Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Am I alone in being this way ?


Recommended Posts

Just now, Martyn said:

Yes it is but I don’t feel comfortable, I need to meet other non binary people not trans.

 

To be a porter I need to clear the majority of my debts, I’m at my limit now so cannot get any further credit for a home of any decription.

unless the family home is sold I am unable to afford to rent or buy, I can’t stay with my parents long term so I’ve no idea what the future holds, this another reason I want out, I have £50,000 life cover which would settle my debts and allow my wife and son to move on with their lives.

They are going to move on with or without you or your money.

 

If you have a suicide clause in your insurance your family will see none of the money. Not the least of which suicide is a cardinal sin.

 

one person who is in for tens of thousands of dollars to another you can recover without such drastic actions. I was furloughed, couldn’t afford her for a year. I’ve been away from my boyfriend since June with only text messages, phone calls and face time as our ability to talk. I’ve lived in a crappy hotel room for a month, then found a room at a house with a land lord doing a sort of birding house and then finally found a apartment that would rent to me that was in a safe area and clean. Soon our house in Virginia will be sold and it will pay off my debts and get us free of enough issues to buy a new place here or rent whatever we want.

 

If I could claw my way out of the mess so can you.

 

trans people from both ends of the spectrum can still provide some feedback for certain things. I’m sure there is some sort of non-binary group around your area where you can find addiontional guidance.

 

Do you have the tenacity and the strength to push forward and offer more then just a little bit of money to your family? I think you can.?

Link to comment
  • Replies 108
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Martyn

    46

  • RithiaAllen

    18

  • Jani

    11

  • jae bear

    10

Just now, RithiaAllen said:

 

Do you have the tenacity and the strength to push forward and offer more then just a little bit of money to your family? I think you can.?

If I’m honest it’s a straight forward no, I’m done

Link to comment
Just now, Martyn said:

If I’m honest it’s a straight forward no, I’m done

I think you do. You're not done.

 

Below are some numbers you can reach out to. Please promise me you will call.

 

99 and 112 is the national emergency number in the United Kingdom

111, Option 2, is the National Health Services' First Response Service for mental health crises and support.

Samaritans (http://www.samaritans.org/) is a registered charity aimed at providing emotional support to anyone in distress or at risk of suicide throughout the United Kingdom.[19] They provide a 24/7, toll-free crisis line, as well as local branches.

Samaritans Helpline can be reached at 116 123.

Samaritans' previous hotline number, 08457 90 90 90, is no longer in use. Calling this line may result in charges for call forwarding.

Campaign Against Living Miserably (https://www.thecalmzone.net/) is a registered charity[20] based in England. It was launched in March 2006 as a campaign aimed at bringing the suicide rate down among men aged 15–35.[21] It has a limited-hour phone and webchat options.

CALM (Nationwide) can be reached at 58 58 58 0800 58 58 58 (available every day from 5PM to midnight).

CALM (London) can be reached at 802 58 58 0808 802 58 58 (available every day from 5PM to midnight).

CALM webchat can be found at https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/ (available every day from 5PM to midnight).

Link to comment
Just now, Martyn said:

I realise there are people to talk to, still doesn’t change anything tho 

It changes a lot.

 

You think there is only one way. Others who have gone through what you are going through can give you first hand guidance. In regards to you family, job and debt situation pretty much anyone suffering from GID on any band of the spectrum can relate. Maybe some in the area might also know of a safe house for you to stay long term while you consolidate your expenses in order to get your head above water.

 

Who knows what is out there. Take a deep breath, be calm and reach out.

Link to comment
Just now, RithiaAllen said:

It changes a lot.

 

You think there is only one way. Others who have gone through what you are going through can give you first hand guidance. In regards to you family, job and debt situation pretty much anyone suffering from GID on any band of the spectrum can relate. Maybe some in the area might also know of a safe house for you to stay long term while you consolidate your expenses in order to get your head above water.

 

Who knows what is out there. Take a deep breath, be calm and reach out.

I think what angers me tho is I’ve been forced out of the family home, no where to go except my elderly I’ll parents and still pay the marital home bills, my wife and son enjoying our lovely little home whereas I have nothing, then if my wife someone else I shall be so distraught that I know mentally I wouldn’t be able to cope at all - this is playing on my mind a great deal

Link to comment
Just now, Martyn said:

I think what angers me tho is I’ve been forced out of the family home, no where to go except my elderly I’ll parents and still pay the marital home bills, my wife and son enjoying our lovely little home whereas I have nothing, then if my wife someone else I shall be so distraught that I know mentally I wouldn’t be able to cope at all - this is playing on my mind a great deal

Anger can be a good emotion if responded to properly. It’s ok to be mad. It means that your alive and a emotional being. Just don’t do anything you’ll regret.

 

You two are still married right? Separated isn’t divorced and seeing other people is cheating. Now you have a choice. You can divorce her and force the issue of selling the home which will help you and your family to love on. If she is seeing other people while your married still then she I would think would be entitled to nothing since she was unfaithful.

 

Another thing you could do while staying with your parents is use it as an opportunity to help take care of them when you have the time.

Link to comment
Just now, RithiaAllen said:

Anger can be a good emotion if responded to properly. It’s ok to be mad. It means that your alive and a emotional being. Just don’t do anything you’ll regret.

 

You two are still married right? Separated isn’t divorced and seeing other people is cheating. Now you have a choice. You can divorce her and force the issue of selling the home which will help you and your family to love on. If she is seeing other people while your married still then she I would think would be entitled to nothing since she was unfaithful.

 

Another thing you could do while staying with your parents is use it as an opportunity to help take care of them when you have the time.

excuse me love on was supposed to read move on.

Link to comment
Just now, RithiaAllen said:

Separated isn’t divorced and seeing other people is cheating. Now you have a choice. You can divorce her and force the issue of selling the home which will help you and your family to love on. If she is seeing other people while your married still then she I would think would be entitled to nothing since she was unfaithful.

 

Another thing you could do while staying with your parents is use it as an opportunity to help take care of wthem when you have the time.

She’s told me many many many times we are over, no going back are her words - so it seems I’m just teasing myself that I could ever return to the marriage.

It is so far from nature to force them out of the house, it’s only a small one, our pets would have to be rehomed as they couldn’t go in a small flat as that is all either of us could afford.

i know this will sound uncaring but over the years my parents have never really got on with my wife, I just feel agrreved that I’m now in this position that I feel compelled to look after them, to be fair they have offered to let stay here but know of course I don’t want to be here

Link to comment
Just now, Martyn said:

She’s told me many many many times we are over, no going back are her words - so it seems I’m just teasing myself that I could ever return to the marriage.

It is so far from nature to force them out of the house, it’s only a small one, our pets would have to be rehomed as they couldn’t go in a small flat as that is all either of us could afford.

i know this will sound uncaring but over the years my parents have never really got on with my wife, I just feel agrreved that I’m now in this position that I feel compelled to look after them, to be fair they have offered to let stay here but know of course I don’t want to be here

I don't know what I would do personally. However if after 19 years she wanted me out I think I would have got her suitcase out and say pack your things and go if you want out there is the door. It's the same thing I would do to my kid if they said they wanted to run away.

 

Right now she has her cake and is eating it too. You bust your butt and she reaps the rewards and you are living with your parents. You have got to be mad at the situation of after 19 years and then being abandoned over very tame shirts by someone who made vows to you in front of god and country.

 

I'd force the sale of the house in a New York minute and take steps to ensure the pets came with me if I wanted them.

 

What I said before about creating a new place for them to come back if they wanted to was simply taking the other place away and then like the father with the prodigal son, make a place for them to return. If they want to come back they can on your terms and if not they can enjoy the cold. I know that sounds harsh but to be a father figure you will have to be stern and show them honor, integrity, mercy and most of all that you're not a push over.

Link to comment
Just now, RithiaAllen said:

I don't know what I would do personally. However if after 19 years she wanted me out I think I would have got her suitcase out and say pack your things and go if you want out there is the door. It's the same thing I would do to my kid if they said they wanted to run away.

 

Right now she has her cake and is eating it too. You bust your butt and she reaps the rewards and you are living with your parents. You have got to be mad at the situation of after 19 years and then being abandoned over very tame shirts by someone who made vows to you in front of god and country.

 

I'd force the sale of the house in a New York minute and take steps to ensure the pets came with me if I wanted them.

 

What I said before about creating a new place for them to come back if they wanted to was simply taking the other place away and then like the father with the prodigal son, make a place for them to return. If they want to come back they can on your terms and if not they can enjoy the cold. I know that sounds harsh but to be a father figure you will have to be stern and show them honor, integrity, mercy and most of all that you're not a push over.

The cause of her distress was me unintentionally wearing her down over the years with the business, then more recently my obsession about being non binary and the steps I wished to take which she and our son were finding impossible to accept but I still continued and ignored their feelings, in hindsight I should have taken things much slower but got caught up in the excitement of discovering myself. On the day itself I was bombarded by abuse and full on anger from them both ,they wanted me out no matter what.

Link to comment
Just now, Martyn said:

The cause of her distress was me unintentionally wearing her down over the years with the business, then more recently my obsession about being non binary and the steps I wished to take which she and our son were finding impossible to accept but I still continued and ignored their feelings, in hindsight I should have taken things much slower but got caught up in the excitement of discovering myself. On the day itself I was bombarded by abuse and full on anger from them both ,they wanted me out no matter what.

With regards to the pets, neither of us could keep them due to the proceeds of the sale only allowing a small flat each with a mortgage as well

Link to comment
Just now, Martyn said:

The cause of her distress was me unintentionally wearing her down over the years with the business, then more recently my obsession about being non binary and the steps I wished to take which she and our son were finding impossible to accept but I still continued and ignored their feelings, in hindsight I should have taken things much slower but got caught up in the excitement of discovering myself. On the day itself I was bombarded by abuse and full on anger from them both ,they wanted me out no matter what.

The business you did everything you could. Part of the wedding vows are in richness and in poor. You where not gambling, you where not embezzling. Do not allow her to blame you for that.

 

The non-binary aspect seems to be a excuse made by them to get out because of the money issues. You shaved your body hair off and you wore as gender neutral cloths as you could find from what I understand. In all honesty that is taking things really slow. When I first started coming out I mixed gender neutral cloths too.

 

I had a nice pair of woman's kakis that I wore with nice collared men's shirts. I had a nice over shirt I left unbuttoned that wasn't frilly and between the three items of cloths two where woman's with men's shoes and no one batted an eye.

 

Don't blame yourself. It sounds to me like your wife was looking for a way out and latched onto this way. Sell the house move on and give her only what you legally have to.

Link to comment
Just now, Martyn said:

With regards to the pets, neither of us could keep them due to the proceeds of the sale only allowing a small flat each with a mortgage as well

What type of pets do you have? Would you have at least 46.5 square meters? If so I would imagine small dogs and cats wouldn't be an issue. My apartment allows them. Now if you mean large breed dogs that might be more problematic but I've seen places where it is doable.

Link to comment
Just now, RithiaAllen said:

 

The non-binary aspect seems to be a excuse made by them to get out because of the money issues. You shaved your body hair off and you wore as gender neutral cloths as you could find from what I understand. In all honesty that is taking things really slow. When I first started coming out I mixed gender neutral cloths too.

 

Don't blame yourself. It sounds to me like your wife was looking for a way out and latched onto this way. Sell the house move on and give her only what you legally have to.

If I’m honest I mostly agree with you, tho I have banged on 24/7 about the NB for a fair few months and didn’t want to listen to their concerns or dislike of what I was wanting to achieve.

the more I think about it it has been a very vanilla marriage esp with my ed issues, all I ever wanted to do was passionately make love with her but it was almost impossible due to my problem. I had just started using penile injections just prior to things deteriorating, that was the first real time in all our marriege that we made love properly, unfortunately it did hurt her as her insides were not used to it :0( I feel extremely upset and distraught that there will never be another time now. I think I’m holding on with finger nails hoping there’s a way of turning all this around, I so wish we could, I would bury my nb issues in a heart beat if it could be resolved.

im thinking perhaps give it a few months by then my son would be over 18, which would allow her to get her health back as she’s on antidepressants due to our issues. Then ask her if she ever sees the change of us getting back together? If not, which is most likely then push for the home to be sold.

its two cats, problem around here tho flats stipulate no pets, it just feels so heartless to re home them as they’ve been with us for many years and are genuinely part of the family

Link to comment
Just now, Martyn said:

If I’m honest I mostly agree with you, tho I have banged on 24/7 about the NB for a fair few months and didn’t want to listen to their concerns or dislike of what I was wanting to achieve.

the more I think about it it has been a very vanilla marriage esp with my ed issues, all I ever wanted to do was passionately make love with her but it was almost impossible due to my problem. I had just started using penile injections just prior to things deteriorating, that was the first real time in all our marriege that we made love properly, unfortunately it did hurt her as her insides were not used to it :0( I feel extremely upset and distraught that there will never be another time now. I think I’m holding on with finger nails hoping there’s a way of turning all this around, I so wish we could, I would bury my nb issues in a heart beat if it could be resolved.

im thinking perhaps give it a few months by then my son would be over 18, which would allow her to get her health back as she’s on antidepressants due to our issues. Then ask her if she ever sees the change of us getting back together? If not, which is most likely then push for the home to be sold.

its two cats, problem around here tho flats stipulate no pets, it just feels so heartless to re home them as they’ve been with us for many years and are genuinely part of the family

I understand completely about the pets. I had two cats for a while too, they where named Magellan and Casper. They have since passed on and my boyfriend and I have two Black Labs. I love them death and it's been hard not being able to see them everyday. I'm looking forward to getting the house sold so we can get a place over here large enough for all of us.

 

Are there no flats that you can rent that allow cats? Do you own the workshop or does the lease there permit cats?  Perhaps they could be employees and hunt mice and provide companionship while you are working until you can find a place to keep them at you or your wifes new place?

Link to comment
Just now, RithiaAllen said:

I understand completely about the pets. I had two cats for a while too, they where named Magellan and Casper. They have since passed on and my boyfriend and I have two Black Labs. I love them death and it's been hard not being able to see them everyday. I'm looking forward to getting the house sold so we can get a place over here large enough for all of us.

 

Are there no flats that you can rent that allow cats? Do you own the workshop or does the lease there permit cats?  Perhaps they could be employees and hunt mice and provide companionship while you are working until you can find a place to keep them at you or your wifes new place?

Sadly it’s not that kind of workshop, industrial unit with fumes about

Link to comment
Just now, Martyn said:

Sadly it’s not that kind of workshop, industrial unit with fumes about

Another option is you don't force the sale yet like you where saying your son will be 18 soon. Until then use the time to look around for a place that will allow you to have two cats and apply for the rental. Then force the sale of the house or ask you wife to take over the mortgage and buy you out and she can keep the cats.

 

I like your plan for giving her some time to see if things can be reconciled.

Link to comment
Just now, RithiaAllen said:

 

I like your plan for giving her some time to see if things can be reconciled.

In reality I think it’s unlikly it could be due to the continual ‘it’s over for good,  no going back’ comments that have been rammed down my throat. I’m desperate to have her back and can’t believe all this has happened, it didn’t help that our son was backing up his mum and forcing me to go

Link to comment
Just now, Martyn said:

In reality I think it’s unlikly it could be due to the continual ‘it’s over for good,  no going back’ comments that have been rammed down my throat. I’m desperate to have her back and can’t believe all this has happened, it didn’t help that our son was backing up his mum and forcing me to go

One thing at a time. Her living situation being for the worse or even the threat might make her reevaluate. Right now it is easy for her to say for good when she keeps the house and the comfort.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
4 hours ago, Martyn said:

I realise there are people to talk to, still doesn’t change anything tho 

As Rithia said you are looking at this only one way, when there are many ways to see this issue.

 

If you are upset because you have left the home yet still have to pay the bills while your wife "enjoys" the home, sometimes that is the price we pay.  You can work around this.  Talk to a lawyer to determine your rights.   

 

You could move back saying you cannot afford to maintain a separate residence.  Sleep in a spare room or on the sofa.  Do whatever is necessary until you can both come to an agreement about the future.

 

3 hours ago, Martyn said:

She’s told me many many many times we are over, no going back are her words

Its been said when someone tells you something, believe them the first time.  Don't keep going back over the same ground.  You've said this has been her position from the onset so it's not going to change.   Of course all this conjecture sounds unnatural to you because it has never entered your mind, but this is what happens when one party to a marriage decides they want out.  Does she think she will "get" the house and enough compensation from you to support it?  Again, talk to a lawyer!  You are not so old as to not be able to re-establish yourself.  

 

2 hours ago, Martyn said:

I’m desperate to have her back and can’t believe all this has happened

Martyn, your wife seems to have made things clear.  Stop with being desperate.  You are not desperate.  Start looking foward to your future.  It will get better.  Ask yourself, have you been really happy recently?  From what I've read the answer is certainly not.  Do yourself a favor, your wife seems to have latched on to this issue as a way out, join her in moving on to a better life.  Complaining won't change anything.  Take some action for your own good. 

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Martyn,

 I can sympathize with you in every possible way, I’m just a lot farther down the road than you are right now, I hate to say this, because right now you don’t want to hear it, but it’s all going to work out even if it’s not the way you want it to. The business isn’t doing well, maybe holding onto a sinking ship isn’t exactly the best thing To do right now. Spending your time hunting for that hospital Porter job would be a good use of your time right now, then liquidating the company assets later or just letting them go to expedite things is also an option... Finding someone who wants to take it over and assume some of the debt could be reasonable. At the end of the day it’s important that you find a way to move forward, quickly, busy your mind with the things that need to be done rather than the things that cannot be changed right now...

 It’s taken me months to rid myself of the guilt, but you would be doing better than I if you could do that sooner rather than later, there are new ways to show love for your family even if they are being terrible to you at the moment. Moving forward in a way that will allow them some small amount of support from you is showing love, however I guarantee  you if you end things they get nothing from the insurance, and their anger and hatred will set in like drying paint and they will carry that to the last breath they have on earth,  especially your son. Why do I know this? Well Martyn I will tell you, because my father committed suicide for this exact reason, I lost my father because he could not deal with being trans, my mother divorced him, he moved out and found his own place, ruined his teaching job and then killed himself, I’ve only recently Forgiven him Because I finally accepted myself as trans,  and for no other reason. 

 Your business is not the most important thing in the world, I know you built it, and I know it’s important to you, but a better paying job would be better than hanging on to something you built that is not bringing you an income. It’s OK to let it go,  in the long run you may be better for it. 

Please understand all of the things I say I say because I care, because I have already been there, I don’t tell everything about my life here on this forum, but there are those here who know precisely how similar the two of us are. That being said, Martyn, you’re going to be OK, it’s going to get better.

 Hugs, 

Jackie

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Forum Moderator

Martyn, how's it going?  Just checking in with you since we hadn't heard much recently.  We all want the best for you and we understand the situation you're in is difficult.  

 

Hugs, Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello Martyn, that makes two of us that have had you on our mind.  I was scanning through the recent posts and just noticed Jani's new post so I thought maybe you had given us an update.  If you have some time and feel like sharing, I too would like to know how you are doing and if there have been any changes in your situation.

 

With Warm Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 115 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • Birdie
    • Maddee
    • KathyLauren
    • Adrianna Danielle
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,008
    • Most Online
      8,356

    BeautifulMistake
    Newest Member
    BeautifulMistake
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alik222
      Alik222
      (24 years old)
    2. AvaWill
      AvaWill
      (37 years old)
    3. Drewies
      Drewies
      (50 years old)
    4. JackJerryJohnTheTreeWorker
      JackJerryJohnTheTreeWorker
      (28 years old)
    5. jgram22
      jgram22
      (37 years old)
  • Posts

    • Adrianna Danielle
      Was excited today,my new toolbox has been shipped out,Snap On dealer told me this.It took this long since it was ordered to get it.My other co workers and I were right about the new employee that started yesterday,He was fired this afternoon.Was on his phone again and boss caught him do it.Plus he did call me an offensive word,the C word my boss hates.I did report that to my boss.My boss believes in treating women right
    • Sally Stone
      ss,   I can't say that my image in the mirror has helped me understand why I am bi-gender.  I'm pretty certain the reason I identify as bi-gender  has to do with how I feel inside.  About mirrors though, I do clearly see my inner woman when I look at myself in the mirror.  
    • MaeBe
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The tornado called Taylor ripped through Bob's apartment. After a trip to a laundromat, two trips to grocery stores for cleaning supplies and what Taylor opined were Basic Staples, everything was scrubbed within an inch of its life.  A new dish  drainer with a new hand towel and dish cloth were by the side of the scrubbed out sink; motorcycle parts were in a box under the newly made bed.  Floor, shower, toilet, sink had been hit in the bathroom and new towels hung there the way Taylor liked them. "I don't recognize the place/" "So move out." Taylor was sitting on one of the new kitchen chairs.  There were four of them around the little wooden table.  In the middle was a flower arrangement.  Bob had made his last trip to the dumpster.  Not a pizza box remained. A row of card board boxes with books had been replaced by shelves full of neatly arranged books. "Look at this." "I am not going to do this all the time.  You clean your own place from now on. I am bushed." "Many thanks, babe." "No problem, Big Guy." "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about exercise.  Karate in particular."  He pronounced it ka-ra-tay. "I am a second Dan black belt and there is a certain obligation there to teach other people." "Kara-tay? I don't know." "A friend of mine runs a dojo here and needs my help. He talked to me already.  Tuesday and Thursday night and Saturday mornings." "Oh.  So you will be there then." She looked disappointed. "I'm hoping you will be there." "Sounds dangerous.  But I could use the exercise." "And self-defense would be good. It might help." "It might. Huh.  Saturday morning?" "8 AM I need to be there. Classes run until noon. I don't need to be there the whole time." "Is there an intro class or anything?" "Yes. 10 to 11." "How about if I try that."  She was not very enthusiastic.  Punches and kicks and stuff.   Saturday morning they arrived together.  She wanted to watch the Green Belt class that met then just to see what she was in for. Sensei Mark came to the front of the room, before the big American and Japanese flags. Between them was a picture.  "I am honored to introduce to you Sensei Bob.  He is a second Dan black belt.  He has actually beaten me in tournaments.  I have known him through tournaments.  You will listen to him as you listen to me.   Sensei Bob, take the class. The two sensei bowed to each other.  Sensei Bob pointed out that Sensei Mark had beaten him, as well. Taylor was sort of standing against the back wall, scrunched up, a mouse in her crisp new beltless gi.  Her t-shirt was off white underneath it and she was hoping no one would notice. "I am Sensei Mark. You are Taylor." "Yes, sensei!" she stood at attention and shouted it. He laughed.  "This is not Cobra Kai and we are not in a Karate Kind movie.  You do that here only between bows.  Bob tells me you are a complete beginner." "That is an understatement." "Here, let me fix your gi."  She had it on a little incorrectly.  She drew back. "What's the matter?" "I am pretty touchy." "Okay.  Untie the straps in front and tie them the other way, like mine." "I don't have a belt." "There. That is right. You will get a belt after three months and passing tests on kata, kumite and karate knowledge." "I don't know what that is." "And we touch a lot here.  Not romantically. You see how Sensei Bob is going around and adjusting people's stances and arm locations." "Yes, I see that." No enthusiasm. "You are Sensei Bob's girl, right?" "Yes.  What is important to him is important to me, so here I am."  He wished her well and told her to go see Margie, who handled registration at the little table. "Hi, I heard about you." Margie began. "What does that mean?" "It means we treat everyone here with respect.  That was the wrong way to start." "I'll say. Try again." "Good morning. How can I help you?" "I want to register for the beginner class." "You are Taylor, right?" "Right." "Sensei Bob paid for your lesson today." He would. She gave name, address, age, height, weight, and they came to gender. Margie asked it twice. "Put down female." "The only other choice is male." "Then that is it." "Earlier I was thinking about tournaments, which are big here. The rules are that boys fight boys and girls fight girls - there are Men's and Women's Divisions.  I know you look like a woman, but they go by the birth certificate." This was awkward.  Really awkward.  Down at the other end of the room they were moving in unison when Bob said HAI!, turning, punching, kicking, etc. "I don't plan to go to tournaments.  One step at a time, shall we?" "Okay.  And I meant it when I said respect.  We bow to each other.  You will see. As a sign of honoring other people." Margie bowed slightly, sitting down.  Taylor returned the bow and smiled. The class moved into sparring, breaking into twos and practicing moves against each other.  Bob was moving among the pairs, adjusting positions of hands, hips, feet.  Taylor was unsure about someone touching her like that, her hips particularly.    The green belt class ended as new students came in for the beginners' class. Down at the other end the brown belt class began.  The room was large enough you could do two classes at the same time.   The other beginners, nervous, lined up at Margie's table.  People got into gis, the men in their big area and only woman in the little restroom that was for them.   Sensei Mark greeted them and showed them where to stand: on the little x's on the floor. He explained the School Code.  They would recite it at the beginning of class and they needed to memorize it for the white belt test, at which time they would, of course, receive a white belt. He explained some terms.    They warmed up with some basic, easy stretches.   They learned a kata called Taikyoku Shodan, involving blocks, punches and some movements. This was not bad.   She was now paired off with Judy.  Things were going well and this was not too bad. Judy was sixty years old and had been told to exercise by her doctor.  Taylor said her boyfriend was teaching the other class, which was impressive, and he wanted her involved.   "You remember the gedan barai - downward block?"  They did. Everyone showed him and he went around and made sure everyone had it down. "And the lunge punch?"  They did. "Now we are going to put them together. One of you will punch and the other block it. Okay?"   Taylor squared off against Judy.  Her heart was pounding.  She practiced her gedan barai as Judy practiced her lower lunge punch.  Then they faced each other. "Okay, first partner, lunge punch.  Second partner, lower block.  Slowly.  Go!" Taylor saw the punch coming at her, but instead of blocking it her eyes welled up with tears and she dropped to the floor, weeping uncontrollably. "Oh God, Oh, God, Oh God, make it stop, make it stop" she shouted to parties unseen. Fetal position, rocking back and forth. Crying hysterically. "I didn't go near her," Judy said, bewildered. "Taylor?"  this was Sensei Bob.  Both classes had stopped and were looking at her. She kept crying. "I am here, "Bob told her, not touching.  "Oh Bob you need a wife who can be a real woman to you. I am making you into a monk or something." And she continued crying at full volume. "You need someone better than me, someone who can give you kids." Everyone could hear this.  They were turning away, trying to pretend they could not hear this. "I need to get her out of here and take her." Bob said, and he and Mark bowed to each other. He scooped her up and she bawled into his shoulder.  She clung to him.  First hug ever. Death grip, more like it. "Judy, would you get her things?" "I did nothing," Judy said, and moved towards the restroom, stunned.  "Nothing." "I know what she was wearing," Margie said, and got them. "I've got a gym bag. It 's red and it says Roosters on it. Can you get it? Mark got it.  He accompanied them to the car.  Taylor was non-stop crying deeply, clinging to him for dear life. Mark unlocked the car and together they managed to pry Taylor off of him, even though it took both of them to do it.  She was in the car seat and they managed to buckle her in it. "I am going to take you to your apartment," he said. "No. Emergency room," she said. "Maybe the psych ward."  He didn't doubt it. She calmed down in a few minutes on the way. "Well, that was embarrassing." "Everyone remembers their first day of karate class." "Bob, what I love about you is your sense of humor." "I love everything about you." "Even this?" "Yes. Even this." She managed to walk into the ER.  They were both still in gis. "Karate accident?" "No. I am Taylor and I am a nut. I wear a gi all the time. I make my boyfriend wear one, too." "She had a triggered event.  She's had some difficult times." "I see. Do you you know are bleeding?" "No."  Her crotch was wet with blood and the blood was seeping down both legs. She was wheeled away. "Sir, please wait here." He did.  He had no legal right to see her right now. After a while a nurse came out and said he could come on  back. There she was in a hospital gown.  "Seems like old times." "yeah.  We gotta stop meeting like this." The nurse buzzed around and left them. "They are running tests." "I bet they are." "I got an MRI. On a Saturday morning, too."  First ever. "You rate.  But why?" "They figure some of the old scar tissue - you know, from the- from the past - ripped open and they need to see what is going on." "We know what is going on,"said a doctor, stepping in. He looked at her. "I am Doctor Michaels.  They called me in.  I just happened to be in the building and they wanted me to see this and take the case.  My specialty is Disorders of Sexual Development. But what I am seeing is little in the way of disorder.  Look at this." They looked at the image. "This is a perfectly ordinary uterus." "Uterus?" "Yes, your uterus." "What?" "That is not all.  This is a cervix, and this is a vagina." "It's blocked up." "Yes.  It looks like you had surgery to do exactly that when you were an infant.  They used to do that." "This is me?" "You." "Really?" "I imagine this takes some getting used to. "Can it be undone?" "Absolutely. I mean, I cannot guarantee it, but it is more than likely. I would like to run some tests." "And the bleeding?" "It looks like the hormones you have been taking have kicked of a regular monthly cycle. Then you did a whole bunch of exercise.  Not surprising." "What?" "I want you to come to my office next week for follow-up.  Have you ever had a genetic test of any sort?" "No." "Well, your testes - one looks at first glance more like an ovary." "Ovary. Can I have kids?" "Too soon to tell.  You look happy." She did.  "Bob, you look stunned." "I am." "Given what happened earlier today we want to keep you overnight for observation.  I understand you are a trauma victim and something triggered it." "I got a punch thrown at me in kara-tay class, is all. I am a wimp." "Well, I will let you two talk for a minute and they will come and get you shortly.  No bad news here." "They are coming to take me away, hah-hah, they are coming to take me away," Taylor chanted. "Bob, I am not done with kara-tay.  I want to at least finish a first class. I mean, you paid for it and I want you to get your money's worth." "I think I got that." "Kiss me, you fool,"  she said, and he did, with energy.        
    • April Marie
      These arrived in yesterday's mail. I'm out working in the yard today so just old clothes. I'm looking forward to wearing this t-shirt dress when the weather warms up a bit more.  
    • missyjo
      Ashley I've known busty girls who wore b nice bras tl work n such then like a sift sports bra to lounge or sleep in hugs
    • missyjo
      your nails b hair came wonderful  congratulations  enjoy
    • Willow
      The one thing about this position, if you want more hours just wait and be flexible.  I’m now working until 7:30 pm instead of 4:30.  
    • Ashley0616
      I hope your head cold goes away soon! Sorry you have to cut grass with that.   Love the new t-shirt   I love that one.    What Jeep would you want to get? That is awesome about your wife getting better!
    • Ashley0616
      Welcome Mattie! I would recommend the first step is finding a gender therapist and see if you are or aren't. Then one of the biggest steps if you are do you want to start hormone replacement therapy. The decision should be thought long and hard. There are irreversible effects. Looking forward to your next post! Take care!
    • Ashley0616
      Congratulations on being able to pick up a cancellation! I hope to hear more updates about your transition. 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Getting a dog maybe next month
    • Ashley0616
      Spending time with my kids and eventually will be adopting a dog next month. 
    • KymmieL
      Well every girl needs a play toy. I just happen to have 7 of them.   My hoses finally came in. have the passenger front installed. Now trying to figure out how to do the drivers side when the tire is still on and there is no room to do it.  I'll figure sumthin out.  I is smrt.   Well have the wife home with me. She wound up falling back asleep after turning her alarm off. I woke her up at 6:20. She is due to work at 6. She decided to just call in.       MaeBe that is what this thread was started for. A chat place to share our days and thoughts for the day.   Hugs   Kymmie
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...