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KymmieL

Good morning All. Coffees on.

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KathyLauren

I am glad that you are in a good mood, Willow.  I am too.  I just got confirmation from the Gender Recognition Panel that they have received my application.  Now I just have to pay them and the process will be under way.

 

I have all my local documentation changed: driver's license and health card, in particular.  But my birth certificate, being British, had to wait until I could document my official gender change over here.  Now they have all the papers, so hopefully some time this decade (I've heard about wait times in the UK! 😉), I'll have a GRC and a new birth certificate.

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Jani

Kathy I assume the GRP is in the UK?  Will you be having any school diplomas upgraded as well?  I don't know if that's really important after a certain point in our lives.  

 

Jani

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ShawnaLeigh
On 1/26/2020 at 11:09 AM, TammyAnne said:

Finished coffee a long while back.

Then spent three hours shaving to get ready for my first laser hair removal appointment tomorrow. I hope they're not too stringent about my shaving, it's difficult to reach some places. After shave I felt around, then took my balding clippers to leftover fuzzy places hoping it won't grow in too fast. Caution: never use the clippers on your tender parts, I found that out the hard way years ago.

And of course, I'm such a dummy. I always keep my backup data RAID with me on in a safe place. I bent over to unplug it, lost my balance starting to fall. But when I reached out to catch myself, all my weight went on the middle finger of my right hand, bending it backwards severely. It's sore and swollen, but I guess I'll be alright. Just red faced.

TA

OMG I am so sorry you had that spill.  I do things like this all the time now.  I use to be a very well coordinated and prefect balanced person.  Now I am a mess some days.  

I hope it heals fast.  Fingers suck to break too.  I've had all 8 fingers broken in one shot one summer as a kid.  Tried to Evil Kenevil something way to far with my bike and went over the handle bars.  LOL

 

My day is going along fast due to be busy at work  Mondays always are here.  Though it is good with my appointment later to check out this dang uninvited lump.  I hope its either nothing or bad enough they need to go in for surgery.  I already have a couple letters recommending a Bilateral Orchidectomy.

Maybe something good can come from this.

 

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KathyLauren
1 hour ago, Jani said:

Kathy I assume the GRP is in the UK?  Will you be having any school diplomas upgraded as well?  I don't know if that's really important after a certain point in our lives.  

 

Jani

 

Yes, I should have mentioned that, it's in the UK.  I was born in Northern Ireland, so I have to follow British rules and procedures to get my birth certificate changed.  I won't bother with school diplomas.  The only one worth changing would be my university degree.  But I'm retired, so I won't be submitting resumes anywhere: no one is going to care. 

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MetaLicious
1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

I just got confirmation from the Gender Recognition Panel that they have received my application.  Now I just have to pay them and the process will be under way.

Congratulations!  I'm excited for you.

 

Count me in the good mood crowd.  Last week, I had painted my nails for the first time in almost three decades, and my wife and son surprised me by bringing me several colors of really good polish, plus some eyeliner (she said I'd look hot in it!).  I also did some clothes shopping this weekend, and re-discovered something I'd managed to forget over the years - womens' clothes fit me better than mens'! Like, every time I'd by a pair of pants, they'd need hemming because there just aren't many 5'2" guys out there.  I grab a couple of pairs of pants from the ladies section (thank you. TransPulse size guide!), and they fit perfectly!

 

I am so full of *squee!* right now... 

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TammyAnne
On 1/27/2020 at 10:06 AM, ShawnaLeigh said:

OMG I am so sorry you had that spill.  I do things like this all the time now.  I use to be a very well coordinated and prefect balanced person.  Now I am a mess some days.  

I hope it heals fast.  Fingers suck to break too.  I've had all 8 fingers broken in one shot one summer as a kid.  Tried to Evil Kenevil something way to far with my bike and went over the handle bars.  LOL

 

My day is going along fast due to be busy at work  Mondays always are here.  Though it is good with my appointment later to check out this dang uninvited lump.  I hope its either nothing or bad enough they need to go in for surgery.  I already have a couple letters recommending a Bilateral Orchidectomy.

Maybe something good can come from this.

 

I hope something good does come from this.

For me, it's been a busy two days.

Yesterday, doctors pronounced my finger not broken, just badly sprained.

Laser hair treatment went well. I feel pretty happy about that.

Today, Oncology follow up went well. Follow up in 6 months.

Things are pretty okay.

TA

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ShawnaLeigh

Had a full day yesterday and did not even post here to tell.  Duh...

Voice training initial eval went super but ended up being two hours long!   I had some stress and tensing issues with my neck voice box, and shoulders.  Even in my jaw so it was effecting my speech.  I was shown a few exercises and stretching for this and after a short message to assist getting loose I had my eval.  My base line is 157 which she said was in the gender neutral range.  There is hope for me.

My ultrasound went ok.  She made me jump one time with a sharp pain but other then that it went well.  No idea when I will get or see results.

This morning was crap.  I remembered last night I had forgotten some important papers in one hospital that I needed in another today.  I had to get up at 3am to go retrieve them before heading over to NH.  2.5 hour commute.  Sigh...

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

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TammyAnne
2 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Had a full day yesterday and did not even post here to tell.  Duh...

Voice training initial eval went super but ended up being two hours long!   I had some stress and tensing issues with my neck voice box, and shoulders.  Even in my jaw so it was effecting my speech.  I was shown a few exercises and stretching for this and after a short message to assist getting loose I had my eval.  My base line is 157 which she said was in the gender neutral range.  There is hope for me.

My ultrasound went ok.  She made me jump one time with a sharp pain but other then that it went well.  No idea when I will get or see results.

This morning was crap.  I remembered last night I had forgotten some important papers in one hospital that I needed in another today.  I had to get up at 3am to go retrieve them before heading over to NH.  2.5 hour commute.  Sigh...

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Sorry you got an ouchy in ultrasound, but I understand. Getting an ultrasound on my kidneys last year the guy warned me that it might be painful. I sort of scoffed at the idea looking at the machine. Sure enough though there was enough pressure applied that it hurt.

Keep us posted on your results!

TA

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Willow

Hi everyone 

 

I’m sorry to here some of you didn’t have the best of days
 

I had a fantastic day.  I had a psychiatrist appointment today. She is about two hours away so. Any time I go, we make a day of it eating out, shopping, whatever we want or need to do.  
 

So here is what made my day so great.  I went fully dressed up,  hair, nails, makeup wearing a dress, heels.  The whole thing.  Now to some of you that’s probably a so what’s the big deal,?  For me it’s the first time I’ve ever done that.  Two years of counseling etc I’ve never gone to an appointment dressed as Willow.  My wife was ok with it which is no small thing for her.  The Dr was a. Little surprised to see me.  During our time she did complement me that I looked good.  
 

I felt good, was happy, was not misgendered anywhere we went.  Now to me it couldn’t get much better than that.  And honestly, in spite of my wife not normally liking me dressed, she also complemented me, and we’ve been getting along better than we have in years.

 

All in all, a pretty great day for me.

 

hugs. 
 

Willow

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SaraAW

Willow, That sounds amazing!  I’m so glad you had a great experience. 
 

Shawna, really happy the voice training started so well. That’s exciting that you’re already in the androgynous range. Sorry to hear that you’re still on a bit of a crazy rollercoaster ride in general right now.  Hopefully things can settle some soon. 
 

TammyAnne, Glad your fingers not broken and that you got more good news, the oncology report. 
 

As for me, all is okay right now. Looking for forward to my first of tea for the morning, a nice spearmint herbal to help settle my tummy. 
 

Have a great day everyone! Hugs!

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ShawnaLeigh
7 hours ago, Willow said:

 I went fully dressed up,  hair, nails, makeup wearing a dress, heels.  The whole thing.  Now to some of you that’s probably a so what’s the big deal,?  For me it’s the first time I’ve ever done that

OMG that is fantastic!!!  I have yet to step out my front door with anything more then female undies and clogs.  The rest has been a full male presentation.

I look forward to this but I admit it scares me to death.  Baby steps I guess.

I am so happy for you Willow!

1 hour ago, SaraAW said:

Shawna, really happy the voice training started so well. That’s exciting that you’re already in the androgynous range. Sorry to hear that you’re still on a bit of a crazy rollercoaster ride in general right now.  Hopefully things can settle some soon. 

Thanks hon.  I needed this.  I am definitely on a rollercoaster these days.  I hate rollercoasters!

LOL

I am doing fine though.  One day at a time.  

 

Today I am at the daily grind again.  Still nursing my first travel mug.  For some odd reason I did not even take a sip of it until I was almost at work.  Weird.  How do you forget coffee?!?!

 

Have a great day everyone!

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Krisvm

 

23 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Voice training initial eval went super but ended up being two hours long!   I had some stress and tensing issues with my neck voice box, and shoulders.  Even in my jaw so it was effecting my speech.  I was shown a few exercises and stretching for this and after a short message to assist getting loose I had my eval.  My base line is 157 which she said was in the gender neutral range.  There is hope for me.

 

Glad you were able to get your voice training started. It is a long and hard process but is worth it. I am only part way through and already so much happier.

 

8 hours ago, Willow said:

So here is what made my day so great.  I went fully dressed up,  hair, nails, makeup wearing a dress, heels.  The whole thing.  Now to some of you that’s probably a so what’s the big deal,?  For me it’s the first time I’ve ever done that.  Two years of counseling etc I’ve never gone to an appointment dressed as Willow.  My wife was ok with it which is no small thing for her.  The Dr was a. Little surprised to see me.  During our time she did complement me that I looked good.  
 

 

So great you managed to do this. Such a big step and glad things are progressing.

 

50 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Today I am at the daily grind again.  Still nursing my first travel mug.  For some odd reason I did not even take a sip of it until I was almost at work.  Weird.  How do you forget coffee?!?!

 

I find that is the sign of super sleepiness. Too tired without your coffee to drink coffee.

 

 

I am continuing to be very sleepy today. I think my caffiene isn't strong enough....

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Willow

Good morning everyone.  
 

Thank you @Krisvm and @ShawnaLeigh for your kind words I particular.  I do think I need to clarify something.  This was not the first time I’ve been out dressed.  But the first time I have presented to a doctor helping me along my path.  Like many of you, I am not out to the world, just family, a few friends and support groups, and of course all my doctors.  
 

for you youngsters, the older you get the more doctors you have.  It just a measurement of age.  
 

Im about halfway through my first cup for the day.  Our dog decided we’d been in bed long enough and got us up.

 

hugs 

 

Willow

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Josie Beth

Good morning everyone! I have a coffee with candy cane in it this morning until I get warmed up. 
 

I’m finally moved out of the horrible apartment I was in for almost 2 years. I’m moved in with another trans woman who is post op, so it’s much better for me psychologically. I don’t have to pretend to be someone else. I’m also relieved to have my own bathroom. Finally a tub to soak in!

 

Soon I’ll be able to finally get on the hormone regimen that I really want to be on. It’s nice to have a guide help figure all of that out. I’d be totally lost still. They are going to introduce me to their therapist and PCP Friday so I’m excited! Well I’m containing my excitement but it’s definitely a huge step in the right direction!
 

 

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ShawnaLeigh
42 minutes ago, Josie Beth said:

Good morning everyone! I have a coffee with candy cane in it this morning until I get warmed up. 
 

I’m finally moved out of the horrible apartment I was in for almost 2 years. I’m moved in with another trans woman who is post op, so it’s much better for me psychologically. I don’t have to pretend to be someone else. I’m also relieved to have my own bathroom. Finally a tub to soak in!

 

Soon I’ll be able to finally get on the hormone regimen that I really want to be on. It’s nice to have a guide help figure all of that out. I’d be totally lost still. They are going to introduce me to their therapist and PCP Friday so I’m excited! Well I’m containing my excitement but it’s definitely a huge step in the right direction!
 

 

Things seem to be definitely looking up for you.  This is wonderful news!

I am happy for you.

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Jani
1 hour ago, Josie Beth said:

I’m finally moved out of the horrible apartment I was in for almost 2 years. I’m moved in with another trans woman who is post op, so it’s much better for me psychologically.

This is good news @Josie Beth.  I hope it works out for both of you.  Having someone that can guide you along is super! 

 

Jani 

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Susan R

Good morning TP,  this morning I’m having what I call... a “Poor Man’s Caramel Mocha”.  It’s Coffee, a teaspoon of cocoa, a teaspoon of zero calorie salted Caramel syrup, one Stevia.  It’s not Starbucks but it’s not bad.

 

I’m in a great mood this morning.  My wife and I spent the evening at our neighbors house trying all these new “keto and paleo” friendly recipes she had been working on all day.  The food was extraordinary.  Loved these things called Shrimp & Onion Nests....never hear of them but Mmmmmm.  Our neighbor has recently decided to go completely healthy with her diet and wanted to test her skills on us.  Well worth being her guinea pigs last night.  It was a wonderful time...just 3 women having a night in, sharing and eating together. So fun!


Have a great day everyone,

Susan R🌷

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KathyLauren
On 1/27/2020 at 11:42 AM, KathyLauren said:

I just got confirmation from the Gender Recognition Panel that they have received my application.  Now I just have to pay them and the process will be under way.

 

I am having a good day.  I just got off the phone with the GRP in Britain, and my processing fee is paid.  They will start working on my file tomorrow.  Yay!

 

Calling the UK was an adventure.  It was easy to look up the overseas dialing code (011-44), but there is a trick to dialing British phone numbers.  The Brits always write their area codes with a leading zero, but overseas callers must not dial the zero.  Took me a while and some googling to figure that one out!

 

Anyway, all done now except the waiting.

 

Regards,

Kathy

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Jani

Very good progress @KathyLauren !  Yes I recall that peculiarity as I used to call one of our British offices regularly.  I believe its the same way calling into the States from outside North America as well.  

 

As our departed friend Tom Petty sang, "the waiting is the hardest part".  Hopefully it will fly by.

 

Jani 

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lauraincolumbia
On 1/30/2020 at 11:04 AM, Susan R said:

Good morning TP,  this morning I’m having what I call... a “Poor Man’s Caramel Mocha”.  It’s Coffee, a teaspoon of cocoa, a teaspoon of zero calorie salted Caramel syrup, one Stevia.  It’s not Starbucks but it’s not bad.

 

I’m in a great mood this morning.  My wife and I spent the evening at our neighbors house trying all these new “keto and paleo” friendly recipes she had been working on all day.  The food was extraordinary.  Loved these things called Shrimp & Onion Nests....never hear of them but Mmmmmm.  Our neighbor has recently decided to go completely healthy with her diet and wanted to test her skills on us.  Well worth being her guinea pigs last night.  It was a wonderful time...just 3 women having a night in, sharing and eating together. So fun!


Have a great day everyone,

Susan R🌷

I"ll have to try a Poor Man's Caramel Mocha.  Sounds delicious!

There are definitely some good recipes out there that are Keto and Paleo friendly.  Individual meals aren't the problem.  Living the lifestyle for an extended period of time is a challenge.

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Aidan5

Good morning all, my heart is running at about a million miles per hour. On the bus today me and Eaven were talking about liking people and we basically told each other that we liked one another. How we move on from this, I don't know but I want to pursue it. I also made friends with a kid named Mickey who claimed to be Demi-Gender and I accept them for that :) Ack I am so exited to see Eaven again so we can talk more. 

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Jackie C.
35 minutes ago, Aidan5 said:

Good morning all, my heart is running at about a million miles per hour. On the bus today me and Eaven were talking about liking people and we basically told each other that we liked one another. How we move on from this, I don't know but I want to pursue it. I also made friends with a kid named Mickey who claimed to be Demi-Gender and I accept them for that :) Ack I am so exited to see Eaven again so we can talk more. 

 

Squee! Ahem, I mean good on you! It's fantastic that you've got a shot at a relationship with Eaven. As to how to move on from this... just do it. Every relationship is different. In the best relationships, you cover for each other's weaknesses and build on each other's strengths. For now though, just enjoy each other's company. Do things you like together and treat each other with respect.

 

Hugs!

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Aidan5
35 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Squee! Ahem, I mean good on you! It's fantastic that you've got a shot at a relationship with Eaven. As to how to move on from this... just do it. Every relationship is different. In the best relationships, you cover for each other's weaknesses and build on each other's strengths. For now though, just enjoy each other's company. Do things you like together and treat each other with respect.

 

Hugs!

I am so happy I am finding hard to stay calm in my english class haha. I told him he meant the world to me, he was respectful and respected my boundaries from day one. I really did hit the jackpot, he is so sweet. I will protect him at all costs!

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TammyAnne
On 1/30/2020 at 7:16 AM, Josie Beth said:

Good morning everyone! I have a coffee with candy cane in it this morning until I get warmed up. 
 

I’m finally moved out of the horrible apartment I was in for almost 2 years. I’m moved in with another trans woman who is post op, so it’s much better for me psychologically. I don’t have to pretend to be someone else. I’m also relieved to have my own bathroom. Finally a tub to soak in!

 

Soon I’ll be able to finally get on the hormone regimen that I really want to be on. It’s nice to have a guide help figure all of that out. I’d be totally lost still. They are going to introduce me to their therapist and PCP Friday so I’m excited! Well I’m containing my excitement but it’s definitely a huge step in the right direction!
 

 

That's really great news!

Congratulations.

Sounds like the road is smoothing out ahead of you now.

(((Big  hug)))

TA

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TammyAnne
On 1/30/2020 at 10:04 AM, Susan R said:

Good morning TP,  this morning I’m having what I call... a “Poor Man’s Caramel Mocha”.  It’s Coffee, a teaspoon of cocoa, a teaspoon of zero calorie salted Caramel syrup, one Stevia.  It’s not Starbucks but it’s not bad.

 

I’m in a great mood this morning.  My wife and I spent the evening at our neighbors house trying all these new “keto and paleo” friendly recipes she had been working on all day.  The food was extraordinary.  Loved these things called Shrimp & Onion Nests....never hear of them but Mmmmmm.  Our neighbor has recently decided to go completely healthy with her diet and wanted to test her skills on us.  Well worth being her guinea pigs last night.  It was a wonderful time...just 3 women having a night in, sharing and eating together. So fun!


Have a great day everyone,

Susan R🌷

Coffee and chocolate mixed makes a very interesting buzz. I found that out visiting the Univ. of New Mexico where the student union serves that.

It's a little addicting.

TA

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      Dreary rainy day here as I finish my coffee. Days like this tend to depress most people. For myself, it pushes my "art" buttons. So something creative will happen today. Although I've often wondered if the dreary grey days trigger art production in me because when I do creative work, it's usually to the tune of 1500+ plus watts of intensely focused light. In other words "light therapy"?? At any rate, heres to you all, make some lemonade if you've got lemons, or sunshine if you've got dreary! 《《《 great big hug 》》》 TA
    • michelle_kitten
      I know that hole your in oh  so well.  It may seem like things will never get better.  I've been there so many times.  It sucks.   A lot of good advice has been given before me, but I am going to add to it.  What made a difference in my life is an attitude of gratitude.  I know that might seem silly where you're at, but please, read what I have to say.\   I grew up the child of a mother with narcissistic personality disorder.  She constantly played people against each other, and often treated me as defective.  She bad-mouthed my dad to me behind his back (not without cause), in order to feed her sense of superior self-worth.  She could sit in a busy shopping mall and name other people's character flaws as they walked by, and was probably correct.  It is fun being on the inside, but when that kind of mind is turned against  you, it can be a personal hell.  I hated parent teacher conferences.  I would start every school year optimistic and dedicated, until the first time my parents met with my teachers and told them what a screw up I was.  After that, I was treated very differently by my teachers.  She'd do it with my friends, drawing them into conversations, where she'd tell them all my flaws and every embarrassing thing I'd done since age 4.  Nothing was good enough, and my self-esteem got battered to nothing over the years.  I was ill prepared for life when she threw me out of the  house at age 18.   My father was little better.  He was abusive.  He's in prison right now for abusing a child he adopted after I was grown.  I can't tell you the times he came at me with his fists.  I remember clearly a hot summer day when we were working in the yard, and the heat was getting to me.  He picked up fist sized rocks and was throwing them at me, hard.  Fortunately, he didn't hit me, though nearly.   When I finally married in my 30's, after years of trying to get my head together, I married a woman with borderline personality disorder.  Feelings were her reality, even if they were based on nothing.  She would gas light me.  She was never affectionate with our children, and often turned on them as well.  She sabotaged us financially, and kept us living paycheck to paycheck.  I lived in a world where everything I did was wrong.  She'd ask my opinion only to be told her opinion on a  matter was the right one, and she'd go ahead and do whatever she wanted anyway.  When I finally confronted her with the abuse, she said, "Yeah, I abused you, but..." and went on to justify it with everything I ever did wrong as an excuse.  To this day, there is no contrition on her part, and was ultimately why I filed for divorce.   All of this time I suffered with Major Depressive Disorder.  I learned to keep it together.  My parent punished weakness, and I was married to a person who made suicide attempts 5 times while we were married, and once since.  Some one had to keep it together for the kids.  I can smile and go to work and pretend nothing is wrong and be absolutely dying inside.  The more I do that, the more mentally impaired I become.  I become clumsy, distracted, and unable to process.  I lose my short-term memory.  Life just gets stressful.   I finally broke about three years ago and ended up in the hospital.  What I felt was the absolute end of my life was actually the beginning.  I stopped being focused on all the bad things that happened and all the regrets I have (and there are many), I started focusing on what I do have.   After my break I spent 3 months in a homeless shelter and another 9 months in transitional housing.   Three years later, I have a job I never expected to get at a wage I never expected to earn starting out in the industry I am in now.  I am getting ready to see what else is out there for me.  I have a roof over my head.  It isn't perfect, but it is sufficient.  I have clothing.  Like most girls I'd like a lot more, but I have clothes to wear.  I have food to eat.  Maybe too much food.  I have a few friends.  I have finally come to terms with my gender dysphoria and am in transition.  It is far from perfect, but I have a lot of good things, and despite the 50 or so years of misery I am happy.   So, I go to bed every night being thankful.  When people ask me how I am, I say I am blessed.  It keeps me focused on what I have, and not what I don't have, or what I missed out on.  It puts the regrets and the painful past behind me and it dims the memory of the traumatic events and painful days and hours of where I've been.  It has become hard for me to believe I was the depressed mess I once was.   For me medication and an attitude of gratitude has been amazing.  Will there be an end to the pain before you reach your limit to manage it?  I think there will be.  I don't know the specifics of your situation, but I do know you can, one little step at a time, dig yourself out of the hole you're in.  You'd be surprised how focusing on the good will cheer you up a bit, which will change how you interact with people and how they interact with you.  You will find energy to get up from the computer and interact more with the world.  It may take time, but it will get better and better.   Keep us posted on how you're doing.
    • TammyAnne
      Jackie is so right about communication being a key in this. We all communicate on many levels, verbal and nonverbal. Cis people find trans people (my opinion) confusing because of the complex messaging we send: looking one way, acting another, saying/feeling different than we appear, etc. I probably just restated the obvious. TA
    • TammyAnne
      That should have said "Reuben" but my autocorrect already is thinking "famous artists" so what the heck! TA
    • SaraAW
      Welcome to the forums Reuben. This is an incredible community with so many wonderful people. Hugs!
    • TammyAnne
      Hello Reubens and welcome to the forums! There are several artists here, myself among them. This is a great place. I'm very glad you're here! TA
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