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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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Oh - I used to drink coffee all day long and told my wife it was my last true vice. I now am holding myself to 1 cup in the morning - after a month it isn't so much a craving anything but now the feeling different sort of boost I expected. Oh well - it's probably better for me anyway - being ladies seem to enjoy tea more I think I will give that a try again although in the past it was never (excuse the pun) mt cup of tea.

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18 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

So hopefully it goes well. I would say after tonight the cat will be out of the bag among the people we talk to on our county road 

I hope so too, Emily. That must be a huge challenge you are overcoming. You go, Grrl.

I'd love to read your post about how it went, if you care to share it.

It's probably belated, but here's a wish for the best of good luck with your neighbors, and the others on your country road.

~~A good luck hug and squeeze from Leah.~~

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I have been coming out slowly and have not shared with neighbors as I live in a very right wing type area and I don't even dress too feminine because I know I would pay dearly... Good Luck today @Emily michelle

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I had the get together with the neighbors last night. Not one person asked me what I was wearing or made any comments. My friend decided he is going to call me princess now lol. My deadname was used quite a bit and the wrong pronouns were used but I’m not going to complain because only 2 people there know everything about me. So I can’t expect them to know when I haven’t told them. So all in all I considered it a success we stayed out till 1 am this morning and had a blast 

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I did some purging yesterday. Getting rid of clothes that I will never wear or never fit me.

 

6 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

 Tomorrow will be retail therapy. lol

Hugs

Bri 

I can just see Bri running into the store waving a credit card yelling CHARGE IT!!

LOL

 

Kymmie

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59 minutes ago, KymmieL said:

Getting rid of clothes that I will never wear or never fit me.

Thats' a good idea.  No need to hold on to useless items.  

 

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@Emily michelle glad it went well. You are a brave girl and you got through it with little collateral damage... Good news and glad you had a blast.

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All this talk of purging made me realize I have a lot of clothes I haven't even though about wearing in well over a year.

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9 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Tomorrow will be retail therapy. lol

 Yep!  As they say...shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist ?

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19 hours ago, Astrid said:

 Yep!  As they say...shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist ?

That would really depend on were you shop. You can spend just about as much as you want on a beautiful dress. Not that I would. Maybe if I had it laying around. LOL

 

Second day of work, so my Tuesday. Tomorrow is our annual inventory, yah. Scheduled form 7:30 to 6. but I am supposed to help the inventory team. yah.

 

No coffee until later, and I am surviving. What is this madness. Still psyched about final a girl. Why can't name changes be that easy.

 

Kymmie

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1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

Why can't name changes be that easy.

I know..right? Here it's $15 and a trip to the DMV to change a gender marker. Don't need a doctor to sign off either. Name change costs $500+, you still have to post you name and address in the paper and it takes 2-3 months.

 

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Good afternoon everyone!

 

today hasn’t been a very good day I was pointed and starred at by 2 women when I was riding my bicycle earlier. Too top it off the pharmacy messed up my percription not giving me enough estrogen again. I finally broke down and cried when I made it to the car. My dysphoria for some reason been at like an all time high lately. I have been going to bed wishing I don’t wake up in the morning. I don’t have the guts to commit suicide but all this is gaining up on me telling me I don’t belong. I’m sorry for the rant I just had to get it off my chest.

 

By the way Elizabeth yor new pic is nice you look beautiful!

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@Emily michelle I am so sorry to hear this.  Please try to shrug off the idiots, they mean nothing to you.  As to the pharmacy, check why you got less.  Was the scrip written that way, were they low on supply?   Please try to feel good about yourself.  You may be in the awkward phase of transition that seems to last way too long.  You certainly do belong!!  Never be sorry for a rant.  That's why we're here, to listen to and console each other as we need it.  Today is your day.  Take a deep breath and relax.  Tomorrow you can start anew.  

 

Hugs, Jani

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Thanks Emily.

I agree with Jani, ignore the idiots.

My experience today. I went shopping for a few things and a new outfit after I purged a few bags of "other" clothes. Anyways, as I was wandering around looking for something to catch my eye. There were two younger women in the area. as soon as they saw me they started giggling to each other. I must have bumped into the 3 or 4 times in a matter of minutes. Every time they would turn, walk away and giggle. I'm assuming I got clocked. All I could do was stand up tall, pull my big girl panties up and continue my mission. But you never know what will happen next. The cashier was very nice, chatty and called me a young lady. I think we all have bad days.

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@Emily michelle

    There is no excuse for the way these two people treated you. There are so many burdens we bare that other people will never understand. Remember who you are doing this for. This is about you. We are all here for each other and we have a strong community. Stronger than many truly realize. Our pain isn't just from our own experience in the moment but, it is also for everyone else that endures these attacks too. If you think about it, you handled the situation with far more grace and civility than either of the two people that attacked you. Do not disregard the real strength you have within your heart for the weaknesses others would project upon you. 

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Usually I can handle being clocked because I don’t really pass yet but it is slowly getting there. For the most part I can laugh about it and move on. This past week has been horrible with my dysphoria I had 2 episodes I guess you would call it with other parts of my anatomy. That pretty much ripped the life out of me. The entire week I just felt like a fake. I can finally see the woman in me starting to show in other parts of me, and then I see my other part and I just feel like a chick with a “beep”. I don’t feel valid then add the being pointed at yesterday it tried to push me over the edge. I tried to talk to my wife about it but she doesn’t have to worry about these issues so it’s hard for her to understand.

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I feel for you Emily. You are more of a woman then them. I have days where I don't feel valid from the moment I wake up and it only takes someone doing a double take to push me close to the edge. I am my own worst critic. Maybe it's time to change venues. I had to. I had to find different places to shop because I was to familiar at the others. After 10 years of seeing the other me they just don't see the real me no matter how much I've changed. As far as being a chick with a ...... I'm reminded every time I use the restroom, or shower, or change outfits. The only solution to that is GCS and that is way off over the horizon somewhere. For now I just want to live and try to have fun while the hormones do their thing. I always remember Kymmie's Signature line when things get rough.

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@Emily michelle you are brave and I think you are growing not only physically but mentally. You are definitely not fake.. You are they real deal and if other aren't willing to see that it is their problem. I and the ladies here certainly understand what you are going through. My personal journey feels like I will never pass but I am not going to stop trying and I am so glad you aren't either. Continue to be brave girl and you will make it.

Hugs

Shay

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Liz, that is why I put that in my signature.

 

The way I look at it. I have seen some woman that look more manly that some men I have seen. We've all seen those, ones that you could never imagine in something feminine, like a dress. While I don't know that they are CIS female. So what somebody saw you as different. Heck we are all different. We can't be 34-23-36(OK, its my goal, LOL) or go turn back the clock and look 16. Maybe 5% of the worlds woman are that good looking.

 

Kymmie

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I have come to realize I am my own worst enemy and it’s all in my head. I’ve put myself down my entire life and I wish I didn’t but I don’t know how to stop. My fix for it was run away and hide it but it’s not healthy to be doing that. 
As far as the shopping goes I usually don’t get much looks occasionally. Most of the time the employees have been very nice and helpful. 
 

My anatomy bothers me everyday I just have to find a way to forget its there because unfortunately it’s there for a long time because I cannot afford the surgery or downtime in the near future. I just have to remember I am valid!

 

 

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Good morning everyone 

 

just finished my first cup.  My body is feeling a bit strained today.

 

sorry I’m a little behind on reading and responding.  We spent the entire day on our sailboat.  It was actually a very good day.  Left the house at 8am at got home at 8:30 pm.  Two meals and lots of water and some snacks.  I got my dinghy fixed finally and we took it with us.  Used it to go from the boat to an island and back.

 

@Shay I know what you mean, I desperately want to come out but all our friends and neighbors are very right wing.

 

@Emily Michele I understand what you are going through with the increased depression And dysphoria .  I’m glad to hear you don’t have the guts to do anything about it but please seek out someone for help.   I’ve been going through a spell of dysphoria pretty bad.  I even told my doctor essentially the same thing, what’s the point.  No one should treat us like that but some can’t help themselves.  They are the ones that should be ridiculed.

 

@KymmieL again congratulations on your recent accomplishments.  Sounds like you are making significant progress towards your goals.

 

well I suppose I should try to get something done today.  After all it’s another Monday Saturday.

 

Willow

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@Emily michelle sorry to hear about all that.  I feel you.  I've been trying to turn my filter of other's reactions and stares from- look at that freak" to "Wow, check out that 6' redhead hottie".   It works for the casual stares but not so much for the occasional snicker I get.  

 

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I need to reach out to a therapist again I had one for a while but my schedule was too crazy and money was tight because insurance hasn’t covered any therapy. Now I feel like I need it again I would like to find one in my network for insurance. I think maybe taking through it may alleviate some of the dysphoria.

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@Willow a friend I came out to advised me not to come out to a mutual friend that we've been friends with for 50+ years. I haven't been around him in recent years except when he had a stroke - I visited and tried to help. Well the friend I did come out to accepted me wholedhearted but said the other friend had turned wide right, conservative and voted for 45 so I ain't going there - thank you very much. I've already lost several friends because of what's in the Whitehouse. I don't want to get political - I hate that - so I won't mention I am 100% + against the regime in power, I'll leave it at that.

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6 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

My anatomy bothers me everyday I just have to find a way to forget its there because unfortunately it’s there for a long time because I cannot afford the surgery or downtime in the near future.

 

I hear you!  I've found that there are subtle ways to help, such as wearing feminine items in a stealthy way.  One tip I received here at TransPulse was to wear an anklet under my socks.  A small thing, but every little expression helps -- and it did/has.  I actually can't wait for cooler weather here, because I can't wait to be wearing leggings under my pants when out and about.  They feel great. (And I tend to wear just the leggings around the house for even the shoulder seasons, simply because I find them wonderfully comfortable.)  

 

Astrid

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