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KymmieL

Good morning All. Coffees on.

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TammyAnne

Thanks Jackie C. Yeah, my therapist is going to get an earful. I understand the politics of churches in general and the Church specifically all too well. I thought I had found a pretty good place, but oops, nevermind.

Hopefully the big "A" doesn't send you several dozen spider-killing wasps by mistake!

If you do get those, send me some. Here in the mountains (or hills depending on your view) the spiders come inside for winter. I have spider traps out, plus I'm still scrubbing mold and lemon oiling the patooey out of everything that doesn't protest.

Still don't have my sound hooked up, but hope to do that this afternoon. Things are in place, just have to run wires!

Then I'm going to sit down and draw - for me it's a place where I can create whatever world pleases me, a chance to make things as I see fit.

Mods, please feel free to edit/move/delete anything I've written that goes out of bounds. Sorry, sometimes I just have to blurt stuff out.

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Jani

I won't get into religious talk other than to say I am always amused when someone tells me what god thinks.  How do they know?

 

Its hard @TammyAnne but let it roll off your back.  You're strong enough.

Jani

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TammyAnne
51 minutes ago, Jani said:

I won't get into religious talk other than to say I am always amused when someone tells me what god thinks.  How do they know?

 

Its hard @TammyAnne but let it roll off your back.  You're strong enough.

Jani

Thank you for that.

I just went to a very low place after all that.

You're right, though. If someone believes they get information directly from the divine being, how can they know it's the real thing? Or how can we know they're not the ones "mentally ill"?

I'm trying to get into my happy place in the studio, from whence it matters not what others think. I'll float on past this on the river of life.

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Debra Michelle

Found out my dad has to go in a nursing home,it is getting to a point we can't take care of him with his Alzheimer's.Luckily he planned everything out,covered under insurance when the time comes.Mom is taking the news very well,did have the house put in her name yesterday.His truck is in my oldest brother's name.This weekend,I am coming over to pick up his tools.Keeping them for memory reasons.

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ShawnaLeigh

That is a tough disease.  I’ve had so many in my family go down with that.  
im so sorry😢

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Willow

Hi,

 

Coffee was good this morning.  We had been drinking generic (long time regular brand) coffee.  We finally got some Starbucks Dark Roast again.  Such a huge difference.

 

I got an early Christmas present this year.  At my appointment yesterday my endocrinologist wrote me a script for progesterin but he doesn't want me to start taking it until Christmas because of the surgery next week.  The concern is possible clotting.  I am sorry if I have offended anyone but I am a Christian.

 

@Josie Beth my wife's mother thought nothing of berating her or our son and called me a liar to my face once.  She essentially broke her own family apart.  From an early age she always took her son's side and would punish my wife for things he had done.  She would never apologize to anyone even when you proved she was wrong, she would just ignore the truth.  Late in life she admitted to my wife that she had liked her brother better but still didn't apologize to her for it.  just an admission.  I am sorry you too have had to deal with this behavior.

 

Hugs

 

Willow

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Debra Michelle
2 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

That is a tough disease.  I’ve had so many in my family go down with that.  
im so sorry😢

Luckily he is going to a good nursing home,they deal with Alzheimer's patients very well.Mom met up with them today and things are looking good.It is getting bad.Luckily my friend Emily works there,she is a RN there.
 

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TammyAnne

Debra Michelle I'm sorry to hear that. It's difficult enough to get through our parents ageing process without having Alzheimer's in the mix. Hopefully this facility will be a good place for your Dad so that he can live out his days in some kind of peace and happiness.

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Debra Michelle
2 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

Debra Michelle I'm sorry to hear that. It's difficult enough to get through our parents ageing process without having Alzheimer's in the mix. Hopefully this facility will be a good place for your Dad so that he can live out his days in some kind of peace and happiness.

It is sad,mom understands this is best for him.It put a toll on me taking care of him.He is 71 years old and has lived a good life.He still can't remember my name and forgetting my 41st birthday is next month.Biggest memory I have is walking into the tool truck with him.I still have a Snap On ratchet he bought me.My Snap On dealer offered to replace this one and told him no,kit on order to fix it.Told him it is a part of my life with tons of memories attached to it

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Josie Beth
7 hours ago, Willow said:

my wife's mother thought nothing of berating her or our son and called me a liar to my face once.  She essentially broke her own family apart.  From an early age she always took her son's side and would punish my wife for things he had done.  She would never apologize to anyone even when you proved she was wrong, she would just ignore the truth.  Late in life she admitted to my wife that she had liked her brother better but still didn't apologize to her for it.  just an admission.  I am sorry you too have had to deal with this behavior.

 

Hugs

 

Willow

 

I never understood the stark contrast between the two grandmothers that I’ve had in my life because both of them lived through the Great Depression. The unapologetic one was like many I’ve heard of in that she was afraid of doing without. So afraid that it became entirely selfish. And of course she passed this on to my father who was the favorite and ended up playing favorites, preferring my brother to me. I was the one who was constantly blamed for things my brother did, or for things other school children did.

 

A couple of examples. My brother locked me out of a building one day when I was about to pee my pants and laughed at me from the other side. I tried to get my mother’s attention by knocking but she was vacuuming so she didn’t hear. I knocked harder and in my panic broke the window. I felt bad enough about it and still peed my pants but I was blamed for everything. When I pointed out that it wouldn’t have happened if my brother had not locked me out, my bank account was drained to pay for the window while my brother wasn’t punished at all. I only had $30 in it but that forced me to close the account while my brother was accruing interest and kept rubbing it in.

 

Another example was when I was given a basketball in school by another student who scratched their name off and wrote mine on it. I brought it home and happily showed it off to my parents. Instead of them being happy for me they called around and decided that I had stolen it which resulted in a severe beating and the confiscation of the ball. I also got in trouble with the school and still didn’t understand why. I found out later that this “friend” set me up and the ball actually belonged to the school. I didn’t know about how to tell if it was a school ball, I was just a happy kid. But these injustices are still with me and when I confronted my dad about them he didn’t apologize either, he just waved it off dismissively and said he had forgotten all about it. The point was that I hadn’t forgotten about it and I wanted an apology. So when I encounter attitudes like this in people or management practices I just can’t abide by them. Nobody has the right to mistreat someone and then just cling to their arrogance about it. 

 

My maternal grandmother was also in the Great Depression but her memories of that time were far different. She didn’t fear doing without. Her memories were not about being hungry but encounters with comical people who lived nearby. Her whole demeanor was completely different. It was one of benevolence and sharing her love of life. She was not attached to money in a way that harmed others. She spared no expense to show us kids all kinds of wonderful experiences. It was about family not greed. Her attitude was one of plenty instead of despair. I really think this had a lot to do with how much richer her life was and it was always more fun on that side of the family. I actually look up to her and my aunts a lot more than anybody else. Their energy is so much better. 

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ShawnaLeigh

340am.  Can’t seem to get a full nights sleep since coming out to some of my family and my wife.  Still have deeper stress and anxiety about it.  So tired all the time now.  
might as well get up and do my work out and get the day rolling.  Coffee soon!

i hope everyone has a good day.  

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tracy_j

It will get easier in time Shawna. I find in times of stress that keeping very busy helps. I am out like a light.

 

Tracy

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ShawnaLeigh
1 hour ago, tracy_j said:

It will get easier in time Shawna. I find in times of stress that keeping very busy helps. I am out like a light.

 

Tracy

Thank you.  I know in time it will get better and I’m normally a very positive person.   I just need to formulate my planB and find some security for my future.  Luckily I have a couple plans to help lower my bill load and allow me to afford to move out eventually.  

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Aidan5

Morning everyone. Just got out of gym, yes I made sure to put deodorant before and after. It was  interesting because it's friday, and that means is butt slap friday. (At least, that's what everyone does at my school) I took my friend's slides and participated (Only people I know and agreed to take part) So now I have her shoe still haha. In the locker room they were questioning me politely and I appreciate them doing it kindly and not being invasive. They asked if I would switch over to the boy's locker room, I am no way brave enough to do that though. Anyways, still a good fun morning lol.   

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lauraincolumbia

Butt slap friday?  Does that still happen in the days of #Metoo?

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Aidan5
40 minutes ago, lauraincolumbia said:

Butt slap friday?  Does that still happen in the days of #Metoo?

Well I don't know. But we do it in school, and only with the consent of our friends. They can dip whenever they want.

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Debra Michelle

Found out they did put my dad in that nursing home,mom is doing well with the changes and knows he will be taken care of better there.Good thing is his insurance is covering it.He had it set in 1980 planning it out updating it in 1993

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ShawnaLeigh

Up early again.  -7*F outside so I’m staying in bed until the furnace gets it’s a tad warmer in here.  We keep it set at 56*F at night.  Lol

No work out this AM as I have a full day of joy doing house projects.  I will be up and down the stairs plenty.  
looking forward to my morning coffee!

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Josie Beth

I’m trying to get in the mood for some kind of productivity with several cups of tea. And updating apps for the nth time this week. 

 

I also found out that it’s a particularly difficult time for many people who are transitioning. I’m not the only one who is unemployed right now. Doesn’t take the sting away but I guess it’s nice to know that I’m not alone.

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Jackie C.

There's a lot of people unemployed or underemployed right now where I live. I'm just at the bottom of the barrel because I'm trans, older and can be legally discriminated against. I completely feel you.

 

I baked a cake yesterday.

 

Today I'm working on my NaNoWriMo project.

 

You have to keep busy. It's too easy to disappear into your own head if you're still.

 

Hugs!

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Josie Beth

For some reason every weekend I get sick in one way or another and it stifles any creativity I had planned. I don’t know if it’s the weather or just something that I ate. I do have plenty of vitamins. Plenty of orange juice. Plenty of tea. 

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Debra Michelle

Went over to my parent's place,came over with my truck and  enclosed trailer picking up my dad's tools and two toolboxes.Luckily my oldest brother and 2nd older brother were there and helped me load them up.I even took every tool catalog he kept still in good shape.Put them in my garage.

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Aidan5

Morning all, might go for a run today. My brother is being stupid but I just tell him that "No one asked for your opinion" haha.

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KymmieL
43 minutes ago, Aidan5 said:

Morning all, might go for a run today. My brother is being stupid but I just tell him that "No one asked for your opinion" haha.

Well there's always, 'If I wanted your opinion I would beat it out of you.' That is however very old school.

 

Another day up early, 4:30 am. Started work at 5:30. took off early today. I am the boss (right now) anyway. I already have OT so decided to save the co a little money.

 

Well I have been thinking of leaving again with the blow up my family had with me on Halloween. With my wife being they way she is about my transition. My marriage is doing as normal as it has in the past 10 yrs. I guess. But I don't want to stay here and be unhappy. If I continue working on becoming a woman. she will divorce me. But we will still be friends. Yeah, I really believe that.

 

I am just biding my time until I find the right new job. I am looking to stay with the company. Move to the main offices in Springfield, MO.  All I have been doing lately is thinking of what I want to take. What I am willing to leave behind. It is hard. The love I feel for my wife and family vs the feelings that I need to be come who I am.

 

I however am scared. That my wife will become like her mom did went my wife's parents divorced. My mother in law was convinced that my father in law was sick. she was almost to the point of stalking him.

She tried to turn my wife against him, she did turn my brothers in law against him for a while.

 

Well enough of my trivial drama.

 

Have a great weekend all.

 

Kymmbrill

 

 

 

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NB Adult

It's not trivial Kymmie, there's not a soul here that doesn't understand even the smallest nuance of what you are going through especially me. (((Hugs)))

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    • Maid In Bedlam
      Thats a good point Willow.   I can understand in this day and age how the lines between Transsexual and Transgender are now blurred by the current state oi world.   To simplify as possible. So i do not go on with a 100 page essay. (yes those regular reading of my posts will know i can without comeing up for air)   However in my personal opnion. transsexual would be associated with someone that wants to completly transform and travel from one sex to another. Regardless of the sacrifices that may need to be made to reach that goal. where Transgender would be used for a person who only identifys there gender as oposite and would not consider gender dysphoria a condition they associate themselves with.   Im quite old school and like my distance from the transgendered mindset   Im not saying its wrong to be transgendered but i do believe its a diffrent state of being.   As far as children are concerned. I would personally aire on the side of transgender. As you pointed out. you cannot associate there state of mind to a sexual attraction to the opposite or same sex. However. I will say. I Knew i was diffrent at about 7 years of age or there abouts. But could not say i was transsexual. But knew i wanted to grow up female. Just like many others. I did go to bed at night and prayed i would wake up a girl.   I was Transsexual and even if i would not consider it in my current life. My transition finnished and now i am accepted as a woman in society and by myself. This was as i mentioned above what i always wished for before i went to sleep in my childhood    
    • Laura76
      MaryMary, Jackie C and Jani,   Thank you for your insight and recommendations. I will use them all. And Thank you VickySgv, I will be watching your videos tonight.   Any if there are additional recommendations that come to mind please send them.   Again thank you all, Laura76    
    • Aidan5
      I feel like he may have caught on to me or something. Since my friend Tyler and I were having a conversation about sports and trans teams. 
    • Jackie C.
      Cis or trans, a guy is still a guy. He wasn't all that far off. You're not really lying if you're being true to yourself. I tell people I'm a woman. That's true. I just need a couple of renovations to get my body caught up to the rest of me.   What a peculiar thing to strike up a conversation about. I admire your restraint. Depending on the day, I might have let him have it.   Hopefully, he'll learn better manners as he gets older.   Hugs!
    • Susan R
      Rachel, This hit me like a brick wall...eerily similar to what I stated in my “Life Changes” email I sent to my family as I was coming out.  It was the trigger.  sometimes it takes something like this to wake us up and really acknowledge our reality. Kudos to you for recognizing your truth.  I‘m sure it was as difficult for you as it was for me.   Here is a the way I stated it to my family from my email.   ”I started doing more and more soul searching and when I  found out that [our brother] had died, it really hit me hard. I realized life is  short and we aren't going to be around much longer. If we want to  share our lives with those we love, now is the best time to do it.”   My wife too!  Your story and mine are very similar.   Susan R🌷
    • Jackie C.
      Let's see... daily wear is usually a t-shirt with something clever written on it and jeans. Mostly dark colors and blues. I can get away with splashes of maroon though. I love my maroon jeans. Then I put a sweatshirt or a sweater on top if it because I'm cold. My current favorite is gray, kind of shapeless and has a fox wearing glasses featured predominantly on the front. Sometimes I spice it up with a long sleeved shirt. I'm sensitive about my bust line though so there's usually a high neck line with minimal cleavage showing. More formal wear will be a nice shirt. Usually blue or black with blue accents or a blue pattern. Then add slacks this time of year. Going formal I'll add one or two accents. Generally a necklace or wristband with a decorative scarf (again, sensitive about my lack of a bust line). No matter what, I'm nearly always wearing my favorite pair of boots. They're kind of medium-dressy ankle boots with a couple of decorative straps. They go with almost anything, but I also have party shoes, formal shoes, sneakers and athletic shoes as the situation requires.    In the summer, it will either be a t-shirt or a tank (I look great in a tank top) with shorts. Sometimes I rotate in one of my skirts. I have a lovely peasant skirt that is easily one of the coolest things I own on a hot day. Summertime is always sandals unless I'm dressing for a specific formal function.   For the most part, I look like a librarian. Not the sexy kind. Glasses. Conservative dress. Usually with some drapery. I've got a real thing for drapery when I'm decorating myself to go out.   Hugs!
    • Aidan5
      Morning all, I had a very awkward bus ride.    The kid next to me still thinks I am a cis guy ahaha. He never asked so I just went with it lol (I feel bad for lying but I dont think I will tell him anytime soon) So he turns to me and asks me.. "What's your view on trans people?"  So I kinda just sat there and before I could say anything he told me  "If a girl is trying to be a boy, I am still going to call her a her, because she will always be a she. The same for the other way around." So, I spoke up and told him that he should respect other people's pronouns. I don't hate him for his view but it is pretty mean not gonna lie, I will always respect other's views on subjects. I really don't want to be his friend anymore so I am just gonna avoid him. I won't start any drama because I am a gentleman (Sometimes haha)  
    • Michelle F
      Thank you so much everyone. Y'all  have really helped my transition. 
    • Willow
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      To give you hope here, I have been out full time for 10+ years as myself and maybe 10 or 20 part time out before then and the feeling I have lost is SHAME which may be the word you are looking for more than embarrassed.  SHAME is a killer almost literally and needs to be dealt with or we are in trouble.  I am a Trans activist and while not star quality, I have been in the public eye in film and news and speaking engagements where people absolutely know I am Trans and I am proud and happy with all of that, so certainly SHAME has been put to its end for me.  We have nothing to be ashamed of, but it feels that way in our early days of exploration because we think our families and friends feel disappointment in us and we feel that we are letting their hopes and expectations down by coming out and living our own hopes.  I still struggle with that from time to time and have trouble dealing with expansive compliments about my living my truth and being a community model when I do not feel I have done as well as they say I have.   I overcome that feeling of letting people down by being the BEST ME I can be which, after all, is where we really should be going.  The shame we really deserve is when we have not been the best human being we can be, loving, fully accepting of others, able to celebrate differences and much more.     You are YOU!!  Find out how to be the BEST YOU you can be!  Have fun as you do it.
    • MaryMary
      right now leaning more towards rocker, purple lipstick and black jewelry kinda style. But it's always evolving. I'm 20 years behind in knowing my style.
    • ShawnaLeigh
      I honestly don't have one yet.  I have had very little experience wearing much female clothing. Well to be truthful.  NONE as of this post outside the house.  As a guy I was always in a company uniform of one business or another for most of my days (nights-worked night shift for almost 30 years) This consisted of jeans/work pants and a t shirt.  I am now in a job where I get to dress in "golf attire" and truly love this.  Most of my golf polos are of a very sleek and silky nature.  As are my slacks.   I have started wearing my female under garments full time since coming out.  My wife is strangely ok with this and still does our laundry together. (I'm not allowed to) Folds it too.  ( I am lucky there) I have recently ordered a couple pairs of Dansko female clogs to wear with my work clothing.  Simply black and brown for now to match the clothing I already own.  In the hospitals I work in I see plenty of male nurses and doctors wearing these types of shoes, or very similar, so its not too outrageous but they do make me feel more feminine.  Every little bit counts. In my near future I feel I will convert my guy "golf" shirts and pants over to a more feminine style.  Most likely still a shirt and pant outfit.  Maybe swap in a skirt some days.  Maybe just girl golf shirts.  LOL (I play a lot of golf too so they will at least be useful when I am dressing far more feminine for work.)
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