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KymmieL

Good morning All. Coffees on.

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tracy_j

I must admit we tend to use a lot of old ice cream tubs Jordy. We amassed quite a few when the kids were little.

 

At the moment I am looking at high waist jeans. The ones I currently wear fit at the hip, and fit well,  but I could do with a change of style from time to time. Not wide bottoms though. I prefer a close fit. Something I noticed when I was looking through a few sewing mags yesterday - Buy patterns to fit skirts to your hip size and, when making, adjust the waist. The article also quoted  the, not unusual, wide ranges of women's bodies (with similar variations for upper body and dress size). I can see we are not exceptional!

 

It's pouring with rain at the moment. I hope it stops by the time I get to the shops so I can have a look round.

 

Tracy

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Josie Beth

Dollar tree has some but they are just the same as the ones in Walmart. Kind of disposable. Freezing anything plastic will make it brittle. Even the thicker more durable containers.

 

 It was very windy yesterday. All kinds of debris was hitting the house. 

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Charlize

Gotta make a second cup to get started since we "sprang forward".  I'll enjoy the light in the afternoon but it was a dark rainy start today and hard to get out of bed. 

  Jordy,   We use the plastic pints and 1/2 pints that one gets at takeouts for soup.  Over the years we've amassed a large collection.  We'll make up a large batch of Rrat-tat-tui and freeze 1/2 pints which are perfect for two on ravioli to pasta.  we also make up batches of chick peas, or humas and freeze them.   Being vegetarian the food prep takes longer so doing large batches and freezing them works well for us.

  As a hippie child of the 60's i love jeans with a flare at the base.  Unfortunately affordable bell bottoms are rare.  Tight bottoms and thighs with a flip at the ankle is a lovely combination for me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Willow

Good morning everyone.  Had breakfast and coffee at church today.  It’s a beautiful day today.  Sunny low 70s.  A little breezy because some storms are predicted for later..

 

went St to a local group meeting last night.  I say local but it’s really 90 minutes away.  

 

Met eat some new to me people.  The group is transgender support but just like here welcomes all.  

 

Bought some summer clothes.  A couple skorts, a pair of shorts, capris and some tops.  That should be enough.

 

cant say I have any mom jeans.  I don’t have any women’s jeans.

 

Have a great day. Pray there aren’t any bad tornados like the ones that killed 24 people last week.

 

Willow

 

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Jani
2 hours ago, Charlize said:

As a hippie child of the 60's i love jeans with a flare at the base.  Unfortunately affordable bell bottoms are rare.  Tight bottoms and thighs with a flip at the ankle is a lovely combination for me.

Me too!.  I remember that originally my Dad wouldn't let me wear bell bottoms as he thought they were for the girls.  My Mother convinced him otherwise and my first pair was a dress slack.  After that it went fine!

 

It's snowing today but will warm up and turn to rain later.  Yesterday was nice out and I can tell spring is coming as I saw a guy pulling his boat (shrink wrapped) home from storage.  That and a number sports cars were on the road.  A bit early for that I think!  There's ice on the lake still but it won't be long before its out.  

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Michelle F

Good morning y'all!

 

No coffee for me this morning! Electrolysis! Just thought I'd pop in 'n say hi!

I'm finally seeing some results. My chin is nearly smooth. Working on jaw line now.

With dominant Native genes I don't have much facial hair so it is not real intense. 

 

I really feel for the girls that have 5 o'clock shadow by noon. Takes me a three days min get even close to ANY shadow. 

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Willow

Hi, coffee is good today. Had a donut too!  I don’t intend to worry about facial hair.  I can shave close enough and cover it with makeup to pass and add a little touch up for the evening.

 

Willow

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Jani

I had an electro appointment today but it was cancelled as she is sick.  Of well.  Its election day in my town so I'll be going out soon to the town hall to vote. 

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Michelle F

Whew! Torture session complete...

 

Can't wait to get home for some COFFEE...

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KymmieL

Had to take the wife to her early AM appointment in Denver today. This was a yearly appointment everything was good, so now don't have to go back for 2 yrs now. Left last night stayed at a LaQuinta last night. Actually able to wear a woman's one piece in the hot tub/pool for the first time.

Back home now to wait for the blizzard expected to hit early AM. Wait and see if we get anything.

 

Kymmie

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Jani
6 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Actually able to wear a woman's one piece in the hot tub/pool for the first time.

Whoo Woo!   Good for you!!!

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killjoyaiden
6 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Actually able to wear a woman's one piece in the hot tub/pool for the first time.

That's S O amazing, Kymmie!!!

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Willow

Good morning,  coffee and donuts this morning.  

 

Yesterday was was a very difficult day for my wife, it should have been Daphne’s tenth birthday.  

 

Willow

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Charlize

I am sorry for your loss Willow.  It will be 23 years since we lost our younger 13 year old son and his birthday is still difficult for us.  Time mutes the pain but it always remains.

I am closing down the sugar house as the maple syrup season is over for us.  Lots of cleaning as well as the processing of the remaining sap in the evaporator(around 50 gal.)

It has been a good year for us.  The first 30 gals. i bottled has already sold.  Now to bottle 100 more before turning my attention to repairing fencing, barn cleanup and all the later spring chores.  

I'm glad for the push this coffee gives me along with that warmth in the tum.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Michelle F

Good Morning Ladies!

 

Have an 8 o'clock today with my therapist. Should be a good visit as things are leveling out at last.

 

I still have my dysphoric moments. Especially on electrolysis days but yesterday's compliments have me on a much deserved high point. Things have been so... So.... Ummm... Topsy-turvy?

 

I can't explain it. On my third cup. I did some eye makeup but no foundation today. I like to wait a couple days before full face!

 

I won a raffle last Sunday! Grand Prize for a surprising change!  $50 gift cert at ULTA... Wooohooo!

 

Date night this month will sport a full makeover and a new dress. I am soooo excited! I will be sure to post pics!

 

Well... Off to the bus stop. See y'all later!

 

*poof*

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KymmieL

So far 4 1/2 inches of the white crap. and still coming down. with schools closed the wife didn't have to go in. But alas I still do. closing the store. started our summer hours so open till 9. I have a feeling it is going to be boring the later in the day. could be down right dead this evening.

 

Stay warm everyone.

 

Kymmie

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Jani

Willow you are not alone.  Yesterday would have been our son's 34th birthday.  While time does make getting through the day a bit easier, the pain is still there.  We always wonder what would he be doing now.  

 

Hugs, Jani

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KymmieL

Low and behold I am actually home now. We closed early because of the weather. 9 1/2 inches so far. can't get in or out of town. Due to cancellations I go for surgery at 6:30 am instead of 1 pm tomorrow.

 

Kymmie

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Willow

Kymmie,

 

I hope your surgery went well and everything is good.

 

Everyone,  Thank you for the supportive thoughts around my Granddaughters should have been 10th birthday.  I think of her every day and miss her very much.  Even when she knew it was a matter of hours, she still did her best to acknowledge me and tried to smile.  Such a brave little girl.

 

Beautiful day today, 70s today and tomorrow.  Then the big storm front will blow through here and we are back down to the 50s and eventually the 60.  This has been a really strange winter.

 

Hugs

 

Willow

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KymmieL

everything did go well. had to wait for the Dr. he got stuck coming in.

 

Looks like I may be off work till the 20th. when I go back to the Dr. hard to do much of anything with one and  half hands.

 

Kymmie

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tracy_j

I am glad things are on the mend Kymmie. It's at times we don't have them that we realise how much our hands do.

 

Just had my breakfast and first cup of coffee. It sounds somewhat windy outside. It could be a breezy walk this morning, but the route to the chipshop is through wooded areas so if not too windy it will be OK. I hope it is a bit more relaxed than yesterday. When I got home I realised just how tiring it had been going on a five mile walk in a gale. The open fields so only shotblasted by soil at the odd point, and a few stinging drops of rain. At least it was not cold and my exertions kept me warm :)

 

Tracy

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Charlize

We are due for a rainy but warm! day here.  Yesterday was beautiful.  I'm finishing up the final boils of the sugar season and beginning todo the clean up.  Had my first tick yesterday.  I hate to see they are already out.  Have to start spraying my clothing.  I've had limes several times over the years and despite the vaccine had problems last year with two rounds of powerful antibiotics due to tick bites.  
I love my work outside but with the new species from overseas and the warming of the earth the insect problems are much worse.

Oh well .....i'll have a second cuppa and enjoy another day!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize 

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Cyndee

Oh those nasty ticks !! Spring is just about here

 

On my 2nd cup here, and looking forward to the weekend

 

Have a great day all

 

Cynthia -

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KymmieL

good evening all. Had my first experience taking a bath since 2000. It was interesting to say the least. I did get washed and shaved though. Had to do some of the required gymnastic moves to do it. 

 

Have a good night ladies and gents

 

Hugs,

 

Kymmie

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Josie Beth

Ticks already? Where in the world is there any place without ticks? Antarctica? I’m pretty sure there’s tick fossils there somewhere. 

 

It’s definitely not spring yet. Too dark and gloomy still. The wind has been so violent lately that it’s probably not a good idea to fly a kite. One afternoon the temperature was supposed to be almost 60 but it felt like it was 23 and I was not dressed warm enough. Weather channel lied. 

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      Prescript: I just have to type something. Another sleepless night filled with anxiety. I've been so happy to find this site. I wanted to make some coherent, Earth shattering debut... But I'm a mess. You're here. You're what I have. Thank you, and away we go.   Where to start? Too late for that. How to catch up? Maybe. Anyways, here's my thing... I know my gender identity is becoming a bigger issue in my life, every day. I'm trying to find a way to bring understanding and support in to my life. Long short of it, ideally I'm looking for a facility in Canada that can help me out. I'm not sure what kind of resources are available that can help me find my inner voice and conquer the addictions/ psychological aspects. All advice is appreciated. I know it's going to be a long-term journey. I'm ready for the work. Just, how do I start? What piece of the crap pile do I start working on first?  I feel like "I just want to be normal", but it sometimes feels easier riding the wreck currently in progress. However, I want to be a real person again. Whatever that is. I want to have friends and do things. I want to not be in the outside watching the happy people go by. "I want to go home" so to speak. Even though, I've never really had a home or place I felt safe in. But it's a nice thought. One day.   You see I wasn't raised with any freedom to be different. On the contrary there has been a lot of work done on me to suppress and deny my identity for the ease of those around me. Not to dwell on the trauma, but for an idea of what I was put though, things like kneeling on rocks in a hidden room under the stairs with no lights to learn that "ADD is just in my head", or "Youth Groups" at church that focused on "shaming the gay" out of us were common in my life.  Honestly, I ate it up. Mostly because of the biggest catalyst to this cause, my mother and her favorite saying, "You'll never understand a mother's love. I could love you through anything... AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT GAY." Well poop. I didn't want to lose my mother's love, so from an early age I became a master of macho and over compensation. Me gay? No. NO. I LIKE BOOBS. Ya, and trucks and guns, etc. You know the jig. Copy, paste, repeat, here I am on the edge of tomorrow and the mask doesn't fit anymore.  It's just so bloody hard to stop the knee jerk reaction of "being the man" and putting the mask back on. I've buried over my feminine instincts, beaten them down, beaten myself down and when that wasn't good enough, I've given the world at large a pliable floor mat to trod on. It's driving me bonkers. I'm sorry but I've carried a lot of pain and frustration making straight people feel comfortable. What about my comfort? When will, "You're so gay!" not sound like, "I found one, get him!" Will I ever stop feeling like God hates me because I was to weak to stay straight? If this is going to disqualify me from Heaven then why should I care about any law or rule? By my nature, beyond my control, if I'm so repulsive to everyone else, what am I supposed to do all alone? It's nice to wax poetic and romanticize about living cottage life single, but every day, for the rest of my life??? Where can I go that a six foot five, two hundred and thirty pound chunk of mountain man can go around wearing a nice sundress and do a little spin because in his heart he's just a little girl? I have no one to "just be me with". Or even find out who that is.  The last thing my mom said to me was, "Well if you're gonna be gay then just go find a man and love him." The common theme in all our confrontations is "go". No matter what the fight has been over the years, "go" has been the underlying message. I never heard it until recently. I never heard the silent, "and don't come back." Once was all it took. Now, it all makes sense. It broke my heart and stole the wind from my sails. At least "faking it for Mom" gave me a cause. Now, what can I make of what's survived. I wish it were that easy. Sounds simple, "Just go find a man and love him." LoL I wish she knew there is more than "Straight and Gay". I mean, like, what do I do on the days that I feel like a woman who likes women that have man parts too?  I'm assuming you can relate to the rabbit holes of thought that can arise here. Bottom line, I don't have to fake it for Mom anymore. She just plain don't want me in her life if I'm going to be me. I don't care what she thinks anymore, or anyone else for that matter. Or, maybe I still care but I'm ready to carry the pain and go forward. Regardless, as soon as I meet any one new, I'm well down the road of lies and cover stories, trying to present the "just a normal guy" routine before I even notice.  Sometimes it's not from lack of desire to be myself. Often it's just because it is so much work "being a normal queer". At home, I don't have to explain me to me. If I'm girly, I'm girly, if I'm macho, I'm macho. It's all a part of me.  So saying something like, "I'm gay" or "I'm transgender" feels as weird as saying I'm straight or binary. I'm just Claire (the name I chose for the "Her" in me.) If anyone took the time to get to know Claire or Claybourne (my given boy name) they'd know that my sexual identity is only a piece of me. Like how I'm a hiker, or a cook or like to knit. I don't run around saying, "I'm a hiker." I say, Hi, I'm Claybourne. If the conversation goes near the outdoors I might pop in, "I like hiking, I'm a hiker." Whether the other person likes hiking or not isn't a deal breaker to the conversation. Yet it seems like until someone knows your gender and sexual preference they reserve the right to consider your presence in their life. Why is the label such a thing? Why do people with static gender identities not understand how incredibly biased the world is for their benefit. Like, do straight people have to explain, "Well, I have a penis and only like sex in a vagina?" No. Why do I have to have a "briefing session" with everyone to explain concepts that aren't really that complex? Really, it's no one's business. But then, "Oh did you hear Claybourne came out?"  I think the whole coming out thing is a slap in the face to gender diversity. The fact that I had to declare to people, that the boy who was scared to go in to men's bathrooms, who watched more fashion television than a Trekkie binge watching Deep Space Nine on Netflix, who tucked his penis and sat to pee, who was an entirely flamboyant individual HAS GENDER IDENTITY ISSUES. Like, these people obviously knew. They saw in me things they did not like, they literally forced me to be different than my nature and now they want me to walk back in to their lives with a giant sign out for their convenience.  Argh, okay, by now if you're still reading you can see the layers and layers of stuff I have to go through. This whole new movement of freedom for people like me has me feeling I might have a chance. I see queer kids younger than me that have family and friends. I'm jealous. I was taught that we were going to burn in hell and that the mission was to exterminate the deviation known as queer. Here I am, hiding in the middle of no where, trying to limit the offence of my presence on my local world while I see so many queer people with so much in their life. I see queer people on TV crying about how hard their transition is, yet they're holding their mothers hand and their friends are saying spring things.  Did any of them have to serve their captors supper after climbing out of their shame boxes? Why did people I love do this to me? Why did they teach me I'm bad? So I'm done hiding. I came out.  Now it's just me.  Normally I have a never failing positive attitude. Since learning that my mom would rather I just stay gone, my bottom fell out. I always thought there was a reason for me hiding for her. I thought that if I made it easy on her at some point she'd get me back. Like, I could come home and have a family again.  It's not going to happen like that. She chose her man. She loves him. He hates queers. So ya.  I'm not sure what I'm really trying to say here.  Mostly it's another lonely sleepless night here in the middle of nowhere. I know things need to change because I think I'm just waiting to die now. Not that I'm suicidal. I just can't start the circle of faking it again and I have no resources to make a new start. I wanted to be a singer and a dancer. Or a fashion designer or a chef. I ended up doing hard labor jobs like working on oil rigs, digging trenches and making cellphone towers. I've lived on the streets or conditions that would be classified as homeless often. My body is beaten and my Soul is low. I used so much of my being trying to make a man my mother could accept. Between time left and body capabilities, what could I really do? Reading back I see the biggest thing I need are people and a place that I can feel safe as a gender confused person. Living in the middle of an oil patch, in the heart of Redneck Alberta, Canada is not a queer friendly place. The local counselors look at me like I'm the jackpot of cases. That say things like, "you'll be my first transgender client. I've been doing lots of reading and hope I can help." It's like some kind of badge on their resume. Five minutes in to a session I'm consulting them in the small but mysterious bits of queer culture I do have. Like, really? Is there any where I can go that has a history of working with gender issues? Yes, I have addictions issues too. I just feel I've fought the symptom long enough. I need to address the core.  Any help? Please. By the way, this was supposed to be an introduction post, so "Hi. I'm Claire" and Claybourne. I guess. This is my start.  See you soon. 😘
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