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KymmieL

Good morning All. Coffees on.

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KymmieL

Morning all. I hope everyone had a great weekend. I for one had a fantastic one. We went to Lincoln to see my oldest and his family. It was great seeing all four of them. but seeing the Grandkids was the best part. In the 10 weeks since we saw them last they have grown so much. My granddaughter is 13 months walking everywhere. At first she didn't know how to react to us. but eventually got better. My grandson is such a big boy. We hated to leave. Wish we lived closer.

 

Kymmie

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Jani

My MacBook has been terribly slow of late.  Email loads slowly, files take their sweet time to open.   I keep the cookies and history cleared so Safari will be a little faster, despite having to re-login alot.  I need to take it in to have it cleaned up.  I used to know how to all that with Windows machines but not so with Mac's.  

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NB Adult

I appreciate the advice, will probably get a plug-in device to transfer disc files to the new Mac. 

 

Jani, I quit using Safari and downloaded a "Brave" browser, it's much faster and has built in add blocker and tracker features. According to mine I have 118+K ads and trackers blocked. 

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Josie Beth

Well it’s a problem that isn’t really that bad. Just costs something to fix. So I decided that I can bypass the whole drive cloning thing by ordering a drive bay to replace the dvd drive and then I also ordered a usb dvd drive to solve replacing the other one. Then I can just use my old laptop drive in the new laptop and update it to work better for the new laptop. Then I’ll have 3 operating systems on the same laptop for a while. It also makes cloning later easier. Then I’ll be able to change main drives and do that. Then put back the original dvd drive and presto! Sounds complicated I know. It’s actually the least complicated way of getting it done in the least bit of time. So I’ll have all my previous settings on my new laptop right away. Saves me time just not money. 

 

I had my coffee earlier and I ran a lot of errands. Still have a lot to do though. I’m trying to tackle a pest problem because of the neighbor which is a major project.

 

 I’m also realizing that participation in pride this week is probably not going to happen just because of all the variables. My order of a cute hat and sweatshirt is going to be too late and I can’t even afford to get foundation in time. It is what it is. And I’ll most likely have to work on the 12th. But I can still get to the clinic today or tomorrow so there’s that. 

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NB Adult

Josie Beth, you are such a busy girl and smart about IT stuff, I am such a dope about it myself. Is a neighbor giving you a hard time?

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Josie Beth
On 10/7/2019 at 12:41 PM, NB Adult said:

Josie Beth, you are such a busy girl and smart about IT stuff, I am such a dope about it myself. Is a neighbor giving you a hard time?

 

Not really, just a slob. He doesn’t take his trash out until it is horrid and  that attracts pests. Then two of them are feeding a flea bitten cat. The guy right next door is actually letting it crawl in the screen door to eat so of course the fleas try to come over here sometimes. I’m taking measures to seal all the cracks everywhere to close out anything from coming from next door and sprayed a lot of ortho around. It’s working so far. I just don’t like all the chemicals. Luckily I don’t have to sit around it all day. I just can’t believe that there was a huge gaping hole in the wall underneath the vanity in the bathroom. I don’t care if the rental agency doesn’t like that I sealed it off, they weren’t doing anything about it. They can complain about it after I move. They probably won’t even notice though. 

 

I think I finally found a solution for my old laptop drive being stuck in fallback mode though. I just have to figure out where I can work on it and have an internet connection. It’s actually a simpler fix than I thought. Some people have suggested doing all these roundabout things that don’t work but hopefully the idea I found this morning does the trick. My order from amazon should arrive this weekend with enough time to get it working right. Then I’ll finally be able to do some graphic design and get some merch worked on. That seems to be the only way I’ll make more money for moving and not be so dependent on temporary work. 

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NB Adult

You'll probably be happier when you can afford to move. I have a redneck neighbor across the street from me with no sense of pride of ownership. Junk out in front we have to look at 24/7. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, give us some updates as you proceed ahead with things.

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Debra Michelle

I began seeing a therapist today.It was 2 weeks ago I was sexually assaulted.Luckily a bystander tackled him down.I did call 911 and he was arrested.Good thing is I do have support.Good news is this creep is charged with 3 counts of sexual assault,did it to 2 other women too.I may have to testify in court,therapist says I am not ready yet.I am still shaken up from it

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Charlize

I'm so sorry to hear that Debra.  Glad you are going to see a therapist.  Take care of yourself.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Debra Michelle

It put a toll on me.Therapist says I do have symptoms of PTSD.Good thing is this creep is facing 20 to 25 years based on his record if convicted.I have met the other 2 victims of this,going to stand together getting justice for what he did to us

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lauraincolumbia
46 minutes ago, Debra Michelle said:

It put a toll on me.Therapist says I do have symptoms of PTSD.Good thing is this creep is facing 20 to 25 years based on his record if convicted.I have met the other 2 victims of this,going to stand together getting justice for what he did to us

Its great that you can stand together!  Hopefully, he gets 25 years+

I'm really sorry it happened to you.

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TammyAnne

Debra Michelle - Hug!

So sorry you went through that and that you face still more upcoming stress from possibly giving testimony!

Hang in there. Courage, lady!

And of course, a morning coffee mug lifted in a toast to your bravery in dealing with the assault.

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SamanthaC

Sorry this happened Debra. There are some nasty people in the world. Let's hope they put him where he belongs.

Feel better soon.

Hugs 

Samantha 

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SamanthaC

I always seem to be having computer issues. I've build a couple of PCs before and just finished with a Dell r710 which I love. I just love Dell components as they are typically very high quality and easy to replace.

Today having a coffee before heading off to the office. Overcast and chilly here now. Have my Therapist appointment this afternoon which is something I always look forward too.

Hope everyone has an amazing day.

Samantha

 

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NB Adult

Debra it was a nasty experience, soon you and the other women can put it in your rear view mirrors and get on with your lives while your assailant spends his coming years fearful of being brutalized in the prison system, it would be fitting!

 

Have a great day Samantha!

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Debra Michelle
8 hours ago, NB Adult said:

Debra it was a nasty experience, soon you and the other women can put it in your rear view mirrors and get on with your lives while your assailant spends his coming years fearful of being brutalized in the prison system, it would be fitting!

 

Have a great day Samantha!

I hope he gets put in a cell with Bubba getting taught a lesson

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NB Adult

You mean like becoming a permanent hood ornament on Bubba's unit? 😂🤣

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TammyAnne

Coffee this morning on a dreary, overcast day.

But sunshine predicted for the day, so I'm hoping to get some photos of the fall colors while "at peak" this year. Had a brief afternoon bout of light and shot a few frames yesterday, but haven't looked them over yet because I'm still working on a drawing.

I've turned out to be a busy little beaver here lately!

Hugs to all!

 

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lauraincolumbia

Hi All,

Beautiful morning here in Maryland.  Mid-50s and sunny with the birds singing!

 

Also wanted to wish everyone a happy and safe World Mental Health Day!   

https://wfmh.global/world-mental-health-day-2019/

 

 

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TammyAnne

Wishing you all a bright, happy day!

Coffee in my mug, wind howling around outside, we're predicted to have a Nor'easter.

Should be an interesting day.

Hugs.

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KymmieL

Morning all. Welcome to Friday for most of us. It is Monday for me. next day off next Wednesday. Today is national coming out day so good luck to all those who are coming out to someone today.

 

Kymmie

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Willow

Good Friday evening.  We took our boat on a shakedown cruse last week.  Boy did we shake it down.  The tired old engine had enough and died about a third of the way home.  I got towed another third only to find out the engine couldn't be repaired.  we talked about what to do and did we want to put more money into it or scrap it.  Decided to keep it so we are converting it from and inboard engine to outboard.  while that isn't ideal, it is a lessor cost solution.  I finally got it back home today, 5 days later than the plan.  I am going away for the rest of October so I'll be getting home with a lot of work ahead of me.  Any idea of an extended trip early next year is out.

 

Willow

 

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NB Adult

Hi Willow, fairly new here. It's never fun when old equipment puts a crimp in your plans and pocketbook like that. Seems like you have a can-do attitude about how to get it handled, hats off to you Miss!

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Jani

Sorry to hear this Willow.  But at least you had a back up plan, despite its desirability.  Enjoy the rest of the month. 

Jani

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Krisvm

Good morning people. Not been around on here much lately, work and illness delayed me. I hope you are all doing well.

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    • NB Adult
      What more can we ask for? Being a grandparent is absolutely the very best! Being a parent is sometimes an "I don't know" sort of thing. It can be very trying!
    • Willow
      Hi everyone,   Thanks for the words of encouragement regarding my recent boating issues.     My Endocrinologist reviewed my lasted blood work and said to keep v=everything the same for now.  That means that my body is accepting the medication and dosages he has prescribed, so good news.   Visiting our daughter and granddaughters for the next two weeks.   Willow 
    • Jani
      IMO you may be over analyzing this.  Is this fetish/porn thing just a vehicle to abate the dysphoria you feel?  As Vicky suggests don't let the erotic stuff cloud the thought process about your identity.  The dysphoria you felt in younger years may have returned after periods of dormancy for any number of reasons.  Many of us older transitioners somehow survived through this until it got too hard to hold back/bear/deny (fill in your own reason).   
    • Steph1982
      Lots of good info here and thank you for taking the time to respond.    I guess my biggest struggle right now is fetish vs who I am because there was a middle period in my life where I did not have dysphoria so why is it raging now? I'm wondering if maybe by introducing the pornography I've somehow created a gateway for the dysphoria I had in childhood to return or maybe I've just developed a weird kink at this point.    Thanks for not being judgy and sharing your experiences and offering advice. I appreciate this information a lot from all of you. 
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    • VickySGV
      There are three tests that point to it being Gender Dysphoria: Do you keep coming back to the question of if you are Trans or NOT?  (Persistent) Has this question been with you over the years and you have not clearly accepted your birth gender? (Consistent) Each time you think about it, does the question become more urgent and nagging toward change in your life? (Insistent)   If you can answer yes to those questions in all honesty, get yourself in to a Therapist that deals with gender identity patients.  The erotic responses are a whole trawler load of red herrings that confuse the whole thing but people think anything weird is a sexual turn on, and if it is, then it is bad, when it really is not.  I have friends who are fetishists and it is not living life as the opposite gender, it is strictly being their birth gender doing weird things and getting a pseudo sexual response from their bods. Miss a session this weekend and next will be fine for them.  For us there will be the comfort of the entire image that we need each day to our own levels and is not always "sexy."
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      @Josie Beth - very nice track !   50 years ago, this track was spot on, it still sounds great today....   "Because you know, the darkest hour is always, always  just before the dawn...."
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      Pretty sure it was just me being careless. I'm almost sure I would have noticed if anyone was lurking in my cramped little study with me. At least the cat would have looked up. I am humbled by my ineptitude but raised up again by your understanding and, hopefully, forgiveness.   Hugs!
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      THINK. That was totally supposed to be think. "Pretty eyebrows are more important than people think."   You still look fantastic.   Hugs!
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      I can totally relate Sandra and I concur with Jackie's comment!
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      Hello Steph.     Sorry to hear you're going through all this but it seems it is the path we take to happiness.  Charlize is spot on that no one here will find anything you've written to be odd.  I am also still married (40+ years).  Life is different but good.  I have no interest in guys.  Remember that Gender and Sexuality are two different things.    Jackie's post is honest and that is what we need to be with ourselves.  I also suggest finding a gender therapist to speak with.  While I never considered this to be something of value, I was wrong.  It did wonders for me.  She also wrote about a new approach to her health.  This is something many find to be important as we live the life we truly want.  No more destructive behaviors!   Is this a fetish?  I wouldn't say so.  Its part of the struggle your identity goes through to get to the top.  Are you cis or transgender?  Cis-gender people don't question their gender, ever.  Is this hard (admitting you need to do something)?  And actually taking steps?  Yes it is but it gets easier as you progress along and things seem to fall into place.  You are much younger than I so you have many years to enjoy living honestly as YOU!   Set a goal to look into help.  The end result is whatever you deem necessary.  There is no firm prescription for success.  And join in the conversation here as I believe you will find many likeminded souls on this journey.   Cheers, Jani     
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      Hi, trans-lesbian here. I totally understand what you're going through. Let's see...   Until I got big enough to wear mom's things, I'd turn my underwear around and use my imagination. I have an excellent imagination. Tucking was easier then too.   The rush of hormones into the teen years (plus extra steroids because mother didn't want to deal with my OTHER health problems) kept the dysphoria down to a dull roar, so check. I'm still attracted to women so it wasn't all bad, but I still give off a certain something and cis-women pick up on it. I had a lot of female friends, but I couldn't buy a real, romantic date.   Then I spiraled into a self-destructive cyclone of depression so you don't have that working against you. Good news! Don't try that by the way. I do not recommend the spiral of depression. I was miserable and made everybody around me miserable. During the spiral there was very much a porn phase. I'd dream that I was like the trans women (I tend to prefer cartoons/artwork, anything can happen in a cartoon) or that I'd become a woman to achieve release. I'll be honest. Those were intense and got me through the day, but they didn't really make the dysphoria go away. The refrain for my life was, "Gosh, I'd have made an excellent woman." So yeah, depression, slow march towards death. I didn't pay any attention to my health (also a terrible idea, but I was committing suicide in slow motion) and didn't pay any attention to my appearance. I didn't follow any of my passions. I didn't follow up on any of my projects. Life for me was just waiting for it to be over. I was miserable. I made the people around me pretty miserable too. Don't do that part. That was a terrible, awful, no good part of my life and I'm glad to be past it.   So what did I do? The first thing was embrace who I am. I was pretty sure I knew what the problem was, so I waited until my wife was out of town for a while, got some prosthetic help and dressed (Badly. There are pictures.I attached one because life is a journey or something. ) the way that felt right. It was amazing. It's still amazing. I greet myself every morning with a smile. So yeah, that used to be me. About two years ago for reference.   Let's see, after that I got a therapist. I recommend this very strongly. You want someone to talk to when you're dealing with this. Then I got into shape. Well, I'm still getting into shape but I completely changed my diet, I watch my calories and I go to the gym five times a week for about two and a half hours per session. (I started with an hour a day, if I'd done my routine now when I started, my heart would have exploded. Consult a doctor if you're not sure.)   Then was coming out to people. My wife was first. I've told this story before, but it was important to me that she know. My wife is awesome. She accepted me as I am. I'm still the person she married and she still loves me. I rushed into this part because I was so happy and I wanted to share my happiness with her. My friends were next and they were easier than I would have thought. They basically said, "Well duh," and we moved past it. I did give them ample warning before I sprung anything new on them (For example: Hey, I'm dressing as Robyn this week. Let me know if that makes you uncomfortable.) Family was harder. Mom cut me out of her life. My appearance "is disturbing." Dad's fine with it, but he has to live with mom so there's that. Fortunately, my mother is an incredibly toxic individual so it's not much of a loss. Work is a non-issue for me. I work from home. Nobody cares. Your profile doesn't list a state, so I can't say if you have any trans protections where you're from. I talk to TLDEF (Trans Legal Defense) and the pro-bono lawyer they set me up with when I have questions along those lines. I completely get being nervous about coming out to people. You never know how they'll react. It was probably the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever done, but I needed to do it to get where I wanted to be. I got through it and I'm better for the experience.   So my advice would be to find a therapist and work out what makes you happy. If you want to transition, figure out what you need to pursue it. If you don't, that's fine too. I have a friend who is only "Jenny" on the weekends and for special events and she's perfectly happy that way. Find the balance that's right for you. Live your best life.   I hope some of that helped. I ramble. I blame the estrogen.   Hugs!  
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