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ckd

Reason I cross dress

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ckd

I started crossdressing when I was in my 20's (now I am 51).  There has always been a sexual component to my crossdressing.  My wardrobe consist of short shorts, short skirts. crop tops, high heels, g-string panties, fishnet stockings, skin tight stretch jeans, tight leggings, etc...  It turns me on to put on a sexy outfit and make-up.  I fantasize about going to an event or a bar (a place accepting of crossdressers) dressed in a skimpy outfit .  I have no desire to dress in normal women's clothes - by normal I mean professional or casual look. 

 

Anyone else have these feelings?  It's really the only reason I cross dress. 

 

 

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Charlize

Thank you for your honesty.

There was a period of my life when i found dressing to be somewhat sexual in nature.  I did go to bars dressed in relatively skimpy outfits.  Over time that has changed.  I am not looking for the type of attention that i felt was necessary then.  Perhaps it was by realizing i could live those fantasies that i've found myself.  

I think for many there is at least a period when dressing brings out sexy feelings.  Today i show those feelings in a more subtle

way.  Even a slightly darker red lipstick can express my sexuality.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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tracy_j

I can understand, as I have a tendency to be wanting to look at least a little sexy and often do wear skirts perhaps too short. I think with me 'attractive' would be more the right word though. My wardrobe has never really been that extreme. Living in a quiet little village means that dressing like that would look really odd although I do wear really short (hotpant) type shorts sometimes in the summer and my jeans and leggings are skintight.

 

Tracy

 

 

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ckd

Thanks for the responses.  I have been cross dressing for 25 years and have always felt this way.  I am not going to evolve.  I don't want to dress as a woman in public unless it would be at some fetish event or gay bar.   I have never done that (dress in public) but would love to sometime if the opportunity presented itself.  In the past I have got together with female friends in private who would help me with makeup and liked my skimpy outfits.  It's a fun thing to do.  I don't see myself ever changing. 

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Tessa

I keep going in circles. I love to wear woman’s intimates and a nice sexy nightgown. I’ve stated again wearing panties under my jeans. I just feel more comfortable. I don’t know if it’s just the rush I get or if I truly want to be a woman? 

I’ll buy woman’s clothes then throw them away only to buy them again. I’m so confused. I live alone and would love to be cuddled and told I’m beautiful. I just can’t seem to be happy being fully a man. I’m just a mixed up person I guess. One day I say I will never wear woman’s clothes and the next I’m buying them. Can anyone relate to this? 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

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Susan R
28 minutes ago, Tessa said:

One day I say I will never wear woman’s clothes and the next I’m buying them. Can anyone relate to this?

I have purged a half dozen times in my life.  Each purge more costly than the previous one.  My very last purge was an incredible loss financially.  I wish I had even half of the items I tossed or donated back right now.

 

When I was much younger and living at home with my parents, it was a bit different.  I would wear my sisters clothing (mainly underwear, bras, and nylons under my guy clothes.  It was a "turn on" mainly because of the taboo factor but it felt more like myself when I wore them too.  Eventually, shame would prevail and I promised myself that I'd never do it again.  That usually lasted less than a week.  Because the clothing was not mine, I could not purge it, of course.  The effect on my psyche was similar though to an all out purge.  No matter how many times I did it, when making the pledge never to wear them again, at that moment, I truly believed I could do it. Crazy me!

 

Susan R🌷

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Cyndee
1 hour ago, Tessa said:

 I just can’t seem to be happy being fully a man. Can anyone relate to this? 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

 

Ummm join the club Tessa. It's not your fault, don't blame yourself, it's hard to conform to something that is so restrictive, so stifling.

 

What you are going through many of us have dealt with all in our own unique ways. The desire to wear the clothes of a woman while still living as a man outwardly is something you should pay attention to, you can run from her, but she will find you, and ask again, "is it time ?"

 

I found true happiness actually being a woman. Washed clean of the shame and guilt, but that's just me, we all follow our own paths.

 

Take care Tessa, it's ok, enjoy the clothes and realize it's part of you.

 

Hugs

 

Cyndee -

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Tessa

You said “you can’t run from her?’ I try to because I was raised thinking this way is wrong. It’s gotten so bad that I have a pretend boyfriend. I mentioned this on the site before. The feelings get so intense sometimes that I see myself as a woman and almost every night I’m dreaming either I am a woman or I’m a man ashamed. Last night I dreamt I was a man living with a woman but I was hiding the fact I had woman’s clothes. I was hiding them under men’s clothes. I know this means something so it’s interesting you would say this to me. 

 

I was so so happy I bought my first dress then I bought another one. I mentioned the new dress on this site and even showed a pic. But I threw them away. My mom knows about my cross dressing and wants me to stop. I think I just stopped because I wanted her to be proud of me. So childish.  

 

I live alone and these desires can become overwhelming. That’s why I went out and bought a bra, set of painties, and a nightgown. I love the idea of being cuddled so much that I wrap myself in my blankets and pretend my boyfriend is holding me. Do you think this is wrong to do? My mind makes him the perfect match. He tells me I’m beautiful and lovely. I don’t here these things in my life at all. 

 

I think my mind is so lonely wanting that perfect relationship be it male or female. But my mind is most comfortable being female. I love to take baths and make myself smell nice. Not a typical male thing.  I like to write about romance and watch romantic movies. When I watch them I typically see myself as the female. 

 

Recently I’ve started a story about who Tessa is. I’ve actually put myself in the story as a woman transitioned and I’ve created characters that hear my story and I create their reactions. Crazy...

 

I created myself to be a woman with blonde short curly hair and a petite figure. My body is skinny in real life like a woman’s and I don’t for some reason get a lot of hair on it. My skin I keep smooth. I love the feel of smooth skin. I lotion everyday. 

 

I’m struggling through the feelings right now. Some nights after work I just want to put on my nightgown and go to bed and pretend my boyfriend is holding me. Crazy...

 

I guess this is better than acting out in other ways. I want my mom to be proud of me but I just can’t seem to not wear the woman’s clothes. 

 

Anyway. I’m glad I can reach out. 

 

Love 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳😔

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Cyndee

Good Morning Tessa, I said "you CAN run". I ran from this, I hid it so well,

Getting back to your situation Tessa, I think the relationship with your Mom is so important, I can tell in your words how important it is to you. You want to please her, you want her to be proud, I also think that your relationship with your mom is linked to your feelings of wanting to surround your mind and body with feminine things. You may want to examine these feelings closer, and how you wanting to please your Mom is connected in your life. In the mean time don't be hard on yourself for wanting to wear clothes of a woman, we are here to tell you It's OK, be yourself, be genuine, listen to the voice inside you, what is she telling you ? You have a place to express such things on our forums safely, with those that may be experiencing or experienced similar things. When I was a young person, there was no Internet, you have a true resource here in 2019.

 

Experience tells us this will not go away Tessa, and while you may be able to remove these feelings temporarily or mask them, experience tells us you will be repeating the same behavior pattern given time.

 

Hugs and be well

 

Cyndee -

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Tessa

I want to be my genuine self but I feel that in order to do that I will suffer humiliation and ridicule. Maybe more from myself than anyone else. I get so stressed on days I see my children. I want to give them more than I can but I still get upset when they ask for things. I sacrifice a lot for them and I want them to know that when they visit it’s about relationship but it always turns out I buy them something. Today I bought the books. It’s a blizzard here so tomorrow’s visit I may have to cancel. The ex refuses to replace any days missed. This makes me so mad!  I’m trying to be the best person for my children but sometimes I come off being mean. But in the end we all settle and love one another. 

Its hard when you have a 16,14,12 year old children. I want to buy more woman’s clothes this is what I wrote in my diary but only pages back I wrote I won’t. I feel lonely and a little depressed but I know that I’ll be ok. I just miss having someone. Nights are the worst!  I manage though. Thanks for your response. 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

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Tessa

Today I am being confident and supporting my feminine side. I decided to wear a bra and panties under my clothes but out in public. This is a huge step in letting Tessa out! But it feels good! I’m tired of ridiculing myself and licking away the true person inside. I think I might buy s wig just to see what I would look like with long hair. Only thinking about it at this point. I want to feel free and not ashamed of Tessa. 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

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Kirsten

This is a struggle that we all make our way through. It’s one of those very personal things we deal with. How can you allow yourself to simply be. It took me longer than I’m proud of, but I got there. I wore women’s clothes under my “costume” for at least 10 years almost every day. Heck I knew who I was in grade school. But it took me half a lifetime to accept it. 

I saw in your last post you mentioned an issue I struggle with as well. The want to support your children ahead of yourself. My wife made me realize something when it comes to this. As a parent yes your kids require your financial backing to survive. But it’s not all theirs either. You are allowed a piece of that pie for yourself. What you do with your piece is up to you. They require your time and love more than your wallet. That’s where the best relationships come from. Time spent. Not money spent. So please don’t forget about you. You deserve things to make you happy as well. 

And congrats on this awesome step forward!! 

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Tessa

Thanks, 

 

I agree with you in that time spent is better than money spent. My 14 year old is a trans teen girl. She wants to be a boy. Mom refuses to support him in this and leaves it up to me. So she has very little clothes due to mom won’t buy boys clothes for him. So I have to but have little money. Originally I named her Heather but she wants to be known as Carter as I want to be known as Tessa. I don’t know where this name came from but I love it!  I want to be me not what society tells me to be. It’s hard for me though because none of my family understands. I struggle with being a man but being a woman comes natural. I haven’t tried hormones yet but I do shave my legs and wear woman’s intimates. I want to buy some dresses and go all out! I even am thinking of a wig. These are big steps. I just want to feel happy and fulfilled. It’s a struggle sometimes. 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

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Sandra6sandy9sand

Hi Tessa, I have lived with the woman inside me for more than 74 years. I began cross dressing when I was 6 or 7.  Society and family have played a large role in repressing the person that I am. It has taken a long time with very small steps to get to where I am today.  It has taken a long time for me to accept myself as a transgender woman.

 

I live in a very conservative community where all the people who know me see a male.  I wear woman’s cloths every day that are gender neutral so the woman inside me feels right.  The day my come when I can wear a dress or skirt and blouse here and be accepted.  Until then, I’ll continue to do what makes me feel ok.

 

Hang in there Tessa, take things slowly and enjoy being the person you are.

 

Hugs

 

Sandra

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Tessa

Thank you. 

 

I am seeing more clothes for men with brighter colors. I love pink and I look good in it. I have skirts and dresses but I only wear them in the privacy of my own home. 

 

I can go either way. But the female in me always seems brighter and more full of life! I love the nurturing side of me that wants to help people. 

 

My stuggle is in finding the authentic me. I also seem to draw people to me by my kind and open spirit. People just love to smile and talk to me. 

 

I once was told by a guy that I dress for the world. I’m always dressed up nice. I’m not afraid to be me and maybe that’s what people see. 

 

For me the transitioning is more in your mind than in your body. Clothes do reflect who we want to project but our mind and personality is who we really are. 

 

I would love to dress fully like a woman and be accepted as such.   This won’t happen though because for me I feel I would be judged and ridiculed. 

 

I was made fun of for my skinny body all my life. I am trying to cope with these feelings but it’s so hard. I just can’t be who I was before. A depressed man that was always judging himself and comparing himself to everyone else. After my divorce I changed and became a more loving person and this person has female and male. I have to tell myself it’s ok. 

 

I love my children and try to brighten everyone’s life around me. I feel like I’m here for others not myself. The love that I give is for others and someday will be returned. Until then I will continue to express myself and love who I am😀

 

That was a lot off my chest. 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

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Ellora
On 9/27/2018 at 5:46 AM, ckd said:

I started crossdressing when I was in my 20's (now I am 51).  There has always been a sexual component to my crossdressing.  My wardrobe consist of short shorts, short skirts. crop tops, high heels, g-string panties, fishnet stockings, skin tight stretch jeans, tight leggings, etc...  It turns me on to put on a sexy outfit and make-up.  I fantasize about going to an event or a bar (a place accepting of crossdressers) dressed in a skimpy outfit .  I have no desire to dress in normal women's clothes - by normal I mean professional or casual look. 

 

Anyone else have these feelings?  It's really the only reason I cross dress. 

 

 

Hi! Enjoy your feelings when you dress up. Never deny yourself pleasure, as long as it does not hurt you or harm others. I’m happy that you enjoy it! 

I have sexy clothes, and wear them if I want to feel sexy, or if I’m feeling sexy, but I wear casual women’s clothes as my norm. I wear boy clothes in public because I have not “come out” yet, but I’m planning on taking some baby steps soon. 

 

My boy clothes are mostly shorts with 5inch inseams , so that makes me feel better cause it shows off most of my legs 😄. Surprised that Walmart has put some shirts out that have better designs/colors coming from ‘George’ line that makes me feel a little better in public. 

 

Enjoy yourself and enjoy life! 

 

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Tessa

Yes, I feel that way. I love dressing completely like Tessa and watching a movie while feeling someone that loves me is near hugging me. Sometimes I just like to be cuddled. My ex never did this so I never have experienced the feeling of someone just holding you. Not many in my life say they love me either. My trans daughter does though and it means the world to me!  I love him so much and I seek to understand him. 

 

I recently bought some clothes from target in the men’s section that are more gender accepting. I’m wearing a pink shirt right now that I bought.  I mainly wear jeans and bright or design t-shirts. I bought a pinkish pair of pants in the boy section from American Eagle. I have 3 bright shirts with Marilyn Monroe on them. I’m a big fan of hers. 

 

My dresses and mini skirts I only wear at home. My legs have never had much hair on them and I am skinny so I think I look good in a mini skirt but I have not dared to go out in public in one. 

 

I wear panties everyday. Not just because they make me feel like the right gender but they are more comfortable. I wear nightgowns to bed and since I have retired my sweatpants that I use to wear I have had better dreams and easier nights. I sometimes wear my wig to bed and it helps. 

 

I keep my nails done and they look cute. I only have used clear nail polish. I’m seeing that it’s the small things you do that can help you. I still feel weird shopping in the woman’s area but no one seems to care. Most people just go about their day. I do notice some looks when I wear a lot of pink. I also purchased a garnet ring with diamonds and another diamond ring. I wear one on each hand. It reminds me I am beautiful. 

 

I find today I’m on this site a lot. I want to find myself and be happy with who I am. I always feel like I’m on the outside. I want to feel like I’m on the inside. Accepted and loved.  How long will it take? Who will understand me? Will I ever accept just the way I am? 

 

Sorry I’m just really feeling it today. 

 

😞👩‍🦳❤️

 

Tessa 

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Ellora
Just now, Tessa said:

Yes, I feel that way. I love dressing completely like Tessa and watching a movie while feeling someone that loves me is near hugging me. Sometimes I just like to be cuddled. My ex never did this so I never have experienced the feeling of someone just holding you. Not many in my life say they love me either. My trans daughter does though and it means the world to me!  I love him so much and I seek to understand him. 

 

I recently bought some clothes from target in the men’s section that are more gender accepting. I’m wearing a pink shirt right now that I bought.  I mainly wear jeans and bright or design t-shirts. I bought a pinkish pair of pants in the boy section from American Eagle. I have 3 bright shirts with Marilyn Monroe on them. I’m a big fan of hers. 

 

My dresses and mini skirts I only wear at home. My legs have never had much hair on them and I am skinny so I think I look good in a mini skirt but I have not dared to go out in public in one. 

 

I wear panties everyday. Not just because they make me feel like the right gender but they are more comfortable. I wear nightgowns to bed and since I have retired my sweatpants that I use to wear I have had better dreams and easier nights. I sometimes wear my wig to bed and it helps. 

 

I keep my nails done and they look cute. I only have used clear nail polish. I’m seeing that it’s the small things you do that can help you. I still feel weird shopping in the woman’s area but no one seems to care. Most people just go about their day. I do notice some looks when I wear a lot of pink. I also purchased a garnet ring with diamonds and another diamond ring. I wear one on each hand. It reminds me I am beautiful. 

 

I find today I’m on this site a lot. I want to find myself and be happy with who I am. I always feel like I’m on the outside. I want to feel like I’m on the inside. Accepted and loved.  How long will it take? Who will understand me? Will I ever accept just the way I am? 

 

Sorry I’m just really feeling it today. 

 

😞👩‍🦳❤️

 

Tessa 

Hi! We sound so much alike. More than 90% of my clothes is women’s clothing. I haven’t done my nails in a long time, but I think about it every time my nails get long. I usually wear lipstick, and sometimes I use mascara. As long as I’m wearing my wrap skirt, thong, cami, and bra, I’m happy. And it sounds like you are happy too. Nobody has really asked me about how my looks have changed. I have long hair now, I use an epilator on my body, so I do not have any hair on my legs (way too hairy before 🤢), my shorter shorts, ( I used to wear those long cargo shorts 🤢), and I pluck my brows (not over plucking tho, did that once and , no.) I get looks tho, especially when I’m wearing my shorts. I get looks from my nipples always being hard, more so now that my hrt is showing a little with weight distribution. I’m even noticing more. Can’t wait until it really kicks in. I’m about close to two months, so I have a lot to look forward to. 

Your confidence will defiantly help others, and maybe your special someone will see you. It usually happens when you least expect. Do the things you like to do, and who knows? Bottom line, enjoy life! 

 

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Hallie

Great topic. I have been dressing since my teens. Never had a "mom" thing, just felt better in panties and bras. In college it was panties I bought myself in different towns, no Amazon back then. Got married and she was semi supportive. Panties, nightgowns, and some "-friendly person-" clothes. We acted out sexually and I slowly became sub to my wife. We wife swapped and I loved watching her with men. We saw 1 couple for almost a year. It developed that he was the Male and I acted as a les. 

Years later, 3 kids and a divorce my new wife was very supportive.  Full wardrobe, makeup, attending a support group and going out with them. Biggest problem was she didn't let Hallie in the bedroom. 

5 years later after another child and divorce I found the greatest wife anyone could have. Our lifestyle has progressed to acknowledging  we live as lesbians. My wardrobe has gone from frumpy to stylish. We will travel and once through TSA, I'll go into a men's room, put on a bra and A cup pass. We socialize, I have my brows faxed at Ulta, but my makeup there. 18 months ago I started hormones that have made positive changes to my body and mind. 

Only negative is my 4 kids I can't share any of this with but life is finally wonderful.

Hallie

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Leah
On 4/26/2019 at 11:29 AM, Sandra6sandy9sand said:

Hi Tessa, I have lived with the woman inside me for more than 74 years. I began cross dressing when I was 6 or 7. 

Hugs

Sandra

Me too, Sandra. I started at about 8, I seem to remember, but there were times before then when I just tripped on tight DIY costumes. I've reached 75 years with those same things as you, and I'm very happy to know I'm not the only fogy on this forum. I'm sitting here in a comfortable black bra that's starting to poke, and tight fitting tuckable panties. The feelings are moving away from sexual gratification toward enjoyment of the sensations and some understanding of how women feel. I'm letting my hair grow out, enjoy the "curls" in the mornings, but other than home, I wear it in a man-style pony with a bandana head scarf. I imagine myself as a young attractive girl, I enjoy dressing up alone at home, but the sight greeting me in the mirror turns me off on the idea of "presenting" in public. Uugglyyy. 

Really, I have no idea what to make of it all. This forum is teaching me to accept, "It is what it is." I shop on ebay and AliExpress, where the clothes are cheap in price and quality, but it's fun getting new stuff in the mail. Go try it on immediately, usually with my collection of vibes, but they're becoming irrelevant. So I don't know where this path will lead me, but I don't care much at my age, and I'm curious to see the sights along the way. From here on out, we fogies can live our lives the way we want and I enjoy trying to figure out what that is. 

Hope to talk some more, friend.

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      I'm sorry in advance, this is sadposting (I copied this from my post on fb and editted slightly, just so anyone here who might be concerned for me can be updated, and for my own journaling)...    I just had a really hard cry. I suppose mourning my youth that I took for granted and for simpler times that are now past. I miss my old family and my friends, and seeing my ma everyday. I miss saturday morning cartoons and the video games I grew up with. I miss my old hometowns. I miss the only responsibility I had was school (well kinda), and not having to make bills at risk of being homeless (again). I miss not having back and joint pain (or less of it anyway). I'm tired of getting older. My co-workers are mostly 20somethings and are a constant reminder of this. I just wish I could go back and slow the clock down for a little while. Time is cruel...   I also kinda regret the burdens I'm taking on of transitioning. Which is not to say I'm gonna stop, I was pretty miserable as a guy. I just feel like I'm gonna end up as a pathetic excuse for a transfem-androgynous woman. I feel like I'll never pass as a woman, maybe I need to settle on androgyny, at least to find some effect of contentment.    I've been feeling really moody lately. I think in part bc of my hormones. Lately I just always feel on the verge of crying. I was more apathetic or angry living as a man. I feel calmer now. But I kinda miss that angry energy, though it was never really applied productively...    Also, I'm really depressed bc it's winter. I definitely get SAD. I hate the cold and the ice. All I want to do is stay in and wait for it to be over. If only I didn't have to commute in the cold to work. I kinda just shutin and shut down in the winter.    All these feelings triggered a craving, first I've had in quite a while. I just wanted a drink so I didn't have to feel these feelings for a while. I know, that's not a solution and brings many of it's own problems. Anyway, I didn't and I won't. As dark as things may seem now, they could be a lot worse if I undid all the good things I've done in my sobriety.    I just want winter to be over. Maybe this year will be better than the last... Maybe...    ~Toni
    • VickySGV
      We used to have a couple a few years ago, but they have not been active for a while, but they did leave behind some very informative posts.  It may be that one person re-activating this forum could get some to come and be active.
    • A. Dillon
      Be careful with the butch lesbian look - you might be playing with fire. Although honestly, it suits you very well. You look pretty handsome, and I hope Eaven will love it! I wish I could pass that well... maybe I should just wear ski gear everywhere I go. 
    • Miss Night
      I use to be very into Second Life. I have always loved the name Cindy. But wanted to be little different. So in talking with friends the name of Sindee came up. So in second life I became Sindee. When I changed my name from my male name to my female name it became Sindee. I love it. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/nypd-investigates-alleged-subway-assault-trans-woman-possible-hate-crime-n1123291   Just horrible.  I'm glad the NYPD/Transit Police are investigating it as a hate crime.   Carolyn Marie
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