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Anon_yay

Questioning my gender, could use some advice please...

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Anon_yay

So I am a female assigned at birth, 15 years old in a month. 

For the past month or even past half year, I don't know if even more(?) I've been questioning my gender identity a lot. 

I do feel like I'm not a female, but then I have so many thoughts about being trans maybe and what if not... 

Because all the trans people I've heard about always knew from a little age that they're not the gender they were born and all this stuff. But I'm not like this, I don't think so at least?

I can say I'm pretty feminine and I've never questioned much anything but my sexuality. But from another pov, my mom always made decisions for me from the moment I was born till around age 10 I guess? 

So to my point... I do find myself fantasizing about how my life would be if I was a male from birth and such and I a lot if times wish that I was male born and not a female. 

Another thing I've read is that you have to have disphorya in order to be trans. 

I'm not sure if I'm much disphoric but as much as I keep questioning my gender I find myself less comfortable with how my body is. 

And I've did so much research about everything and tried to imagine what it would be like if everyone would refer to me as he/him and for example if I had male parts and it actually feels nice to think of it kinda... 

I'm so confused and everything and it's making me frustrated and like something is wrong with me. Because if I am trans, what if I'm not "trans enough" and it's all just dumb thoughts... 

I could really use some advice on that because I feel so lost. 

 

Thanks to anyone who will help ❤️

 

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VickySGV
Just now, Anon_yay said:

Another thing I've read is that you have to have disphorya in order to be trans. 

 

That is not true,

Dysphoria is a Greeky word meaning Terrible Burden and for us it is in regard to what people have told us about our gender since we were born.  99.4% of people are going to be OK with their Assigned Birth Gander, but 6 tenths of One percent of us will not be.  A good rule of thumb is that that if you are having ANY question about your gender and how living in the one people assigned to you at birth may not be right for you, then you are Transgender to some extent.  There is no shame in being Trans, just as there is no shame in one hair color or eye color, or being short or tall or a few other things about you.  You do not have to have ANY surgery or ANY hormone therapy to be Trans.  If there are parts of your life as female that do not feel right, and things that are male will make you feel good, then to some degree you are Trans.  If a new hair cut and trousers and a polo shirt feel good and do the job, great.  You are Trans, but where it will take you is going to be a long journey of discovery.

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SugarMagnolia

Welcome! You're in a great place to ask questions and get support. ❤️

It's OK if you're trans and it's OK if you're not. And there is no such thing as "not trans enough" although it's not uncommon for many of us to have had those concerns.

In general, cis gender folks do not find themselves asking these sorts of questions, so the fact that YOU are is a good indicator that you may be trans. Dysphoria encompasses a wide ranging set of feelings that vary from person to person and over the course of time. So, if you have trouble identifying particular feelings as signs of dysphoria, don't worry! 

One big recommendation is to seek out a qualified gender therapist to help you process what you're experiencing and figure out what you need to do to be as happy as possible. You might also check out support groups that could help you find some community. The one below was the result of some quick google searching, but might be helpful:
http://igy.org.il/page.php?id=40


Best,
Julie
 

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Anon_yay
On 10/12/2018 at 4:26 PM, VickySGV said:

 

That is not true,

Dysphoria is a Greeky word meaning Terrible Burden and for us it is in regard to what people have told us about our gender since we were born.  99.4% of people are going to be OK with their Assigned Birth Gender, but 6 tenths of One percent of us will not be.  A good rule of thumb is that that if you are having ANY question about your gender and how living in the one people assigned to you at birth may not be right for you, then you are Transgender to some extent.  There is no shame in being Trans, just as there is no shame in one hair color or eye color, or being short or tall or a few other things about you.  You do not have to have ANY surgery or ANY hormone therapy to be Trans.  If there are parts of your life as female that do not feel right, and things that are male will make you feel good, then to some degree you are Trans.  If a new hair cut and trousers and a polo shirt feel good and do the job, great.  You are Trans, but where it will take you is going to be a long journey of discovery.

Oh wow thats pretty new to me since I've been kind of "brain washed" about the disphorya thing I guess. Thanks for your reply it helped in some way!

And well is it normal that it scares me? I'm a person that likes to know what's happening and things kind of have to be planned to me. And there's nothing much I could do to make me feel better with the gender and all of it because my mom isn't really accepting of the lgbt+ or anyone in my family, not even my sister... 

It's just all so weird, I'm not really good with explaining my feelings about things I'm sorry! 

I feel like it's all too complicated for me in some way... :(

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Anon_yay
Just now, SugarMagnolia said:

Welcome! You're in a great place to ask questions and get support. ❤️

It's OK if you're trans and it's OK if you're not. And there is no such thing as "not trans enough" although it's not uncommon for many of us to have had those concerns.

In general, cis gender folks do not find themselves asking these sorts of questions, so the fact that YOU are is a good indicator that you may be trans. Dysphoria encompasses a wide ranging set of feelings that vary from person to person and over the course of time. So, if you have trouble identifying particular feelings as signs of dysphoria, don't worry! 

One big recommendation is to seek out a qualified gender therapist to help you process what you're experiencing and figure out what you need to do to be as happy as possible. You might also check out support groups that could help you find some community. The one below was the result of some quick google searching, but might be helpful:
http://igy.org.il/page.php?id=40


Best,
Julie
 

Thanks Julie!

I actually heard of this community in my country, but haven't thought of checking it, pretty silly of me haha

About the suggestion of gender therapist... As I already mentioned in my other reply, I'm not really in a situation I can get this kind of help because my family is not supportive of that and I'm too scared to even tell anyone about this thought... 

The best I could do is maybe talk to my school counselor about this, but then again I'm really afraid because what if her reaction will be bad or what if she will tell my mom... 

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SugarMagnolia
Just now, Anon_yay said:

About the suggestion of gender therapist... As I already mentioned in my other reply, I'm not really in a situation I can get this kind of help because my family is not supportive of that and I'm too scared to even tell anyone about this thought... 

The best I could do is maybe talk to my school counselor about this, but then again I'm really afraid because what if her reaction will be bad or what if she will tell my mom... 


I understand. It's good to be careful if you're not certain about your family and counselors. It's normal to be uncertain or scared about all of this. It's not something that's discussed a great deal and so it's a bit of a mystery to most people. I hope that you can use these forums as a place to ask questions and share what you're feeling.

There are also many resources online that you may find helpful. The link below is from PFLAG and written to help question LGBTQ youth get answers to some basic questions. It's not trans specific, but does include trans info and is well written.
https://pflag.org/sites/default/files/Be Yourself.pdf

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Anon_yay
Just now, SugarMagnolia said:


I understand. It's good to be careful if you're not certain about your family and counselors. It's normal to be uncertain or scared about all of this. It's not something that's discussed a great deal and so it's a bit of a mystery to most people. I hope that you can use these forums as a place to ask questions and share what you're feeling.

There are also many resources online that you may find helpful. The link below is from PFLAG and written to help question LGBTQ youth get answers to some basic questions. It's not trans specific, but does include trans info and is well written.
https://pflag.org/sites/default/files/Be Yourself.pdf

I guess so, you're right... 

Thanks again for the help! ❤️

I took a short look in the link, I'll look better later when I have more free time~

And I hope I could contact you if I need any other advice if that's okay with you! :)

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SugarMagnolia

Of course! Feel free to DM me. I'm happy to help however I can. ❤️

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Timber Wolf

Hi Anon_Yay,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

All the things you've talked about are very normal fears and concerns. When I first joined these forums, I was given a great piece of advice, to just slow down and take a deep breath. There is no rush to put a label on ourselves. When we first start out, we often feel like we need to get this figured out fast. But it takes time to gain understanding of ourselves. It's best  to relax and take our time getting to know ourselves and just enjoy the progress we've made so far.

 

Keep reading and participating. Things will begin to fall into place with time.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

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Anon_yay
19 hours ago, Timber Wolf said:

Hi Anon_Yay,

Welcome to TransPulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

All the things you've talked about are very normal fears and concerns. When I first joined these forums, I was given a great piece of advice, to just slow down and take a deep breath. There is no rush to put a label on ourselves. When we first start out, we often feel like we need to get this figured out fast. But it takes time to gain understanding of ourselves. It's best  to relax and take our time getting to know ourselves and just enjoy the progress we've made so far.

 

Keep reading and participating. Things will begin to fall into place with time.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

Thanks a lot, it's exactly what I feel to be honest... 

I will, thanks again!<3

 

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Jani

Greetings Anon_Yay.  It seems you have asked good questions and my friends have provided answers and resource links for you to look at.  

 

On 10/12/2018 at 4:03 PM, Anon_yay said:

I can say I'm pretty feminine and I've never questioned much anything but my sexuality. But from another pov, my mom always made decisions for me from the moment I was born till around age 10 I guess? 

So to my point... I do find myself fantasizing about how my life would be if I was a male from birth and such and I a lot if times wish that I was male born and not a female. 

At your age it is normal to have your life "guided" by others so don't fret over never questioning until now.  As you have grown and seen the world around you it is also normal to start asking questions, about life in general and ourselves in particular.  That you say you are feminine is fine.  There are stops along the gender spectrum for everyone, not just at the binary end points.  As you say you've done some research you have probably read about non-binary, gender fluid, etc.   Sometimes when we ask questions we don't immediately find answers, but instead we find additional questions.  The answer will come eventually.  

 

As to therapy you might ask to see a therapist for anxiety, as this is part of what we experience.  I trust that in Israel the protocols are similar to the US in that your conversations are private and not shared with others, inclusive of family.

 

All my best, Jani 

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Anon_yay
On 10/14/2018 at 4:27 AM, Jani said:

Greetings Anon_Yay.  It seems you have asked good questions and my friends have provided answers and resource links for you to look at.  

 

At your age it is normal to have your life "guided" by others so don't fret over never questioning until now.  As you have grown and seen the world around you it is also normal to start asking questions, about life in general and ourselves in particular.  That you say you are feminine is fine.  There are stops along the gender spectrum for everyone, not just at the binary end points.  As you say you've done some research you have probably read about non-binary, gender fluid, etc.   Sometimes when we ask questions we don't immediately find answers, but instead we find additional questions.  The answer will come eventually.  

 

As to therapy you might ask to see a therapist for anxiety, as this is part of what we experience.  I trust that in Israel the protocols are similar to the US in that your conversations are private and not shared with others, inclusive of family.

 

All my best, Jani 

Thanks for your reply <3

I guess you're right, and yeah I do know about the non-binary genders but I don't think I find myself matching to any of those feels, tho I did think about it for about a week but realized it's not that. 

 

Since I've wrote this question, I actually spoke to my school counselor on Monday I think? I was scared and nervous a lot, but she was actually really supportive and promised to help me realize it and in any way she can. She might even bring one time we meet someone from igy, that is more professional in this subject than her. I'm glad I did it because it felt pretty reliving! :)

 

 

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Jani

That was great that you spoke with your counselor at school and she was supporting.  I'm sure she has had conversations with other students like yourself.   

 

Jani

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Anon_yay

I don't know about other students, who knows but yeah! Now I just have to wait and see where it all goes

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Jani

There may be other 'closeted" LGBT students in the school or in her past experience that she's assisted.    Best of luck!  

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