Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Emily michelle]

Hi Elizabeth I commend you for going up to he like that I wish I had the guts you do. I hope hr takes it seriously and gets others to use the right name and pronouns. I find it interesting that they say you can’t use your preferred name but every place I have ever worked had several people with nicknames so I’d they can use that why can’t you go by your preferred name. Keep in mind I have only worked in heavy equipment and heavy truck shops so maybe it is different for other fields.

[Elizabeth Star]

Thanks Emily. It was really hard putting myself out there like that completely defenseless. It was my new cute outfit that gave me the courage.

 

Here's the thing.

I work in the security industry. We have nick-names that we use all the time with each other but it's a little different for me; it's not a nick-name. They need to inform everyone in the company of the "name/gender change". Then change my email, voicemail, work ID, computer log-ins, and name with 3rd party companies. My primary job is scheduling service techs so I spend a lot of time on the phone with customers. I don't want to use my old name when talking to them. It will just confuse everyone. But then how to explain that I've worked there for 18 years but the customers has never heard of me although I've probably been in their houses, more than once, when I was a service tech.

 

I have been assured that they will swiftly deal with any problems that come up with any of my co-workers and enforce that correct name and pronouns are used. Hopefully my anxiety will take a day off tomorrow while I'm stuck in Limbo.

 

[Emily michelle]

I definitely understand where your coming from and how hard it is to hear. That’s good to to hear that they will deal with any issues that come up and enforce it. I hope your coworkers are supportive and understanding. 
luckily I don’t deal with the public I just deal with other trades and locations. I could see my hr directing people what names to use. But I don’t see any one abiding by them. My biggest issue would be harassment which is happening already. They don’t think much of women in my trade let alone trans women.

 

its funny how much confidence a cute outfit can bring let alone what it can do for your mood.

 

[KymmieL]

Good night or good morning  it is right in the middle for me know. 2:30am  having trouble sleeping, coughing  with bringing up some stomach acid. So much fun,yea.

 

Its my TGIF. I am getting so burnt out at work. I don't know what to do. I can't see straight. I hope something breaks in the new job search soon. I all most think that maybe the problem. Kymmie is wanting to come out so bad it is affecting me. I may have to mention that to my therapist when I see her Friday.

It seems that all I want to do is just sit and write my stories. Which pisses off the wife, because I am not in with her doing what ever. mostly with her falling asleep in the chair. but that is because I don't talk to her. yet she doesn't talk to me. Maybe I am just getting fed up with the whole thing and need to move on and be happy. yet I don't want to until I have a job.

 

Life really sucks some times.

 

Hugs to all

 

Kymmie

[Jackie C.]

Yay! A friend came out to part of my friends group last night! I'd suspected she was trans for a while. I saw a lot of behaviors that resonated with me, but didn't pressure her. Last night she appeared fully dressed and shared her name with us! I'm so happy!

 

I had to tell someone. I'm fit to burst.

 

Hugs!

[Elizabeth Star]

Good morning, coffee is hot and fresh.

 

I think it's pretty universal that men in the trade industries don't think much of women especially trans-women.  I've had so many customers refuse to talk to the office girls. I get the calls transferred to me with a heads-up that they want to talk to a "service guy", we laugh then I take the call. My techs aren't much better. For some reason they think my IQ has dropped over the last year.  Don't call me, asking for tech support, if your just gonna call someone else to fact-check what I said.

 

 

[Elizabeth Star]

38 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Yay! A friend came out to part of my friends group last night!

That's fantastic!

[Jackie C.]

21 minutes ago, ElizabethStar said:

That's fantastic!

 

I know, right? I just feel so honored that she was comfortable enough to come out in front of us like that. I offered her love, support and this site if she needs it. Just a super wholesome moment.

 

25 minutes ago, ElizabethStar said:

I think it's pretty universal that men in the trade industries don't think much of women especially trans-women.  I've had so many customers refuse to talk to the office girls. I get the calls transferred to me with a heads-up that they want to talk to a "service guy", we laugh then I take the call. My techs aren't much better. For some reason they think my IQ has dropped over the last year.  Don't call me, asking for tech support, if your just gonna call someone else to fact-check what I said.

 

While not everybody is like this, yeah, there's a lot of "I need a MAN to..." in the world. Guys have trouble with the idea that a woman can do something that they can't. Especially in a traditionally "manly" field. It's a funny bias to see from the outside (I have a hard time taking men seriously anymore, they're so fragile), but it makes it harder to be taken seriously as a woman. Yay for institutionalized misogyny?

 

Hugs!

[Elizabeth Star]

2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Kymmie is wanting to come out so bad it is affecting me.

This really is a thing that happens. I was starting to get horrible migraines. A couple times my doctor thought I was having a stroke. When I went full-time Liz they disappeared along with all the mental static.

 

34 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

(I have a hard time taking men seriously anymore, they're so fragile),

LOL. So true.

[Heather Shay]

@KymmieL I understand totally work burnt. I never my jobs from the moment I graduated college through retirement. My last was the worst working for the worst human being I've ever known and I never slept well especially on Sunday evening dreading going back. I never considered coming out then because of the time and place. I think talking to your therapist will help. I guess all you can do is work on what you can do to better you physical self and let go of the job worry. I know it's hard and I tried but thinking of what and who you want to become and working on that and thinking about that helps get through.

Hugs

Heather

[Maddee]

Good morning.

I choose positive as default under the full moon.  Thinking about what and who I want to be manifest thank you.

 

[Cyndee]

Good Morning the full moon disc setting in our western sky right now, it's brilliant, another gorgeous day unfolding here. Had a nice bicycle ride last night, did another mix down and sipping coffee this morning, simply glad to be alive and well.

 

Have a lovely day all

 

C

 

[Heather Shay]

Icky rain here but I think of Wayne Dyer saying it's all attitude and the weather doesn't care it just goes on being weather. It's what your attitude is that matters and because of transpulse ladies and get my attitude is getting better and better by the day. Thank you ladies.

[Bobbie Scott]

Hi Elizabeth, I commend your courage. I worked in collision repair industry for 43 years. I finally had a medical issue where I had to retire. That's a super tough industry to transition in. I really wish you well. I never had the courage myself. Good luck and God blessyou.

[Bri2020]

I'm seeing a lot of courage in recent posts! Kudos ladies.  Yes, a cute outfit goes a long way. I remember back in the day I had a boss talk out "power suits" and have heard women refer to "power outfits" and it's true.  If you feel confident because you look good/cute/beautiful/professional you're more likely to push harder in life.  

@KymmieL I get it. Bri was bubbling inside me and becoming a toxic mess, i gained weight, was depressed, couldn't focus, didn't sleep etc etc.  After I came out all that resolved.  I'm not pushing you to come out full time or anything, in your own time as they say. It can  bring its own can of worms but living true also brings about a peace of mind and body.  Keep working through it girl.

 

Big day for me- meeting my endocrinologist at 4. Hoping for hormones by 5 .  I also talked with my case manager at Kaiser yesterday and found out they are going to pay for pretty much my entire care including voice therapy, FFS and facial electrolysis! I have zero barriers to transitioning fully now. The only downside to them is they won't even let me schedule a surgical consult until a year from now and currently there is a year backlog on surgery dates so it's looking like bottom surgery is 2 years out instead of 1 .  But on the positive,  I guess paying them about $20k a year for my wife and I is starting to pay off and I shouldn't complain about a little wait. I was really worried about finances (as was my wife). I knew if anything came up this year I would have to stop hair removal and put off voice training.  There was no way we could vacation for a few years too with all these expense I anticipated and I know that sacrifice was weighing quietly on my wife. Not that we can go anywhere with Covid.  I can now help my daughter pay down some college debt so she can get started in life on the right foot as well.  STars and moon are aligning right now.

[Willow]

Good morning 

 

What an about face from a few days ago.  Lots of good things happening.  
 

@KymmieL my wife and I go back and forth from supporting each other to I’m not who she married and I make her unhappy.
 

I too have been having a difficult time wanting to come out fully.  But that means two things in my case.  Giving up my wife and giving up many of my current friends.  It’s really tough and depressing dealing with these emotions.  Then something happens, I can be me for a day and I’m ok for a while.

 

good luck with the name issues.

 

willow 

[Erikka]

Hei,

I was a saw filer,  specifically a Benchman (it have been changed to person in the contract, but that had no impact on the floor), Working in a sawmill for nearly 40 years I have heard every insult surrounding women and "trannys". The closet I came to coming out then was to have my ears pierced. That was about a 5 point drop in my IQ to my fellow workers. It was a nightmare to work there. I had a family and I had a wife who needed a lot of medical care and the company had really good insurance and a more than adequate retirement. So I stayed and didn't transition until after I retired. After I retired I joined a Facebook group dedicated to sawmill and saw filers. I first joined under my dead name and my input was valued, that is until I changed may name and all of a sudden I had no credibility and my advice was ridiculed because a female could never be taken seriously as a Benchman

There is a high price to the cost of transitioning and it is not associated with the medical portion of transition.

Velsignelser

Erikka

 

[Heather Shay]

@Willow and @KymmieL I was lucky (if you can call it that) not to have to deal with coming out at work - everywhere I worked I would not have been accepted and I suffered a lot and saw all the sexual harressment and sexual discrimination and tried my best to stand up for ladies but never haad anyone come out when I worked - it was a different time and I think a lot of us in our retirement age know that and being the times are a little better know I think that is why we are more able to change now.

 

In regard to working with your wife - I am still very afraid of it and am dealing with it organically - my wife caught me self-HRT-ing 5 years ago and told me to go to my psych and work it out. (I tried - it came roaring back - as always). I came out to her a couple months back when I told her I had to try HRT and a new gender therapist and she accepted that but ddn't know if she would be able to handle a full transition. As HRT does its wonders I am showing her through love and care that it is making a big difference in me and I know my therapist will be inviting her to sessions as I progress and as she goes through the grief stages. I haven't told her that the longer I'm on HRT the more certain I am that full transition including surgeries is where my path is leading but I'm hopeful to let it become organically a growing acceptance from her - although at this point I don't wear dress in front of her - but I do wear jeans and lady polo shirts and got rid of my old boy t-shirts and my clean face and darker eye brows and earrings are definitely signs that I know she sees and accepts so I am going slow.

 

Anyway - sorry for blathering on - I know you both have some very difficult issues to deal with and I'm all ears on listening and when you are willing to give me a penny for my thoughts - beware - I'll give to my 2 cents worth ?

[SaraAW]

Well today is day 3 of coming out at work, so far it's been a smashing success. I expect today's to be the same. My team is so supportive. Once the rest of the company learns, we will see what happens, but thankfully my HR is very big on stamping out any sort of discrimination as soon as it rears its head. That won't be until next though, one of my team is on vacation until then. Still want everyone on my team to hear it first from me.

 

As for things with my wife, they are still turbulent, but with each little bit of time passing, I can see her moving closer and closer to full acceptance. It's the birthday of one of our fur babies who passed away 2 years ago, so we had a good cry in each others arms this morning. Mostly my fault, hit me really hard this year, likely the HRT and therapy have helped loosen things up.

 

Had nice virtual cocktail hour with a gf from work who i've been out to for some time now. She's so supportive, we talked makeup, Katya & Trixie (both our fave drag performers), my success at coming out at work and more. It was great. Really made me realize i've fallen off on doing these sort of things with friends and fam over the last little bit.

 

Well, lunch hour is winding down, need to finish eating so I can plug back into the daily grind.

 

Hope everyone has a wonderful day! Don't forget to work some self-care in today (and every day!). Hugs!

 

 

[Heather Shay]

@SaraAW wonderful progress and I am happy to see you HAPPY and confident. My gut feeling is you are seeing your wife proceed along the steps of grief and that is good. I have told my wife, she accepts the HRT, gender specialist and minor changes but I'm trying not to force anything and hopefully let her see the positive changes in me and work her through her transition stage and hopefully both of us coming out of this stronger as a couple and happier for and with each other.

 

Now go finish your lunch......

[Lee H]

On 8/31/2020 at 10:34 AM, Shay said:

I don't want to get political - I hate that - so I won't mention I am 100% + against the regime in power, I'll leave it at that.

I'm with you, Shay. Nearly down to just two months more of this insanity. 46 months ago, it seemed like an eternity. We -- people who like other people -- just gotta' hold on.

As you can see, my challenge is avoiding becoming political. I hate the subject matter, but the rants just sorta' ooze out of their own volition, d'ya know what I mean?

~~Leah

[Heather Shay]

@Leah oh yay I know what you mean but I CHOOSE to avoid the poison they spew and try to plant good and caring seeds where I can.

[Bri2020]

@SaraAW I'm jumping up and down with joy for your work situation!!! And any progress on the home front is always good.  Let all these good things build upon each other and snowball into the life you deserve.  Doing the happy dance here.

Hugs

Bri

[Willow]

@Shay ?

 

Thoughts and suggestions are always appreciated.  Here’s a bag of pennies for your thoughts.  
 

I don’t have family issues other than my wife.  My parents died years ago and so did my sister.  Between my wife’s family and mine, I am the oldest.  My kids are ok with me, and so is my wife’s brother and his wife.  My wife grew up ultra conservative and very sheltered.  That’s a big part of the problem.  She has talked to a therapist about it, and a doctor and our minister.  All have explained it isn’t a choice but a medical difference that occurs in the womb.  You either are or you aren’t and I am.  I didn’t know it, or understand my feelings until they were explained to me by the therapist.

 

Anyway, figuring out the best way to negotiate this has been difficult.  As for surgery, well my biggest concern is breasts.  Anyone sees me, it’s your hair, face and chest they see, not lower.  I don’t see the point for me to get bottom surgery.  If I didn’t have issues with my wife and someone wanted to pay for it, that would be great but I don’t have the money or the emotional need for feminizing surgeries.

 

ok, now who’s carrying on.  Lol

 

Willow

[Heather Shay]

@Willow knowing one's self is power - and knowing and being one's self is a full time job. You are wise in your approach and I wish you all the love and support I can and as time moves forward so will your wife. I was raised Catholic and by a Polish mother - so I have a double dose of guilt complexes to overcome and with the love and support here on Tranpulse - I am getting the nourishment I've never had before.

Thank You