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KymmieL

Good morning All. Coffees on.

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TammyAnne

Post surgery I had to give myself the belly fat shots twice a day for two weeks. It was either that or develop blood clots, so I managed to get through it. But it wasn't much fun.

We just have to do what we have to do.

I'm about to throw coffee in the pot to start my day.

I finished setting up the ten photofloods that provide light for my painting studio, so when the herd leaves after the holidays I can get some painting done!

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!

TA

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tracy_j

Rain here yet again. I hope to get some painting done this afternoon but I could sure use some photofloods at the moment TammyAnne. It was my art group Christmas meal last evening and I had difficulty putting on my make up correctly :(

 

Tracy

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ShawnaLeigh

So apparently I am having a second Monday this week. 

I had gotten up super early to get ready to go to work and had gotten out of the house with little issues.  I even skipped the work out to get going sooner.  A tad chilly to at -7* F.

Not as long cummute today though but long enough (45min).  

Realized I left my coffee on the roof of the car.  Saw it go flying about 100 yards down the road from my driveway.( That's sweet I thought...)   Old travel mug so it is being donated to the snowy ditch gods.  Id never of found it in the dark or deep snow anyways.

So now no coffee on my commute.  Sigh. 

I needed gas for the company car and decided I would do this before work since I have my therapy appointment today and have to leave early to get there in time.  (Hour and 1/2 away)

The lights at the gas station were off but the pumps were on so I stopped and got gas.  

However I could not see the key pad to put in my driver number or mileage.  (WTH!! Seriously, I thought)  I had to do this over and over because I kept hitting the wrong dang buttons.  I finally get frustrated with myself and got my phone to illuminate the key pad.  Yes by now it is now -9*F and wind is crazy.  I'm dying.  

I finally get to work only to discover I had forgotten all my security badges to allow me access in and every where in the hospital.  UUUGGGHHH!

Fortunately I was let in by one of the hospital higher ups who apparently knows me as they were arriving.  (I don't know them-LOL)  I was extremely thankful as THAT was about the time I realized I did not have my badge to swipe in and was left standing in the freezing temps and winds.  

Luckily I did not forget my key ring or Id be locked out of my office.  I am only here till noon30 so I can just do stuff in my office to pass the time. I hope.

Of course this will be the day I get 100 calls to go someplace and look at something behind doors I can not get through easily.  (Great).

Two Mondays in one week is not fair.  LOL

Wish me luck. 

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Aidan5

Morning everyone, I stayed up all night putting up my Christmas tree, We got a bluetooth tree that lights are in sync with your music. Today I am going to decorate it. I did get in an argument with my parents again, but nothing I can't recover from, yare yare. Hope everyone is having a swell day!

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Susan R

Morning all., i’m having my coffee before getting ready to leave for a big family Christmas party.  It’a sort of big day for my wife and I.  All of our children and grandchildren met us a year ago at our daughters house for this exact same thing a year ago.  The only difference...I was the old male me for the very last time.

 

Today, all of us (except one of us) are meeting together in one place to celebrate.  I haven’t been invited to this particular daughter’s home ever since I came out in May. Another daughter and children aren't coming because they do not accept me AT ALL. My third daughter and family are fine with everything and we’ve spent some quality time with them over this past year.

 

I’m hoping all will go well.  The family dynamics will be completely be different as a large group interacting under these new circumstances. I really don’t want to discuss sports with the guys...I haven't a clue about any of that stuff these days anyways.  I want to help out in the kitchen but four ladies working together might be overkill.  Most, if not all, the grandkids will likely be in the bedrooms or recreation room playing games.  So I’m sort of wondering where I’ll fit in this holiday.  I’m probably overthinking it a little but it’s a valid concern.  Wish me luck.

 

Susan R🌷

 

 

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Jackie C.

You'll be fine @Susan R. There's always work to be done in the kitchen. It's more about helping each other and bonding than getting the food ready anyway. An extra set of hands is always appreciated. The kitchen is where I always hung out at family gatherings. Sports never worked for me and I was one of only two kids. Sports DID work for my cousin Bill though so as soon he was old enough he joined the men-folk.

 

I imagine I'll be hanging out in the kitchen this year too. Kathy doesn't get enough help and I honestly missed the girl bonding. This'll be fun!

 

Hugs!

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TammyAnne
On 12/20/2019 at 2:49 AM, tracy_j said:

Rain here yet again. I hope to get some painting done this afternoon but I could sure use some photofloods at the moment TammyAnne. It was my art group Christmas meal last evening and I had difficulty putting on my make up correctly :(

 

Tracy

Best thing I've done for that is mounted stage lighting cans on light stands with 5000k led floods. The ten lights I have only draw 90 watts and put out very little heat.  Ten regular photofloods would melt anything near them!

I try to pay careful attention to the color of lighting. Regular warm bulbs are around 2700k - a much more orange tone. Noonday sun is usually around 5500k. But you can work with the 5000k lights. 

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KymmieL

I wish you the best Susan R.

 

Close today, then off for 3 days. No big thing. Looking forward to seeing the older two and their families around the first of the year. Christmas shopping is pretty much done just waiting on delivery.

 

Kind of dreary today. cloudy bla  outside. Would just love to curl up with my writing in front of a warm fire. but alas have to work and no fireplace.

 

Kymmie

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Willow

Hi, pouring rain today.  Predictions call for as much as 4 inches by Tuesday morning.

 

Cant wait until my daughter and family get here sometime Thursday.

 

She has to work Tuesday and Wednesday at her hospital 

 

willow

 

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Susan R
On 12/22/2019 at 10:52 AM, Jackie C. said:

You'll be fine @Susan R   There's always work to be done in the kitchen. It's more about helping each other and bonding than getting the food ready anyway.

 

11 hours ago, KymmieL said:

I wish you the best Susan R.

Thank you so much ladies,  thought I’d pop in to give an uplifting update about how the annual family Christmas reunion went yesterday.  My wife and I had a wonderful time.  My wife, my two daughters and my 11 year granddaughter all hung out together most of the time in the kitchen.  We all talked about everything and it was all very affirming girl talk.   As Jackie C mentioned...it was a time of bonding as a woman with my family and it went better than I could’ve hoped for.  The adult men greeted me as usual but they didn’t try to really converse with me with their usual jargon.  A few football games were on so they were occupied most of the time with that.  When we all sat down to eat, everything was normal.  Opening the gifts was nice.  I received gifts that a woman would appreciate.  One gift from my daughter was an absolutely beautiful gold necklace and it is exactly my length, style and taste.  My Christmas cards addressed me as ‘Nana Susan’ instead of just Susan.  That nearly made me cry in a good way.  It looks like my worries were all for not.  I am very happy today.


Happy Holidays Everyone,

Susan R🌷

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KymmieL

Susan R I'm so glad that everything went great for your Christmas Reunion.

 

Well I am off until Friday. Yeah I know I am off all the time. I mean work. Going to try and enjoy myself. Not worry about anything.

Merry Christmas to all my sisters and brothers here.

 

Kymmie

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ShawnaLeigh
8 hours ago, Susan R said:

 

Thank you so much ladies,  thought I’d pop in to give an uplifting update about how the annual family Christmas reunion went yesterday.  My wife and I had a wonderful time.  My wife, my two daughters and my 11 year granddaughter all hung out together most of the time in the kitchen.  We all talked about everything and it was all very affirming girl talk.   As Jackie C mentioned...it was a time of bonding as a woman with my family and it went better than I could’ve hoped for.  The adult men greeted me as usual but they didn’t try to really converse with me with their usual jargon.  A few football games were on so they were occupied most of the time with that.  When we all sat down to eat, everything was normal.  Opening the gifts was nice.  I received gifts that a woman would appreciate.  One gift from my daughter was an absolutely beautiful gold necklace and it is exactly my length, style and taste.  My Christmas cards addressed me as ‘Nana Susan’ instead of just Susan.  That nearly made me cry in a good way.  It looks like my worries were all for not.  I am very happy today.


Happy Holidays Everyone,

Susan R🌷

Oh my this is wonderful!  I am so happy your family was so accepting and loving towards you.  I hope one day this is how my holidays go. 
Congrats on the validating event!

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ShawnaLeigh

Well I have a busy day.  The house needs a good vacuum since we have 4 dogs that shed 24/7/365 it seems.  I can see tumbleweeds rolling around under the table.  Dish Washer emptying and just general cleaning.  I have my daughter and her boyfriend due over tomorrow afternoon for dinner and movie night. 
I don’t have all day because I am picking my wife up from work so we can go see the new Star Wars movie this afternoon too!!!


I am getting nervous about early January though.  It’s my plan to continue coming out then.  I was on a roll in November and then just shut it down by request from my wife.  Just for the holidays.  Uggh.
All that positive energy I was getting back has worn off and I am all scared again to tell anyone. 
Oh well.  It will be what it will be.  
I hope everyone has a great holiday!

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KymmieL

Shawna, I saw the new Star Wars. I liked it. Screw what the critics are saying. I am going to continue with my transition. While I have yet to came out anymore. I am feeling good about myself when I present as a woman. I am almost at the if asked I will tell that I am trans. I am doing it for me, myself and I. That is the only three that are concerned.

 

Well the blabber mouth is at it again. My youngest has blabbed again. Last night before be I was looking up DIY Christmas nail art. I was wanting to see what Xmas designs I could do with my nail(s) My youngest heard the video I was watching, and told my wife.

 

Just after going to bed. My wife asked me if I was going to go to Walmart to get my nails extended. Of course No. I wouldn't get it done at Walmarts nail place anyway. It is getting to the point that I may have close my windows again, when he is around.

 

Have a great day.

 

Kymmie

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Debra Michelle

Been busy getting ready for next week,leave January 2nd for my gender corrective surgery.Looking back on changing my decision,going to be well worth it in the long run.My son Tyler,he is doing well with this knowing he is coming for support.Going to see the years of pain I went through go away.Mom is coming too,she is ready for one son become a daughter.She has said I should of been the one born a girl.

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Jackie C.

Best of luck @Debra Michelle! May your results be everything you were hoping for and your recovery swift and painless.

 

Hugs!

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ShawnaLeigh
On 12/24/2019 at 11:19 AM, KymmieL said:

Shawna, I saw the new Star Wars. I liked it. Screw what the critics are saying.

I fully agree.  My wife and I saw it on Xmas Eve and we loved it.  LOVED IT! It does answer a ton of things from previous movies that left open ended questions.  No spoilers..  LOL

I never listen to what "They Say" anyways.

If I did I most likely would still be hiding and miserable...

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KymmieL

They way I always look at it is if the critics hate I will love it. But Star Wars was left open. for future expansion which if it make money Disney will make it. The greedy bastages.

 

Kymmie

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Willow

@ShawnaLeigh I hope everything goes well for you when you come out next month.  I still can't do that.  The people who count the most to me know and of course lots of doctors, therapists et al but that's as far as it has gone or will go anytime soon.

 

I realize now what I missed out on all my life.  When I see a girl or woman I'm not looking at them leering, no, I am longing to look like them or evaluating what they are wearing.  I only wish what I know today I could have known 50 years ago and acted upon it them.

 

As it is now I can only scratch my itch, I can't live it full time.

 

I hope everyone had a good holiday and a great new year.

 

Willow

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ShawnaLeigh
51 minutes ago, Willow said:

@ShawnaLeigh I hope everything goes well for you when you come out next month.  I still can't do that.  The people who count the most to me know and of course lots of doctors, therapists et al but that's as far as it has gone or will go anytime soon.

 

I realize now what I missed out on all my life.  When I see a girl or woman I'm not looking at them leering, no, I am longing to look like them or evaluating what they are wearing.  I only wish what I know today I could have known 50 years ago and acted upon it them.

 

As it is now I can only scratch my itch, I can't live it full time.

 

I hope everyone had a good holiday and a great new year.

 

Willow

Thank you Willow. 
I know it will be tough to finish coming out and then dealing with the aftermath.  I hope one day it’s just in my past and I’m living as I should.  That seems like decades away though.  Years for sure.  
 

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ShawnaLeigh

It’s not super early but for some reason I can not sleep.  This irritates me as I certainly have time too and need it.  Ok well I know why I can not sleep.  
All my old anxiety and stress of coming out are starting to effect me again as my continuation of coming out arrives shortly.  I can’t shake the feelings of fear even though logically I know I have no choice but to be myself and to do that I need to tell people.  Still.  It’s so scary. 
Anyways....
My wife is going out with her mother this AM for half the day and I will be left alone to do whatever I want.  Left alone with these feelings.  I plan to try and pamper myself and continue to work on my letters.  
I hope the rest of you have a wonderful day. 

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Jackie C.

It's probably the weather. I have trouble sleeping when there's mad pressure changes too. If I think of it, and I know they're coming, I dose myself with Melatonin (I'm like 80% sure I spelled that right) before bed.

 

Coming out gets easier with practice. Honest. You got a bit of a ding at the start with some family members who Shall Not Be Named but it gets better. Relationships change over time no matter what you do. Maybe you come out as trans, maybe you like the wrong baseball team. Some people will judge you for the stupidest reasons. New friendships come into your life and sometimes old ones fade away. The fact that you're coming out as yourself is just one factor in the tornado of circumstances that swirl around you every day. At least this way, when it's all over, you're happy with yourself while you're sitting in the mud and wondering where your trailer blew off to.

 

At least you can do whatever you want. I'm off to Sam's Club to buy cat food (in like four hours, they don't open until 10 I think). The little heathens are down to their last can.

 

Hugs!

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Jani

That's interesting about your sleep pattern.  Frequently I will have a difficult time at full moon. I suppose its due to the gravitational pull.  As we're in the new moon phase I've been sleeping well! 

 

@Jackie C. You feed your cats "cans"?  

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Jackie C.

 

1 hour ago, Jani said:

@Jackie C. You feed your cats "cans"?  

 

Sure, they get one can of Fancy Feast split three ways in the morning plus free-choice kibble. Surprisingly, only one of them is fat, but we're having trouble figuring out how to keep ONE out of three cats out of the kibble.

 

image-20191107_141007.thumb.jpg.e26c4bed53615ecbd648b7a00a2cab09.jpg

 

This one. This one is eighteen points. He's thicc.

 

Hugs!

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Jani

It was suppose to be a joke, eating cans?   Harkens back to the (false) narrative about billy goats eating cans!  

 

So much for humor on the internet!

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    • Susan R
      Love this answer. Best reply of the day...so on point!  Thanks Jackie!   @Wes..its always ok to vent here...we love reading about your good times and bad....we don’t discriminate.   Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      Sometimes humor is the best way to deal with frustration.  I have no articles specifically dealing with this issue but only my humble advice.  I would be sitting her down and seriously make the effort to reason with her.  Make an event of it away from kids, TV, music, etc..so she knows this is a big deal and something needs to change.  I think it would be important to keep all other issues out of the conversation and in a nice way explain to her why and how much this means to you.  You might ask her what you need to do to help make this happen...don’t expect a quick response.  Let her know how much this hurts when she calls you you’re birth name when you’re presenting as Shawna.  If that doesn’t work, there’s likely not going to be any resolution any time soon.  Communicating your needs in a polite, logical and calm manner usually works with reasonable individuals who are not vindictive or petty.  Let’s hope your wife is neither.   Susan R🌷
    • Emily michelle
      I’m glad you were able to come out to your wife and that she is supportive. That’s a huge weight of off your shoulders. When o came out to my wife she acted like things make sense now. I was the one who was an absolute wreck I cried for several days when I broke down, and so far she is my biggest ally. On the other hand when I told my sister she flat looked at me and said are you serious and that’s when I lost it again. She has come around a little bit but I still don’t think she understands.
    • Susan R
      @ShawnaLeigh This guy understood you meant business and he is in the past now.  Part of me feels proud of you for sticking up for yourself.  That being said..this stuff happens everyday and you don’t want to put yourself in that situation again ever.  Most of these online idiots are cowards and won’t actually go any further.  Realistically though, this might not be the case if it happens again.  You never want to have to do to ANYONE what you ‘inferred’ you’d do to him...no matter how justified you are.  It would immediately change your life in many detrimental ways for the foreseeable future.   My 2¢, Susan R🌷
    • Emily michelle
      Oh wow that’s a long wait since November I don’t think I would be able to hold it together that long. Is the endo just that busy or what was the hold up? If you don’t mind me asking 
    • TammyAnne
      Venting is good for you, Wes. We all do it. It beats standing on the street corner screaming at the cars! (Unless you just like being arrested!) TA
    • Jackie C.
      I'm sorry you had such a lousy, rotten, no good day @ShawnaLeigh!   Susan and I do what we can but... I'm helpless at household repair stuff. I can troubleshoot electronics and that's about it. She's actually more capable in a lot of areas than I am. I mostly just know who to call for help.   I'm not going to last long when civilization finally cracks, am I?   Hugs!
    • TammyAnne
      That's where I'm at (waiting) too courtesy of the plague. I'm told all my papers are in a file waiting to go forward to the endo. But I'm going to beg to get it pushed forward ASAP at my next appointment since this was supposed to start back in November. TA
    • TammyAnne
      Due to medical things being on hold for a while, I will not get to start HRT until I'm 70. Is it too late? Too late for what? I wish I could have started fifty years ago, but the times were quite different and this was unthinkable course of action at that time. I will never look like a nineteen year old college girl, I know that, but I can be me to the best of my ability. It is better to plow forward even if it's late than to finish my life in regret. TA
    • Susan R
      Wise words from a wise woman.  Yes, this is the case in our household too.  Apparently, I forgot to negotiate this change in household roles when coming out....too late now.  Sure, it’d be nice for my wife to do more of my traditional male duties around the house but I realize it’s not practical at our ages. I do those things easier, faster and usually do them correctly the first time...lol   I feel for you...especially these day with no salon to fix you up in a snap.  We’ve all been there...keep your head up, hon! My Best, Susan R🌷    
    • Susan R
      Welcome KM, what an incredible story of coming to terms with yourself and sharing it with your wife. You did the right thing for your mental well-being.  There comes a time when you can’t just pack it away any longer.  The freedom you describe is so memorable to me.  It’s like a 200lb weight had been lifted off you.  I know your still feeling some of that relief 5 days after the fact.   What you say above is THE recipe to navigate through this successfully. I did this same thing with my wife and it has brought us closer together than ever before.  Like you, I gave my wife the keys and trusted she would open a door whenever I needed more.  It’s been over a year and all the doors are unlocked and life is good.   What an inspiration this is. I’m very happy for you and your wife.  Please keep us updated as to your progress.  It’s still very early but I’m confident you’re going to experience a positive outcome. I was so impressed I had to share your story with my wife.  I said to her, “Doesn’t this sound familiar? She read it and smiled!   Best of luck to the both of you on your new path. Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Wow super job and such a wonderful start!  I’m am so jealous.  My coming out to my wife was a drama cry fest that took me three days to get the bare bones out.  We are getting a divorce on friendly term though.   your wife is an amazing and strong women.   Welcome to TP also if I had not said so yet.  
    • Carolyn Marie
      No problem with venting here, Wes.  These forums are perfect for that.  Your parents will probably come around after they have gotten used to your new name.  Be patient; I think it will work out all right.   Carolyn Marie
    • Jackie C.
      It sounds like you're off to a solid start. You and your wife are communicating (Bravo!) and you're setting boundaries that you both can deal with. While there's no guarantee that she won't be overwhelmed by the weird somewhere down the line, you're doing everything you can to preserve your relationship. That's HUGE! Well done. Pip pip. Promotions all around. 😋   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Your parents are mistaken. No matter how much thought they put into your dead name, you're the one that has to carry it and it has to fit you. If they're so big on S and B, they can change their legal names (once the country opens again naturally) without much fuss. Frankly our new names are a big deal and say a lot about who we are and who we hope to become. I mean honestly, your parents didn't even get your gender right the first time around, how could they possibly be trusted with your new name? 😋   Hugs!
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