Good morning All. Coffees on.

[MetaLicious]

@KathyLauren, that's great news!  Gosh, I want so badly to say something dumb-sounding, like, "Congratulations! It's a girl!" Sometimes I can't resist, no matter how I try... Seriously, though, I imagine it must feel triumphant to finally have that taken care of.

 

I'm glad to hear you are seeing some progress, @Willow!  I am still waiting to start HRT, but nothing is happening with this near-quarantine. If your wife is seeing development, take her word for it! 

[SophiAir]

@Willow and @KathyLauren, what good news to begin this new day ! So great to take steps.

Thank you, it makes me smile, alone, in my living room ?

Sophie

[Emily michelle]

Kathy that is great too hear.

[ShawnaLeigh]

HI!!!

Morning is snowy but quite pretty really.

Coffee=Life.

Essential=Ummm.  Not at home. LOL

 

Hope you all have a great day!

[Emily michelle]

Snowy? I’m done with that stuff haha. It’s going to be close to 70 here today.

[ShawnaLeigh]

50 minutes ago, Emily michelle said:

Snowy? I’m done with that stuff haha. It’s going to be close to 70 here today.

23*F here at 5am on my drive in.  Sigh.

Its hard to wear nice thin cute things when your freezing to death to do it.

 

But I still do it!  LOL

[Emily michelle]

It’s was 50 when I left the house at 5am. I’m just over the snow I spent too many nights in a plow truck and then go to work in the stuff all day. 
   That would be very hard to look cute when it’s that cold. I wish I could actually dress up and look cute. I’m stuck in these uniforms all day. I find myself putting makeup on after I get home from work just so I can feel better.

anyway have a wonderful day.

[TommieAnne]

Good morning! Sorry to read folks are still having snow.

Although for this part of the world it's been drenching rain for weeks. I'm looking forward to some sunshine.

I'd love to be able to say some cheery, kind words this morning, but I'm afraid I'm just not in a very great place. Distressed, can't sleep, feeling lots of anxiety, no prospect of HRT beginning anytime soon. It just feels like life and hope are slipping away from me, just beyond my grasp.

TA

[Emily michelle]

39 minutes ago, TammyAnne said:

Good morning! Sorry to read folks are still having snow.

Although for this part of the world it's been drenching rain for weeks. I'm looking forward to some sunshine.

I'd love to be able to say some cheery, kind words this morning, but I'm afraid I'm just not in a very great place. Distressed, can't sleep, feeling lots of anxiety, no prospect of HRT beginning anytime soon. It just feels like life and hope are slipping away from me, just beyond my grasp.

TA

Tammy I understand exactly what you mean I feel the same way a lot. Especially with what is going on now. Please don’t give up girl things will turn around for you. I know it seems like they won’t ever turn around but don’t give up.

[ShawnaLeigh]

1 hour ago, TammyAnne said:

Good morning! Sorry to read folks are still having snow.

Although for this part of the world it's been drenching rain for weeks. I'm looking forward to some sunshine.

I'd love to be able to say some cheery, kind words this morning, but I'm afraid I'm just not in a very great place. Distressed, can't sleep, feeling lots of anxiety, no prospect of HRT beginning anytime soon. It just feels like life and hope are slipping away from me, just beyond my grasp.

TA

Believe me my happy demeaner is covering up a tremendous amount of physical pain.

My surgery to remove a very painful lump/testicle was cancelled with no rescheduled date.  It is not life saving surgery they told me.

ITS IS FOR ME!

This surgery was also going to be a GRS bi-lateral Orchiectomy to remove both as it is a surgery on my planned timeline and they are in there removing one of them anyways.  Approved by my insurance, three letters from doctors and therapist; I had it all set.

Living with the pain was terrible but I had a light at the end of the tunnel.  A date it would all go away.

That's gone now and I suffer everyday with this pain.

So I fully understand having things ripped out of your life's time line for transition.

.  

[Emily michelle]

1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Believe me my happy demeaner is covering up a tremendous amount of physical pain.

My surgery to remove a very painful lump/testicle was cancelled with no rescheduled date.  It is not life saving surgery they told me.

ITS IS FOR ME!

This surgery was also going to be a GRS bi-lateral Orchiectomy to remove both as it is a surgery on my planned timeline and they are in there removing one of them anyways.  Approved by my insurance, three letters from doctors and therapist; I had it all set.

Living with the pain was terrible but I had a light at the end of the tunnel.  A date it would all go away.

That's gone now and I suffer everyday with this pain.

So I fully understand having things ripped out of your life's time line for transition.

.  

Shawna I’m just wondering is that painful lump on your testical. Has it been tested to make sure it’s not cancerous. I had a lump on one of my testicals and it ended up being cancer. So I had to have one removed. Now I wish I knew I was a woman then I would of had them both removed back then.

[ShawnaLeigh]

38 minutes ago, Emily michelle said:

Shawna I’m just wondering is that painful lump on your testical. Has it been tested to make sure it’s not cancerous. I had a lump on one of my testicals and it ended up being cancer. So I had to have one removed. Now I wish I knew I was a woman then I would of had them both removed back then.

Its the second time this has happened and the first was not malignant. No telling now but ultrasounds did not concern them are far as cancer.  Though they will not know for sure until they can biopsy it.

 

I told them I just will do the surgery myself.  I've got tools and now access to the pain numbing drugs.  Plus I know how to field dress a deer fast.  What more do you need to know?  LOL

 

[Maddee]

Good morning.

Shawna please step away from the tools, and try to focus on the very real amazing changes that have manifested in your life.  You're an amazing story already and you're not close to done.

[Emily michelle]

I know what you mean I joked around with the doctor. I asked him so is this like how you cut hogs. Cause I’ve down that more times than I can count. Then I was like I have the blades and quick stop but he didn’t see my humor haha.

33 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Its the second time this has happened and the first was not malignant. No telling now but ultrasounds did not concern them are far as cancer.  Though they will not know for sure until they can biopsy it.

 

I told them I just will do the surgery myself.  I've got tools and now access to the pain numbing drugs.  Plus I know how to field dress a deer fast.  What more do you need to know?  LOL

 

 

[Willow]

Good morning

 

thank you everyone for the good thoughts.  For those of you not on HRT, I am sorry to hear that you aren’t or can’t get them for some reason.  I had to have a verified diagnosis provided to my endocrinologist.  Both my family practice and my therapist provided notes.  On my second or third visit, the Endocrinologist put me on a blocker.  He watches my blood work like a hawk.  Slowly increasing until he felt it was enough.  Then he added progesterone again a little to begin with and increased it.  I’ve only been on my full dose for 3 ½ months so a little early to get excited but “The changes they are a comin” ?

 

Willow

[Emily michelle]

35 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Its the second time this has happened and the first was not malignant. No telling now but ultrasounds did not concern them are far as cancer.  Though they will not know for sure until they can biopsy it.

 

I told them I just will do the surgery myself.  I've got tools and now access to the pain numbing drugs.  Plus I know how to field dress a deer fast.  What more do you need to know?  LOL

 

By the way you mentioned you were a bio med tech my dad is a retired bio med tech

[ShawnaLeigh]

32 minutes ago, Emily michelle said:

By the way you mentioned you were a bio med tech my dad is a retired bio med tech

NICE!

[Emily michelle]

33 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

NICE!

I read that a while back and I was like wow someone else that works bio med it’s just not something you hear very often.

[Susan R]

41 minutes ago, Willow said:

I’ve only been on my full dose for 3 ½ months so a little early to get excited but “The changes they are a comin” ?

That’s right around the time everything started coming together for me.  The cumulation of changes really took me by surprise.  I’m sure you’ll have similar moments.  It’s was a nice change from where I had been.  Enjoy this time.

 

Well, on to the next topic...why can’t I sleep? I’ve been up since 5:30am... laid in bed wide awake and decided to get up finally after over an hour..  now the big debate is whether to make coffee.  It’s not like me to have insomnia but here I am.  Hope everyone is doing well this morning.

Susan R?

[Emily michelle]

Well I just got a call from the infertility doctor my wife and I are seeing. They said they do hrt so I was able to an appointment for next week to discuss hrt. I’m so excited right now I just hope I can do my blood work that day and get started ASAP.

[ShawnaLeigh]

1 hour ago, Emily michelle said:

Well I just got a call from the infertility doctor my wife and I are seeing. They said they do hrt so I was able to an appointment for next week to discuss hrt. I’m so excited right now I just hope I can do my blood work that day and get started ASAP.

YEAH!

[TommieAnne]

7 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Its the second time this has happened and the first was not malignant. No telling now but ultrasounds did not concern them are far as cancer.  Though they will not know for sure until they can biopsy it.

 

I told them I just will do the surgery myself.  I've got tools and now access to the pain numbing drugs.  Plus I know how to field dress a deer fast.  What more do you need to know?  LOL

 

I recall reading the story of one of the first trans women who after being denied an orchi just did it herself. Almost bled out before getting to the ER. I hope you won't consider that. I kinda look to you for leadership and smarts at this point. In other words, I need you (along with several kind others).

And thank you for the encouraging words. I'm probably going to chew my gender therapist's ears off next week in my appointment.

TA

[TommieAnne]

9 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Tammy I understand exactly what you mean I feel the same way a lot. Especially with what is going on now. Please don’t give up girl things will turn around for you. I know it seems like they won’t ever turn around but don’t give up.

Thank you EM!

I appreciate the bolstering.

I spent the day doing farm chores on my 5 acre mountain top with the wind rushing past me while it sang to the trees. It's always struck me as odd that being alone on a mountain, you start hearing voices in the wind.

I've read that most Mt. Everest climbers bring a little radio with headphones to tune into static so they can sleep at night, because the wind mutters incessantly.

My place isn't quite that eerie, but in summer nights the whipoorwhils won't shut up. But I also like hearing the wind.

TA

[TommieAnne]

7 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Well I just got a call from the infertility doctor my wife and I are seeing. They said they do hrt so I was able to an appointment for next week to discuss hrt. I’m so excited right now I just hope I can do my blood work that day and get started ASAP.

If it's like my doctors, they pull the lab work before your appointment, so usually my results are ready by the time I see my doctor.

TA

[Emily michelle]

32 minutes ago, TammyAnne said:

If it's like my doctors, they pull the lab work before your appointment, so usually my results are ready by the time I see my doctor.

TA

It may have changed now because now I have to find a way to pay for it my insurance company denied it.