Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Mmindy]

Good morning everyone, my friend Maura Alwyen posted this on Twitter,and it fits my hotel coffee. Black, warm, and not so strong.

 

?Hello Keurig my old friend

I've come to talk to you again

Because my sleep was fleeting

I will watch the Folger's softly driping

And the magic will plant its self within my brain...?

[Abi]

Thanks @Mmindy, now I've got that song stuck in my head LOL. 

[Heather Shay]

Like of hard keeping up with the rapid fire pace but @Heather Nicole I am glad aggressor let go. There is no place for that in any way shape or form.

By the way love your name

Heather Shay

[KymmieL]

Good Morning everyone. TGIF for me finally. All though sad. My youngest has been switched to nights at another school. He is a custodian for the school district. He is what they call a floater. He can work at any school. For people on vacation Etc. He got switched because someone just didn't show up.

 

How does that affect me. Since he is here, no getting dressed and being myself.?plus I just received a reminder call about my phone appt. not a face to face. Oh well. but no matter how I am dressed I am still a female.

 

Dilemma #2, Over the past weekend I emailed HR at work asking about changing my gender, so I could get the proper work shirts. (female) it was anonymous.  I received a reply that send my name, Emp # and store # and she would change it. Yeah. But the dilemma being, I am not out at the store. And will she change my nick name to Kymmbril  hence being on my shirt. that would open a new can of worms with my wife.

 

Slight dilemma #3. I have been put on a program to become a store manager. It is just training right now.  I could take over our store, as our store manager is looking to join our police dept.  now the dilemma being, not sure I want that responsibility, 2nd, what if I get a nice job offer in OR. The what ifs is driving me crazy.

This would be a good time to talk to a mentor. However I will talk to my therapist about it on Fri.

 

Everyone have a great day. being my Friday I will. (I hope)

 

Hugs,

 

Kymmbril  Lorain

[AmberM]

@ElizabethStar It sounds like you were elated to be treated and identified as a woman, even going analogously dressed. I think that it is something that your wife will get used to in time. I am waiting for that day where I start going out and get identified as a woman with my wife. I think that will be an adjustment for both of us. Hopefully your wife will just take it as a sign you are headed down the right path.

 

Had support group yesterday and brought up this website/forums/discord as a resource, because the sense of community I get on here means a lot to me. This space here has been able to help guide me from where I started questioning to now, where I have started HRT and looking at going full-time possibly this January. Everybody who has given input and responses mean so much to me.

 

Work has been kind of weird over the last couple of days, not really busy, but not super slow, so that has been nice. The only thing I have noticed is I have been feeling tired in the evenings, but that is probably a mix of the Estrogen, decrease in T, and having work to do at work actually.

[Bri2020]

3 hours ago, KymmieL said:

 

 

Slight dilemma #3. I have been put on a program to become a store manager. It is just training right now.  I could take over our store, as our store manager is looking to join our police dept.  now the dilemma being, not sure I want that responsibility, 2nd, what if I get a nice job offer in OR. The what ifs is driving me crazy.

This would be a good time to talk to a mentor. However I will talk to my therapist about it on Fri.

 

 

 

Hugs,

 

Kymmbril  Lorain

Do the training and take the position if offered. If a better job comes along, take it.  I'm an employer and honestly believe employees owe me nothing if an opportunity comes to better their lives.  You have 23 opportunities here.   Worst case you get training in management, best case, you love it and find a management job in OR.  Just my 2 cents.

[Heather Shay]

@QuestioningAmber you are making incredible progress and like you - I take walks in the safer areas (like to the post office with my comic book sales) and dress and walk feminine and can't wait for the day I might be confused as female instead of being called something foul. Ah.... one if these days as the face and sunglasses and hair gets styled and highlighted and the walk gets better.... and of course the HRT gains traction.

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, Shay said:

@QuestioningAmber you are making incredible progress and like you - I take walks in the safer areas (like to the post office with my comic book sales) and dress and walk feminine and can't wait for the day I might be confused as female instead of being called something foul. Ah.... one if these days as the face and sunglasses and hair gets styled and highlighted and the walk gets better.... and of course the HRT gains traction.

Do you have a girl friend that you can go for walks with Shay?  I find that when walking with my wife or another woman I get "ladies" or Ma'am much more frequently.  Plus it gives you confidence when you are with someone else and it's all about the confidence.  I hear ya on "when the HRT gains traction". I can't wait.

I don't feel like the HRT is doing anything for my look but I do feel a lot weaker from a muscle standpoint.  I actually had my first feelings of regret/loss about my transition when I struggled to carry something that I used to be able to just sling up to my shoulder.  I will adapt and I knew it was coming but the reality was like getting hit in the face.

[Bri2020]

2 hours ago, QuestioningAmber said:

 

 

Work has been kind of weird over the last couple of days, not really busy, but not super slow, so that has been nice. The only thing I have noticed is I have been feeling tired in the evenings, but that is probably a mix of the Estrogen, decrease in T, and having work to do at work actually.

Not sure what everyone is going to do when the economy recovers and we all have to really work

I'm glad you are getting the support here to help you along your path.  I agree this place is amazing.

Hugs

Bri

[Willow]

@Mmindy I love it.  Nothing like a little S & G early in the morning.

 

@KymmieLyes, you have a dilemma or three.  You didn’t say but I presume that the phone appointment is for OR.  Good luck.

 

Your son, is this one that’s objects to Kymmie?  It’s your house, you should do what you want when you want.

 

So which is your issue with new work shirts?  Coming out at work or your wife’s reaction to seeing you moving forward in spite of her?  
 

you don’t  have to answer me, you have to answer to yourself.  No one can tell you what to do.  But I’d look at it this way, certainly easier to start a. 
new job and new life at the same time, but that’s not really working.  Did you pick Oregon for any particular reason?  Colorado is a good place for transgender people why not stay closer to home?  Or why not stay where you are, come out at work.  Get the promotion maybe and if that forces things with your wife whats the difference between that and you relocating?

 

you have quite a dilemma to work out but you can do it.  You can make your choices.

 

Willow

[KymmieL]

Willow the phone appointment is with my gyn.

I d realize that it is my house. However,  when word gets to my  wife. Then there is two on one. 

With the shirts both but mostly the  latter. While after our last blow up.  I never told her that I am stopping.  She may think that I am.  With the way she sees  things.  I was thinking of OR. For their stand on transgender people. And maybe close to a friend.  But as you know that crashed and burned. 

Only problem with CO is the cost of living. Average rent is north of 1500 mo.

If I stay here. And I am not with my wife. I couldn't handle it. The way I feel towards her is that strong.  One other reason for OR. Distance.

 

Kymmie 

[Willow]

Kymmie I was only posing questions for you to think about to help you figure things out.  
 

OR is also a high cost place to live, depending upon where you live.  Unfortunately the cities most likely to be accepting are also the more expensive.  Every state has high cost and low cost places to live.

 

I certainly understand not wanting to push too far with your wife.  We’ve been married for over 48 years.  It is difficult for my wife because she married a man.  It’s difficult for me because I still want and need to be with her but I need to be true to myself.  It’s a difficult line to walk.  
 

I have started coming out to people and in places that work for me.  But the Verdict isn’t in whether my going to live church instead of Facebook live was actually noticed by anyone besides our minister.  I will continue going and try to specifically greet some people who know me as my male self.

 

Willow

[KendraML]

Getting talked to by the head people at work,were very proud of me letting go of that ex co worker yesterday

[Elizabeth Star]

I outed myself to one our long-term customer today. I've been working with and servicing her account for almost 20 years so it's not a surprise that she asks for me when she calls. Well, today she called. She asked for me by my dead-name and got Elizabeth. She was having one of those days and ended up calling 4 times. On the fourth call she started asking me where dead-name was. You have to understand we are a family owned business and are friendly with a lot of our customers. She had honest concern that something bad had happened to me. I just simply put it as "dead-name is just fine, still works here, i just changed my name.

 

OMG, she was soo excited, yells "Good for you!" over the phone and then rambled on about something for next few minutes. I was so relieved over how it went I didn't hear anything else she said.

 

A while later I told my supervisory what happened. He informed me that he had outed me to another customer yesterday. Another 20+ year customer that came in looking for me specifically. He was very happy for me as well.

 

I'm OK with being outed to certain customers. They would eventually figure it out especially if I have to go to their home on a service call. I just need to clarify how it's done.

 

 

 

[Ann W]

These stories make me so happy...I can't help but share in your relief.  Thank you for sharing that.  Years ago I sat my brother down and told him I felt like the wrong gender.  He said "Hmmmm", then went right back to talking about his upcoming art show.  "That was easy."  it's nice when our fear gets disappointed.  I still never told anyone after that, but you ladies are making it easier going forward.

[Heather Nicole]

1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

OMG, she was soo excited, yells "Good for you!" over the phone and then rambled on about something for next few minutes. I was so relieved over how it went I didn't hear anything else she said.

 

Oh wow, that's so fantastic!!! That must have felt so wonderful!

 

I'm really so very glad to hear how well your workplace coming-out has been going.

 

15 hours ago, Shay said:

@Heather Nicole By the way love your name

 

Hee hee, thanks! ? I'm finding I really love it too

 

I also love yours, too, go figure!!

 

And seriously, every meaning I ever came across for either the word or the name "heather" makes me like it more..."Mexican Heather" is one of my favorite flowers. Regular "heather" flowers are beautiful, too (they look like lavender, but also come in white!) I've always loved the "heathered" fabric pattern. I loved discovering the name is Irish (I'm a wee bit Irish meeself and "a right Irish lass" is one of my personal ideals of feminine beauty, as is the beautiful Irish countryside). And all the other details of the history and meanings of "Heather" as a name all just sound so very special to me I love the idea of being a plucky little right Irish lass *twirl*

 

It's funny now to think, the first time I ever thought to consider the name "Heather" was because a friendly young guy working a fast food drive-through once said to me "Hey there!" and for a brief instant my mind misheard it as "Heather". I thought, "Hey...now there's a possibility...."

[Susan R]

2 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

OMG, she was soo excited, yells "Good for you!" over the phone and then rambled on about something for next few minutes. I was so relieved over how it went I didn't hear anything else she said.

This is soooo wonderful, Liz! I can totally relate to this experience. When I decided it was time to come out to all our neighbors, I started with our new neighbors right next door. They had just met my old male self a only few weeks earlier when they were moving in. I knocked on their door and asked if they had a minute.  I told them...”as a courtesy of being my new neighbor, I want you to hear it from me first. I’m transitioning to female and after today I will be presenting female full time.”  The husband said, “Congratulations, this is wonderful news! You don’t have to worry about us. My son and his husband have been...blah blah blah...” I didn’t comprehend a thing after that but they told me a bit about themselves and we’ve been best neighbors ever. Needless to say, I went around the neighborhood and talked to everyone I could because of this initial reception. It’s truly one of my most memorable experiences of my transition.

 

I am so happy for you. I love hearing positive news like. It gives others thinking about coming out in the workplace hope and confidence.

 

Susan R?

 

[Elizabeth Star]

9 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

It's funny now to think, the first time I ever thought to consider the name "Heather" was because a friendly young guy working a fast food drive-through once said to me "Hey there!" and for a brief instant my mind misheard it as "Heather". I thought, "Hey...now there's a possibility...."

Thank you Heather, Now I remember where Elizabeth came from. It was probably 4 years ago. I was waiting for my wife during one of many medical appointments. An attendant was looking for a patient and had come to me and asked if I was Elizabeth. I had completely forgotten.

 

9 hours ago, Susan R said:

My son and his husband have been...blah blah blah...” I didn’t comprehend a thing after that

Exactly.

 

20 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

when I struggled to carry something that I used to be able to just sling up to my shoulder.  I will adapt and I knew it was coming but the reality was like getting hit in the face.

Everything is getting really heavy. It's probably a good thing since I'm not supposed to push/pull/carry anything over 40 pounds anymore.

[Willow]

@ElizabethStarcongratulations on coming out successfully even if it was your intention at the time.  We all get wound up about it but the good people out there are kind and happy.  The others, well they need to learn about how to treat others.

 

Golden Rule and all that

 

Willow

[Bri2020]

13 hours ago, KendraML said:

Getting talked to by the head people at work,were very proud of me letting go of that ex co worker yesterday

We're all proud of you. It's hard to take a stand sometimes so kudos.  

11 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

 

I'm OK with being outed to certain customers. They would eventually figure it out especially if I have to go to their home on a service call. I just need to clarify how it's done.

 

 

 

It sounds like your bosses have your back so that's great.  And I love the fact that you have a free dialog with them.  If you're comfortable and they are comfortable with it having them talk to customers when they ask for "Dead name" saying "she doesn't go by that anymore, her name is Elizabeth now and we couldn't be happier for her. Would you like me to transfer you to her now?" is a win win for both the company and you.  It shows to customers they are supportive of their employees and forces their customers to declare themselves (which makes it easier on you) but also gives the customer an opportunity to be supportive. (making your work days more joyful)  Companies want to show they are progressive right now and most are finding that being supportive of diversity pays dividends.  The few customers they might lose generally is made up for by the increased business from people wanting to support business like that. Look at Nike when they took a stand. Naysayers said it would tank them but it shot revenues through the roof.  You're in a progressive state.  Your transition may be a win win for you and the company if they handle it well.  My employees are free to tell their clients about me while being respectful of boundaries which I set.  So many of our clients felt awkward asking me directly but wanted to be supportive.  And as my therapist said, if they have a problem with it then f#)$ them. lol.  Having clients come back out from their treatments and congratulate me or show their support has just made going into work a joy.

[KymmieL]

Good morning everyone on this cold Oct morning. 22 on the fence thermometer. Finally my weekend. yet I can't be myself. with my son working evenings he is home until 2:00.

 

Still trying to decided about my transitioning at work. Being it is a male dominated business. Only good thing is that the company has my back. they have anti discrimination policies. I do intend on using them if and when the time comes. I'll discuss it with my therapist tomorrow.

 

Kymmie

 

 

[Heather Nicole]

G'Morning, all!!

 

Coffee's extra strong today, as I have a sinus headache But I couldn't be happier: As some of you might know, I just came out to my mom last night and it went better than I'd ever expected! My home life just became a little bit more free. ?

 

I think she's under the impression that I'm a bit earlier in my questioning phase than I really am, but I think that's a good thing for now. Even as cool as she is with it, I'm sure it'll take time for her to process just as it did for me.

 

We're both feeling half temped to run straight out and tell my brother, sister and certain other select relatives, all of whom we are sure would be ok with it. I'd especially like to tell my sis: She's always wanted a sister of her own. Who could have guessed she's had one all along? But my mom and I both think it's just a bit early for that right now. All in due time...

 

I've got a morning shift at work today, so have to be heading out soon. Probably some groceries later and a nap I am sooo looking forward to already. Not much else going on aside from basic chipping away at the ever-present todo list. Hope everyone has a great day!

 

[Heather Nicole]

Ooh, also I'm now one week in on Rogaine (generic). Fingers crossed!

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, Heather Nicole said:

G'Morning, all!!

 

Coffee's extra strong today, as I have a sinus headache But I couldn't be happier: As some of you might know, I just came out to my mom last night and it went better than I'd ever expected! My home life just became a little bit more free. ?

 

I think she's under the impression that I'm a bit earlier in my questioning phase than I really am, but I think that's a good thing for now. Even as cool as she is with it, I'm sure it'll take time for her to process just as it did for me.

 

We're both feeling half temped to run straight out and tell my brother, sister and certain other select relatives, all of whom we are sure would be ok with it. I'd especially like to tell my sis: She's always wanted a sister of her own. Who could have guessed she's had one all along? But my mom and I both think it's just a bit early for that right now. All in due time...

 

I've got a morning shift at work today, so have to be heading out soon. Probably some groceries later and a nap I am sooo looking forward to already. Not much else going on aside from basic chipping away at the ever-present todo list. Hope everyone has a great day!

 

That's awesome.  What a weight off your shoulders right?  You should judge when the right time is for the rest of the family . Waiting for your mom to feel it's the right time may cause resentment if it goes longer than you want.  Sometimes it's nice if they whole fam gets the news close together so they can talk to each other while they process. The advice I got from professionals was it's always your decision on timing. I've discovered that our fears tend to be exaggerated anyways.  Again, I am so happy for you right now- *inset tears of joy*

[AmberM]

@ElizabethStar That is awesome the amount of support you are getting at work. Whether it is a client that doesn't care or your boss who is supportive of you in your journey, that is most excellent.

 

@Bri2020 I think are right about how diversity will pay itself back with dividends. This is an ever changing world, and the more inclusive we are in our business circles, the more unique ideas and thoughts we welcome in.

 

Start to slow down again at work, but it is a side effect of how some software development practices implement a certain development practices. I don't know how to describe it outside of I am busy for one week, and start to trickle down to being slow on the second week because that is the testing cycle. I think my wife is going to talk to one of her close friends tomorrow and come out for me since I can't really go because of work, but if she wants to come over and ask more questions I may end up taking a partial day off.