Transgender symptoms. Could it be something else?

[JMG]

I have been thinking a lot about my gender identity disorders, having nightmares about my past and other strange dreams. Sometimes I wonder if my identity disorders could actually be because I lost my mother just after the breast-feed period was over. She committed suicide and I got in another family that was stable at first, but later there was a divorce at my age of 8 years. The person replacing my adoptive father (which went mentally unstable after the separation), was evil, cold against me, but my adoptive mother loved him and things really changed her too. I have understood that, on a psychological level, this is why I am so afraid of power changes in my country. That was a trauma when he came at my age of 10 years old or so. Very soon after the divorce.  It was by then I started getting those typical transgender symptoms. I started wanting to become a "third sister" of some twins in school, (but I also wanted to become some men/boys but this was way rarer.). Could these symptoms actually have been because I lost my real mother and my adoptive mother too (because she changed so drastically and turned against me)? Later I broke all contact with them, I never felt I was running my own life. Way later a few years ago, I started to want to live as a woman again. The fact that this returned at my later age could be a sign this is genuine, but I am not so sure, because loosing one's mother could give psychological effects in this form too? Anyone who might know?

[tracy_j]

I think it is best for you to seek professional advice. I would be torn between a gender therapist and a psychiatrist or possibly both, but I am not qualifed, so would advise you see your doctor at first and talk things over with them. It is easy to look for reasons for things and interpret them in many ways, as you are realising. There are many stories of peoples experiences here, but everyone is differents and have different interpretations.

 

Tracy

[JMG]

I had hoped to get at least a clue using this forum about this without having to tear deep into that mess at this point. I have a planned visit by a doctor this spring but before then, all I can do is trying this forum, sadly

[VickySGV]

What you have described could be several things hitting you all at once.  Gender Dysphoria does not as a rule come from parental neglect of either parent or from emotional abuse.  Those issues however create their own set of problems.  When we are emotionally abused we may create fantasy worlds where that abuse does not happen, and sometimes in those worlds we may become different characters who may be a different gender.  These fantasies are NOT Gender Dysphoria, but real Gender Dysphoria can also be in us all the same.  Gender Dysphoria is NOT a disorder or any type of mental illness and cannot be cured and will be lifelong.  The other things that happened to you need to be understood and their effect on you resolved, and separated from your Gender Dysphoria so you can decide on how far and what to do about it.  Until you can see a therapist, try to separate the neglect and abuse from your Gender Dysphoria and see what that does for you.  If playing a game as a character other than your birth gender makes you feel better about yourself, do it and have fun. If there is a place you can go dressed as your preferred gender that is safe. by all means do it and see how you feel.  Just do not be ashamed to do what you are doing.  Above all though. be safe. 

 

No one knows exactly what causes GD but it is present in us at birth and thus what happened after we were born is a set of different problems that must be taken care of for us to be emotionally healthy.  GD is not the fault of either of our parents and is in the normal range of human genetic diversity. Be calm, and hopeful for the future.

[JMG]

First of all, let me tell again the Gender dysphoria i felt did not appear until at least when I was in middle school. We have no school uniforms where I live either, so things might have been easier. Perhaps the GD would have showed earlier if we had school uniforms. Also, in the emotional abuse there were situations I was derided for not doing certain things like cutting wood when I rather preferred cooking, I was derided with evil remarks like "you should be wearing a dress!" and similar so it might not be so easy to separate GD from what I have been through. Right now I also feel a strong fear about digging all this up and start living a life as a female and of course that old traumas come up

[MarcieMarie12]

Sometimes GD does not start appearing until puberty when our bodies start going in the wrong direction out brains think it should go. For myself, it was not until I was 12 that I wanted to be a girl and tried to do something about it (crossdresing and imagining/dreaming about having girl parts). This was more than a few decades ago, and information on being transgender was sparse and not well understood, so I brushed it off and tried the manup route--but continued crossdressing off and on. That lasted until I was 42 when it became too much to bear. 

[Kirsten]

Like most people had eluded to in some way shape or form, there are no rules on being GD. If you are you just are. There’s no reason in particular. I was 3 when I was wearing my moms shoes around the house and playing with the girls over the boys. I was cross dressing by 8. I didn’t know I was transgender until I was about 29. Off and on it came up. It had always been a part of me. But nothing nor anyone made me this way. I’m just me. 

Youre just you. There doesn’t need to be reasons for any of it. You just need to be able to accept yourself. There’s no rules on that either. Plenty of men enjoy wearing women’s clothes that aren’t GD. They just like it. It’s who they are. Plenty of people like role playing as well. It’s just who THEY are. My point being only you can know who and what you are. This may mean bringing up some old and uncomfortable memories. It will more than likely not happen overnight. But it sounds like it’s important that you do. It’s part of your journey. Embrace it and learn from it. Then and only then can you move forward. I wish you the best. 

Kirsten 

[VickySGV]

3 hours ago, JMG said:

First of all, let me tell again the Gender dysphoria i felt did not appear until at least when I was in middle school.

 

For me, GD did not appear until I was in my late 50's, but that was because I did not have the definition of what it meant or how it applied to me.  In listening to people today who have the language earlier I know that what I was going through many years ago is what they know they are having today, but have a name for it and know where it belongs.  There is some terrible stuff out there that says you must have 299 out of 300 things on a check off sheet in order to be Gender Dysphoric.  That kind of stuff is just plain nonsense.  Is what you think is your GD today Consistent, Insistent, and Persistent in your life?  You need your own answers to that, but those are three benchmarks of the condition.

[JMG]

19 hours ago, MarcieMarie12 said:

Sometimes GD does not start appearing until puberty when our bodies start going in the wrong direction out brains think it should go. For myself, it was not until I was 12 that I wanted to be a girl and tried to do something about it (crossdresing and imagining/dreaming about having girl parts). This was more than a few decades ago, and information on being transgender was sparse and not well understood, so I brushed it off and tried the manup route--but continued crossdressing off and on. That lasted until I was 42 when it became too much to bear. 

Sounds much like my own experience. But I never dared wearing anything until  a decade after I got my own apartment and in my second apartment 500 km away from the place where I grew up (and got emotionally abused, causing me to have bottom-less hate for certain people I do not even want to know if they are alive or not these days, this hate what should I do about it?)

[JMG]

16 hours ago, VickySGV said:

 

For me, GD did not appear until I was in my late 50's, but that was because I did not have the definition of what it meant or how it applied to me.  In listening to people today who have the language earlier I know that what I was going through many years ago is what they know they are having today, but have a name for it and know where it belongs.  There is some terrible stuff out there that says you must have 299 out of 300 things on a check off sheet in order to be Gender Dysphoric.  That kind of stuff is just plain nonsense.  Is what you think is your GD today Consistent, Insistent, and Persistent in your life?  You need your own answers to that, but those are three benchmarks of the condition.

Whenever I see a doctor I will point out that you and others told me that only I can know this and  that I am not telling them do any tests like that. I will instead tell them I have been through some severe transphobia and would probably project that at those tests, and again claim to them that only I can know who I am. I will then warn them that I could contact juridical entities in case I discover hardships. With such a warning I hope I will get where I need. They should also know the potential risk of me doing self damage and suicide. That could probably be a working plan for this

[BrandiBri]

When you see a therapist, be open and honest with them. They are trained to know if you are faking or not. Also by answering their questions they will be able to determine whether or not you have GD. I'm not sure that I would go the route of legal actions because to me that might be counter productive. That, of course, is my opinion.

A good therapist will undoubtedly want to address each issue one at a time, which can be frustrating for you, but it will be necessary to make a correct diagnosis. 

22 hours ago, VickySGV said:

If playing a game as a character other than your birth gender makes you feel better about yourself, do it and have fun. If there is a place you can go dressed as your preferred gender that is safe. by all means do it and see how you feel.  Just do not be ashamed to do what you are doing.  Above all though. be safe. 

I agree with Vicky that doing things like this can help you as you wait to see a doctor. This can also help alleviate some of your dysphoria as well.

I wish you good luck as you travel this road that can be quite bumpy at times.

 

Brandi

[JMG]

1 hour ago, BrandiBri said:

When you see a therapist, be open and honest with them. They are trained to know if you are faking or not. Also by answering their questions they will be able to determine whether or not you have GD. I'm not sure that I would go the route of legal actions because to me that might be counter productive. That, of course, is my opinion.

A good therapist will undoubtedly want to address each issue one at a time, which can be frustrating for you, but it will be necessary to make a correct diagnosis. 

I agree with Vicky that doing things like this can help you as you wait to see a doctor. This can also help alleviate some of your dysphoria as well.

I wish you good luck as you travel this road that can be quite bumpy at times.

 

Brandi

Why would I fake? What made you choose those words? And how could they determine something I best find out myself? Only I could know that as also stated above. I mean if I am honest to them and tell them that I am afraid from being deemed out, and then ask them about the chances that I am being taken seriously for what I think?

[BrandiBri]

I was just trying to be helpful, I didn't mean anything by it. Please forgive me if I came across wrong. A good therapist will help you to understand your feelings. They are not going to tell you anything that you don't already know, but will need to give guidance to help you determine your own path. They will need to get to know you in order to prescribe hormones if you want that. Again, please forgive me if anything I say is offensive to you. I mean to support you in this time of uncertainty. It is true that only you know yourself and I am not implying anything other than that. 

[JMG]

11 minutes ago, BrandiBri said:

I was just trying to be helpful, I didn't mean anything by it. Please forgive me if I came across wrong. A good therapist will help you to understand your feelings. They are not going to tell you anything that you don't already know, but will need to give guidance to help you determine your own path. They will need to get to know you in order to prescribe hormones if you want that. Again, please forgive me if anything I say is offensive to you. I mean to support you in this time of uncertainty. It is true that only you know yourself and I am not implying anything other than that. 

Well it is accepted. But it sounded scary after reading someone talking about some " terrible stuff out there that says you must have 299 out of 300 things on a check off sheet in order to be Gender Dysphoric ", and then you said _they_ would determine. I would not put much trust into something like that. They should help me decide by being humble about my situation and listen. I am very scared because of this.

[BrandiBri]

You are correct when you say that they should listen and that is what they are trained to do.A good therapist will ask questions and listen to your answers they will answer any questions and comments that you have. They are not out to sway you one way or the other, but to determine how best to help you. In my own experience, my therapist rarely asks questions but listens while I ramble on about the things that are important to me in this journey. I was diagnosed with GD early on in therapy and it was only because my therapist was trained to spot the signs that pointed to GD. I understand how scary this all is. I never thought that I needed professional help and the thought of going to a therapist scared the c__p out of me, but I found it to be one of the best things I could have done. The freedom to say the things that I thought I would never say was exhilarating.

[JMG]

6 hours ago, BrandiBri said:

You are correct when you say that they should listen and that is what they are trained to do.A good therapist will ask questions and listen to your answers they will answer any questions and comments that you have. They are not out to sway you one way or the other, but to determine how best to help you. In my own experience, my therapist rarely asks questions but listens while I ramble on about the things that are important to me in this journey. I was diagnosed with GD early on in therapy and it was only because my therapist was trained to spot the signs that pointed to GD. I understand how scary this all is. I never thought that I needed professional help and the thought of going to a therapist scared the c__p out of me, but I found it to be one of the best things I could have done. The freedom to say the things that I thought I would never say was exhilarating.

It's good to know. I am trying right now to find out which symptoms would define GD because I am having several strange "disorders". Among all, the ageing of the male body, especially when it comes to hair growth is something I find disgusting. I have actually seen this with the same eyes as one would see contagious forms of necrosis and I would not want to come close some men with these ageing symptoms. Other things have been, especially in my youth, most men would love it but I hated it and it started to feel like I was raped and this is erotic dreams, that was the main boost to the gender dysphoria I am talking about, at least to what matters my physical body. It made me do self harm, for example one time I  had tried to destroy the scrotum, I used ice then a needle, but nothing more, no damage was left. But I have scars still after that self harm.

[MarcieMarie12]

On 10/13/2018 at 8:34 AM, JMG said:

Sounds much like my own experience. But I never dared wearing anything until  a decade after I got my own apartment and in my second apartment 500 km away from the place where I grew up (and got emotionally abused, causing me to have bottom-less hate for certain people I do not even want to know if they are alive or not these days, this hate what should I do about it?)

 

Well I was sneaky enough about it and never got harrassed or abused for it or other reasons. One thing about being an adult is that ultimately we can decide who we maintain our relationships with. While going through transition I was prepared to cut off any friends or family that became abusive or toxic. Fortunately the worse I got was some family that became distant and a divorce (but the divorce would have happened at some point anyway-me coming out trans accelerated this) I have not had a reason to.

[JMG]

1 hour ago, MarcieMarie12 said:

 

Well I was sneaky enough about it and never got harrassed or abused for it or other reasons. One thing about being an adult is that ultimately we can decide who we maintain our relationships with. While going through transition I was prepared to cut off any friends or family that became abusive or toxic. Fortunately the worse I got was some family that became distant and a divorce (but the divorce would have happened at some point anyway-me coming out trans accelerated this) I have not had a reason to.

Sometimes it is not as easy as getting adult. The memories are still there like demons and also the emotions and the feeling of not being allowed to do what one wants either. When it is severe enough to cause hallucinations that creates things from past in the present, say, imagining they are haunting me down in my present reality despite they are finally gone or even dead. In those cases, things are tough.