Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Willow]

Good morning 

 

just made our morning coffee. I can’t just sit here and enjoy the morning I have a bone scan.  My doctor wants to make sure that the hormones aren’t messing with that.  
 

yesterday was a great day, rotten day, great day.  When I got home from church my wife was depressed and upset.  We talked for a while but she remained upset.  Then after lunch we talked again and she was better.  She even admitted she liked my new wig. Said I looked good wearing it.  I tried to post a picture of it here but I don’t find that particularly easy to do.   The wig had been something she was upset about earlier.  
 

anyway, happy Columbus Day, happy Thanksgiving Day, happy Monday, just have a great day what ever you are celebrating today.

 

hugs

 

Willow

[KymmieL]

2 hours ago, Mmindy said:

My Suzie is starting to own the ?️‍? LGBTQ relationship we're in. 

 

Hugs for you all,

 

Mindy???

MIndy, That is great.

 

I just wish my wife would at least  acknowledge it. It seems to have gotten cooler with us. My wife has only talked or more to the point complained to only one of her friends, but her friend is catholic. So, she doesn't respond favorably. She doesn't want to talk to any other friends because she might be told that she should accept and support me. OF course, she can't have that happen. She just wants to live in her own little world where everything is black and white.

 

In a week we celebrate our 35th. I got her a sweet necklace with a card showing what she means to me. It is hard trying to become myself yet be who she want me to be. my heart is getting torn apart. plus her distancing isn't helping.

 

I have my breasts and wig out in a box in the back for my Explorer. I had a horrible thought yesterday when when said she was going to take it to get a few groceries. I could see her finding it and throwing it away. 4-5k worth of stuff.  I think that would be the kicker. I'd just leave. 

 

Enough of the teary side. Cool again today. cup of coffee was nice and warming.

 

Have a great day everyone.

 

Kymmie

[AmberM]

Waking up to a nice cup of coffee this morning. I have noticed feeling more tired since starting HRT, but I am also sleeping slightly better thus far. I have a feeling it is going to be another slow day at work, and more of the same this week. I was able to communicate to my brothers this weekend about being trans and my intentions to transition. It is kind of a relief, but I also know this is only a small portion, as I feel like the social transition will be a bigger reveal for me than anything else.

 

Kylie: I am sorry that you are having to go through that right now. I just hope for peace for you and your family in this time of need.

 

@KymmieL I am sorry that your wife is unable to support you through this already hard experience. It may come down to deciding what is most important for you and what you need. I understand that would be a terribly hard decision, but also know that you will know when or if that decision is right.

 

@Mmindy That is awesome that your spouse is really starting to embrace you and your new relationship.

[Kylie]

Good Morning all❤️
 

I’d like to thank each of you for your kind words. It was something I needed to read this morning. Such an aid to the healing and grieving process. 
 

Happy Monday. Getting ready to enjoy a cup of coffee, hot, black and strong - much like the men I like! Haha! (Made myself laugh).  Got home about 2am this morning from my trip back home. My family, while they do not accept me for who I am now, each of them were respectful towards me. 
 

@Willow Loved reading about your experience at church. I remember my first time at church as myself and the welcoming I received. It really helps you remember the power of gods love. 
 

[Heather Nicole]

11 hours ago, Susan R said:

I know how hard it is to reveal something like this. I didn’t show any images of my male persona until my one year anniversary on HRT. You looked very handsome.

 

Thank you for saying so!

 

Bravery and confidence have always been difficult things for me, so I've been trying to work on them. I figure they'll be pretty important if this is my path!!!

[Jackie C.]

4 hours ago, Kylie said:

Getting ready to enjoy a cup of coffee, hot, black and strong - much like the men I like!

 

Well, you would have loved my workout partners this morning. I'm gay as hell and *I'M* attracted to Brandon. Wow!

 

Hugs!

[Heather Nicole]

5 hours ago, Kylie said:

Getting ready to enjoy a cup of coffee, hot, black and strong - much like the men I like! Haha!

 

Ha ha, I love this ?

[Abi]

After worrying most of the night about how a friend I've known 30 years would take my coming out to her and asking for her support, I passed out and had the oddest of dreams. It's best I not share that. When I woke up a couple hours later there was a text from her telling me she was accepting of me. I know this was not something she expected. My feeling is that we will not go clothes shopping or do things like that together but, at least she knows me a bit better now. Maybe I can tell her more about how I feel without being as fearful. I fear everything it seems. I've been really panicky all day.

 

[KendraML]

Finding out Allison did good at school dressed as female for the first time.Her friends did call her by Allison right away.Her teachers,been great to her as well.I also ordered some new clothes this morning and my wife found out,she took it well and knew I needed new skirts for work anyway.Also ordered  couple coats.I ordered this skirt in all 3 colors, https://www.qvc.com/Susan-Graver-Jacquard-Ponte-Pull-On-Pencil-Skirt.product.A369157.html?sc=IROA

Ordered two of these jackets in Zebra/black and Leopard/camel

https://www.qvc.com/Susan-Graver-Weekend-Reversible-Sherpa-%26-Polar-Fleece-Coat.product.A383194.html?sc=IROA

 

[Elizabeth Star]

Today is my one year coming out anniversary. I find it interesting that today I also reconnected on FB with an old friend from long, long ago. He's first openly gay person I ever met. It's really a thing trying to explain to someone what it is to be trans and gay.

 

My wife goes in tomorrow to finally be rid of her Hickman line and that infernal infusion pump. They'll be switching her to a pill form of her PAH meds. Apparently it's very hard on your stomach so she will be in for a couple/few days.

 

I went to our local dispensary over the weekend. I don't know if I was just lucky or what but my cashier was a trans-guy. I wouldn't have clocked him but he wore a pin that stated his pronouns that made me look deeper. I didn't/wouldn't say anything. I was just happy to be in a "friendly" place.

[KendraML]

Finding out it was 5 years ago I came out at work I was going fulltime in January of 2016.Co workers say they still don't miss the previous person,still the same person much happier in my life

 

[Willow]

@Abijudging by my limited experience feeling fear and apprehension is pretty normal but it gets easier.  I came out to someone today that I’ve know since the early 1960s when we were in Jr High School.  But my biggest apprehension over telling someone was telling my brother-in-law & sister-in-law.  They are extremely conservative but I did it and it’s been progressively easier at least until I get rejected then it will be tough again for the next one.

 

Willow

[Abi]

@Willow This has been a roller coaster week that has not gone too good. I may not be getting to go to college as I believed a week ago. I thought funding was all going to go smoothly and at the last moment that fell through. I can appeal but that takes time. I still want this but I have to wait for a while. I tried to reach out to a local support group but all I get is an answering machine and I do not leave messages. I called a hotline so I could just talk to someone that I could relate to and the conversation was going well. As much as I dread speaking to people and thinking about my voice the whole time, I really needed to talk to someone other than my father. He can't relate and I am frustrated. I was just starting to feel like they were understanding something that has been really bothering me, then the call suddenly dropped. I know I could have called back. I probably should have. I decided to go for a walk that turned into a long walk. maybe 4 miles. I'm probably walking 20 miles a week or so. It's about the only time I leave my home. I am struggling with being out in public. I always have my headphones and listen to music when I leave home. It's easier control my social anxiety a little bit when I have the music. We all have our way of coping. I'm not saying mine is a very good one. It's been weeks since I spoke to an adult in person, other than the two women that decided to talk trash about trans kids to me this past weekend. I think that has really caused me to panic for the kids and about myself. I am not sure how to feel or what to do about that. I am unable to stand up for the kids they spoke about and that tears me apart inside. Sorry, like I said, it's been a rough week.

[Heather Nicole]

I finally left a message this morning with a local gender therepist who sounds promising, hoping she's accepting new clients. Had butterflies like crazy, but not in a bad way. No response all day, feeling very impatient...can hardly wait to start actual sessions with hopefully someone very good. Absolutely "Chomping at the bit."

 

I worry about that part too though, finding someone good: A few years ago, during a particularly dark patch, I looked for situational depression counseling. Went through what seemed like every so-called counselor in the area but beyond each first session, none seemed the slightest bit interested in anything beyond the sound of their own voice and being a talking brochure for meetup.com. Eventually managed to work it out on my own without any of their "help". Hoping so much not to have a repeat of that.

 

Lately, I've also been having a feeling "the talk" with my mom may be destined to be much sooner than I'd anticipated, largely because of how anxious I'm feeling to get on with it all and rip that particular band-aid off. Absolutely frightened senseless of coming out to her in actual reality. Not that anyone's ever comfortable with "a big talk", but I'm especially awful with them...

 

Back a few years ago, when I felt I needed to tell her about my non-traditional (don't worry, nothing illegal or immoral) "first time" (ugh, yea, not the sort of thing you normally tell your mom at all, but when you're living together, and all of a sudden you're walking on air for a full week after a year or so of being borderline-suicidal...there's pretty much no avoiding an explanation). Well, back then, her initial reaction was "*gasp* NO! NO!!!" Broke my heart. Luckily, in that case it was mere seconds until she could see all was fine and good. But I absolutely couldn't bear an extended "No!!!! No!!!!" shock from her.

 

Been leaving little mini-clues to hopefully help lessen the blow, although she can be exceptionally good at obliviousness...(but then, some clues are bigger and totally accidental - I've fallen asleep on the couch with my posts on this forum right up there on the TV, or wearing my trans-flag hair scrunchie, and woke up to find the TV off. Oops!!!), so I don't know, there's a possibility she may already strongly suspect (though she doesn't like to ever read any words on any screen, upon pain of death, even when she sees them, so may be safe). But even if she does secretly know (and she is expert at keeping a secret), that still doesn't rule out the possibility of a panicked, shock reaction when faced with a direct admission...Ugh, feeling like a frightened little rabbit on that front...

[Ann W]

That's so awesome that you made the call.  Telling mom might be a good topic for your new therapist, unless your subconscious outs you before your first session.  Take a breath, take your time, It will all be fine.

?

[Ann W]

Two Little Victories

I almost forgot, I took a little step.  I needed to apply for some benefits on the California state website.  When setting up my account, there were four check-boxes for gender.  Woah...that's the first time in my life I've had another choice.

 

I think I went dizzy for a couple of seconds when I checked "Trans M2F".  Holy smokes!  I just came out to the state.  It seemed like not only the smart thing to do, but right on time to take another step.

Also...

I was waiting for the cashier at Sprouts when I heard the manager say to her..."can you help that lady".

YES!  I knew that was going to happen soon.  Sometimes I like the mask.

 

Abi, sorry to hear about your college plans.  Walking a lot helps me too.  (with headphones of course)

 

Congrats to those with anniversaries...lead the way.

?

[Bobbie Scott]

Good morning girls. Sorry about your loss Kylie. I really  had a bad day Saturday. I had to move a bunch of stuff out of storage. I had a really nice dining room set that I gave to my sister. I asked for help from my sister, her boyfriend and son,my nephew to help move. I used to get along real well with them. I guess my sister outed me. Because all I got was jabs from them the whole time. It really kind of hurts because I've always been generous with them. I don't know if it's the hormones  or what. I also found myself really missing my wife who passed away 4years ago. I guess it was seeing all the stuff and memories we had together. I had one of those cries where the snot comes out. Pardon my wording. Sometimes I wonder if this is worth it. I wish I could make friends in the trans community in person.  Thanks for listening. 

[Northstar]

So for context, I get pretty nervous talking on the phone (I have no idea why) but yesterday I felt super proud of myself because I had to face my fear for my GP appointment that I scheduled a week ago. I made notes beforehand and was able to say everything I needed to say, and the doctor was amazing- she filled in the referral form to a GIC as we spoke, and was really understanding, which I know isn't always the case for trans patients. I read that the waiting list for this centre is 18 months, but it could be longer now. Either way, I'm just happy to be on it! I'm also hoping to move soon (for work), and the area I'm looking at is coincidentally much closer to the hospital where this building's located. Very convenient considering I can't drive (well, not a car anyways! I'm training to in a donkey-cart )

[Mmindy]

Good morning from Mackinac Island, MI the first cup ☕️ of coffee was a hotel K-cup black, mild, and a litigation safe temperature. The second cup was a tea because I didn't put on my classes to read the labels. The day will include a horse carriage historical tour of the island. ?? Bikes are the only other means of transportation on the island. Shops, living history museums, and a Fort to see. 

 

Hugs for y'all,

 

Mindy???

[Willow]

@Abithere is no need to feel bad here.  We are all here because we share your concerns.  Some of us are a little ahead of others but I’d have to say we’ve all experienced some form of what you’re going through right now.  
 

I used to listen to calming music during some of my darkest days.  I can’t say I used it to hide because that was before I figured all this out.

 

you don’t say if the women that talked to you about trans kids knew you were tg, but I’m assuming not.  That’s tough.  Another friend of mine told of a similar situation.  She, her wife and their baby were at a restaurant eating when a couple at the next table started bad mouthing their lifestyle.  My friend is intersex.  So while she presents as female it is their baby.  They are very happy together well educated and provide for their daughter.  But this really upset them.  
 

Anyway, try not to get bogged down and depressed.  Seek help here and professional.  Professional therapy really helped me.

 

talk to me anytime.  Hugs

 

Willow

[Charlize]

You certainly were facing a double header there Bobbie.  I know when i handle things that are from close friends and friends i can quickly become emotional.  When that is combined with negative feedback i'm not surprised you cried.  When folks, especially relatives don't accept or poke fun of us the fear and guilt society has always used to control behavior hits us hard.  I've felt those pressures all my life.  Early transition was often filled with anxiety for me.  As i read the posts of others here i knew i wasn't alone.

The pandemic has upset many of the support groups that were once available.  I am glad you are able to post here.  You are not alone!  We can and do get through these problems and i like to think we are stronger because of it.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Willow]

Wow! Lots of difficult issues posted here today.  I’ve never stopped on Mackinac island though I’ve been to the UP.  I have watched PBS and History channel shows about the island. What a beautiful place.

 

I did get to fill in a form once the offered big Enders and other with a box.  I selected other and wrote transgender mtf in the box.

 

as far as SC is concerned we don’t exist so I don’t think I’ll ever see that on a state generated form (this was medical)

 

I have nothing to offer for how to tell your mother @Heather Nicolemine died long before I figured this out.  But, from something my sister said before she died, I think they knew.  Unfortunately I can’t go back and ask.  I suspect your mother knows something but chooses not to mention it.  Just because she has suspected and seen evidence doesn’t mean she is ready either.  Remember she is loosing a son and will suffer the emotions of grief so don’t be blunt.

 

hugs

 

Willow

 

[Willow]

@Charlizeis absolutely right.  Having to do everything via zoom, or other forms of the internet is not the same as meeting face to face but it is our new norm.  I really miss going to my support group and seeing my friends.  I still “see” some of them on our monthly zoom meeting but it’s not the same and the faces are rapidly changing with two groups combining and new members joining every month.

 

no offense to anyone here now but even the good morning coffee group has changed a lot.  And welcome to all of you that have joined us.  It gives us old timers, if you can imagine that this blog wasn’t started that long ago but has really gone viral, some new prospective on things.

 

love having everyone here to “talk”to and “listen “ to your stories.  It helps us all get through our everyday lives.

 

live you all

 

Willow

[KymmieL]

Morning everyone, haven't gotten my coffee, yet. I have noticed that this post has changed. but change can be good. We have new members join. While others drop off the face of the earth. However, it has been just as I have envisioned it, when I started it. just like a coffee clutch, where people get together and talk about everything from the weather to what a PITA your close relations is being. Kind of like a similar  group would do.

 

Mindy, are you staying at the Grand hotel? Even growing up in Michigan I have only been to Mackinac Island once when I younger. Last year was the first time I have crossed the big Mack. in over 25 yrs.

 

Abi, Yeah, I hate when others talk down about something they know nothing about. Especially when it directly relates to yourself. My wife is one of them. While she doesn't do it around me. she has said that she always wants to comment on facebook when somebody degrades trans people. However, she doesn't because she uses my facebook.

 

I think we need to start a class action lawsuit against the US government and all the states that discriminate against trans people. The constitution guarantees, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Which the government and 90% of the states are not giving us.

 

On the lighter side, about 50 on the fence thermometer. Looking at about 64 today. Have two closing shifts then the weekend. Have a face to face with my gyn Thurs then a video with my therapist on Fri. Being I am alone all day. yeah I just may go to my gyn appointment as my true self.

 

Hugs to everyone,

 

Kymmie

[Heather Shay]

Lived most of my life in Ohio (side journeys in California and Tulsa) but I've never been to Mackinac Island although I hear it is beautiful and the Grand Hotel sounds lushish.