarius
    • MarcieMarie12
    • jae bear
    • Brienne
    • Miss Linnea
    • My name isn’t Megan
    • Willow
    • AsTheCrow
    • Anslee_24
    • Shannon
    • Clara84
    • KeiraC
    • LarryCopano
    • Cmattison
    • Alexander003
    • Sara Marshall
    • CallMeKai
    • Lorry
    • Michelle P
    • JFK
    • Tam
    • Nickalas Tate
    • dinoduck
    • hmillerrr
    • Zalid
    • Ronin82
    • Ivyblossom
    • Cloee
    • Samsara
    • Jennifer T
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      66,780
    • Total Posts
      604,241
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      4,269
    • Most Online
      8,356

    tgpuppie
    Newest Member
    tgpuppie
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Jayson
      Jayson
      (42 years old)
  • Posts

    • BrandiBri
      Wow, that dress pops in red! I may have to order one for myself! The black is nice as well.
    • Lizzie McTrucker
      More than once I was looking for my phone while holding it. 😣
    • MaryMary
      that's why we say "one step at a time". Honestly my understanding always evolve. For me it's so deeply rooted in instinct and childhood irrationals. I'm always finding new ways to describe what I feel so people understand as best as possible. I find that to describe how we feel language still fall horribly short. This can cause some extra confusion. I hope you will clear some of that confusion and shine a light on what your feelings mean to you. Good luck on what's to come.
    • BrandiBri
      Happy Birthday Jayson! 🎂 Hope your day goes well!   Hugs,  Brandi
    • Kirsten
      I am skipping it I think. I think it’s too much for my wife. As what usually happens she finally told me the issue. She is worried that someone would say something about me and she believes that wearing anything like a dress will make me more of a target. And then the real reason finally came out. She sees all the changes and is just overwhelmed. She wants things to go slower. She wants me to be her version of transitioning. And that’s understandable I think. But only to a certain point. It was like the shoes thing. She didn’t want me wearing women’s shoes for months. But then one day it was ok. And at this point there isn’t issue with shoes.  Its so hard to walk that line between both of us being happy about this process. But I have to remember how much she has lost as well. How hard all of this is for her. How it will take her time too. It took me 30 years. I can’t expect her to come to terms in 7 months.  I am going to try to find something like a pair of high waisted slacks and a shimmery top. Nothing too fancy. Nothing too feminine. Even though it is who I am, it’s not what she can see yet. 
    • Reptidad
      Hello!          Let me start by saying hello to everyone. I knew when I was young that I landed in the wrong body. I prayed for God to take me at 9 years old. God hasn't taken me yet, and I am 51. Please know this Eliza. Go slow. Also be realistic. You sound like you have a plan. Remember cost. A fully functioning phalloplasty takes 2 or 3 surgeries. That is about 2 years worth. (healing, being able to use). I was quoted $50-55,000. Now, I am not here to be a downer. I want you to know that most surgeons do not work with Medicare. I have United Health Ins. through that and they will not work with it, they will give me an estimate. I cannot afford the procedure. BUT.....My friend, did get a metoidioplasty through Dr. Sherman Leis in PA, and is very happy. (That is the elongated clitoris). You said something about 4". This depends on how your built. The testosterone helps with the growth, I have been on it for 10 years.            If you "Google" FTM Bottom surgery you will get cost, the surgeons who do it, what is involved. You sound like you have it going on. The therapist letter is VERY important, appearing in public as the gender you wish to be is a stupid requirement, but must be done. (a therapist will vouch) I got everything but the $$. If I was a younger me, I would tell "me"....cost and a place to work like Starbucks. (they pay for your surgery!) Find out what insurance a surgeon will work with. It cost me $11,000 to go to San Francisco. $8,500 for the chest reconstruction and hotel, food, cab.            Only rely on you. YOU GOT THIS Eliza. IT CAN BE DONE. HAS BEEN DONE, AND I KNOW YOU WILL DO THIS.   
    • SugarMagnolia
      Having torn off the clothes off fear We stand naked in the world Exposing not our skin but our souls   And living bare in front of the world We cling tightly to the safety of the wreckage that was us Realizing, in time, that though adrift, we can swim   Why is there such gravity to being? We want each choice to be the right one We are infinitesimal Yet we're all we have   And Isn't it enough to be warm, safe and fed? Comfortable and loved? Though inevitably dead, we’re compelled To search for meaning in the wake of time   What does it mean to be human? What does it mean to be conscious? How will we use the time that we have left? How will we even use this moment?
    • SugarMagnolia
      Just a little doggerel after not being able to sleep the other night. It's OK to not have all the answers! 🙂     I'm not bothered when I don't know the time of day Or the weather tomorrow If I can't tell someone the way to this place or that Or where I got this hat   But it's two in the morning And it's somewhat demeaning That I have no answer In my search for meaning
    • Willow421
      MaryMary, thank you for your perspective on what it means to "look" or pass as female. I'm nowhere near this stage and still trying to understand what my feelings really mean to me, seeing a therapist help me process the issues. Dressing in your own style is so important, thank you for reminding people about that. I love the picture you posted in your sunglasses. You look awesome! Willow
    • Leo
      Kirsten, I like the dress you chose in black. Every woman needs a little black dress. The style and length is fairly neutral and can be dressed up or down so it is something you can wear on multiple occasions. Play around with different accessories, shoes, and jewelry to get the look you want.  Boots, lower heels, tights, Christmas themed jewelry are more casual, than 4 " heels and pearls. 
    • RithiaAllen
      Yes I agree. Part of it is because now it has an accent with the hair, shoes and the belt. It’s not all just one color.
    • SeekingSadie
      I know its easy for me to say sitting here in my closet on Google (Oh WOW I love the dress in that colour!), but if you know what's in store and what will fit in at the party and look good on you, and you know your wife will be happy doing her own thing then just go for it. Why not get dressed up? 
    • Kirsten
      Sadie, that second one is very nice. They do have my dress in red. But only online. I wouldn’t have it by Saturday so it’s gotta be something in-store. I have a charcoal gray turtleneck tunic that I can wear over my nice jeans if I don’t find anything.  I guess my issue is more that I just want to be dressed up someday. Being a parent of a 3 and 13 year old set of boys alone doesn’t allow much time for anything fancy. Add to that my wife who doesn’t even wear makeup and can’t walk in heels and it just seems like there is never a time to wear anything nice. Idk.  Here’s the dress in red. But it’s not in-store so not really an option either. 
    • Leo
      My thoughts are that you are getting a lot out of this relationship. Toxicity can be powerfully addicting.  However, like any drug it can ultimately destroy you. Therapy can be a lifeline out of this relationship. 
    • RithiaAllen
      I really like that second one.
  • Upcoming Events

×