Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

46 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Stupid people suck. Also you didn't give us an "after" picture when you went to go cut your hair (I just checked). I'm sorry your brother is being a pill and that your family in general is supportive. NB is right though. You'll come out the other side stronger.

 

Hugs!

So I did get my hair cut, I will just need to take a pic after school :) Also thank you for your support, :D

Link to comment
  • Replies 23.1k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Willow

    2007

  • KymmieL

    1636

  • Mmindy

    1350

  • Ivy

    1169

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

2 hours ago, Jani said:

@Josie Beth you are still young so don't discount being able to establish yourself in a job you can be happy with.  Have you considered moving to a place that may be more accepting and that offers better job protections?  It doesn't seem like you are attached to the area you are in.  

Jani

 

If this turns out to be tldr then just skip it completely but please read before responding with something that I have already talked about. It just isn’t as helpful as is intended. I do appreciate the empathy though.

 

 

Like I’ve said before yes I’m still technically “young” appearing, but I am definitely feeling my age. I can no longer work in high stress environments. It will literally kill me the longer I keep “trying out” jobs. What I need is a focused direction. The shotgun approach isn’t going to work.

 

To move, and I’ve done a ton of research on where, I need to save money. The last thing I need is to go to a new place and have no money to support myself because then I’ll be homeless and vulnerable, and I have no more lives for that. It will kill me if I end up on the street. I have to be careful if I want to stay alive. My health is my main concern right now because it’s been very difficult to battle with the chest pain. This is a direct result of not only low pay which means a poor diet out of necessity, but also high stress which raises cortisol, and nobody is going to let me take a nap or go walk it off in most jobs available to me.

 

Again I need to save money but I need focused ideas for what would be a good fit for me without starving or getting evicted in the immediate future.

 

And unfortunately my t-shirt business isn’t getting off the ground as quickly as I have liked because real life gets in the way. I just had a bad weekend where I basically hibernated and drank orange juice just to beat a cold only to be told Monday not to return to work permanently. So what was the point? I focused on being healthy just for a job that was yanked out from under me and didn’t work on anything I had planned for the weekend because I was trying to stay healthy for a job that didn’t appreciate me. It’s things like this that make me question my decisions and sometimes I actually wish it was just over. 

 

I have no disposable income so I can’t even afford to look for jobs or go to interviews. I’m desperate right now and that’s just the nature of taking the work I have to take just to survive.

 

I really should go get ready for the temp agency update soon but I’m also afraid that it will just be a waste of time because they keep trying to force this French’s shift work on the onion line, which is two deal breakers: 1) high stress 2) a product that is bad on the lungs of a former smoker and the eyes which will only stress me out more.

 

 I have no patience with people who want to use me as a guinea pig to “find a good fit” instead of listening to me and what I can actually do. So based on the check in today at the temp agency, I can pretty much tell what kind of results I’m going to get. What I’ve learned from these last groups of failure is that often times the person interviewing or in a supervisor role is a lazy listener and views the employee as a liability immediately that they have to attack. The sad truth is it’s a culture of forcing results instead of actually working with people on their strengths and being patient. 

 

Case in point: this last one asked me to change my procedure on a certain cleaning method but because it takes at least a week to round up rags and everything else they just assumed that I had ignored them and based their decision on the assumption instead of the actual truth of the matter. That’s what I have been dealing with for a long time. Laaaazy bosses that expect superhero results. And then they have the nerve to spray cliches about “that’s life” or “welcome to reality” but I guess that doesn’t apply to them. Do as I say not as I do. More like welcome to insanity.

Link to comment

That really sucks @Josie Beth and believe me when I say that if I had the resources I'd be the first one to give you a leg up, it's because I am a compulsive fixer of broken lives. Something I catch a lot of criticism for here on the home front as I'm always being told either that I have a sucker sign across my forehead or that I am a magnate for women with mental problems. In any event my heart goes out to you girlfriend, and I wish that I had some constructive information for you but I'm of no use other than to hope something good surfaces for you soon.

Link to comment

Trust me my friend. Crying is a very good stress reliever and let’s a lot out.  
I have been a hot mess lately but after a good cry I feel better.  Jmo

Link to comment

Thanks @NB Adult. I appreciate the sentiment. I will pm you in a little while because not all help has to be financial or direct.

 

Well since I have the time it seems like a good idea to focus on what job would fit my personality best. So I’ve been filling out personality quizzes to really see what fits the best. At times I feel like an INFP but today I pretty much feel like an INFJ. So anyway, disclaimer: these tests are only so accurate but they really have opened my eyes to why my career path has been totally wrong for me no matter what courses I’ve taken or what my ACT test results were from high school. Btw, those are a terrible reference point but I didn’t even get access to those results from my parents until after they realized in my early 30s that I just wasn’t going to be what they were trying to force me into, but it evaluated me as being very technically inclined which is still the wrong assessment. So I was then basing my career goals off of a faulty system that had no interest in my well being but attempted to again: force me into a horrible career fit based on the then corporate needs in 1990. 

 

So... INFJ...

 

So now I’m finding all this out way after my prime and in a time where I just don’t have the opportunity to go back to school anywhere at all just to land a job that actually fits my personality. I do have several years of experience doing 3d graphics, and art, but it’s mostly self taught and I’d have to somehow make it official. I’d be an excellent fit for teaching or Human Resources or even counseling but those and any other jobs that I would actually enjoy require a degree or proof of current enrollment in the required curriculum. That’s a hard pill to swallow. Also all the jobs that haven’t worked out were on the list if jobs to absolutely avoid. Including the only ones that I have access to right now because corporate America loves to lock people into a box even if it’s totally wrong for them. And not many companies are willing to train people on the job with pay for entry level jobs in the categories that I would absolutely thrive in. That’s a huge obstacle. 

 

And the obvious answer of retail sales associate or cashier is probably just going to burn me out quickly just because it’s the holidays. So I’m really worried at this point. 

Link to comment

In the best Tony Soprano voice I can possibly muster; "You do what you gotta to do!" Life can be a real beach, sometimes we wonder if we took a wrong turn and wound up at Sonoma Beach. (A little stupid humor from your pal NB) 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Trust me my friend. Crying is a very good stress reliever and let’s a lot out.  
I have been a hot mess lately but after a good cry I feel better.  Jmo

 

Believe me, I’ve had several good cries over the last week and it’s definitely cleansing but still doesn’t address the immediate reality.

 

49 minutes ago, NB Adult said:

In the best Tony Soprano voice I can possibly muster; "You do what you gotta to do!" Life can be a real beach, sometimes we wonder if we took a wrong turn and wound up at Sonoma Beach. (A little stupid humor from your pal NB) 

 

Yes that’s true, I’m just scared that doing what I have to do is going to land me in the hospital which would only compound my current problems. I can’t even be honest about it with potential employers because they will definitely see me as a liability. So it’s a catch 22 yet again. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi, didn’t have time for coffee today.  I had a medical appointment at 8:15. I have pain from arthritis in my big toe.  To my surprise he’s going to operate on it next week.  So the rest of the morning was spent getting pre-op testing.  Tomorrow I meet with my endocrinologist.  I’ll find out about prescription adjustments.

 

Willow

Link to comment
46 minutes ago, Willow said:

Hi, didn’t have time for coffee today.  I had a medical appointment at 8:15. I have pain from arthritis in my big toe.  To my surprise he’s going to operate on it next week.  So the rest of the morning was spent getting pre-op testing.  Tomorrow I meet with my endocrinologist.  I’ll find out about prescription adjustments.

 

Willow

 

Welcome to my world, arthritis sucks! Have it in my hands, feet, knees and shoulders, sometimes getting out of bed in the morning is a real process, but sleeping in makes it worse. Getting up at 0500 taking the dawg out for pee-pee time, making cawfee and then feeding the dog is a necessary routine to get loosened up and functioning normally. 

 

Link to comment
43 minutes ago, NB Adult said:

 

Welcome to my world, arthritis sucks! Have it in my hands, feet, knees and shoulders, sometimes getting out of bed in the morning is a real process, but sleeping in makes it worse. Getting up at 0500 taking the dawg out for pee-pee time, making cawfee and then feeding the dog is a necessary routine to get loosened up and functioning normally. 

 

Both knees and shoulders but got now that’s it. It is a challenge some days. 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Josie Beth said:

Believe me, I’ve had several good cries over the last week and it’s definitely cleansing but still doesn’t address the immediate reality.

I hear you sister.  Crying is a stress relief but does not make the things that stress us ho away.  I’m looking at a very grim and uncertain future financially so I understand your fears and anxiety’s over it.  

Link to comment
56 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I hear you sister.  Crying is a stress relief but does not make the things that stress us ho away.  I’m looking at a very grim and uncertain future financially so I understand your fears and anxiety’s over it.  

 

I do feel a little better. I’ve done everything that I can today so I’m not going to stress about it anymore today. Tomorrow I have a lot to do. I have to go return my work shirt to the agency because I’m not allowed to take it directly to the university for some stupid reason. I’m sure if I did that they would call the agency just to make it hard for me to get any further assignments. I don’t want my paycheck to be held back for any reason so I’m not taking any chances. And I have to get more time slips because I gave them all to this passive aggressive supervisor under the false pretense of going full time. I expressed my feelings about that to the agency because that was just dirty of her. She’s supposed to contact the agency for them instead of using all mine. What a piece of dishonest trash.

 

1 hour ago, NB Adult said:

 

Welcome to my world, arthritis sucks! Have it in my hands, feet, knees and shoulders, sometimes getting out of bed in the morning is a real process, but sleeping in makes it worse. Getting up at 0500 taking the dawg out for pee-pee time, making cawfee and then feeding the dog is a necessary routine to get loosened up and functioning normally. 

 

 

I’m starting to feel the joints more lately and it’s one of the biggest reasons for requiring a bathtub in my next apartment. I really miss just soaking with a decent book or maybe some music and candles. As long as I don’t fall asleep in the water!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Having a late night coffee and thought I'd share what a great time I had at an event I attended all day this last Saturday.  I may be volunteering for a position that helps teens and young adults that are at risk (homeless, addicts, LGBTQ+, victims of abuse, etc...)  One of the training events was this weekend and it was the most amazing adventure you could imagine.

 

I absolutely love working with LGBTQ+ youth.  I think I may have finally found my calling.  It was a ten hour event with great food, activities, classes, and great entertainment.  The kids that participated in the entertainment were prepared and impressive to say the least.  I had never heard of the event but will likely attend every year from here on out.  Maybe some of you have heard of it...or like me, maybe you haven't.  This was the 23rd year of the event here in the Seattle area.

 

Here's the flyer.

IMG_1131.JPG

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Remember girls as the song goes, It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. While I can put up a brave face most of the time. I can break down crying at the drop of the hat. Like some girls do.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm up very early for me at 5:30am. Coffee is tasting so good this early!  Much needed this morning too.  I'm heading back into Seattle this morning.  My wife's biopsy consult was done yesterday.  They scheduled her to have Mohs surgery to remove a cancer spot below her left eye.  After we arrived home from the hospital, they called and  said another patient cancelled their surgery and so can move up the surgery date from Jan. 14th to today at 9:30am this morning.  This is good news but it might be a very long day.

 

Susan R?

Link to comment

Hope everything goes well. I’m also up early but I’m abstaining from coffee. I really would like to get more rest but I’m also very aware that I need to accomplish some things today in particular order. 

 

I was texted out of the blue by my brother last night. I didn’t think much about it at first because he asked how I was doing so I wrote a book about my current situation. But after that he started to talk about everyone in his household being sick so I thought it was about that and checking on me. But eventually he broke the news that my paternal grandmother has cancer again for the 3rd time and the doctor said she has 3 months.

 

 I paused for a long time and eventually I explained that I didn’t even really know how to process it because of my current trouble. It’s just too much for reality to sink in. He said he didn’t either. And that was the end of the conversation basically. 

 

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. I feel bad for my dad and my brother, my cousins and anyone who is closer to my grandmother than I am because that’s definitely going to be a difficult grieving process. But my paternal grandmother and I are not close at all. Our relationship soured back in 1999 because she believed the lies my ex spread about me and when I turned to her for help I was treated like an outcast. Basically I was in the process of a divorce and not only was the ex spreading lies about me but she cleaned my bank account completely because she still had a debit card and when I got replacement cards she would use her copy of the mailbox key to just get the next. She also got me fired and evicted with her allegations. 

 

Now grandma had 3 spare bedrooms. Nobody was using them. I was even willing to pay her rent up front until I could save money to move but instead of being honest with me about her intentions she dropped me at a shelter which was not conducive at all to work and that’s the last time we actually spoke verbally. Since then she has sent me cards and said very little of substance, has not apologized, but keeps sending me $20 here and there randomly for holidays or birthdays, but that’s not what I want.

 

The last time I responded to her was in an email. I confronted her about how devastating it was for her to help ruin my life instead of being helpful at the time and that while I appreciated the money over the years that I didn’t really want it, I wanted an apology and throwing money at me was not an apology. Her response was to deflect and avoid, claiming that she could not figure out the technology of emails and that it was too difficult to read with her old age so she was closing her account.

 

And I’ve been waiting for an apology ever since. She has my address, and I always share it with her on the off chance she will write a letter apologizing, but it never comes. I’ve never been insulting about it, and I have been tactful about it, but I’m still waiting.  

 

Thankfully I don’t get any more money. But I’m probably never going to get an apology and I can’t afford to go all the way to Washington state just to surround her with everyone else on her death bed. I’m assuming that’s how she wants to go about it but that’s not a possibility. 

 

In contrast, I was very close to my maternal grandmother and she always had special place in my heart. In spite of the pain and trouble I’ve been through she never judged me and didn’t believe the lies my ex spread around. Her letters were much warmer and she shared a lot of stories and wisdom that still stick with me. So her passing was very difficult for me. 

 

It may sound mean but I almost wish it was already over. I mean if she isn’t going to apologize then why linger? If her guilt is keeping her here then why not just apologize already? If that’s part of her unfinished business then why delay? I can’t move on with my life if this keeps lingering. The reconciliation ball has been in her court for years. But I’m supposed to initiate the conversation again? If I do then there’s probably not going to be an apology, just like before. 

 

This is is draining. I’m feeling tired again so I’ll lay down for a while.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

A wise friend of mine told me that suffering is for the people you'll leave behind. Her point was that by suffering (in this case your Paternal Grandmother), your grandmother is making it easier for you to let go. You don't want to see her suffer. When your relation dies, it's a relief because they're not suffering any more.

 

That's been my experience with most of the people I've lost. I'm sad at their passing, but I'm more relieved that they're at peace. I'm an atheist. I still prayed every night while my grandmother was in hospice that she'd pass on. I love my grandmother with all my heart, but I needed her suffering to end.

 

Specifically to your situation though. You're probably not getting closure on this. She's not going to apologize. She did a terrible thing to you and she's either not sorry, or too stubborn to admit it.

 

She probably isn't lingering for you. She's staying behind for whomever isn't ready to let her go yet. From what you've said, the two of you are likely done. All you can do is express your condolences to the family she left behind that love and accept you for who you are. It'll be OK sweetie. All anyone expects of you is to do what you can.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Susan R said:

I'm up very early for me at 5:30am. Coffee is tasting so good this early!  Much needed this morning too.  I'm heading back into Seattle this morning.  My wife's biopsy consult was done yesterday.  They scheduled her to have Mohs surgery to remove a cancer spot below her left eye.  After we arrived home from the hospital, they called and  said another patient cancelled their surgery and so can move up the surgery date from Jan. 14th to today at 9:30am this morning.  This is good news but it might be a very long day.

 

Susan R?

 

My best to your beloved spouse Susan!

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Susan R said:

I'm up very early for me at 5:30am. Coffee is tasting so good this early!  Much needed this morning too.  I'm heading back into Seattle this morning.  My wife's biopsy consult was done yesterday.  They scheduled her to have Mohs surgery to remove a cancer spot below her left eye.  After we arrived home from the hospital, they called and  said another patient cancelled their surgery and so can move up the surgery date from Jan. 14th to today at 9:30am this morning.  This is good news but it might be a very long day.

 

Susan R?

Good luck to you both.  Sounds like a long day.  

Link to comment

Hi everyone. I've been quiet for a few days, processing things, getting sorted. In addition to coming to grips with my rearrangement in "category status" (gender nonconforming) I am struggling with my faith after watching a long interview with someone speaking for the Catholic Church who basically stated that for people like me (us) God doesn't hate us for being mentally ill!

After having come to terms with the complexity of my faith and believing that I am not a mistake, I understand that at its core the Church does not accept me (us) after all. So I will likely go to a different place for my spiritual guidance (sorry, I know this might even belong in the religious section, but here I am).

It seems many of us are having a bumpy go at it, so I want to offer everyone a hug, support and a smile. Even though it's afternoon I just finished my coffee after shuffling around to get my studio happy.

Plus, danged amazon! I ordered a dehumidifier. At least that's what I searched for. I somehow got a humidifier instead. Which I don't need. Boo. Hiss.

Wishimg everyone a wonderful day! Stay warm?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

First off it's 34 here and my fingertips keep wanting to go numb (stupid circulatory syndrome) even though I'm indoors.

 

Secondly, I'm sorry about your humidifier. I just ordered 144 plastic spiders from Amazon, I hope there isn't a similar mix-up. I'm not sure what the opposite of plastic spiders might be. I really, really hope it isn't live ones.

 

Finally, religion is a tricky beast. I mean in the beginning, all the Christians spreading the word were all women. Then the patriarchy got involved when it (Christianity) started to catch on, then history happened and, well, I'm pretty sure we're a long way from where Jesus intended. The Catholic Church is huge, and therefore slow to move. They're also trying to hang on to the immense power they once had as it slowly slips out of their fingers. That's going to be a bad combination and lead to some questionable decisions.

There are welcoming churches out there. I'm not sure they're in the Ozarks, but I know they exist. Oh, maybe an online ministry? I just now learned those exist. I can't speak for quality, but points for the internet for trying.

We're certainly not mistakes. God doesn't make mistakes, right?

I'd be upset about "mentally ill" too. While some of us have our problems... usually from years of repression... I'm pretty sure that my fundamental nature is the most sane thing about me. If I AM insane, then I'm glad it's one of the happy kinds.

 

I'm not really sure where I was going for that, but best of luck finding a church that works for you. We certainly support you here and wish you nothing but success.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Thanks Jackie C. Yeah, my therapist is going to get an earful. I understand the politics of churches in general and the Church specifically all too well. I thought I had found a pretty good place, but oops, nevermind.

Hopefully the big "A" doesn't send you several dozen spider-killing wasps by mistake!

If you do get those, send me some. Here in the mountains (or hills depending on your view) the spiders come inside for winter. I have spider traps out, plus I'm still scrubbing mold and lemon oiling the patooey out of everything that doesn't protest.

Still don't have my sound hooked up, but hope to do that this afternoon. Things are in place, just have to run wires!

Then I'm going to sit down and draw - for me it's a place where I can create whatever world pleases me, a chance to make things as I see fit.

Mods, please feel free to edit/move/delete anything I've written that goes out of bounds. Sorry, sometimes I just have to blurt stuff out.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I won't get into religious talk other than to say I am always amused when someone tells me what god thinks.  How do they know?

 

Its hard @TammyAnne but let it roll off your back.  You're strong enough.

Jani

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 114 Guests (See full list)

    • MaybeRob
    • April Marie
  • Recently Browsing   1 member

    • MaybeRob

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • Willow
      Good morning,   I over slept yesterday was a couple minutes late clocking in.  But no breakfast or coffee.  Got caught up but it was go go go all morning.  I had to ask for a refresher on how I was to enter something but once I got a quick answer it came back to me.    @KymmieL sorry Ford didn’t work out.  We are always looking for good reliable people, I could get you a job here but the commute would be rough.  Today I have three audits to get done, plus other things during my shift on top of the regular things.  Since I am opening that puts me in the drivers seat.  The Asst Mgr comes in part way throuh my shift but she will have to handle customers while I do the work she would be doing if she opened. Tail wagging the dog.  Guess she’s getting punished for not following the Mgr’s requests.  They do tend to butt heads a lot.     Butting heads with people is a thing the Asst is known for.   @awkward-yet-sweet do you think just maybe this new graphics request was in the offing?  And why you were asked to go to work with your husband?  Obviously, he cares about you a lot and is trying to do things to help you.   speaking of meeting people @Adrianna Danielle we have a youngish customer who comes in frequently, I’d like to approach her but I’m just not certain yet.  She still dresses male but has long hair and early chest development.  My approach, if I ever decided I should would just be supportive but I really can’t be sure that is what is going on here or what and I would not want to make a big blunder if that’s not what he is doing.  A male with early teen boobs doesn’t want to be noticed.   well, I can’t be late again, I’ve got to leave now.  See you again later for afternoon tea and crumpets or scones. Mmm scones!   lol   Willow
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-health-and-wellness/scotland-pauses-prescriptions-puberty-blockers-transgender-minors-rcna148366     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.huffpost.com/entry/a-second-trump-presidency-would-be-a-nightmare-scenario-for-transgender-people_n_661ff9a9e4b07db21fd5d59b     Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, HIPAA is basically useless for keeping government out of your medical stuff.  It doesn't seem to prevent employers from making workplace medical demands either.  About the only thing it seems to do is keep somebody's sister or spouse from having the tools necessary to help you when you're in trouble.  As usual, government made things worse and added unhelpful red tape.  I really doubt HIPAA will be any use in the area of trans rights either.    Honestly, I don't see anything good will come of this no matter how it goes.  If some state AG's win on this, it will cause issues for trans folks.  If the Feds win on this, it'll be a precedent to stomp on states' rights even more than has already been done.  And I'm not sure which way things go will make a difference when it comes to officials from one state trying to do nasty things to people who have left that state and gone elsewhere.    What a crap sandwich... and no matter which plate it gets served on, "We The People" get to eat it. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      At least you tried!  Something equivalent or better may come up, and the waiting could be worth it.  Just keep trying and you'll eventually get what you need and want.      For me, having somebody to love was the most important.  Everything else follows after that.  I waited a long time to find somebody...and she ended up leading me to more than I ever thought possible.    Actually, I'm feeling pretty good right now.  I have something work-like outside of my home responsibilities to do for the first time in about 18 months.  Nobody seems to mind the real me.  And this evening, my husband said something that just really made me feel special.  He was rubbing my back, shoulders, and chest while we talked, helping me relax.  He told me that he thought I was really cute in my girl form, but that he thinks my boy form might even be cuter.  And that he's proud of his "smart little Pocket Fox."    For me, the combination of those sweet words and the physical affection was exactly what I needed. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Hi!   That was probably hard to write and then read and say, did I really write that?  Been there.   I'm glad you call it a journey.  It is.  One step at a time, and sometimes two steps forward, one back.    Abby
    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Violet! We glad you found us! No one here will judge you. Each of us is unique yet we all share some similarities. And many of us are in the relative early stages of self-discovery.   Take time to wander the sections of the forums. You’ll find lots of information and ideas.   Ask questions if you feel comfortable. You will find lots of people willing to share their experiences.   Is it possible for you to possibly work with a gender therapist? Many of us have found that to be extremely helpful in finding our identity and out true selves.   Just jump in. We don’t bite! We’ve all been in some version of where you are.
    • April Marie
      Literally. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Shameless plug for my "Taylor" story down in Stories You Write.  I am not Taylor and the experiences she goes through are not what has happened to me, but there is an emotional expression that I think is the best way to say some things that I don't know how to say otherwise.  I am not Bob, either.  But you might find out some things about me by reading it.  And I hope it is a good read and you enjoy it.  I am not done with it.  If you would like to comment on it, I would appreciate it.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Tuesday night.  They had a quick supper together at a fast food place.  Bob went off to teach karate and Taylor locked herself inside her apartment and worked on her hiring plan.   First the web site problem.  The two guys who ran it were self-taught and knew little.  It currently had three pages, the Home page, the About page and the Contact page,  She asked them to work with Karen in terms of redesigning it and she needed three designs to show Gibbs tomorrow.  The problem was three fold: the two guys and Karen.  Millville was a small town and all three were relatives of members of the Board.  Millville, Millvale. She was doing it.  People here called it either way, sometimes in the space of a few seconds.  She thought it was Millville.  All three had complained about the work, because the two boys regarded it as done and untouchable, even though they actually had not worked on it at all for months.  Like a number of people, they showed up and collected generous pay checks and did nothing.  She had looked at a number of websites and she had been told the company wanted one both internal and external customers could log into.  Her chief difficulty at the moment there was that there was very little content.  She decided to send the three complainers out tomorrow to take numerous pictures of the thirty acres  Or was it forty?  No one seemed to care. She cared, because she needed to get it right.  She debated outsourcing the website to a company, but first she needed something to outsource, and before then she needed to decide whether to keep these people.  She didn't need to mess with them.  So she decided to recommend they hire an experienced website developer with management skills. Would such a person come to Millville?  The schools were good, because the company had poured money into them, and the streets were well paved.  The company had bought all the abandoned houses and maintained them, hoping someday they would be filled again. Millville was crime-free.  People did not lock their doors. Neighborly. Very conservative, but in a good way.  Hard working, ethical, honest. Maybe the Chinese money was corrupting the town?  Not sure.  So she thought they would hire someone, even if it were a remote position.  She would rather have them here, but she would take what she would get.  That would move the website out of her hair. Secondly, she needed an effective presenter.  She could not do all these presentations herself.  She had natural talent but a lot could be passed on. She needed another Mary and another Brenda, or their understudies, effective hardworking people.   Bob. Was he okay with this?  He said she was Management.  Was that a problem?  And she was now earning a ridiculous salary, which she put down to company dysfunction more than anything she had done.  Was that a problem? She was not sure.  He was highly competitive and he had that male ego.  She did not.  A feeling of guilt rose.   Her therapist had brought up her feelings of guilt about not making Dad's expectations, never being the man Dad wanted her to be.  She never could, and this physical evidence backed that up.  What would the doctor say?  She thought about it, and that her therapist said she needed to find a sexual assault survivor's group more than a transgender group right now. Was there one here?  She thought about serving in a women's shelter.  There was one here, oddly enough connected to the church they had visited.  That F on her drivers' license would help.  She was waiting until after she talked to the doctor again to move on that stuff.   Was Bob really buying 160 acres near the old air strip on speculation?  Much of the land around Millville had been for sale for a long time.  That land was being offered at a dollar an acre, the owners having inherited it and now living out of state. Common knowledge.  They would take the first offer, and it had been for sale since the airstrip closed twenty years ago. Airstrip.  That would help.  Not tonight. Focus, girl, she told herself, and read over her notes to do so, which were making less sense the further down she went. It was eleven, and she gave up and went to bed.
    • violet r
      .my name is violet. I'm new here and thus is my first try at forums. I'm 45 and just recently having came to terms of who I really am. Thought a lot of self discovery since I stopped drinking. Drinking was my coping mechanism to hide a lot of thing. There were plenty of signs though the years. As I look back. That i hid inside. Now really sure what made all of this bubble to the surface at this time in my life.  Mabye it was waiting for me to be open minded and ready to accept that I am trans. I have a very unhealthy environment at home that is anti trans. I really don't know what else to say but hi. I hope everyone here will be accepting of me and me work through my journey of finding the real me. I know that since I accepted it I have been much happier than I can remember. Being to real me makes me happy. I hate having to hide this all the the time at home. I work retail management and have no idea if I could even stay in this business if I am to fully come out. Wow that was scary saying all that. It's a first for me
    • Ivy
      It is a lifesaver for a lot of us.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  What I do as a man is what a woman would do if she were a man.  There is just something feminine about the way I act as a man.  It's not that being a woman is actually better, or something to aspire to, but it is just that I am one, while not being one.   If beating my head bloody to get rid off this stupid dysphoria would fix it I would find the nearest wall, but I know that if I did that, when I woke up, it would still be there.   If I did not have this struggle I would be someone else and I would be less of a person than I am.  They say an oak tree growing in an open field is far stronger than one in a forest.  The storms come and go and I stand.   This forum is the first time I have interacted with other people struggling with the same struggle and parallel struggles. It helps.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm sorry! :( Hopefully something better will come up
    • Ashley0616
      Thank you! Did great with the kids
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...