Good morning All. Coffees on.

[KymmieL]

Cyndee.  A beautiful place to stroll. I had my middle son and grandson here over the weekend. It was nice. Today off to VA for Speech. then to the dentist this afternoon. Hoping to get some relief from the pain I have been having. Then sometime today I need to put an alternator in my 85 Crown Vic. Temps supposed to be 40s.

 

Coffee is nice and warming. Tastes good. Have a great day everybody.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

[TommieAnne]

Good morning!

After a week or more of nightmarish Windows fixes, restores, reboots, etc my two workstations are (knock on wood) up and running again. Whew, what an ordeal.

I finished my coffee (Peet's French Roast) and am thinking about jumping in the hot tub. It's a dreary cold day out there.

I've got a group therapy meeting this afternoon, hoping that goes well.

My gender therapist fussed at me for not maintaining connections to support systems. Meaning this forum here. Because in short, I've become more and more isolated as time passes, to the point where I have little contact with other people and virtually no friends.

So I guess I have to start checking in more often. But it would be nice to have some friends who would hug me, look me in the eyes and talk with me now and again.

So I'm a little sad and lonely today. Some days it feels like it's just me alone talking to the walls.

TA

[TTheta]

Morning all I just got off the bus and I sat next to New Kid (The kid I like) and he held my hand again today. He is so adorable and really hyper that he kept stumbling on his words haha. 

[ShawnaLeigh]

36 minutes ago, TammyAnne said:

My gender therapist fussed at me for not maintaining connections to support systems. Meaning this forum here. Because in short, I've become more and more isolated as time passes, to the point where I have little contact with other people and virtually no friends.

So I guess I have to start checking in more often. But it would be nice to have some friends who would hug me, look me in the eyes and talk with me now and again.

So I'm a little sad and lonely today. Some days it feels like it's just me alone talking to the walls.

You are not alone in this.  My GT has said the same things for the same reasons. I have yet to meet anyone that is trans in my area.  The one meeting I tried to attend was just starting and it ended up being just me and my therapist.  So we had some pizza and chatted for 1.5 hours.  Hey free therapy with pizza , whatcha gonna do.  LOL

However I too do not connect with many people even way before I had these struggles.  My guys friends were only during the "Hobby" months.  A couple times in the Fall for hunting, winter for ice fishing and a few times in summer for golf.  We go months sometimes without contact.  Its less now.  So I understand the need for human contact in regards to our transitions.  No girl to girl talks and definitely no hugging.  It wears you down too.  This forum is my only vent to be who I am and just chat as a women and post my help or opinions for the women I am.  Its refreshing but it does not come with hugs.  My marriage is still someplace in the grey area with acceptance but still being viewed as the "husband" not the women I am.  

[ShawnaLeigh]

41 minutes ago, Aidan5 said:

Morning all I just got off the bus and I sat next to New Kid (The kid I like) and he held my hand again today. He is so adorable and really hyper that he kept stumbling on his words haha. 

He probably is nervous too.  Be patient and just be his friend and things will progress.  Hand holding is big though so good on you!

[TommieAnne]

1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

You are not alone in this.  My GT has said the same things for the same reasons. I have yet to meet anyone that is trans in my area.  The one meeting I tried to attend was just starting and it ended up being just me and my therapist.  So we had some pizza and chatted for 1.5 hours.  Hey free therapy with pizza , whatcha gonna do.  LOL

However I too do not connect with many people even way before I had these struggles.  My guys friends were only during the "Hobby" months.  A couple times in the Fall for hunting, winter for ice fishing and a few times in summer for golf.  We go months sometimes without contact.  Its less now.  So I understand the need for human contact in regards to our transitions.  No girl to girl talks and definitely no hugging.  It wears you down too.  This forum is my only vent to be who I am and just chat as a women and post my help or opinions for the women I am.  Its refreshing but it does not come with hugs.  My marriage is still someplace in the grey area with acceptance but still being viewed as the "husband" not the women I am.  

My isolation also goes back through most of my life.

It's nice to know I'm not alone, but it's not something I wish on anyone.

I really do talk to the walls. I wonder sometimes if I need to be locked up.

TA

[TommieAnne]

1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

He probably is nervous too.  Be patient and just be his friend and things will progress.  Hand holding is big though so good on you!

She's right.

Holding your hand is a brave step.

Patience is going to get you there!

TA

[Jackie C.]

2 hours ago, Aidan5 said:

Morning all I just got off the bus and I sat next to New Kid (The kid I like) and he held my hand again today. He is so adorable and really hyper that he kept stumbling on his words haha. 

 

OMG so cute! I'm glad you get to have moments like this. They're truly precious and the sort of thing that makes life worth living. You'll have to let us know if he's a decent kisser. ?

 

2 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

Good morning!

After a week or more of nightmarish Windows fixes, restores, reboots, etc my two workstations are (knock on wood) up and running again. Whew, what an ordeal.

I finished my coffee (Peet's French Roast) and am thinking about jumping in the hot tub. It's a dreary cold day out there.

I've got a group therapy meeting this afternoon, hoping that goes well.

My gender therapist fussed at me for not maintaining connections to support systems. Meaning this forum here. Because in short, I've become more and more isolated as time passes, to the point where I have little contact with other people and virtually no friends.

So I guess I have to start checking in more often. But it would be nice to have some friends who would hug me, look me in the eyes and talk with me now and again.

So I'm a little sad and lonely today. Some days it feels like it's just me alone talking to the walls.

TA

 

I think to some extent this happens to a lot of artists. Maybe not people who perform in groups, but those of us that quietly brew magic in a cave. I make it a point to get out and interact with people every day. I have my gym time and friends I talk to while I'm working out and I have a once-a-week thing with friends. Socializing doesn't happen magically, you've got to go out and connect with people before you go completely feral and forget what words are. Nobody's going to want to be your friend when you get to the point of just licking people and peeing on their shoes to say hello.

 

I know that's hard for introverts. It's harder still when you're trans and worried about people being all judgmental. It's even harder when you remember that you need to wear pants in public (and who made up THAT stupid rule). You still need to do it though. Meetup is a good resource to connect to people with similar interests. We've got a few LGBT+ groups around here. My therapist keeps trying to get me to join her choir. Failing that, you could volunteer at a charity and meet people that way.

 

Besides, you need to go out and live some life so it can inspire your art. ?

 

Hugs!

[TTheta]

36 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

OMG so cute! I'm glad you get to have moments like this. They're truly precious and the sort of thing that makes life worth living. You'll have to let us know if he's a decent kisser. ?

ACK! You sound like my mom!!! Great now my face is red in the middle of class!!

[Jackie C.]

36 minutes ago, Aidan5 said:

ACK! You sound like my mom!!! Great now my face is red in the middle of class!!

 

I regret nothing!

 

Hugs!

[Jani]

2 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

My isolation also goes back through most of my life.

@TammyAnne if I recall you spend summers in Maine?  Have you considered consolidating to one area that may serve all your needs?  

[KymmieL]

TammyAnn, We need to get together once I get that position in Springfield I am wanting. Same with you Shawna. I do want to travel more. I do want to go to new england. Maybe shoot some golfs as long as I can bring my shotgun.  LOL.

 

You are lucky to even have friends, my only one is my wife. You all know that story. So I may be losing that friend too. My two best friends are in Memphis and New Jersey. Neither one knows of me being trans. Well really now one knows that I am but a select few.

 

I do keep thinking of coming out to my friend in Jersey but am scared to.

 

Kymmie

[ShawnaLeigh]

40 minutes ago, KymmieL said:

Maybe shoot some golfs as long as I can bring my shotgun.  LOL.

I've got one you can borrow. Its a new Benelli Ventri 12 ga.  Very smooth.

I prefer my Big Bertha LD 5* custom driver and Callaway clubs though.  LOL

[TommieAnne]

7 hours ago, Jani said:

@TammyAnne if I recall you spend summers in Maine?  Have you considered consolidating to one area that may serve all your needs?  

It's a thought.

But I'd really have to relocate to Maine.

Although the West coast is also appealing. I spent 3 years in San Francisco.

TA

[TommieAnne]

5 hours ago, KymmieL said:

TammyAnn, We need to get together once I get that position in Springfield I am wanting. Same with you Shawna. I do want to travel more. I do want to go to new england. Maybe shoot some golfs as long as I can bring my shotgun.  LOL.

 

You are lucky to even have friends, my only one is my wife. You all know that story. So I may be losing that friend too. My two best friends are in Memphis and New Jersey. Neither one knows of me being trans. Well really now one knows that I am but a select few.

 

I do keep thinking of coming out to my friend in Jersey but am scared to.

 

Kymmie

I'd like that.

And could use an adventure for a change.

 

Jackie, that's funny about the pants, since I tend to spend much of my studio time in a t-shirt and panties.

 

TA

[JustineM]

Grumble grumble grumble ?. My vacations over and I now have to return to the evil j-word. ? At least I got my coffee, so maybe I will survive the day. More snow in the forecast for the next couple of days but not a whole lot. Hope everyone has a wonderful day 

[Willow]

Hi everyone 

 

I’ve had my coffee, a Seattle’s Best dark roast.

 

i have never had an easy time making friends.  Whether it was my school years or as an adult.  I never seemed to have more than one male friend and never did things with any of them.  I have never been a sports person and any hobbies I had were things I did alone or with family.  I never knew why until recently.  Some things I did I felt I shouldn’t be doing but I couldn’t help myself.

 

i also suffered from depression but wouldn’t admit it or seek help.  Things finally got so bad I had no choice.  
 

now I understand my life and it’s clear to me what my “problem “ was.  I am getting help.  First from a counselor and now a psychiatrist.  My GP has been very helpful.  And I have an endocrinologist who has me on hrt.  
 

my biggest regret is that I didn’t know or understand about transgender when I was younger because I missed the chance to be the girls that I envy.

 

I do have a friend that will soon have bottom surgery and she introduced me to a support group I like but can’t get to every month as it’s over 2 hours away.

 

Hope you all have a great day.

 

Willow

 

[ShawnaLeigh]

1 hour ago, Willow said:

my biggest regret is that I didn’t know or understand about transgender when I was younger because I missed the chance to be the girls that I envy.

Same!  I lament the loss of all those potential girly years.  But we did what we did within the best of our knowledge and abilities.

I'm happy to be on my journey and feeling better every day.

 

Well today was a great day for a nice long commute and hot coffee.  No poor weather so the drive was nice and quick.  If 1.5 hours can be viewed as quick but it wasn't white knuckle driving like most mornings have been.  

I hope everyone has a safe and great day!

 

[TommieAnne]

1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Same!  I lament the loss of all those potential girly years.  But we did what we did within the best of our knowledge and abilities.

I'm happy to be on my journey and feeling better every day.

 

Well today was a great day for a nice long commute and hot coffee.  No poor weather so the drive was nice and quick.  If 1.5 hours can be viewed as quick but it wasn't white knuckle driving like most mornings have been.  

I hope everyone has a safe and great day!

 

Me too!

I had repressed all of that to the extent that I didn't understand myself or my feelings. I wish I could have had the opportunity to get onto this path pre-puberty. It would have made a huge difference in my life.

But if wishes were fishes...

All we've got to work with is now. I will make the best of it and try to steer a path that works for me.

TA

[AdriannaB]

Today was coming out more today and it was time.When I was 15,I questioned myself if I was really a woman from the inside and knew the answer was yes.So far good at work and even with my wife Nikki.My mom and 3 younger sisters,did take it good.I knew I wanted to go farther sometime later in my life.Did start seeing a therapist last month and decided to do this transition with no hormones,surgically.Even went to my first consultation today having a body contouring surgery,ffs and breast augmentation.Good news it's going to happen on March 2nd changing my life around in a good way.Nikki is going to be there for support,has always said she has liked me as Adrianna more.I turn 41 next month and want to see family and friends see me as male before I become Adrianna for good. 

[TommieAnne]

Mmmm. Coffee this morning on a cold morning.

AdriannaB congratulations on the scheduled surgery. Sounds like you're getting all set!

I'm going to go disappear into the studio sometime this weekend, hoping to get some work done. But I'll have to bundle up! It's too cold for just t-shirt and panties.

TA

[ShawnaLeigh]

Im having one of those moody days again.  I seem to be experiencing the ups and downs a lot more lately with no cause to feel either way really.  I try to tell myself its the HRT but I realize I still have unresolved issues too.  Good thing for therapy.

My day is going well and I plan to go get my hair cut back to my male style after work.  It makes me sad I need to do this but it will be better for a wig that I just ordered.

Plus my wife will stop bugging me to do something with my shabby hair.  LOL

 

I hope everyone else has a great day!

 

 

[Jackie C.]

Well, I started to experience hot flashes yesterday. That should be fun for the next three weeks. Mood is still pretty stable despite the lack of my HRT. So far I still feel like myself and there's only been one person I nearly mauled to death. You were absolutely right @ShawnaLeigh, the "unit" woke back up towards the middle of the second week. That's given me dysphoric moments in the dead of night or early morning. It's just a good thing I didn't get rid of my gaff panties. Otherwise I'd be mortified to go to the gym. I'm also retaining every ounce of fluid I drink.

I'm dressing in easily removable layers just in case. It's cold as heck here so I've been wearing a tank top under a light sweater under a sweatshirt. I can strip out of that easily enough until the moment passes. I mentioned it to some girl friends and they just laughed at me. I probably deserved it.

 

I got to work out with Rey all morning today. I learned a lot and there's a lot more to absorb, but I'm a little closer to reaching my fitness goals. I'd say I was going to be sore tomorrow, but I'm sore NOW. I can't skip tomorrow though, we're learning about arms.

 

I've discovered caffeine-free tea. That was something I never thought I'd enjoy. I never liked the stuff before, but my body keeps reminding me that my taste buds and sense of smell are more sensitive now. There are things that I used to enjoy that I can't really eat anymore and more subtle flavors that I'm starting to really enjoy. Fortunately, I'll try just about anything you put in front of me if it smells edible and I like to try new recipes. Susan doesn't especially like when I make fancy food, but she's willing to tolerate my hobbies much the same way as I try not to mock her when she's watching reality TV. Although "Say Yes to the Dress" is fun as a team sport. Susan and I will spend the whole episode second-guessing the bride. I can't imagine watching it alone though.

 

Planning to get in a writing day today. I'll have TransPulse up in another window so I can keep doing mod stuff, but it's time I got serious about wrapping this project up.

 

Hugs!

[ShawnaLeigh]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

You were absolutely right @ShawnaLeigh, the "unit" woke back up towards the middle of the second week. That's given me dysphoric moments in the dead of night or early morning. It's just a good thing I didn't get rid of my gaff panties. Otherwise I'd be mortified to go to the gym.

Yes I told you it would happen.  It was not a welcome thing for me either.  Quite the opposite. 

I will pray for you to you know who.  

[Jackie C.]

38 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I will pray for you to you know who.

 

My surgeon? I've got just a hair over one more week. Well, a shade under two... Eh, eleven days.

 

Hugs!