Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Emily michelle]

That is awesome Kendra! That’s great Allison had the courage to come out. She definitely has an ally with you. Hopefully Allison’s mom will come around.

[HollyElizabeth]

@ElizabethStar I understand they don't want to be involved with GD because of how it's perceived at this point, but I'm assuming that the only reason you started to see your therapist was because of your GD. If I'm wrong I'm so sorry. So to have them tell you that you cant come for that reason is so totally wrong. And to be honest, it kinda makes me so angry. Yeah i know I don't have a dog in that fight but to think of them basically saying that you can come but you can't talk about  your GD.

 

OMG, I'm so sorry. Speaking about not being able to see a therapist, I haven't been able to see mine for the last couple weeks and I'm starting to snap at people.. lol

[Elizabeth Star]

@HollyNoelI didn't start off talking to him about GD issues. I started due to depression that was try to get the best of me. We were in the process of changing it over to gender therapy. I don't know why it had to be a process but it was.

[HollyElizabeth]

@ElizabethStar I'm sorry Honey.

[KymmieL]

Hey, my friends I have a question? In either communication or  interview I have told my perspective employer exactly why i am looking to move. Should I  continue doing  so. Or should I  hold back being informing them that  I am  transgender?

 

Currently looking at a position at the Harley dealer in Eugene. OR.

 

Kymmie 

[Jackie C.]

3 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Hey, my friends I have a question? In either communication or  interview I have told my perspective employer exactly why i am looking to move. Should I  continue doing  so. Or should I  hold back being informing them that  I am  transgender?

 

Currently looking at a position at the Harley dealer in Eugene. OR.

 

Kymmie 

 

I'd be open and upfront. While it's not really any of their business, if you're going to be transitioning on the job at all, they need to be aware of things to come.

 

Hugs!

[Susan R]

7 hours ago, KendraML said:

My son came out to me this morning and proud of him,came out as bigender.My ex wife,he told her and it wasn't good at first.She took it hard and has not accepted it yet,told him it may take time for her to accept this.Plus he knows I will love and accept him with my support.If she doesn't accept,knows he can live with me.Has known this for 2 years now 16 years old and picked out his female name already,Allison.Going to get in touch with my good friends whom will help him out,Said he wants to live and dress as Allison within a couple weeks.

What an incredible event and what an opportunity to become even closer to your daughter. This is something she will never forget. I am so happy that she has you to be there for her in this time of needing an ally and knowing she has all your support. I look forward to reading more about this story. Thank you for sharing this uplifting news!

 

Susan R?

[KendraML]

2 hours ago, Susan R said:

What an incredible event and what an opportunity to become even closer to your daughter. This is something she will never forget. I am so happy that she has you to be there for her in this time of needing an ally and knowing she has all your support. I look forward to reading more about this story. Thank you for sharing this uplifting news!

 

Susan R?

Began the starting after lunch,took her for bra and panty shopping.Luckily I had my old breast forms I don't wear anymore worn once that fit her,gave them to her.Had a smile on her face trying on bras picking out a soft blue,pink,black and dark blue bra.Allison picked out the panties.She wanted to try on a pair of 2 inch hoop earrings,let her try on a pair of mine and loved it.Even tried on a pair of my 3 inch heels.Luckily I did sterilize them 2 weeks ago.My neighbor Nicole was a good help too,went to see her and Allison had a fun trying on clothes.Nicole decided to donate them to her,she gets clothes in as donations to resell.She loves to help out transgender kids.All skirts,jeans,tops,dresses she loved.Looks like she is living with me for the moment,ex doesn't want her back home yet.Going to the school tommorrow informing them on this and I know they will work things out with Allison and I.Plus her principal is great on taking care of the problems the transgender kids go through,it is not a slap on the wrist saying not to do it again.

[Berni]

19 hours ago, HollyNoel said:

@Berni Sometimes words aren't for the person saying them, but they're for the person hearing them. I'm not trying to say anything bad about your wife and how she feels, so please forgive me when I say this. She needs to think about you and how you need to hear that she loves you. I know you already know how she feels, but sometimes it's nice to hear it out loud.

 

Berni I know I don't know you, but this is for you girl. I love you!

Thanks Holly

 Weve discussed exactly this many times in the past. It's just a situation I've learned to live with.

[KymmieL]

Jackie, That is what I thought, be up front about it. Honesty is the best policy.

 

Kymmie

[Abi]

4 hours ago, KendraML said:

She loves to help out transgender kids.

You must thank her for all of us. That is such an amazing act of kindness and acceptance. You are blessed to have such a friend.

[KendraML]

1 hour ago, Abi said:

You must thank her for all of us. That is such an amazing act of kindness and acceptance. You are blessed to have such a friend.

I am glad she does this,says it hurts seeing a transgender kid being rejected.Has a 13 year old daughter Danielle that is transgender she adopted a year ago.Bio parents rejected her  and Danielle is glad she is in her life supporting her

[Jani]

@Berni I guess that's just how some people are.  A couple I am friends with are similar.  I have never heard them utter any words of endearment or touch or hug in public.  I cannot imagine they too different in private.  I know it can be hard when you want to hear the words.  Obviously she will not change and you understand her.  C'est la vie.

 

Hugs, Jani

[Lee H]

Hi Jacqui

My understanding is that I agree with this,

13 hours ago, Jacqui said:

the diagnosis "gateway" model and the "informed consent" model are two very different things.

But WPATH says:

Criteria for Feminizing/Masculinizing Hormone Therapy

(One Referral or Chart Documentation of Psychosocial Assessment)
Persistent, well-documented gender dysphoria;
Capacity to make a fully informed decision and to give consent for treatment; [104, WPATH Online ed]

 

This is the medical professionals' standard of care. Hence, if a physician prescribed HRT on the basis of informed consent alone, anyone could walk in and get a Rx, so long as they could demonstrate a general awareness of the risks and effects. But physicians might be liable for a patient who received HRT treatment for, eg. acne, and experienced serious adverse effects, because the HRT Rx. was not "indicated." Existence of the WPATH criteria had not been "documented," and writing a script based only on the patient's "informed consent," but without any documented gender dysphoria, would not meet the standard of care for physicians prescribing HRT --> liability for medical mal. 

 

On the other hand, the criteria do not require a "gender dysphoria" diagnosis by any particular specialty. I assume the HRT doc could enter a "chart documentation of [their own] psychosocial assessment." The issue would become whether that doc was qualified to make that assessment. Unless "psychosocial" is a medical term of art, Isn't just listening to the patient describe how their gender dysphoria affects their own lives, and their perception of how they fit into their own social circles, sufficient?

 

I'm posting this entirely as the evolution of an interesting conversation, not as any kind of "disputing" or purported "correction" of what you or anyone else has said.

 

~~Here's my thanks and a hug for all of you, from Lee.~~

 

 

[Lee H]

8 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Currently looking at a position at the Harley dealer in Eugene. OR

C'mon out, I'd venture to say. Reason: Around the Harley toy stores in Northern Nevada and Norcal, it looked to me like they were trying to hire foxy girls to prowl the floor and show the latest and greatest bikes to old fat guys, like moi. The girls who rode and knew rather than just back-seaters squeezing were always more intriguing to me. 

And Eugene is a very mellow town....

~~Good luck, and hugs, Lee~~

[Elizabeth Star]

@Lee HI can't give much input on the medical side of "Informed consent". As a patient, I made the call. They asked what for, I said hormone therapy. Them: Your e-mail? phone number?, Preferred name? That's when Elizabeth slipped out.

 

I waited my 6 weeks until the appointment. Trying to learn what I could but since I didn't know what meds going to be prescribed, It was kind of pointless.

 

When I got there the called me in, I filled out papers and waited. When I got called, they used my preferred name. They checked my vitals and put me in a room. there was a lot of LGBTQ stuff hanging on the walls,

 

The nurse came in asked me why I was there. I weakly squeaked out "Hormone therapy" . She asked the standard medical history questions. The she handed me a paper with basic information on it. We went over it together. I signed a few things and we were done.

 

Then she looked at me and said "I'm sending you scripts down to our pharmacy"and you need blood-work. So she pointed me to the lab. And  "I would like to see you again in 2 months."

 

From what I understand it labeled as some type of endo disorder to avoid the need for a GD diagnosis. I appreciate it but do see where there could be problems.

 

 

[Jacqui]

Hi @Lee H,

 

I see where you're coming from, but WPATH is a "standard of care" (actually, more of a guideline than a standard) that many medical professionals are reconsidering in terms of relevance in the context the needs of the transgender community.  The link I included in my last post discusses this, and the experience described by @ElizabethStar confirms that, in some localities, HRT without any kind of dysphoria diagnosis is a fact.

 

14 hours ago, Lee H said:

. . . but without any documented gender dysphoria, would not meet the standard of care for physicians prescribing HRT --> liability for medical mal.

 

No!  This is exactly why informed consent requires that the patient sign a lengthy and very detailed document certifying their understanding of the effects and side-effects of HRT, and their acceptance of full responsibility for the impact of HRT on them personally.

 

Like you, I am posting this as a continuation of a useful conversation and sharing of useful information -- no confrontational posture intended.

 

 

 

Edited October 5, 2020 by Jani
req by member

[Elizabeth Star]

I would like to add to my previous statement.

 

Although I could have gone straight to the clinic and gotten a script without any kind diagnosis. I was seeing a therapist for a couple of months before. I wanted to talk to someone first to settle with things in my head and be sure I really wanted to start this journey. Transitioning did come up a lot at my sessions but was not the main focus. I don't feel it's entirely right that anyone can just walk-in, get meds, and walk out (honestly, I was shocked at how easy it was) nor do I feel gate-keeping is right either. I do think you should have some level of self understanding before you start. At least a couple of sessions but still not require any kind of diagnosis to proceed. I can see the possibility of  someone seeking HRT on an impulse without thinking about what they're getting into.

[Emily michelle]

Hi everyone! Hope you have a wonderful day. I’m to the point I just want to get through the day anymore. I’ve been fighting a lot of anxiety issues lately and, I don’t know how to stop them. My issues are mainly from my job between the stress from it and working non stop. Trying to make everyone happy there. Then it comes to that I’m not out to them and it scares me to death what would be said when I do tell them. I can’t even grow my hair out without being harassed. It’s almost like I can’t clear my mind and rest it is always on my mind along with being transgender. I completely accept that I’m transgender. I’m much happier about being transgender now but it still never leaves my mind I just want to forget about being transgender and be a woman. 
Im not seeing a therapist anymore because the cost was becoming prohibitive and at the time I didn’t feel I was getting a benefit because I already know what I am and I accept that. I’m almost thinking I need to see one again to help with my anxiety. Does  anyone know anything else I can do to help my anxiety?

[Kylie]

@Emily michelleI have a lot of issues with anxiety - so much so it was causing me extreme depression. It would consume me so much that I would snap at people and cut them off just to avoid anything that could potentially exacerbate anxiety. The thought was once my GCS was done that my anxiety would lessen ; but it did not. So I’m working with my therapist on new coping mechanism, I have come to realize that my anxiety only hinders my progress and I need to accept what comes at me. It is hard to do that - but I’m learning. My therapist, PCP and I also have discussed medication options. So with some adjustments to medications, I’ve noticed I approach things in a more calm manner. Anxiety is such a difficult thing to deal with, each of us know what it is like. Trying to find solutions to it is, well, sometimes a slow process. 

[Willow]

Good morning everyone 

 

Its a little but chilly out but not in if you get my drift.?

 

I went to a shoe store that carries large women’s sizes yesterday.  I bought a pair of booties with a 2” heel and a second pair that are lower.  I tried a pair with a 4 or 5 inch heel.  I really liked them but they made me well over 6’ tall.

 

I had my diagnosis for nearly a year before my first HRT appointment and we’ve taken it pretty slow.  Much slower than I would like but I guess it’s safer this way.  I had to stop using my breast forms as my natural breasts have started filling in and they were getting too big.  I dropped to a cleavage enhancer and my bra fills in and I don’t look too big, just nice.

 

enjoy your day ladies, I will enjoy mine.

 

@KymmieL all of Oregon east of the Cascades is nice.  Being a college town, Eugene is especially nice.  Big enough but not too big.

 

Willow

[JustineM]

Well I hope everyone else is having a good morning. Things are a gigantic mess at work right now. Half of our single crew trucks broke down over the weekend so I’ve got nothing to go do my route in. And what’s even worse..... I didn’t have time  to make coffee this morning. (Cues overdramatic southern belle fainting). 

[Abi]

Good morning everybody. I hope your day is going ok so far. 

[SaraAW]

Hi All, It has been a little while since I've last been on. It looks like I've missed some really great milestones for several folks, so congrats to you all.

 

It has been crazy for me of late, with work consuming a lot more time than normal. I have been added to a group of analysts providing our company with 2x daily reports of COVID related news down to municipal levels, for the entirety of Canada, to keep or sr. leadership informed and allow quick directional changes as needed. This has meant logging a lot more hours to ensure that I can get the rest of my regular duties done. By the time my day is over, I am completely burnt and just want to eat dinner, read or watch television for an hour and then turn in.

 

Things with my wife and I are still very rocky. She is still very much in mourning. She is continuing to accuse me of bait and switch and also of making her into something she's not. She still has yet to call me anything other than my deadname. It has been over a year since I came out to her and she still tells me I haven't given her enough time to process and I should slow down. I have made many concessions in my presentation and how quickly I have done things throughout my transition at her request and she has said the speed should prefer is in reverse or stopped. She also has now told me a couple of times she is angry with how well things have gone for me and how everyone has been supportive of me. She has told me that I am not feeling any pain like she is, even though she has seen me curled up in a ball, sobbing uncontrollably many times. She shows me very little affection and has become an absolute pillow princess, not reciprocating much of anything. She needs to come to terms with her attraction to me as a person, decide what makes that her in her mind and whether it something she wants for herself. At this point, I am beginning to lose hope that things will improve in our relationship and she will find a way to accept me for me. I am not yet considering divorce, but I am going to start living my life for me and not waiting on her permission to live.

 

I do have lots of good happenings to report: I got my ears pierced on the weekend and absolutely love them, the government charged my CC, so it looks like they are in the process of completing my legal name change and issuing me a new birth certificate. Hopefully not too much longer. I ordered some more clothes the other week, they arrived and all of them fit.

 

I finished my official coming outs. Came out to my BFF via text on Saturday. Radio silence so far, hoping he is just busy or processing and not that he is ghosting me.  Followed up by updating all my details on my FB account. So far received only 2 messages from old friends asking what that meant. Working on the replies this evening. These are folks I was worried would not be very accepting, so want to try to make sure my reply is diplomatic and not accusatory, in case they are actually going to be accepting.

 

Hope everyone has a wonderful day! Hugs!

[AmberM]

Good Morning All,

 

Another slow start to my day at work, but I at least have a cup of coffee to get me going. Things are progressing, as this is the week where I have an appointment to talk HRT with a clinic and also establish a primary care doctor. I am nervous and excited at the same time. I just have to get to Thursday morning. I did decide to take the day off as I am sure blood work will be required and also getting my flu shot, then therapy. Busy enough day it is worth taking the day off. I am nervous still on being seen by my neighbors or running into someone that I know dressed as Amber. Not sure what to do about it.

 

@Emily michelle It might not be a bad idea to see if you could find an online therapist even that might be more affordable to help you with your anxiety. I think a mix of medication and psychotherapy has helped me with a lot of my anxiety making it more manageable. I will say I still get a lot of anxiety when it comes going out in public when I could be walking out and possibly interacting with my neighbors as an example. I am trying to work on that, but part of me has also debated moving as I transition to get that fresh start (nothing major at least). Another therapy option might be finding an income based service for therapy through a major city or something. I know we have a couple here where I am from, maybe you can find something for you.

 

@SaraW I hear you on work trying to encroach on personal time. I am actually pushing back on the work time more, just because it isn't feeling as fulfilling and taking some PTO. I am sad to hear your wife is moving slowly, just curious if she sees a therapist to help her move through the grieving process. I am sure it is hard to process the loss of what you thought you signed up for. I am sure she will eventually have an ah-ha moment when she sees how much happier you are, thus how much happier the two of you are.